Disclaimer – I don't own FFVIII or the characters in the game, Squaresoft does. I have no money and anything I own is not worth having. This story is fiction.

Warning – Male x Male thoughts, some sap, touch of angst

Rating – R, it will heat up later on

This will be yaoi folks but for now it is shounen-ai, boys liking boys

Dedication – To Shaeric Draconis, I luv you very much!

Fantasy 101, Crimson, Sun God and Hopemia, thank you for your support. Here is Zell's 2nd Entry.

^__~  ^__^

Zell Dincht Journal

[Tuesday 26th May XXXX Balamb Garden 1400 hours]

[Journal entry # 2]

I don't know how long I have Jo, because Squall and Laguna are talking together privately, and as soon as they have finished we are moving again. I didn't want to intrude on what was a family thing, even if the Commander didn't say anything. It just felt like the right thing ta do.

We found Laguna by the great plains of Esthar, in the Lunatic Pandora Laboratory. He was walking around in circles with the lost boy expression, his hand constantly brushing through his dark hair. He was going out of his frickin' mind, it took Squall to use his cold Commander persona ta snap him out of it.

But I saw understandin' in Squall's eyes, and it is no wonder that I'm very much attracted to him. He has a commanding presence that many admire him for, and a sexy bod enhanced with leather moulded to his perfect form. Anyway it worked bringin' Laguna down to Earth once again.

Before we knew it, everything was pouring out of the Presidents mouth, the only thing of interest was the end bit. This was the last place Ellone was before she disappeared. Now Laguna had no idea why she was here in the first place, and there are no frickin' clues for us ta go on.

It was this moment that I decided to leave, dragging Selphie with me, man she really has a fixation with Laguna, sometimes I'm not sure if she is kiddin' or just one helluva obsessed fan girl, heh. What does it matter, she is a friend and I have a lot of time for her.

Selphie has a lot of energy like I do and much more, but you see, I think we understand one another and right now I know for a fact that somethin' is buggin' her. Her perkiness is forced these days and while she thought my attention was on Laguna and Squall while they were talking, I was actually watching her, and for a brief second her smile dropped, her eyes so lost and desolate, then jus' like that, wham! Her smile was back.

I will tell you now Jo, it touched me deeply seeing my friend like that, and it made me forget my own sadness for awhile. I would like to help her but I don't want to intrude or even know where to start.

It doesn't help that Ellone, big sister has disappeared, and I am worried about that too Jo. She wouldn' just go off without tellin' someone, anyone. So that means one thing ta us all.

She was taken by force, and what force? We have no idea and no fuckin' clues!

Sorry for the swearin', I can't help myself.

I see Selphie is writing in her own journal and her mouth is set tightly, her shoulders tense. I wish I knew what was goin' through her head, if she is alright.

It reminds me why I feel so bad, so sad. Last night, this morning…whatever, with Nida I decided to make it our last night. If I want a chance with Squall I have to start with no commitments, even tho Nida and I just wanted sex. I didn't want anyone to accuse me of being a whore, I mean I am a teenager and it is only natural to want to find release but what I feel for Squall, I'm taking seriously.

I have no idea how he feels about me, at the moment I can honestly say we're friends, I mean; he let me sleep on his shoulder. Do you know what miracle that was? It is up there with the partin' of the red sea.

Squall doesn't like people touching him, no he hates it and he soon lets you know. I mean, when we first met and I happened to touch his shoulder, I swear on my darlin' Ifrit, the temperature dropped considerably, and his stormy eyes were like ice flints, looking at the hand that had the audacity to touch the Ice King.

It took me nanoseconds ta remove the offending limb before it was cut off by his gunblade Lionheart.

So you can imagine how surprised I was to be woken up gently by the Commander, his voice soft and husky as he told me he needed to chat with Sefie. I sat there for a moment in stunned silence. And then the warmth hit me, spreading like wild fire thru my body, making me more aware of the feelings I had with Squall.

I was only glad that I did break it off with Nida and the strange thing Jo, is that Nida was shocked and asked me why. You know what came next don't you? Yeah…I told him how I felt about Squall.

Nida was angry and told me that I had betrayed him, especially after he had told me his feelings for the Commander. He was right I did, but I…I didn't mean ta. I was so afraid of hurting him, maybe that makes me a coward, I don't really know but oh hell, I don't know.

I said to him that Squall was his own person and just because I liked him didn't mean he was mine. Nida snorted at me then glared making me flinch then said coldly in his monotone voice, "at least he remembers your fucking NAME!"

How could I tell him that Squall really had no choice remembering my name, that he didn't remember many others at the Garden names, then I remembered that Nida became SeeD the same time we did.

So yeah I feel like shit, guilty and when I left Nida he made me feel worse saying that he was starting to feel something for me. God, life gets so damn complicated and I wish I was still at the orphanage, none the wiser.

But I'm not and at the moment I have more important things to worry about. Big sis and Sefie.

Well I have ta go, Squall is lookin' at me so that means we have ta talk. Will chat with you tomorrow Jo, and fill you in with the mission details.

Spot you later Jo, and wish us luck in finding Ellone.

 [Zell Dincht signing out at 1420 hours]