Holding back a growl as he removed the jagged pieces of glass from the torn skin of his fist, Angel resisted the urge to look back up to the shattered glass that was once his window. Guilt no longer resided inside his soul when it came to the little things. The mistake he made was big enough to erase any culpability that may have dwelled in his essence beforehand.
No matter how sidetracked the Vampire was, there wasn't any power in the world that could keep his senses from ringing in alarm when he heard a creak in the floor off in the distance; outside in he hallway, a familiar breathing pattern neared. The strong, overused cologne was enough to drive Angel mad as he anticipated he arrival of...
"Wesley," he croaked, not once looking up from his fist. "What the hell are you doing up here?"
"I heard glass break," the Englishman said slowly, his tone faltering under the eerie silence. Closing the door behind him, he edged closer to Angel, who alarmingly jumped away in fear and huddled himself in the corner. "Don't do this to yourself, Angel."
Shaking his head violently, the Vampire wholly disagreed. "I saw the fear in her eyes. She wasn't looking at me anymore; she was looking into the eyes of a monster. We can't go back to how we were."
Wesley pulled up a chair and sat down, not once taking his blue eyes off of Angel. "I'm fighting all of my urges and brotherly instincts for Cordelia to not stake you on the spot."
Angel laughed maniacally for a few moments, choking back tears the whole time. Spreading his arms from side to side, he openly invited Wesley's makeshift threat. "Go ahead."
The former Watcher remained impassive as he stared Angel down hard; images of the Vampire in his worst form leaning over Cordelia, preparing to...Then, after Fred bravely and gracefully prevented the act he was planning on doing, he had pounced on her and.... Wesley choked back tears, fighting desperately not to show any emotion.
"Are they alright?" Angel croaked, not able to say their names as the pain succeeded in overtaking him.
Shaking his head, Wesley clenched his fists to keep from pouncing on the Vampire. "Fred can't even sleep at night, and the bruises you...inflicted upon her are still...hurting her."
"And Cor...?"
"She hasn't spoken one word since that night, and she looks as if she were being abused for years; physically, mentally and emotionally."
"Stop it..." Angel begged, a tear falling freely from his eyes and sliding down his dirty cheek. "Just stop this and stake me already, you bastard." His ploy to piss the Watcher wasn't working and he was merely coming off as pathetically desperate.
"I've brought the label of ignorant onto myself willingly as I continued to defend your innocence to Gunn, Lorne, Fred and Cordelia. Though deep down inside, I doubt even my own belief of your virtue," Wesley gruffly explained, taking a deep breath and standing up. "It is not the act that you committed that makes you weak and pitiful, Angel. It's the cowardice you displayed when you ran away from the consequences of your actions. Angelus may have beaten down Cordelia and Fred, but you...you were the one who selfishly barricaded himself in this room, hiding from their anger, their fear...for your own disgraceful reasons."
"And what are you planning on doing then, Wes?" Angel asked, desperately grasping the last bit of willpower left in his soul as he stood on his unstable, wobbling legs.
Turning towards the door, the Englishman merely muttered. "I still have hope that the Champion that I and everyone downstairs, at one time or another, looked up to and was inspired by, will find some dignity and come out of this hole." With nothing else said, Wesley turned the knob on the door and left with a quick movement; leaving Angel alone again with the deafening silence.
Gunn tapped his fingers slowly; his jaw firming as his thoughts drifted back and forth from the image of Fred's fresh bruises from that night and how she looked before him at the exact moment. "You need anything?" He asked absently, looking into her eyes with unfaltering concern while bringing his hand up to graze her cheek.
Flinching, Fred didn't respond. Though she didn't pull away, it was clear in her eyes that she wanted to. No trace of a smile seemed to appear on her youthful façade as she looked away, hiding the tears forming in her eyes.
Gunn swallowed hard and wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into a loving hug. Kissing the top of her head, he mumbled reassuring words into her ear. Pulling away just far enough so that their faces were inches apart, he looked deeply into her eyes, searching for something that he desperately needed. Licking his lips and swallowing hard as a lump formed in his throat, he leaned in for a kiss.
Uncertainty flooded her soft, brown orbs, but Gunn didn't catch sight of it; or at least, if he saw it, he ignored it as his desperation flooded to the surface and he replaced the look of warning on her façade with something that he desired to see: love. But it wasn't there.
Fred turned her face just before his lips reached hers, forcing his lips to collide with her cheek. "I need to go," she croaked, a tear falling freely from her cheek as she noticed the pain in his eyes. I wish I could give you what you want, Charles. Fred so desired to say to him.
Wiping the tear from her cheek, Fred let out a small, frustrated sigh and quickly moved towards the stairway.
Fred poked her small head in through the crack and looked at Cordelia with tearful eyes, as if silently asking for permission. When Cordelia nodded, the young Texan entered as quietly as she could manage, closing the door with a soft snap before bursting into tears and hugging Cordelia desperately. "I'm so sorry for you."
"Don't be," Cordelia lied, closing her eyes abruptly, wishing that she had more people feeling sorry for her to fill the empty void. She didn't care if it was selfish, she didn't care if everyone ignored each other's pain and focused just on hers. She just didn't care anymore.
"So is Angel the father?" Fred dared to ask, her heart skipping a beat at the thought of the Vampire.
Cordelia strained a smile through her sobs and swallowed hard. "That night was about the only sex I've had in a while." Clenching her hands into fists to keep them from trembling, the ex-cheerleader's legs buckled beneath her and she sat on the bed for support. "You haven't told anyone, have you?"
"No one at all," Fred assured her. "I didn't know whether or not you wanted me to, so I just figured it'd be better if I waited."
Thankful to Fred for keeping the secret safe, Cordelia nodded and tried to whisper thank you. "I'm still in shock."
Though Cordelia was stating the obvious, Fred nodded and listened intently, not once disturbing the woman as she admitted everything."I'm only alive when you're inside of me," Cordelia whispered before Angel's possessed her lips; the passionate embrace heating up as the moments passed. The chain slipped out of her hands and the cross fell to the ground with a soft thump that seemed to resonate throughout the room, as if sending off some ironic symbolism that maybe the pair shouldn't continue. Yet neither took notice, as each were fumbling with the other's outfit, fervently mumbling phrases to entice their partner.
Grabbing Angel's lapel, Cordelia breathed in sharply as his curious hands continued to wander her lustrous frame. "This is wrong," she let out a breathy moan as she fell onto a divan placed in the middle of the room, with Angel softly placing his body on top of hers. "You know him," she continued through his kisses. When he moved southward, placing wet, passionate kisses on her neck, she closed her eyes and forced herself to speak through her incessant moans. "He has power..."
Eyes locking with hers, Angel held back a mischievous grin and whispered into her ear as his hands roamed between her legs. "Power to do this?"
Gasping, Cordelia closed her eyes and let the blissful pain take over. Yet even as she surrendered to the sweet pleasure, the moment was bittersweet and she held back a sob. "Stefan, his powers are unnatural...he could-"
"What? Kill us?" Angel's courage never faltered as he looked at her with infatuated eyes.
"Worse," Cordelia replied under her breath.
"Kurskov owns the company. He doesn't own you,"
"He doesn't know that. He thinks I'm his. That I dance for him. He thinks I love him."
"Come away with me. Now. Tonight. We'll disappear. Even he wont find us. You can still dance."
"Can I? I don't," she paused, locking stares again with Angel. "Not now, maybe when we're-"
"Don't. Don't make promises," Angel begged, bringing his finger up to her lips.
Pulling his hand away and placing it softly between her breasts, Cordelia held back a quiver and leaned further into the divan, inviting him to extend the passionate embrace. "Help me. Help me be not afraid."Cordelia awoke suddenly, her eyes bulging out as she shifted her weight and looked around the room, afraid that she wasn't alone. Wiping the cold sweat from her brow, the young woman stood on her unstable legs and wobbled over to the bathroom. The Hotel, though also Angel's home, had become a makeshift residence for Cordelia ever since that night. Every time she tried to walk out of the Hotel, it seemed as if some unknown force would pull her back inside. A nagging feeling it was, and quite annoying.
Splashing a cupful of cold water onto her face, she looked into the mirror to see a dreary, worn version of herself looking back at her.
God, what has happened to me? She asked herself repeatedly as she slumped against the wall. Suddenly though, certain thoughts that Cordelia never even figured would enter her mind this soon in her life crept their way to the front of her mind.
I'm going to be a mother, she laughed slightly at the thought. Rubbing her belly absentmindedly, the woman just sat there in the bathroom, thoughts of concern rubbing her the wrong way, what to dress the baby with, what sex the baby was going to be.
It's going to be a long year.