Sharing
by : epiphanies
Once again, inspired by Liebling. She's a goddess. :D
I'm so tired now.
It's the last day. The last day of youth, the last day of true and final freedom. The last day of detentions and Quidditch matches and seeing boys in the hallways that have stared since first year and have never spoken to me.
I'm graduating today. Michael said that I was going to look like an absolute princess, a goddess, like Aphrodite. He told me how to wear my hair, and I think the idea is wonderful.
Would you have told me how to wear my hair? Whether to put a flower in, or wear it down? To have it cut? Would you have chosen the corsage colour and flower? Would you have cared about a stupid corsage, a corsage that would end up causing a fight that lasted for two whole hours?
Michael has very pretty eyes. Brown, though. It's disappointing sometimes. I've been with him for over a year now, and still I look up and expect to see the sky. The blue. Your eyes.
If Michael and I have been together over a year... do I miss you, Cedric, how can I not? How can I not miss you when I slip out into the rain just to hide my tears? How can I not miss you, as you were my entire being, once? How can I not miss you when I was so quick to kiss you under the mistletoe, so quick to give you my hand, so quick to fall in love with you? How can I not think about you, how can I not dream? How can I not feel terrible every time I have to concentrate... concentrate in order to remember the exact coordinates of your perfectly structured face?
I wonder sometimes. If you look down.
If you did, you wouldn't be listening now. You'd have moved on. From the moment the Christmas before last came along, you would have been far away. I left you in the cold. I forgot about your body, rotting to nothing in the ground beneath me, in that moment that I cried a tear, what I thought was for you, and kissed him. Kissed that black eyed proof of your death, that epitome of everything that your last hours consisted of.
Oh, but you were so lovely. How you could have been such a delicate being... to be expired so quickly. To be summoned away, perhaps to serve a somebody better than you could have in this place. Who will ever know?
Michael says that I shan't dwell on such things. "Such things." I never viewed you as a thing, never thought of you as a trophy. I promise you this, you were not an ornament for my arm to carry around and beam with. You were not just somebody to bring to the tea shop. You were so special that in my life there have never been words to describe....Cedric.
I loved you, once. Michael says that one cannot love more than one person. I silently disagree, for I still love you. In my heart. My soul belongs to you, as does the void in a sector of my mind that has not been challenged since the day that you....since the day that you died.
Time to graduate. I only wish you were here to see me. You would only smile at me and say little. Let me have my moment.
I hope you're watching. I want to share this with you. One last thing to share, like crayons when you're small. My last act as a student. Something you never would have stopped. Something that was in your nature, by your nature. Such a good boy.
I can make you one promise alone, on this day of promises and light.
I'll never stop sharing, Cedric.