Heaven's Quite a Sight
Skylight streams through the curtains of a quiet little house. It sits proudly, noiseless inside, as the last house on a sleepy small town street. Each home sits quiet and quaint, physical perfection in the little neighborhood. But this house in particular; it sits still.The sunlight no longer sparkles on this house, no longer accentuates its beauty. It only hits one room in the house, one room where a man, younger than he looks, lays quietly in a bed.
He watches as the soft breeze in the air picks up flakes of dust and sprinkles them along the house. But in his mind, the dust is white and soft and falls straight from the sky. In his mind, it's snow.
Because he'd promised someone that he'd make it until winter.
He lifts his gaze from the window and to a soft round face. Her eyes, the only thing his in her, fall to the floor and he lifts a heavy hand to her chin, catching a drop of salty water. She lifts her head, meeting his gaze again.
But this time the tears are fuller than they'd been in months; they're deeper. This time she can see it too. She can see that it's over.
But at her core, he knows she's her mother's daughter and she bites her lip to keep her tiny face from scrunching.
"It's okay, my sweet girl. Sometimes even big girls are allowed to cry."
He's crushed suddenly with weight and the quiet room is livened with sound as deep cries fill the air. The sobs of a child.
His child.
"Oh baby, " He wraps an arm around her, cursing his body for being so weak. "Do you remember our mornings?"
She nods against his chest, her sobs only growing deeper at the memory of only months before.
"I want you to listen to me." There's movement against his neck and suddenly her eyes are with his. "I want you to always remember our mornings, okay? Remember the peanut butter cookies, remember Mommy's face when we'd bring them to her on Sunday, remember that you're always my little peanut butter queen. Remember that always."
She nods again, her face drawing near to his to plant a wet kiss on his cheek. She settles comfortably on his tired body, her hushed little voice inches from ear, "I'll always remember, Daddy."
He closes his eyes, his worry lifted.
A child's promise was everything.
There's movement in the doorway and the little body next to him moves quickly, scrambling away from him, suddenly aware of how frail he is when her mother walks in.
Her mother's voice is rough as it hits her ears, the calm melody she once knew it to be long since strained.
"Brenda, baby, can you go get Daddy his pills?" She finds her father's eyes and watches as he shakes his head from behind her mother.
"Yes, Mommy."
She leaves the room quietly and the bedridden man's eyes follow her, studying her every move, acutely aware of her growing womanhood. His heart tugs as every father's does, his eyes worried as he realizes his little girl is grown up. But there is something deeper in this man's eyes, because these last few days, he knew, were all he'd be privy to of her adulthood.
"She's growing up, isn't she?"
He raises his eyes to the woman next to him. Her body is limp and her once statuesque posture has faltered deeper than it'd been when she was younger. Her eyes, once the deepest, darkest brown he'd ever seen in his life, are lightened by the circles around them.
She looks so tired, so drawn and he says a silent prayer to God asking him to restore her beauty once he was gone. To restore it so that someone else could see it and love her as he does.
He doesn't answer her question, instead just closing his eyes in that way he'd adopted to agree with her.
He feels a shift next to him as she sits next to him, curling an arm around his chest. She runs her hands up and down the plain of it and he looks away ashamed.
"Don't you look away from me, Pacey."
He stops his movement and meets her eyes, wishing to look away again at the pain he finds there.
"I'm not disgusted to touch you."
The words soothe him for that moment as they always do every time she says them and he lets his head fall back, resting against his pillow as she touches him.
He hears a snap at his pajamas, but he's too tired to open his eyes. And he knows.
He knows from the deep inhalation he hears her take as she pushes away the fabric of his clothing. He knows from the whisper of a sigh she makes as she leans down.
Her lips are cool against his chest and his eyes widen behind his lids as she soothes the bruises around his ribs.
"I love you." He feels the words against his skin before they reach his ears and his eyes finally tear because he also knows, this is the last time.
He knows it's the end.
The door clicks from behind them and there's a moment of silence as all the eyes in the room meet. The two women's eyes fill and it's only a second before all of their bodies are huddled together.
The man battles his eyes to stay dry, but he loses the fight and tears fall into his voice as he whispers, "Hey, hey. Listen to me, my girls."
His wife is a child too as he holds her; the only time she's faltered in front of their daughter since they'd found out. "You two will be fine," The promise is empty to them both, but he knows he speaks the truth and that soon they'll know too.
"This will not tear apart this home, do you hear me?"
His girls promise him it won't and he holds them closer, his body ironically the strongest in that moment. "You know," His voice starts out low and it brings them all back to memories of when he'd hold them just like this, telling them stories. But he has faith that their memories are strong and he's out of stories.
"I never planned it like this, this day."
His wife collects herself, shaking her head from side to side, assuring them they know. "We know, sweetheart."
He hushes her with a kiss to her forehead and she falls back comfortably against him. "I didn't want it to happen like this."
The youngest in the room cuddles closer and she buries herself under his open pajama shirt. He feels soft droplets land on his skin and he meets his wife's eyes, silently pleading with her for a moment alone.
She nods and stands, running a hand down their daughter's back before leaving the room.
"Princess, I want you to understand that I don't want to leave you. And that I'm not. Not really,"She ducks her head quickly, but he still sees her rolled eyes. "Hey, you listen to me, alright? I'll never not be with you."
The fabric in his pajamas is balled in her fist and she squeezes it tighter, punishing the cloth for her pain.
"Yell at me, kiddo."
Her eyes are alarmed when they meet his again. "Daddy, I'm not mad at you."
He nods, "I know you aren't, baby. But you're mad at someone."
"Not you." She promises him, her eyes fiercely blue as she holds his gaze.
"Just yell at me. Get if off your chest." She begins to shake her head, but he cuts her off, turning a trick he'd learned from her mother on her. "I need you to."
She releases the poor cloth and he feels a pound on his chest a second later, "Don't die, don't die, don't die!"
His eyes fill, the physical pain paling in comparison to the strain in his heart. She'd never acknowledged what was happening before.
His quiet, broken voice reaches her and she stills, "I'm so sorry, baby."
She falls against him and he wraps his arms around her, "I love you."
She whispers it back and he continues to hold her tightly to him, content with those being the last words he says to her.Night has fallen now and the only sound in the quiet room is the wind as it laps against the window.
His wife maneuvers around the bed, dressing quickly in front of him, giving him slight peaks of what he used to be strong enough to worship with more than his eyes.
She lays down next to him, her body an eternity from his, it seemed.
With all the strength he can muster, he reaches out for her blindly from underneath the covers. He finds the cotton of her nightgown and he tugs it, telling her in the only way he can to come closer.
She does, spooning her body against his. Her head lays on his chest and she listens to his heartbeat, memorizing the quiet beat as it pounds against his frail chest.
He wraps an arm around her and he clears his throat, wishing for just his last moment to be the man she married.
But if wishes couldn't cure him, he had little faith they'd work now.
He doesn't say he loves her, the words so overused between them he knows they'll only fall into her memories with all the other declarations.
No, instead he meets her gaze, for the very last time and smiles at her. And with his eyes wholly focused on her, he tells her, "Heaven's quite a sight, Jo."
She doesn't cry yet, though she knows. She just listens to his heart beat for a minute longer until the room is once again filled with only the sounds of the wind.
The winds came by and they carried me away
At least that's what your momma said she'd say
Of course I knew that you would never believe
But baby sometimes even big girls are allowed to weep
Oh Brenda Gene my peanut butter queen
Innocent and bright don't think of me as mean
Sweet Brenda Gene for all you haven't seen
You know I hate to leave you fatherless at fourteen
I'm sure you think I've left you alone
Torn apart our happy home
But love, I never planned it this way
Never this soon and never this day
Oh Brenda Gene my peanut butter queen
Innocent and bright don't think of me as mean
Sweet Brenda Gene for all you haven't seen
You know I hate to leave you fatherless at fourteen
Heaven's quite a sight to see I'm sure you'll be here too
And though it's beautiful my dear it can't compare to you
Oh Brenda Gene my peanut butter queen
Innocent and bright don't you think of me as mean
Sweet Brenda Gene for all you haven't seen
You know I hate to leave you fatherless at fourteen
Fatherless at Fourteen - Kendall Payne