And I Cried...
By: the female apophis
Disclaimer: It's simple. I don't own them. What else do you need to know?
Rating: PG-13, but it's bordering on R.
Pairings: S/J UST
Archive: I will hurt you if you don't ask me first.
Summary: Sam during the aftermath of "Frozen." You can actually look at this to a prequel to Haunted.
Song: If it shows up, it's gonna be there.
Other Stuff: I don't think anything else is gonna show up in here.
Warning: Well, I'm sure you all remember "Haunted". So yes, depression...
A/N: I wanted to know what Sam would have been like right after they got back from taking Jack to the Tok'ra. This story was then born. Hope you like it.
They stepped back through the 'gate without a word being spoken to each other.
"Report to the infirmary. Briefing at 0800 tomorrow."
"Yes sir." She solemnly answered.
She was the first done, and headed straight for the showers.
Changing the sign to 'women' she quickly made her way to her locker and slung the door open.
She began to feel her hands shake as the tears slowly ran down her cheeks.
She shed her clothes, letting it all pool at her feet. She then proceeded to wrap a towel around her body and headed to the shower area.
Turning the water up to it's highest pressure, she also made it as cold as it would get, knowing that it would still be warmer than her heart.
She'd forced him to do the one thing that he hated more than anything else in the world.
"Fuck!" She shouted, pounding on the stall's walls, feeling some of the days tensions begin to ease from her shoulders.
She knew why she'd done it too.
She was selfish.
She wanted him to live so one day he would be hers.
So one day they could fuck without the consequences weighing down on them.
So they could touch each other in ways and places that now was only allowed in their dreams.
She knew life was unfair. That sometimes a person was nothing but a bitch for it all.
Turning the water off, she wrapped the towel back around her body and traveled the short distance back to her locker.
She got dressed relatively quickly, and immediately made her way to the surface as soon as she was done.
She signed out before hopping in her car and pulling out of the mountain.
Half an hour later, she was letting herself into her house, throwing her stuff on the table.
Losing her clothes as she went, she headed straight to the bedroom, and once there she pulled on a tank top and a pair of shorts. After she was finished with that, she tied up her shoes, picked up her keys, and headed back out of the house.
She just needed to get away for a while.
Starting up at a medium jog, she headed towards the outskirts of town and to a spot she'd found a few years back.
She'd never really thought about suicide before.
Until now it wasn't a big deal.
She started thinking about it. Which ways would be best for her, and which would be the least painful.
Sleeping pills were easy. She'd still had some from the last time she'd been in the infirmary. Janet usually gave her stuff she never even used.
Of course, there was always eating a bullet too.
She'd reached her destination sooner than expected, and she sat down on a nearby rock to collect her breath.
Watching as the lights below her came on as the city woke up for the night, her thoughts turned to other things.
Like Jack.
Just before they put the snake in him, she'd squeezed his hand as a way of reassurance for herself, just as much for him.
She was trying so hard to control herself, that she didn't realize she was starting to shake all over again.
She'd felt him squeeze back before her dad had gently taken a hold of her arm and pulled her away.
Finally having caught her breath, she began to make her way back home.
She was about halfway home when the heaven's opened up, immediately soaking her.
It took her an extra twenty minutes to get back to her place because of the rain.
Her hands were shaking pretty badly by the time she finally got her door open.
The raindrops weren't the only things running down her face as she headed to the bathroom.
She ran a warm bath and while the tub was filling up, she strolled back into her bedroom, grabbing a beige tank top and navy blue track pants from her arm chair.
Crossing back to the bathroom, she shut the water off and after shedding her clothing, sunk gratefully down into the water.
Her thoughts once again turned to Jack.
She'd fucked with a lot of guys before. But none of them kept her on her toes like Jack did.
And they'd never had sex before. At least in this reality.
She was jealous of those other Sam's. One had been engaged to him, and the second had been married to him.
They'd talked, her and the other Sam. She'd asked questions, curiosity bothering her to know what it had been like.
And the other Sam had told her everything. Told her about how he was the best she'd ever had.
She didn't even wanna think about what she'd told her when they were having dinner together one night in the VIP quarters.
But she wasn't allowed to have that.
She wasn't allowed to have a man that could make her every dirty fantasy a startling reality.
Climbing out of the now luke warm water, she quickly dried her body off, careful not to linger on any one spot for fear of what would happen next.
She quickly got dressed and made her way to the bedroom.
She got to thinking about suicide again as she crawled between the sheets and turned out the light.
She figured the best way for her was to eat a bullet.
But she also knew that she would never do it.
Because then, everything she wanted Jack to do to her would die as well.
And she would never be able to live with that.
She'd been asleep for a few hours when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Is this Major Samantha Carter?"
"Who is this?"
fin
Well, it's kinda dark, but it served the purpose of getting some tension off my chest.