WRITTEN BY RASPUTIN BASED ON ORIGINAL CONCEPT BY JHONEN VASQUEZ
EXT: SPACE
We open up in space, leisurely pacing from a state of utter starlight to a distant orbit around Planet Meekrob. We get closer, letting the the spinning globe become larger in our vision till eventually we're entering the atmosphere.
EXT: MEEKROB, PLANET SURFACE
We close into the planet's surface, right up until we plunge straight through a crater on the surface.
INT: MEEKROB TUNNELS
An underground network of baffling complexity compels us to navigate through an ungodly amount of maze-like turnings and dead-ends until eventually we come up behind Invader Tenn, along with her SIR unit, hiding behind a rock while spying on the floating inhabitants of the Planet.
TENN
(whispering) Note this down, Jin-Jin. (her SIR unit, Jin-Jin supposedly, flashes her eyes in agreement) "Have discovered concealed underground network commonly traversed by the Planet's inhabitants. Could constitute some kind of ancient defence network maintained by the Meekrob in case of extra-planetary invasion, namely us. Will continue upon further investigation."
Tenn then proceeds to cautiously traverse the claustrophobic tunnels, momentarily ducking behind a rock when a couple of Meekrob float past. One of the Meekrob looks momentarily in her direction before continuing. Tenn peeks from behind the rock as the two of them transform into energy balls that shoot down a small orifice in the ground.
TENN
(whispering) Jin-Jin, another memo. "Have discovered some kind of conduit to some kind of meeting place below. The purpose of this place is unclear."
During this time, a pair of purple, Irken eyes has appeared behind Tenn, and Jin-Jin seems to have been silently snatched into the darkness. We then see things from behind Tenn.
TENN
(whispering) "Will investigate when the opportunity arises. In the meantime I plan to..." (hears a sound, then turns around cautiously) Jin-Jin? (as she turns around, she starts to panic) Oh no! Get away! GET AWAAAIII!
As we zoom into her horror-stricken face, the entire scene flckers then turns to static.
INT: THE MASSIVE
The Tallest were apparently seeing the whole thing. A technician is operating the controls.
TECHNICIAN
And that's all there is, sir.
RED
Well this is a worrying development.
PURPLE
I'd say! I hate it when they leave shows on cliffhangers then don't bother to finish the thing.
RED
Yeah. When is the next episode anyway?
TECHNICIAN
Sirs...that was an ACTUAL TRANSMISSION from an Invader in the field.
The Tallest look very briefly embarrassed.
PURPLE
We knew that!
RED
This will interfere with our schedule, we know that much.
PURPLE
I'm sure she'd know the risks, besides, Zim's already done as much damage to the schedule as anything else is going to do.
RED
Maybe so, but Zim isn't involved this time. An Irken Invader's been captured by a group of insubstantial peaceniks! That's not right!
PURPLE
Hey, yeah! Should we blow 'em up?
RED
We'll have to consult the Control Brains. But I'm hoping...yes.
PURPLE
Yay!
INT: MASSIVE CONTROL BRAINS
There are three Control Brains surrounding the Tallest. Battle statistics and reports flood the displays. It's really quite formidable.
CONTROL BRAIN 1
There is concurrence.
CONTROL BRAIN 2
A direct assault should be avoided.
CONTROL BRAIN 3
A team should investigate.
CONTROL BRAIN 1
A direct confrontation could prove dangerous.
CONTROL BRAIN 2
The plan shall be disrupted.
CONTROL BRAIN 3
That can never be allowed.
The Tallest look dumb for a few moments.
RED
So no blowing things up?
CONTROL BRAINS
NO!
PURPLE
But why? We could wipe the floor with them!
CONTROL BRAIN 1
Analysis suggests outside forces at work.
CONTROL BRAIN 2
Trying to provoke the Meekrob into awakening.
CONTROL BRAIN 3
We must tread carefully.
RED
I still wanna blow things up...
CONTROL BRAINS
OUR ANALYSIS IS IMPECCABLE!
RED
Allright! Allright! Sheesh...
Red calls up a communicator.
RED
Control! Prepare a priority one message to all active Invaders in the field! (chatter is heard) No...I don't CARE if it's your lunch break! THIS IS TOP PRIORITY!
INT: ZIM'S BASE
GIR is sitting on the couch, while Minimoose floats nearby. GIR seems to be showing him the ropes of "information retrieval".
GIR
'kay? Here's the film channel. This has lots of stuff blowing up. I like things blowing up, with the bang and the flash and alllll the pretty colours. And here's the kid's channel. I like this one lots. It's so full of twee and cute and authoritarian subliminal messaging that just makes you wanna go "aaah". 'kay? Here, oh now HERE'S the shopping channel. I like this channel more than anything in the whole wide universe, ever, except strawberries, and the green stuff that sticks to rocks. Those are numby. And here's the sports channel. I REALLY like this one...
During this time, GIR has been clicking the remote control repeatedly, while Minimoose just stares dumbfoundedly. Just then, the TV changes to indicate an incoming transmission, an Irken Invader logo (SPECIFICALLY an Irken Invader logo) with text above and underneath.
COMPUTER
Incoming transmission from the Tallest to all Invaders in the field. Priority: urgent.
GIR
Eh, this show ain't so good.
GIR changes the channel to a typically low-budget furniture commercial.
FURNITURE SPOKESMAN
And you just can't BELIEVE how low our prices can go!
GIR
I believe you! I BELIEVE YOUUUU!
MINIMOOSE
SQUEAK!
EXT: THE STREET
Meanwhile, not far away, Dib is spying at ZiM's house through a pair of binoculars.
DIB
Oh, you'll meet your match soon enough, just you wait, soon I'll prove your existence, and then hordes of people with flames and pitchforks will do all kinds of horrible things to your intestines. Just you wait! JUST YOU WAIT! (pauses to think) I'm not too sure what FOR, but...(gets hit by a ball) OW! Hey!
Not far off, ZiM is leering triumphantly with a stack of rubber balls by his side.
ZIM
HA! I beat you Dib! Soon your resistance will crumble under the incredible storm I am unleashing! (throws another ball)
DIB
OW! Will you quit that? It's irritating.
ZIM
Oh, it will be irritation now, but soon! SOON! Your head will start itching as a result of the INCREDIBLE friction caused by the unyielding impact of SHEER RUBBER! (throws another ball) And then! THEN! You will yield to me as the pressure becomes too great. Yes! Your resistance will crumble and on to victory! ZIM SHALL TRIUMPH! (starts throwing something approximating a barrage)
DIB
Never! I shall not yield! I shall resist...forever more and...keep on...defending...stuff and...look will you cut that out? It's getting distracting. I NEED CONCENTRATION WHEN I'M RANTING!
ZIM
YES! THE YIELDING BEGINS!
Dib just keeps staring and barely flinches as balls keep getting thrown at him. He then starts wandering off while Zim keeps throwing balls in the same direction, eyes screwed shut. Eventually, he slows down and opens his eyes.
ZIM
Wait! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
DIB
I'M GETTING A CHINESE!
ZIM
Oh, could you get some sweet 'n sour for GIR? He's getting...HEY! WAIT! I'M NOT DONE YET! (Dib just continues walking) YES! VICTORY FOR ZIM! SEE HOW SUPERIOR I AM!
Just then, a tree falls on Dib. Skoodge appears nearby, waving in an almost "hi neighbour" fashion. Zim is not pleased.
SKOODGE
Oh! Hi Zim! You don't mind if I help out a little do ya?
ZIM
(seething) Mind? MIND? I had Dib in the palm of my hand until you came along!
SKOODGE
But...he's trapped and at our mercy now.
ZIM
(condescending) Skoodge, Skoodge. I've been on this planet far longer than you. I think I'd KNOW if my enemy was defeated or not.
SKOODGE
And...he's not now?
ZIM
(boiling over) DON'T YOU QUESTION ME!
SKOODGE
(perkier) Okay! It's just that I've been locked up in your closet for the past few weeks and I wanted to stretch my legs a 'lil.
ZIM
What did I tell you about leaving the closet?
SKOODGE
(guiltily) I know. I sowwwyyy...
ZIM
That's good. (glares) Now get out of my sight.
SKOODGE
(cheerily) Okeedokee!
Skoodge skips off. Zim briefly contemplates returning to Dib but decides against it.
ZIM
Ah, to heck with it. VICTORY!
The euphoria of triumph lasts about three milliseconds before Zim starts wandering off, thoroughly bored. Dib, stuck underneath the tree, seems in a similar mindset.
DIB
Why do I even bother?
INT: ZIM'S HOUSE
Zim wanders in, thoroughly depressed, and irritated at the scene unfolding in front of him. Skoodge is trying to wrest the remote control off of GIR, but his heart doesn't seem in it, and he's overpowered easily. The TV flickers between many myriad channels while this goes on.
SKOODGE
C'mon GIR! Gimme! Give it back! Aw, that's not fair! I need it! C'mon! Leggo! C'mo...awwww!
Skoodge treads backwards, like a first-year skool-kid who's ice cream has been stolen. He appeals to Zim.
SKOODGE
Awww! Zim! GIR's being all mean to me! He won't give me a turn on the remote!
ZIM
What do you want to watch inferior human television for?
SKOODGE
I need to read my messages!
ZIM
You patch your messages through to the TV?
SKOODGE
It's got stereo!
ZIM
GIR! I ORDER YOU TO GIVE SKOODGE THE REMOTE CONTROL!
GIR turns red, leaps off the sofa, and salutes.
GIR
YES, MY LORD!
GIR throws the remote at Skoodge, and sends him reeling from the impact. Zim looks down un-caringly.
SKOODGE
(in pain) 'nk you...
Skoodge stands up, rubs the bruise on his forehead and staggers over to the TV. He clicks a button and a list of messages appear.
SKOODGE
Wow! 253 messages! And they're all advertising spam! Oh, wait, here's one from the Tallest.
ZIM
(excited) What?
The TV screen flickers and the message that began playing before does so again. The Invader symbol appears just before the Tallest appear on camera.
PURPLE
Hey, how do I look? Do I look okay? I don't want people to think I've been skipping my diet or anything...
TECHNICIAN
Sirs, we're on.
PURPLE
ARGH!
RED
This is a priority message to all Invaders! One of your colleagues, Invader Tenn, has been captured by the wicked machinations of the sickeningly content Meekrob! We suspect foul play, so you are all ordered to leave for Meekrob immediately to ascertain her status and act accordingly.
PURPLE
But it is important for you all to maintain secrecy at all times. DON'T BLOW ANYTHING UP! There is strong evidence of outside interference in Meekrob's affairs, and that's not right! Only we're allowed to do that!
RED
Land under the cover of darkness and follow the orders of your Commander. Failure is...an option. But don't read into that too much.
The transmission ends. Zim suddenly seems much happier than he once was.
ZIM
Oh my! The Tallest entrusting me to conquer Meekrob! I knew this day would come!
SKOODGE
Uh...Zim? This message was for me. You never got one...
ZIM
(angrily) DARE YOU QUESTION THE TALLEST?
SKOODGE
NO! NO!
ZIM
Good. Now let us board the Voot Cruiser! My destiny awaits!
Dramatic moment, but no one seems to budge. GIR keeps watching the TV, Minimoose spins around, and Skoodge just stands there.
SKOODGE
But I don't wanna go. My feet get cramps from long space travel.
ZIM
(seething) FINE! I'll just go conquer the universe without you, then...
Zim turns and crosses his arms.
SKOODGE
Really? That's okay! I'll just go cook some chicken...
Zim's teeth grate and he snaps, dragging of all three of them in turn.
ZIM
GRRRR! C'MON! C'MON! C'MON!
EXT: ZIM'S HOUSE
The Voot Cruiser practically punches it's way out of the roof as it opens and closes in quick succession. Panning down to Dib, who's barely noticed and is still stuck under the tree, leaning on his arms and generally contemplating throwing it all way and getting a job. At that moment, Gaz walks past, playing her Game Slave. Still utterly disheartened, Dib swipes the Game Slave from Gaz and proceeds to start playing. Gaz is not amused.
GAZ
Dib, if you want to keep the use of both your eye sockets...
Dib looks up to Gaz and starts screeching.
DIB
GAZ? IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN A LIVING, BREATHING COLLECTION OF CARBONS! FOR EVERY ONE OF YOUR BELONGINGS TO NOT BE CHARRED TO CINDERS! FOR EVERY MEMBER OF YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY TO NOT BE DE-POLARISED INTO THEIR CONSTITUENT PARTS! YOU...LEAVE...ME...ALONE!
Dib, rant over, returns to playing the Game Slave. Gaz seems as surprised as Gaz is capable of being surprised.
GAZ
Wow, Dib. Get any more bitter and you might just turn into coffee.
Gaz swipes the Game Slave away and leans against the tree. Dib, irritated, prizes himself out of the tree.
DIB
It just doesn't seem worth it! I'm not saving the planet! I'm just giving a stupid, dull-witted alien an excuse to inflate his ego! I'm probably doing more harm to Earth's chances than helping it!
GAZ
Y'know, you're as annoying giving up as you are ranting about saving the world.
DIB
It's not as if he's any good! An automated action figure could do more harm to him than I can! Just look!
Dib grabs Gaz as he moves off-screen.
GAZ
Hey!
INT: ZIM'S HOUSE
Dib kicks down the door and drags Gaz in. While ranting he lets her go. She rubs her face and doesn't appreciate it.
DIB
A security system with more holes than cheese! Statues and pictures of green monkeys! GREEN MONKEYS!
GAZ
You shall suffer.
DIB
A lab full of inane, pointless stuff!
GAZ
Oh, you shall suffer.
DIB
And every time! EVERY TIME! A robot dog...sits down on this sofa...and watches mind-rotting TV!
GAZ
You know what? You're not even worth it.
Gaz walks off.
DIB
WHY? WHAT'S ITS PURPOSE? WHAT'VE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?
Gaz growls irritably as she shuts the door. Dib sinks into depression and falls into the sofa, turning on the remote. The message lights up, and Dib's eyes widen as the message continues.
PURPLE (O.S
Hey, how do I look? Do I look okay? I don't want people to think I've been skipping my diet or anything...
TECHNICIAN (O.S
Sirs, we're on.
PURPLE (o.S
ARGH!
EXT: MEEKROB FROM SPACE
Endless space, panning down towards Meekrob, partially in night. The Voot Cruiser speeds past and heads into the planet's twilight.
INT: VOOT CRUISER
Zim, GIR, Minimoose and Skoodge are squeezed into the small compartment. GIR is banging his head against the cockpit glass pleasingly, Skoodge is drooling while fast asleep, and Minimoose has taken to letting out a long, constant squeak, much to Zim's nerves.
ZIM
How did I manage?
A beep from the comms wakes Skoodge up and gets Zim's interest. He's about to answer it until he reaches into the back and gets out a crowbar, which he then proceeds to thwack Minimoose with. Minimoose shuts up and Zim answers the hail. Commander Larb appears on the screen. He's about to say something until his eyes snap wide open and he starts gurgling in fear.
ZIM
Ah, yes, I presume you were anticipating the much...anticipated arrival of ZIM!
Larb just continues to gurgle.
ZIM
I knew you were pleased to see me. Now! Due to my all-encompassing importance, Zim shall not require your permission to land at your position.
Larb tries to gurgle in the negative but fails.
ZIM
Uh-huh.
SKOODGE
Hiya, Larb!
Larb comes out of his stupor and addresses Skoodge.
LARB
Who are you again?
SKOODGE
Skoodge! I conquered a planet, same as you!
Larb doesn't seem to recognize Skoodge.
LARB
Really? Um...oh yeah! I remember you!...I think. But...what's HE doing here?
SKOODGE
Can't he come along? Pwease?
LARB
Ech...I'd rather not have you within several galaxies of this mission, but we need as much destructive power as we can. The Tallest have seen fit to just send the 31...32 of us for some reason.
ZIM
YES! VICTORY FOR ZIM!
LARB
WAIT! I haven't said any...!
The comms shut off.
ZIM
GIR! Ready the landing sequence. We must be subtle!
EXT: IRKEN BASECAMP
The Invader's base has been expertly hidden in a rocky outcrop, barely visible to the naked eye. Invaders are milling about, collecting supplies, when they see something in the distance and run for their lives. Out of the blue, the Voot Cruiser descends smoking from the sky and impacts into the base. The smoke plume can be seen for miles around.
EXT: DIB'S HOUSE
Zooming into the garage, just to ascertain we're back on Earth.
INT: DIB'S GARAGE
Dib is providing final checks to Tak's Ship, while Gaz seems whimsically interested for some obscure reason. Dib jumps into the cockpit and gets the systems ready.
DIB
Main thrusters!
TAK'S SHIP (with Tak's voice
Operational!
DIB
Guidance system!
TAK'S SHIP
Confirmed!
DIB
Lunch!
TAK'S SHIP
Nicely prepared!
DIB
Okay! PREPARE TO LAUNCH!
TAK'S SHIP
No.
Dib looks at ship non-chalantly. He looks up to Gaz with interest.
DIB
Gaz, I've always been meaning to ask...how DID you get this thing to work?
GAZ
What's in it for me?
DIB
Excitement, adventure, and killing lots of freaky-looking things?
Gaz shrugs and toddles over to the ship. Nudging Dib aside with a carefully-timed thwack, she pauses as she readies herself. Then she slams her fist against the controls.
GAZ
WORK!
TAK'S SHIP
EEK!
The cockpit closes and the ship lifts off the moorings.
GAZ
This had better be worth it...
DIB
You kidding? I'd sell my soul for a chance like this! FULL SPEED TO MEEKROB!
EXT: DIB'S GARAGE
The door's still closed.
GAZ (O.S
Uh...Dib?
The ship rockets upwards out of the garage, sending debris everywhere and leaving us hearing Dib screaming. We witness the ship heading upwards into the sky and out of sight.
-BREAK-