Disclaimer: The characters belong to JK Rowling. I am only using them to
amuse myself and others.
A/N: Hello all! Here's the next update – sorry to keep you all waiting. First, I just wanted to take a minute and thank all of my awesome reviewers:
neevs: I'm glad you like this.
Ruth01: Yes, what a shock to Snape's system. Just wait until he sees what's in store for him in this chapter.
Craw/Brad: It is nice to know Dobby cares, even when he goes a bit overboard.
Amanda Saitou: Thanks. It's great to know that this isn't too far-fetched.
And now, on with the story...
~ Chapter 5 ~
Though his detentions officially ended on Friday, Harry and Snape decided to continue their daily conversations in the evening. Sometimes the two talked about trivial things, such as Quiditch. Harry was surprised to find that Snape enjoyed watching Quiditch, though he never played during his school years. Every so often, Dobby would pop into the room while the two wizards were talking, though neither would notice the small creature. Dobby was delighted that his plan was working so well and that Harry and Professor Snape were getting along so nicely – Snape even allowed Harry to use his given name (though only during their discussions, of course). However, during one of Dobby's visits about two weeks after the detentions had ended, things took a turn for the worst.
Harry and Severus had been discussing Severus' early years as a teacher at Hogwarts and Severus had even ventured divulging a little bit of personal information. Considering that the Potions Master usually kept himself and any personal information well guarded, Harry got the impression that the older man had begun to consider him as a friend. The feeling was mutual, as Harry had also shared quite a bit of personal information with the older wizard. Somewhere in the past two weeks, he had lost the animosity and hatred he had felt for his professor and now considered him a friend.
With this new revelation, Harry decided to bring up a rather touchy topic for discussion. He had always been curious about how Severus had become a Death Eater, and decided that now was the perfect time to ask about it. Well, maybe not the 'perfect' time, but the best he could hope for considering the nature of his question. "Severus?" asked Harry, still getting used to the feel of his professor's name on his tongue. "I was wondering, how was it that you ever came to be a Death Eater." Harry prepared himself for the burst of anger he was sure was coming, but to his surprise, Severus seemed to be pondering his question.
Before long, he began:
"It's a long story that includes your understanding my early childhood at Hogwarts. Though I was sorted into Slytherin, I never really belonged. In fact, I didn't truly belong with any of the houses. The other three houses avoided me because I was a Slytherin, while the Slytherins avoided me because I would rather read or study or work on potions than bully those younger and weaker than me. I didn't have any friends, unless you count Lucius Malfoy, who was always trying to get me to join his group. We were in the same year, but he always looked down on me because he thought I was weaker. That's when I began to construct the barriers that still surround my heart and emotions. I could never let the others see the pain I was in, or my desire to be accepted. If I had, they would have mocked me.
My home life wasn't much better. My father only wanted a son so that he could have an heir. Unfortunately, I never lived up to his expectations, so he treated me cruelly. My mother loved me dearly since I was her only child, but even she could not protect me from his anger. My farther had already begun teaching me dark magic before I even came to Hogwarts. I mastered every spell and curse he taught me, hoping that if I did so, he would finally be proud of me. It didn't work. So, I secluded myself at school and worked my arse off to get the best grades possible. That didn't work either. No matter how hard I tried, my father was never proud of me and that hurt me so much, though I would never admit that to anyone.
One day Lucius made an offer I couldn't refuse. I know it sounds cliché, but what he offered seemed too good to be true. He said that his master wanted me to join his ranks as a Death Eater. I was promised power and riches, but what appealed to me most was the fact that my father already served the Dark Lord. I believed that this was the only way to make him proud of me – that if I served his master faithfully, he would accept me and be proud that I was his son."
During Severus' explanation, Harry sat with rapt attention, listening to the story unfold. He had imagined that Severus had wanted to become a Death Eater because he believed that purebloods were superior, not because he wanted his father to be proud of him. This new information caused Harry's growing respect for the man to increase even more. Harry knew what it was like to be unwanted, but at least he had his friends. It seemed as though Severus had had no one at all throughout his trying life. Cautiously, Harry asked, "Was your father proud of you once you joined the Death Eaters?"
At this, Severus stood and began to pace in front of the fireplace. He seemed to be working up to finishing his tale. "No," he replied, "My father was never proud of me, even after I joined the Death Eaters. I thought for awhile that my joining had made him proud, but one event showed me differently. It was a month after I had joined that I was sent out on my first solo mission. My job was to 'permanently silence' a family of muggles who were beginning to pick up on the magic radiating from our meeting place. I had never wanted to kill anyone, but I believed I had to complete my mission to gain my father's acceptance. However, when I arrived at the house, I couldn't force myself to go through with it. I fled back to the Death Eater meeting and claimed that the family hadn't been home. The Dark Lord knew I was lying, of course, so he saw fit to punish me. He told my father that I needed to be taught discipline and that he was the one who would have to teach me. I realized a second before it happened that my father was going to punish me, not the Dark Lord himself. My father used Crucio on me, on his own son. It was in that moment that I realized he had never and would never care for me. I could never make him proud. It was after that event that I became a spy for the side of Light."
Severus' voice was void of any emotion, but Harry could see his normally fathomless eyes shinning with unshed tears. Harry rose and approached his professor, who stood looking into the flames of the roaring fire.
"Look at me," said Harry. When Severus refused to comply, Harry took his chin in his hands and lifted his face so that onyx eyes met emerald. Harry raised a hand to Severus' cheek and gently brushed away the tears that had finally been allowed to fall.
Neither knew how it had happened or who had started it, but the next moment they found their lips touching. The kiss started off slowly, gradually building in intensity. Harry swiped his tongue over Severus' lips, begging for entrance. Severus willingly opened his mouth and allowed Harry to devour him whole. Tongues battled for dominance, though neither cared who prevailed. They separated only when the need for air forced them to, both panting in the much needed oxygen.
Harry was overcome with the emotions coursing through his body. He had never thought that he could react so strongly to a simple kiss, let alone to his 'greasy git' of a Potions Master, yet there was no denying his feelings now. He was falling for Severus.
Unbeknownst to Harry, Severus was having a similar reaction to the kiss. His lips tingled and he could still feel the ghost of Harry's lips on his own. Never had he reacted so strongly to a kiss. Never had a kiss felt so comfortable...or right. Severus was loath to admit it, but he was falling for Harry – for a student. Severus would not allow himself to get involved with a student, let alone with the 'famous Harry Potter.' He was not good enough to be in any sort of relationship with the 'savior of the wizarding world.' Severus' life was littered with the deeds he had committed as a Death Eater, actions that could not easily be forgiven even though he had been a spy for most of that time. And besides, contrary to popular belief, he did have morals which included not dating his students. It seemed to Severus that there was only one choice to make in this situation and while it might cost him the only person he had ever had such strong feelings for, he felt it was for the best.
"Potter," Severus said, voice deadly low, "get out of my sight." Seeing that Harry had made no movements to leave, Severus added, "NOW!"
Eyes filled with pain and tears coursing freely down his cheeks, Harry fled from his professor's private quarters, believing Severus had been repulsed by the kiss.
As soon as the door had closed behind Harry's retreating form, Severus sunk into his chair by the fire, holding his head in his hands. "What have I done?" he asked the empty room, answered only by the silence and a faint 'pop' from a darkened corner.
A/N: Hello all! Here's the next update – sorry to keep you all waiting. First, I just wanted to take a minute and thank all of my awesome reviewers:
neevs: I'm glad you like this.
Ruth01: Yes, what a shock to Snape's system. Just wait until he sees what's in store for him in this chapter.
Craw/Brad: It is nice to know Dobby cares, even when he goes a bit overboard.
Amanda Saitou: Thanks. It's great to know that this isn't too far-fetched.
And now, on with the story...
~ Chapter 5 ~
Though his detentions officially ended on Friday, Harry and Snape decided to continue their daily conversations in the evening. Sometimes the two talked about trivial things, such as Quiditch. Harry was surprised to find that Snape enjoyed watching Quiditch, though he never played during his school years. Every so often, Dobby would pop into the room while the two wizards were talking, though neither would notice the small creature. Dobby was delighted that his plan was working so well and that Harry and Professor Snape were getting along so nicely – Snape even allowed Harry to use his given name (though only during their discussions, of course). However, during one of Dobby's visits about two weeks after the detentions had ended, things took a turn for the worst.
Harry and Severus had been discussing Severus' early years as a teacher at Hogwarts and Severus had even ventured divulging a little bit of personal information. Considering that the Potions Master usually kept himself and any personal information well guarded, Harry got the impression that the older man had begun to consider him as a friend. The feeling was mutual, as Harry had also shared quite a bit of personal information with the older wizard. Somewhere in the past two weeks, he had lost the animosity and hatred he had felt for his professor and now considered him a friend.
With this new revelation, Harry decided to bring up a rather touchy topic for discussion. He had always been curious about how Severus had become a Death Eater, and decided that now was the perfect time to ask about it. Well, maybe not the 'perfect' time, but the best he could hope for considering the nature of his question. "Severus?" asked Harry, still getting used to the feel of his professor's name on his tongue. "I was wondering, how was it that you ever came to be a Death Eater." Harry prepared himself for the burst of anger he was sure was coming, but to his surprise, Severus seemed to be pondering his question.
Before long, he began:
"It's a long story that includes your understanding my early childhood at Hogwarts. Though I was sorted into Slytherin, I never really belonged. In fact, I didn't truly belong with any of the houses. The other three houses avoided me because I was a Slytherin, while the Slytherins avoided me because I would rather read or study or work on potions than bully those younger and weaker than me. I didn't have any friends, unless you count Lucius Malfoy, who was always trying to get me to join his group. We were in the same year, but he always looked down on me because he thought I was weaker. That's when I began to construct the barriers that still surround my heart and emotions. I could never let the others see the pain I was in, or my desire to be accepted. If I had, they would have mocked me.
My home life wasn't much better. My father only wanted a son so that he could have an heir. Unfortunately, I never lived up to his expectations, so he treated me cruelly. My mother loved me dearly since I was her only child, but even she could not protect me from his anger. My farther had already begun teaching me dark magic before I even came to Hogwarts. I mastered every spell and curse he taught me, hoping that if I did so, he would finally be proud of me. It didn't work. So, I secluded myself at school and worked my arse off to get the best grades possible. That didn't work either. No matter how hard I tried, my father was never proud of me and that hurt me so much, though I would never admit that to anyone.
One day Lucius made an offer I couldn't refuse. I know it sounds cliché, but what he offered seemed too good to be true. He said that his master wanted me to join his ranks as a Death Eater. I was promised power and riches, but what appealed to me most was the fact that my father already served the Dark Lord. I believed that this was the only way to make him proud of me – that if I served his master faithfully, he would accept me and be proud that I was his son."
During Severus' explanation, Harry sat with rapt attention, listening to the story unfold. He had imagined that Severus had wanted to become a Death Eater because he believed that purebloods were superior, not because he wanted his father to be proud of him. This new information caused Harry's growing respect for the man to increase even more. Harry knew what it was like to be unwanted, but at least he had his friends. It seemed as though Severus had had no one at all throughout his trying life. Cautiously, Harry asked, "Was your father proud of you once you joined the Death Eaters?"
At this, Severus stood and began to pace in front of the fireplace. He seemed to be working up to finishing his tale. "No," he replied, "My father was never proud of me, even after I joined the Death Eaters. I thought for awhile that my joining had made him proud, but one event showed me differently. It was a month after I had joined that I was sent out on my first solo mission. My job was to 'permanently silence' a family of muggles who were beginning to pick up on the magic radiating from our meeting place. I had never wanted to kill anyone, but I believed I had to complete my mission to gain my father's acceptance. However, when I arrived at the house, I couldn't force myself to go through with it. I fled back to the Death Eater meeting and claimed that the family hadn't been home. The Dark Lord knew I was lying, of course, so he saw fit to punish me. He told my father that I needed to be taught discipline and that he was the one who would have to teach me. I realized a second before it happened that my father was going to punish me, not the Dark Lord himself. My father used Crucio on me, on his own son. It was in that moment that I realized he had never and would never care for me. I could never make him proud. It was after that event that I became a spy for the side of Light."
Severus' voice was void of any emotion, but Harry could see his normally fathomless eyes shinning with unshed tears. Harry rose and approached his professor, who stood looking into the flames of the roaring fire.
"Look at me," said Harry. When Severus refused to comply, Harry took his chin in his hands and lifted his face so that onyx eyes met emerald. Harry raised a hand to Severus' cheek and gently brushed away the tears that had finally been allowed to fall.
Neither knew how it had happened or who had started it, but the next moment they found their lips touching. The kiss started off slowly, gradually building in intensity. Harry swiped his tongue over Severus' lips, begging for entrance. Severus willingly opened his mouth and allowed Harry to devour him whole. Tongues battled for dominance, though neither cared who prevailed. They separated only when the need for air forced them to, both panting in the much needed oxygen.
Harry was overcome with the emotions coursing through his body. He had never thought that he could react so strongly to a simple kiss, let alone to his 'greasy git' of a Potions Master, yet there was no denying his feelings now. He was falling for Severus.
Unbeknownst to Harry, Severus was having a similar reaction to the kiss. His lips tingled and he could still feel the ghost of Harry's lips on his own. Never had he reacted so strongly to a kiss. Never had a kiss felt so comfortable...or right. Severus was loath to admit it, but he was falling for Harry – for a student. Severus would not allow himself to get involved with a student, let alone with the 'famous Harry Potter.' He was not good enough to be in any sort of relationship with the 'savior of the wizarding world.' Severus' life was littered with the deeds he had committed as a Death Eater, actions that could not easily be forgiven even though he had been a spy for most of that time. And besides, contrary to popular belief, he did have morals which included not dating his students. It seemed to Severus that there was only one choice to make in this situation and while it might cost him the only person he had ever had such strong feelings for, he felt it was for the best.
"Potter," Severus said, voice deadly low, "get out of my sight." Seeing that Harry had made no movements to leave, Severus added, "NOW!"
Eyes filled with pain and tears coursing freely down his cheeks, Harry fled from his professor's private quarters, believing Severus had been repulsed by the kiss.
As soon as the door had closed behind Harry's retreating form, Severus sunk into his chair by the fire, holding his head in his hands. "What have I done?" he asked the empty room, answered only by the silence and a faint 'pop' from a darkened corner.