Agent-G: yes, it is nearing the end, I don't know if this chapter was what you were waiting for, it's kinda weird.
A/N: there is a reference in this chapter to a one-shot I wrote: 'I can't give up'.
Fighting Destiny - I am one
Everything hurts, breathing hurts, the beating of my own heart hurts, but most of all, thinking hurts. All I want to do is float away into oblivion. Yet I cannot. There is something tugging me away from the void I so desperately crave for, for in the void, I will not feel the pain I feel right now. I don't think anything can hurt as much as this does.
At first, I can't see, can't hear, all I can do is feel the pain, feel blood driping down over my arms, my back, my face. I don't know how I stay sane. I think I didn't at first. Why else would I crave for the void?
Before I got in here, I was two seperate beings. One human, one interdimensional. Now I am one. I no longer am Marianne, no longer am Emily. I am both and I am neither. It is confusing. I am a child, yet I have the memories of life as a 22 year old woman and the memories of an ancient being, and memories that had been sealed away resurface. Still, I merely have existed for a few seconds, mostly hours. I was born and now I am old. When this is over, I will be dead. It is my destiny and even though Marianne inside wishes to fight this, I don't think that I can.
I struggle to do something as simple as to stand. It should not be so difficult, even if it is the first time I stand. But still it is.
I look down on my body and realise this is still Marianne's body. The jeans she wore are torn, burned, bloodstained. The blue T-Shirt is no longer blue. I don't know if she will survive, I hope she does, but I do not know. Her arms are open, bleeding heavily. From her memories of being a doctor I know that she, I, we are in trouble.
Standing was hard, but moving is even harder. With every step I take forward, it is as if I take seven back, it all seems so futile. By all standards, I am a newborn, then why should I stand and face this entity, who, by all accounts, is also nothing more then a child?
I do not desire to hurt, or even kill the other entity, but I will. It is Marianne's desire to protect her friends, her family and Emily's knowledge of what will happen if I do not kill it. That, I cannot permit to happen.
I feel something trickle down my face, expecting it to be a tear, I wipe it away, but as I look at my hand, I see it was not. Not if it is a tear of blood. I cannot let it be a tear of blood, for Marianne once said that she would sooner cry tears of blood then that she would give up. If I let it be a tear of blood, she can give up.
She is not weak, not strong either. She has seen many things, not as much as Emily, but her connection to it makes it more present then anything Emily has seen. If I have to lable Marianne, I don't think that I could, she is complicated, full of contradictories. Emily is another story. Before she joined Marianne, emotions were a concept alien to her, but I find from her more current memories that she enjoys them.
Moving gets even harder, I do not know if it is the bloodloss or if it is that I am getting closer to the source of all that has happened. It must be the source, the other entity. It is strange, in many ways: it is like me. It had no choice in it's existance, it is unlike anything else, it is unique. Yet I am to destroy this entity or try as hard as I can. Still, I cannot shake of the feeling that it is as if I am about to strike down a sibling. I do not have siblings, so this emotion is futile, unneeded, but it is still here.
The part of me that once was Marianne is begging me not to go through, to try and find another way. She has killed before and has spend every moment of her life regretting it. I think that is because she is just like that. That is one of the many reasons I cannot understand it. She knows that if she needs to, she will kill, but she mourns it beyond my ability to comprehend.
Most of my wounds have stopped bleeding by now. Some still do, but no longer as heavily. My instinct tells me I have lost a great deal of blood.
My steps get lighter somehow and I begin to see things more clearly now, I get used to my surroundings. But what I see is still unkown to me, and hostile. The vortex is a swirling mix of colours and lights. It hurts to look at it, but there is nothing else to look at. I feel alone, I wish that I was not one, for then I wouldn't be alone.
Finally, I come to face the other entity. There is no need for words. We do not see eachother as enemies, we are not. We are two living creatures who want to keep on living, that does not make us evil, it is only those who pay the price for our actions who see us as either evil or good. There is one difference between us, however. If I win, I will still die: Emily and Marianne will seperate again. Perhaps they die, perhaps they won't. I cannot tell. When the other wins, the other will survive and I will die.
Why do I still fight when there is no way for me to see what my actions will cause? Because neither Marianne nor Emily wish to give up, so I will not either.
Once again, I am assaulted by the pain, but this time, it is no stranger to me. Strange how you can get used to so much pain given the right incentive. I force myself to stand and face the other. The other's skin is smooth, white, as if molden from the purest snow. Its eyes are void, pure, complete black, an eery contrast to the white skin, still these eyes draw me more towards it then the skin, even though both are unusual.
I raise my hands and retaliate, but it does not bring joy to see the other crumble in pain. I thought that it would, for it would bring a sence of victory. It does not and I realise that when two fight, two shall lose. No matter who beats the one opposing him, no matter what the so-called winner obtains. It shall forever have a bitter taste.
The other stands once again, and this time, we try to counteract eachother's attacks. But we are equal and opposite. I need more strength if I am to win, otherwise, we can stand here untill all eternity, and unlike the other, I do not have all eternity, for the other still draws the energy out of Marianne's dimension and will destroy it, that is why I am, to prevent that.
Voices and images flash around me in my mind, people talking to Marianne, faces of people she helped, faces of people she loves. Michael is by far the one most common. At first, I do not know why she is doing this, but then I realise it: how could I have been so stupid? Every time Marianne lost her own strength to go on, she thought of those depending on her and drew strength from that. I do not remember those people myself, but I do know who Marianne remembers, and I draw strength from that. Finally, she has given up fighting me, trying to get me to change the outcome, and now, I am one. Now I am strong enough to defeat the other.
Perhaps it is too easy, but I am glad, for this body cannot take a lot more. Even as it is now, I do not know if the body will be able to go on.
The power increase I recieved is minimal, not enough. At least, that is what I think, but Marianne yells at me, telling me to either go on and win or 'die already', to start believing more in what I am doing. Emily simply states I need to go on. They are right, I did not fully believe in what I am doing, I try to believe and manage to get closer to the other. Not close enough, but the other is already feeling the strain.
There is no beauty in this fight, we are simply fighting to survive, and for me to survive, I need to fight and change destiny. I gain more strength from my own desire to survive, the other crumbles for it. Tears trickle down my face, yes, I am crying for the one who would destroy an entire dimension, for it is like me, and it will die with only me knowing about its existance. Marianne and Emily may tell others about it, but in the end only I will truely know it.
The energy I am using to defeat the other is hurting me as well. Burning me. I can't give up, so I step even closer towards the other, even though it no longer moves, I can still feel that it is alife, for it is the only one even remotely like me. Killing it is the hardest thing I can imagine, perhaps because I truly do not want to do it, kill the other, perhaps because the other is strong. But I have to be stronger, I am stronger, then, I feel nothing. Just, all of a sudden, nothing. It no longer resists the pain, now it has gone into the void, it looks at me with these big, not understanding, black eyes and I realise why it was so easy: it doesn't understand that it existance will hurt people, kill people. The gaze breaks and it is gone, I am one and I am alone.
A strange pain surges through me, I can hear Emily telling me what to do, to open a portal for Michael and Marianne to get through, not me, I'm not supposed to. I can feel everything, everything from the two dimensions I am in between of. I can feel a pain, Michael, he thinks Marianne is gone. I can't let him think that. I can feel that Sarah, Gambit, Tank and Hank are on the other side. I need Sarah's help to do this. I need something that can connect through the dimensions, the elements, so that this place will be destroyed and Michael and Marianne will be brought back and I... I will just fade away.
I don't know how, but as breathing gets harder for, as the colours starts to blur, I can see fir rush through, then earth, air and finally water. And I collapse, I no longer am one. I am two again.