Well, hello! And Welcome to My Little World of Weirdness!
I state for the record that, despite the fact I really, really wish I did, I don't own any of the official characters that will grace this story; it's all CLAMP's! Always has been, always will be! I *DO*, however, own Marcibay Hilligans and Hei-ying Reed!! I also own Lord Maduokai, and the three of the dragons, T'listia isn't mine but on loan from one of my favourite reviewers and writers, Tam Chronin! And what the heck . . . I own both of the mansions (The Reed/Hiirawagizawa and the Tsukimine) as well! [Laughs] Also I don't pretend to have any Mastery over the language of Japanese or any clue as to correct grammatical structure. I put it in and hope it gets across the point I'm trying to make! And I don't pretend to be able to write any sort of accents so please don't hate me!
"Speaking"
*Stress/emphasis*
//Thinking//
Extended~ [basically odd letters that the characters extend the sound of or in Ruby's case, sings]
In This Tainted Soul . . . Find Redemption . . .
By Dr Megalomania.
Chapter Six: Pale Ghost
This house . . . These people . . . This time . . . nothing . . . no-one . . . alone . . . so very alone . . . ten years of memories, memories of when he was sure he was being loved assaulted him as he stiffly climbed the stairs, too distracted to call for his wings. His hand ran along the wall as he walked. The silence of the corridors amplified his thoughts, screaming them back to him . . .
Alone . . . this time wasn't his . . . So very alone . . . these people he didn't know . . . he was alone . . . this house wasn't his at all.
Master Clow's absence was the chill in the air.
Hei-ying pressed his hand against his mouth as soon as he entered his room.
It was true. It was horribly true . . .
Knees weakened and trembling gave out; he sank to the ground and crawled over to his bed, burying his face into the soft blankets as he let out a painful wail. His creator, his handsome creator was dead . . . Master Clow Reed, master magician and creator of the cards, was dead and worse . . . Hei-ying couldn't attend his master at his deathbed.
His wail got louder as he began to beat the bed with his fists, hot tears spilling from his face. His head started to ache horribly; it hurt so much it felt like it was going to explode with the pressure. Howling into the sheets, stifling the great rasping cries of rage and anguish that he made sure – absolutely, positively sure – that these intrusive strangers would not hear. His face was hot. His head pounded as his wail got louder. His throat became so sore it wheezed. Fists convulsively clutched the blankets to his mouth, as if somehow they could absorb and empty himself of the sounds he made. But the grief did not leave him; only, finally, his strength, and he lay there gasping. . . He couldn't understand, didn't want to understand. It was true but he didn't want it to be, he never wanted it to be true. Master Clow Reed was immortal. Master Clow Reed would last forever. He wouldn't reject his most perfect creation and yet . . . blatantly, he had! His master had left him, rejected him – the sum of Master Clow's creative perfection – in favour of some boisterous, idiot lion and a simpering, pathetic *child*!! Hei-ying wanted to scream with rage, wanted to kill both of them, everyone in this house, destroy everything in sight . . . and yet . . . all that came were the endless hot tears . . .
So caught up was he in his pain, he didn't notice the door quietly open and close.
Warm hands touched his head and smoothed his hair down, "Oh . . ." Murmured a quiet feminine voice, "It's okay, please cry until you can't cry any more . . ."
Hei-ying paused in his wailing to look up and see the tumbling purple locks of Tomoyo Hiirawagizawa; she smiled at him slightly and touched his face gently. "I know how hard it must be to feel this . . . Please, let all your painful emotions out . . ."
He stared at her, wanting to hate this beautiful girl for her pity. He never wanted anyone's pity; he was a creation of Master Clow Reed, master magician! Hei-ying didn't need her . . .
"I . . . loved him . . ."
He frowned deeply; not understanding whom the softly spoken words had come from. Her lips remained closed; it wasn't from her the disgustingly pathetic words flowed. He was horrified as more came. "I . . . *loved* him . . . The most . . ."
She smiled slightly, with understanding, as she nodded. Her voice was soothingly calming.
"You never thought Clow could ever leave you . . . not after so long . . ."
Her words made more horrible tears leak from his eyes. He stared at her wide-eyed, the words almost calmly spoken like his breaking heart found one stronghold in his mind so he could speak with a little dignity, "I loved him . . . so *much* . . ."
"You thought it would be forever . . ." She smiled sadly, "I'm so sorry . . . sorry that you were misled . . ."
"That awful monster . . . that whining brat . . . everything . . ." Hei-ying squeezed his eyes shut tightly as she moved to sit closer. He bit his lip, trying not to lose his control before this worthless human. He breathed in hard before something in his heart broke, "Everything was fine until they came!! Until they came, I was so happy!!"
"They're your brothers . . . it's hard to accept that Clow had enough love for them as well . . ."
"NO!!" Hei-ying shook his head violently before dipping it to look down from her pity filled eyes. He curled his fists tightly, pressing his nails hard into his palms, "I loved him more than they could, and . . ." He shook his head violently, "And I never wanted to give him up!"
Her hands came out and touched his head, making him blink his eyes open again, "It hurts . . . doesn't it?" Hei-ying scowled at her. He moved back a little and hissed, "You could never know what it's like to love someone as deeply as I loved Master Clow!"
She smiled a little as she continued regardless, "And it hurts to know that maybe he was falling in love with someone else . . ."
"I loved him more than anyone could, I would do anything for him!"
". . . So much pain, and yet . . ." She moved a little closer to him, and reached out to touch his cheek, "Don't you think Clow deserved to be happy? . . . happy with the one that made his heart beat the hardest . . .?"
"He was happy!! He was happy with . . ." Hei-ying raged impotently, his fingernails squeezing painfully into his hands, "We were . . . so . . . I loved him more . . . I loved him the most . . ."
Her sad smile turned bittersweet as she reached out and placed a finger against his lips and whispered softly, "I know . . . I believe you . . ."
This struck something in Hei-ying, something resonated as he protested, "I loved him more than Yue ever could . . ." He raised his fists, wanting to strike out at her and was horrified as he reached for her, "Yue wasn't *me*, he was never *anything* like me . . . Master Clow told me . . . he told me I was his most perfect creation . . ."
"I believe you . . . Hei-ying, I believe you . . ."
"And I . . . I never wanted to leave him . . ." Hei-ying crumpled and fell into her lap. The soft folds of her skirt cushioned his cheek and muffled his cries, "I loved him . . . I never wanted to let him go . . . he asked me never . . . never to let him go . . ."
Tomoyo sighed softly as the dark angel wept. She watched over him, as Hei-ying broke down again and sobbed and screamed and shook and shuddered and did this until he could cry no more until he fell into a fitful sleep, marred with dreams of his handsome creator, his warm touches and his ever present beautiful, secret smile.
Sakura followed Keroberos until they were alone.
He sighed as they sat in an unused room with large windows and a large fireplace, which lit up upon their entery, providing some light in the darkness. Keroberos sat on the warm, dark red rug and sighed again as he rested his chin on his furry paws. He stared at Sakura as she thought for a long moment. He had some idea what she was going to say already and began to think about how to explain his answer in the clearest terms.
"Kero-chan . . ." She began, disappointment clear in her beautiful emerald eyes. "Kero-chan, that was so . . . nasty of you . . ."
"Sakura, what I do is what I do . . . I can't change my ways . . ."
"Kero-chan, that was horrible, really horrible, even if you hate him . . ." Sakura frowned as she stepped closer to him, "I can't believe that you are the same person, Kero-chan wouldn't do this to someone . . . even Meilin-chan who you didn't like so much, you never treated her in such a way . . ."
"With Meilin, I only joked . . . But with *him*!" Keroberos jerked his head upwards, motioning the ceiling above, "He tried to kill me and my little brother, I didn't trust him then . . . I would never trust him now . . ."
Sakura knelt by him and patted his head, "Then why don't you try to help him instead?" She looked into his eyes, "Stop letting yourself fall to that level and try to bring him up to yours? Hei-ying has been given a new chance . . . Why not help him become someone you will be proud to call your brother?"
Keroberos stared at her for a very long moment and then considered the flames in the fire before murmuring gravely, "For Sakura-chan . . ." He sighed heavily and looked at her sincerely with earnest gold eyes, "I will try . . . I will try to help him, but I will never be proud to call him my brother . . ." He looked into the fire again and sighed as Sakura rested against his body. He stared as the flames danced and twisted around themselves. He shook his head slowly before continuing, "I don't want to."
"Keroberos is being pig headed, and Hei-ying is letting Keroberos get to him!"
Yue shook his head as he paced back and forth across Touya's room. "Arrogant morons!" He threw his hands into the air and turned to Touya, "What can I do? My older brothers remember nothing but hate for each other and Hei-ying remembers only what I don't know . . ." He shook his head again, his wings trembling with his irritation, "Foolish, pig headed . . . Fools! Nothing but petty fools!!"
From the writing desk, Touya sighed as he flipped a page over in the latest incantation book he'd been given, "Will you sit down please?" He turned to glance at the irate guardian with tired, sapphire blue eyes, "You are throwing off my concentration."
The moon angel paused and put a hand on his hip, "I'm sorry, To-ya . . ." He closed his eyes tiredly and raised a hand to press against his beautiful eyes, "I . . . we, Yukito and I just want . . ."
Touya got up, and wrapped his arms around his lover's guardian form, "Why not try to sleep for a while . . ."
Yue's body melted against his as he allowed some of his moon laced magic seep into the guardian. Yue sighed quietly and tipped his head back until it lay on Touya's collarbone. "I just want . . ."
Touya blinked, it had been years since Yue or Yukito had used that voice, a strange combination of their voices.
The angel stared at the ceiling, not really aware he was talking, not really aware that his eyes were amber tinged at the edges, that he was speaking with his true voice . . .
"I just want my family . . . my brothers . . . Is it so much to ask just to see my brothers once more as Clow saw them . . .?"
Touya held the being closer as he felt a wet tear slide down from Yue's cheek and splash against his neck. "Shh . . ."
"To-ya . . ." Yue groaned quietly, as he turned in the taller man's arms and looked up at him, "I just want to be a normal family, To-ya, why can't I make it happen?"
The side of Touya's mouth tugged, in part with irony, part with humour, part with grief.
"No family is 'normal'. Everyone has their own problems. Although Hei-ying's are more obvious than most . . . " he admitted quietly. He swallowed as Yue gave a soft moan and pressed his hand against his mouth. Touya's mouth fell open as he stared at the being before him, the lost child - forever hidden behind Yue's distant frowns and Yukito's permanent smiles - suddenly revealed himself and Touya found he almost didn't recognise Yue or Yukito . . . that the two were both missing, both present in this person who stood before him. Was this the true version of Yue? The Little Moonbeam, the Snowy One combined finally?
The angel took another step forward and fell into Touya's arms, his transformation into Yukito following quickly as Yue hid himself and allowed Yukito to take over. Yukito blinked and stared around dazedly, focused on Touya and sighed, "Yue's going to sleep, he's very drained . . ."
The tall magician nodded, and lifted a hand to rub his eyes wearily, "Tonight was a disaster . . ."
"I know . . ." Yukito looked up at him, and wrapped his arms around Touya's waist, more for his own comfort. Yue was more than emotionally drained, he was exhausted and quietly crying by himself, more than he'd ever heard of the stoic angel and Yukito felt more than a little fearful. For Yue more than himself. Yue was desperate to fix his broken family, and this dinner was something he'd been looking forward to. Yukito closed his eyes and wished for once that he could remember his early life, before Touya, before he came to Japan . . . the first day he opened his eyes and was aware that he was . . . there . . .
"Yukito?"
He blinked and looked up the stairs. Clow stood there in all his magician's finery. The magician smiled, "how are you feeling today?"
Yukito looked at his hands, the bruises were fading. "I'm feeling better . . ." He paused and sucked in his lip, the singing on the fourth floor had started up again. He looked up, as Clow did. While Clow frowned and walked down the stairs, Yukito smiled a little. He liked the singing; Yukito thought that it was very beautiful, haunting but eerily beautiful. Sometimes at night, it was very scary, as it echoed throughout the house but during the day when he played on the stairs as close to the forbidden floor as he could, Yukito listened to the music.
Clow and Keroberos said that the singing wasn't there . . . and yet they reacted to it.
Yukito thought it was strange, the way Keroberos would come along and drag Yukito down the stairs, away from the singing with forced cheer, exclaiming loudly that there was something beautiful to see outside.
Even Clow didn't like the singing ghost.
As the song struck up again, Clow walked down the stairs and picked up Yukito, walking down the stairs instantly, leaving his toys behind.
Yukito had seen the ghost once . . . or at least he thought he had.
It was one wintery afternoon and Yukito was bundled up against the encroaching cold. Keroberos gathering leaves with Clow, and Yukito had come along to the orchard to pick up some leaves. He'd felt a chill, and looked up to the mansion. There, on the fourth floor, standing in a window was a very pale-faced person. Black hair obscured half of his face, and his black clothes made him seem not really there. The pale-faced ghost stared only at him, a small smile lighting his face.
Yukito remembered the pale hand that came up and waved slowly.
But what he couldn't understand was why he started to whimper, why he was suddenly frozen to the spot, why he began to tremble all over before finally shrieking horribly. The ghost scared him and scared something deep inside of him as well. Not only was he screaming, but inside his mind, he heard another voice moaning quietly, his voice filled with fear and complete dread.
The ghost in the window laughed at him, his face twisting as he laughed. Pale hands came up and pressed against the window as the ghost kept staring at him with a single, wide eye. His hair tipped back to reveal raw, red clawed marks where once resided another eye.
The next thing he knew, Keroberos and Clow landed nearby and ran over to him. Clow wrapped his arms around his trembling form; Keroberos encircled his wings around him as if it would protect him. Before gold tinged feathers obscured his sight, Yukito saw the ghost – suddenly calm – melt back into the darkness of the room.
His wide jade green eye staring at him until it too was swallowed by the haunting blackness.
Deep within the mansion, winding around the empty dusty corridors like a fine mist, the song . . . the hauntingly beautiful song of the pale ghost began anew . . .
Yukito awoke.
He heart was pounding in his chest and his cheeks were damp. He tasted salt on his lips and knew he had cried. Touya was lying dead to the world, his soft snores floating in the room. They had chosen to sleep in Yue/Yukito's room tonight, partly to keep Yue at least calm and partly because no one trusted Keroberos or Hei-ying to go the night without trying to kill each other.
He looked at the clock on their bedside table. He smiled slightly; Keroberos would have complained that it was heinously early in the morning at two thirty five. He shuffled and slipped his slippers on.
Glancing over at the window, Yuki saw pale moonlight filter through the gaps in the thick curtains. The pale milky blue of the moonlight was beautiful upon the gauzy thin net curtains drawn across the wide windows. They fluttered slightly as a slow breeze cooled the room from the open window, making the air taste a little crisper and sweeter than when they'd gone to bed. He sighed and shook his head as Yue murmured that they wouldn't be able to sleep anyway . . .
A shuffled noise from the other side of the room caught his attention.
Yukito and Yue weren't the only ones awake at such a heinous time in the morning.
"I thought you might be hungry . . . you didn't finish dinner . . ."
Hei-ying blinked and looked up at the voice of his youngest brother. Yukito smiled as he pushed the door open further, and carried the tray in. He walked over to the dresser, and placed it down. "I brought some bread as well, to go with the soup . . ."
"Aren't you afraid that I will kill you . . .?"
Yukito looked up, and stared into the mirror. The voice of his eldest brother was slightly broken, exhausted from used up emotion. Hei-ying was slouched in the chair; the pale-faced ghost from his nightmare earlier was slouched in the chair, his body hidden in the shadows of the room. The dark angel stared at him with red-rimmed eyes, his right hand's fingertips pressed against his temple. "Not really, I'm sure you'd try hard but . . ." Yukito shook his head, "Yue can defend me. He's very strong."
Hei-ying blinked, and continued to stare before answering. "I forget that you've grown up . . ." He closed his eyes and raised his knees up. He curled in his chair and for a moment looked terribly lost. "I remember breaking his finger . . . threatening to kill both you and Keroberos if either of you spoke a word of it to Master Clow . . ." He shuffled in his seat, and leant his chin on his thin knees. "I remember vividly the fear in their eyes, the power I held over them . . ." Hei-ying closed his eyes and murmured, "I have a feeling that I have very little to remember after that . . ."
Yukito turned and stared at Hei-ying for a moment. He stepped forward; "Do you feel like you want to kill me?"
Hei-ying opened his eyes, and stared at Yukito dolefully, "No . . . I feel like I want to die."
"No!" Yuki stepped forward, his hands out beseeching, his amber eyes wide open. Hei-ying jerked a little at the force behind the normally soft-spoken human form. Yukito paced forward, "Don't wish for that . . . you were alive now, make the most of it!"
Hei-ying declined to answer, content apparently to watch Yukito as he approached Hei-ying slowly. The snow rabbit frowned, "You should never wish to die. . . because if you die, there is no hope. I don't care how you feel." He turned intense golden eyes on him. Hei-ying felt his mouth dry and the faint metallic taste of vomite touch the back of his throat as he gazed into the amber depths of his younger brother's eyes. They were so bright. . . so much brighter than his own. "There is still hope. And other people hope for you, if you can't."
His elder brother breathed in once, before stretching and uncurling from the chair. He stood, and walked silently past to the dresser. Yukito sighed, and turned to watch his elder brother as the dark angel picked at the bread and dipped a small piece into the warm soup. Hei-ying chewed on it disinterestedly before murmuring, "Not too bad . . ." He sighed and turned to face Yuki. "Listen to me, Tsukishiro Yukito."
Hei-ying motioned the bed, and Yukito stared at him for a long moment, before sitting on the very end of the bed. The dark angel walked over and knelt in front of his younger brother, staring intently into his wide amber eyes.
"Consider this situation from my point of view."
Hei-ying glanced off to the window; the strong moonlight still filtering through his heavy dark green curtains. He glanced back at Yukito and continued in a soft voice wearily, "As far as I am concerned, my youngest brother has just left his incantation lesson . . . my youngest brother is about the size of a five year old human, he can barely fly straight, he consistently pronounces his own title wrong, and he . . ." Hei-ying paused and stared at Yukito intently, "He wasn't aware there was a difference between his false form and his true . . ."
"Yukito looked down, we can't help it . . ." He murmured quietly. Glancing up, Yuki stared Hei-ying in the eye. "I am no longer Yue's false form . . . I am his human form just as he is my Guardian form . . ."
"Semantics . . ." Hei-ying dismissed coldly, "The core point is that you are of two minds now, when you were of one mind when I was around . . ."
Yukito dipped his head slightly, "Perhaps to you . . . it is the difference between words . . ." He tapped his chest, "But to us, it is the difference between our souls . . ."
"This too is different, I don't remember it . . ." Hei-ying waved his hand slightly, as if to clear the air. He paused, and looked down for a moment, ". . . Perhaps I will . . ." Hei-ying fell silent for a moment, he raised an hand and stroked the dapple grey locks of his youngest brother before continuing, "As far as I am concerned, my younger brother, Keroberos, is a lanky teenaged lion who doesn't trust me as far as he can throw me . . . my creator is the Master Clow Reed, who is currently in the study, probably writing books for the future Cardcaptor about how to capture the cards, how to deal with me, the Advisor, Keroberos the guardian beast of the seal, and Yue the judgement maker . . ." Hei-ying paused and tilted his head, "I have just broken Yue's finger because of a mistake, and have forbidden Yue or Keroberos to speak of it to The Master, Clow Reed."
Yukito blinked, and nodded slightly, "I understand . . ."
"Do you?" Hei-ying shook his head, "I don't think so . . . it feels like just yesterday, but 'just yesterday' is nearly five hundred years ago . . . can you honestly say you understand me?" He stood and walked over to the dresser again, picking at the bread, "It feels like I blinked and suddenly you and Yue are nearly as tall as I, Keroberos is fatter and . . ." Hei-ying smiled sardonically and turned, his eyes held a glimmer of humour as he laughed weakly, "And where on earth did he get that ridiculous accent?!"
Yukito smiled warmly, "Osaka . . . the book was left in Osaka for a while . . ."
Hei-ying smiled a little more and raised a hand to his eyes, "I guess . . ." His voice caught in his throat for a moment, "I guess that's one thing. . . that I can be grateful for . . ."
The smile faded from Yukito's face as Hei-ying slowly began to weep.
Hei-ying shrugged and wiped quickly at his eyes, turning his back on his youngest brother. "I should be grateful that I wasn't sealed in the book or I'd have such a silly accent!" He laughed a little mirthlessly, "And I would have been trapped in that book with the fat little furball!" Yukito got up, and placed his hands on Hei-ying's shoulders. They were trembling.
"Oniichan . . ."
Hei-ying jerked out of Yukito's grasp and stepped away, "Don't touch me!" He clasped his hands over his eyes and cried out, "Don't even look at me!" The dark angel stepped away from him and pressed his back against the curtains until he stumbled. There was a loud ripping noise as Hei-ying crumpled to the floor and the curtains came down with him.
The doors fly open as Keroberos bounded in, growling loudly. "Hei-ying!" He stopped as he saw Yukito standing by the dresser and Hei-ying crumpled on the floor. Yukito's eyes were wide open and his mouth was falling open with shock. Keroberos padded over and licked Yukito's limp hand, "What's wrong, little one?"
"Oniichan . . ." Yuki breathed quietly, "Hei-ying's upset . . ."
"Hey! Keroberos!!" Ruby Moon huffed in the doorway, she walked over and raised her fist, "Can't you just leave Hei-ying alone for a night?! Can't you see he's a wreck already?!"
"What?!" Keroberos roared back at her, "I've done nothing!! I heard a noise and—"
"Hai, hai!" Spinel snapped irritably from the doorway, "You realise you are all waking up the masters!" He padded in and stood by his sister, "What's wrong with him now?"
Yukito frowned and closed his mouth. He walked over toward Hei-ying's form slowly, ignoring the hissed warnings from his brother Keroberos. "Hei-ying? Are you okay?"
Hei-ying trembled for a moment longer before it all ceased. There was commotion from the next room and from downstairs as the humans began to wake up and come up the stairs. Hei-ying stared at the carpet for a second, an idea forming in his mind. He pushed up and continued to stare at the floor.
"Hei-ying?" Yukito moved a little closer, reaching out to touch his brother's shoulder, "Hei-ying, answer me. . ."
"Kero-chan!" Sakura's voice reprimanded from the doorway, "What have you done?!"
"EH?!" Keroberos turned away from Hei-ying and protested irritably, "I've done nothing!! I just came to check on the snow rabbit!! Why me?! Why are you blaming me?!"
Sakura shook her head, "Fine then . . ." She folded her arms and shivered slightly, her hastily drawn on dressing gown providing little warmth for her, "What's going on?"
"Well, I don't know!!" Keroberos huffed, "I come in here to check on Yuki, and that thing's on the floor having—"
"Hei-ying!" Tomoyo cried out. "No!"
There was a small cry from behind him and Keroberos and the other guardians spun.
Hei-ying held a jade dagger to Yukito's throat and stared coldly at Keroberos. "Well?" He spat tiredly, "Well?!"
"I knew you couldn't be trusted!" Keroberos growled ferociously, his claws dug into the thick carpet, "I'll kill you! I'll kill you if you so much as—"
"This is such an old battle, Keroberos! I've heard that threat so many times, stuffed animal . . ." Hei-ying pressed the dagger closer to Yuki's throat, "Time to make good on it, or are you not a creation of Clow, some weak pathetic—"
"ENOUGH!!" Keroberos roared and bounded forward. Hei-ying grinned wickedly and pushed Yukito clear of the on-coming lion. Ruby ran forward and caught Yukito as the snow rabbit lost consciousness and transformed. Sakura brought out her staff and ran forward, "Hei-ying-san!! Kero-chan!! Damare!!"
Hei-ying stared only at Keroberos as the lion roared and thrust his sharp claws at him, "What's the matter, little sunbeam?!" Hei-ying taunted harshly, he raised his hand and formed his jade daggers, "Don't I scare you anymore?!"
Keroberos ducked as a jade dagger came close to hitting him, the dresser behind him exploding. Syaoran grabbed Sakura, and hauled her out of the room. Eriol did the same with Tomoyo and called over his shoulder, "Ruby, Spinel!! Bring Yue and Touya!"
The lion growled, his fur standing on end with his fury, "Hei-ying . . . I knew you would show your true face . . ." He stalked forward, as Hei-ying motioned him forward, "And now I'll kill you for good, by my own claws! Damn you, I'll kill you for good!"
"Always keep your promises, Yue" Hei-ying hissed mockingly, "Always eat your greens Yue!" The dark angel motioned Keroberos forward, his memory giving him enough to replay the battle they'd fought on the roof of the Clow mansion, "It's so nice, Yue! I'll treasure it forever!" Keroberos ran forward, and dived onto Hei-ying, he grasped Hei-ying's head in his paw, and brought it down to the floor with a great crack. "Such a pretty painting, Yue! I'll hang it on my mantelpiece." Hei-ying spat blood, and stared up at his younger brother, hissing darkly, "Isn't it nicer now it's just the two of us, Keroberos? Just like the old times? No more 'Be quiet you two, Yue's trying to nap' . . . none of that anymore . . ."
"STOP IT!!" Keroberos closed his eyes and rammed Hei-ying's head down again, "You never succeeded!! Clow stopped you from killing him!!" He raised his claws and pressed them against Hei-ying's chest, they were poised to rip the dark angel's rib cage open. "For Clow's sake, Yue was just a child!! He was just a fucking child, what did he ever do to you?! Why do you want to kill him so much?!"
"STOP!!" Yue's voice urgently sounded, as the moon angel ran in and wrapped his arms around Keroberos' neck, "Keroberos, do not continue this! Keroberos!! Please!!"
"He tried to kill you!!" Keroberos roared and opened his eyes to stare at his youngest brother desperately, "I won't let him do it!!"
"Keroberos . . ." Yue swallowed, tightening his grip, "Look at him!! Please just look at him!"
"I don't want to!" Keroberos shook his head violently, "I never wanted to see him again!"
"Kero-chan, please!!" Sakura ran into the room, closely followed by Syaoran. The little wolf held her away from the guardians as she called over to them, "Kero-chan, please look!!"
Keroberos trembled with rage and fear and resentment and impotent lust for revenge. He curled his claws, twisting the loose black material around those small but sharp claws, "Why won't you let me protect you . . .?"
Yue buried his face in Keroberos' neck and shuddered with his brother, "Please, Oniichan, please just look . . ."
The lion shook his head violently before Ruby finally snapped tiredly, "For the love of Eriol! Keroberos, you stubborn beast . . . LOOK!" She motioned Hei-ying before she sank down and wrapped herself around a shocked looking Spinel.
Keroberos finally dipped his head and opened his golden eyes; aware on some level tears had sprung there. Tears . . . that were mirrored in Hei-ying's. Hei-ying looked desperate, he trembled and looked around still pinned by Keroberos' claws. His face twisted as he began to sob angrily, he reached up with his free hand and grabbed the side of Keroberos' head. His voice broke with his desperation as he screamed into the lion's face. "I'll kill him! I will!!" He pulled at the fur painfully, shaking the lion's head as best he could, "Make good on your promise, Keroberos, for Yue's sake!!"
Keroberos' mouth fell open and he loosened his grip on Hei-ying's front.
"Keroberos, you useless stuffed animal!!" Hei-ying cursed bitterly, "I'll kill Yue if you don't do it now!" His pale fingers grasped at the soft white fur on Keroberos' front, as he tried to make the lion angry again. "Please! You damned useless creature . . . Please!"
Keroberos pulled his claws away and let them slip back into the soft folds of his paws. He continued to stare at Hei-ying, shock and horror clear on his features before they hardened, "You coward . . . You would have me kill you because you cannot face life . . ."
The dark angel's face crumpled completely. "You can't leave me like this!" He grabbed a fist of Keroberos' fur again and cried out empty threats, "I'll kill Sakura, I'll kill everyone . . . Keroberos . . ."
Eriol sighed heavily as he looked up at Touya, "It would be best if we put him to sleep again for now . . ." Touya nodded and moved forward, carefully stepping past the broken mirror and the shards of broken plates. Yue looked up at him, his breath catching as the angel valiantly tried not to break at the sight of his eldest brother. He let go of Keroberos' neck and pulled the lion away from their disturbed and broken brother. Keroberos continued to stare at Hei-ying as the dark angel lay on the floor and screamed out empty threats of desperation – and then screamed no words at all, a glassy, splintered meaningless sound of thwarted rage. Touya knelt by him and held down his shoulders. "Hei-ying!"
The angel quietened down instantly and stared at Touya with dull, tear-filled eyes. "What right did you have to make me live like this?"
"It will be okay . . ." Sakura called over, she reached out with her hand as if she was hoping he'd take it and allow her to pull him from his emotional abyss, "Please, if you'll let us help you . . . everything will be okay . . ."
Grim, and with a firm expression, Touya raised his hand, understand this, "Hei-ying . . ." he allowed some magic flow into his hand, catching Hei-ying's attention, "No one in this household is going to help you die. No one will try to kill you. And as my guardian, you cannot kill yourself . . ." He stared at the wide jade eyes, "Do you understand?"
Beautiful jade eyes slid shut for a moment before the angel nodded.
"Good . . ." Touya waved his hand over Hei-ying's face and a few seconds later all the tension ran out of the pale face as Hei-ying lost consciousness.
"I can't take him on like this . . ."
Touya sighed wearily as he and his sister watched from the doorway. Hei-ying was in his bed once more, pale face in stark contrast from his dark hair and his dark bedclothes. Eriol sighed, as he pulled off his cloak and placed it around his wife's bare shoulders, "Touya . . . Hei-ying needs time to adjust . . . he's already remembered most of his life with Clow, it's very evident that he's past the memory of his attempted murder of Yue . . ." The blue haired magician sighed and wrapped an arm around Tomoyo. "We just need to stick it out and try to help him . . ."
As the guardians tended to Hei-ying, Tomoyo glanced worriedly at the effect it was having on Sakura. Sakura stared at Hei-ying anxiously, clearly remembering the last time their paths had crossed. Only two people had cried for Hei-ying after his death, Sakura and Yue. Sakura had always felt a little guilty for a long time afterward because she'd known she could have saved Hei-ying. This knowledge weighed heavily on Sakura's mind. Her precious spell that had saved her from the Dark card, seen her through the final judgment, the test of Eriol, the adventures with the Void Card and the attack of Mystrasa Kyree, the one phrase that seemed to define Sakura's character and magic: 'Everything will be okay' had failed only once.
It had failed with Hei-ying.
It seemed that Hei-ying would always be the exception of the rule. She saw Sakura's eyes watch every movement that surrounded Hei-ying, every movement that Hei-ying evinced; every fleeting expression on the sleeping guardian's face. Tomoyo knew Sakura wasn't prepared to fail Hei-ying again even before Sakura seemed to know it herself. She smiled and leant back into Eriol's embrace as Sakura turned to her brother, determination lighting up her beautiful features.
"Oniichan."
Touya blinked as his twenty-year-old sister turned to him, determination in her eyes. "We're going to do our very best for Hei-ying, so don't give up! No-body is going to help him die, and nobody is going to give up on him! We just need to make him know that just because Clow did something wrong, doesn't mean everyone does it wrong either!"
Syaoran raised an eyebrow, "Sakura . . . it could just be that Hei-ying is a cursed creature . . . sometimes in magic that happens; some creations just aren't destined to exist . . ."
"No!" Sakura shook her head violently, "I won't accept that!" She looked at each of the humans, "I made Kero-chan promise me that he would try and help Hei-ying . . . now I want you to all promise you won't give up!"
"Sakura-chan's right . . ." Tomoyo stepped from Eriol, and wrapped her hands around Sakura's delicately, "We can't give up." She nodded; "Sakura-chan and I will take care of him until he is strong enough mentally and physically to face you three."
Eriol blinked, "Pardon me?"
Tomoyo smiled, "You clearly don't think of him as anything more than a cursed being, even though you are prepared to help him. Therefore would it not be a better idea to leave him with us, Sakura-chan and I, and with the guardians while you three, with the links that you have with Clow Reed and the Li Clan, begin the search again for Clow-sama's missing skull?"
Syaoran blinked for a moment while Touya nodded slowly, "I understand . . ." He looked to the others, "With our links to Clow Reed, we are perhaps expecting too much of Hei-ying . . ." He glanced at Tomoyo, "Isn't that what you mean?"
Tomoyo smiled knowingly. "Perhaps. I think because Kinomoto-san looks so much like Clow-sama, and Li-kun is Clow-sama's descendant, and Eriol-kun was Clow-sama's reincarnation for a time . . . Hei-ying is being forced to see his creator in every direction he looks, a creator he misses dearly . . ."
"My wife . . ." Eriol smiled resignedly, "Are you sure you don't have any connection with Clow Reed . . . Because sometimes you know too much and tell too little for your own good." He stepped forward and kissed her temple gently before addressing Sakura, "Very well . . . Touya will tell Hei-ying in the morning that he is to attend yourself and my wife . . ."
Sakura nodded, "We'll take care of him until he remembers everything clearly . . ." She smiled, "Yosh! Let's tell Yue-kun!"
"I heard everything."
"HOEEEEE!!!"
Sakura jumped as Yue delivered his deadpan reply, he shook his head and tutted quietly. "Sakura-san . . ." He sighed, "You still haven't gotten used to me yet?"
Sakura clutched at her chest, "Demo~!!" She groaned, "You sneak up on me so suddenly!"
"Keroberos . . ."
A few hours later, everyone was retiring again. The morning was approaching but everyone agreed they'd need to sleep in late. With everyone else finally in bed, Keroberos was the last to retire. The lion paused in the doorway of his bedroom and turned. Yue looked at him for a long moment before following his elder brother in. Keroberos sighed and jumped onto his bed, making room for Yue as the moon angel followed him. "I wanted to thank you . . ."
"Don't." Keroberos sighed sharply as he padded around in circles on his large bed, "I did nothing . . ." he flicked his tail irritably before dispersing with his wings, "Hei-ying is very disturbed at this moment . . . his life is a living hell." Kero slumped down in a heap ungraciously; "You could thank me if I did it because I didn't want to hurt him . . ."
Crawling onto the large bed and patting down the covers, Yue tilted his head inquisitively before lying down beside his brother and staring into the fuzzy features.
Kero huffed before he continued, "No. . . I didn't do it because I didn't want to hurt him . . ." The lion shifted so he could look into his younger brother's eyes, "I did it because it hurts him more to live without Clow and to know the things that he did . . . this is far worse than any death."
His younger brother stared at him for a moment longer, "If you think I believe that, Keroberos . . . you must take me for a fool." Yue closed his eyes and folded his arms under his chin contemplatively, "I know you, Keroberos . . . you couldn't do that to someone, even if you tried . . ."
"What's to say I'm not trying now?"
"Because Keroberos . . . I saw your face when you realised what he was trying to do . . ." Yue smiled slightly and raised his hand to pull off Keroberos' heavy helmet. "Oniichan, people think I am cold because I act so . . . they cannot see my real emotions because I do not wish them to . . ." He nodded to himself and closed his eyes, shuffling closer to his brother, "What they don't realise is that you do the same, only with a smiling face and bright humour . . ." Yue opened an eye and watched Kero out of the corner of his eye, "I saw you, Keroberos, I saw you look at him with worry . . ."
"Fine then. Perhaps for a moment, half a moment . . ." Keroberos huffed quietly and got up again restlessly. He grasped the ties in Yue's hair tightly and pulled at them, "Maybe I worried a tiny, tiny bit for him . . ." Keroberos carefully dumped the ties into Yue's waiting outstretched hand, "But worrying for a mad creature is not the same as caring for it . . . Hei-ying . . . well, He's not sane, he never has been sane . . ."
Neither noticed the pale ghost in the doorway, pale hands grasping at the frame tightly. Hair, matted now from the sweat and tears trailed over this ghost's pale features. A snarl curled at his lip, old fury building at these two creatures that had taken his place in Clow's heart. These two imperfect creations which dared to discuss him now. His eyes narrowed angrily.
"But Keroberos . . . maybe now we can—"
The pale ghost's anger bled away. He was too weak to carry out any threat. He hated them both for their strength; he could see it when he stared at them impotently. He was a mess, his hair was matted, disgusting. His place in this world was meaningless, his new master was uncertain as to whether he could handle his existence. Compared to these two, the pale ghost was just that . . . he was a ghost of the past, useless, excessive to everyone's needs.
"The best we can do for him is care for him until . . ." The lion trailed off, and pulled at the next hair tie, "until he can tell us how he came to be here . . ."
Sorrowful jade eyes watched them longingly; a pale forehead touched the dark wood of the doorframe. The pale ghost swallowed and stepped back, trying not draw attention to himself. He wanted to fade away, not willing to recover the rest of his memories. Already, he was too disgusted with himself . . . wasn't it bad enough that he could recall his most disgusting lapse in control?
Keroberos hummed quietly as he tugged the blanket up higher, Yue was already dozing. His now loose white hair spilt around his slim body like moonlight-made-silk.
The pale ghost turned from the doorway, refusing to take the chance that his youngest brothers would see him in this sorry state. He would return to his room and would try to figure out a way he could fade away, remove himself from this existence without disobeying his new master. He tried to levitate away so not to cause the floorboards to creak. He was too weak and stumbled out of the air. He paused, shaking his head. He was no longer perfect . . . no longer a creation of Clow Reed. Clow's rejection had seen to that, his memories of Clow's pure, deep, burning love, the ten years they were alone together clashed hard against the knowledge that Clow had rejected him. The pale ghost had to ask his heart, really for the first time, if Clow had ever really, truly loved him as much as the pale ghost had thought.
"Hei-ying . . ."
The dark angel paused in the corridor and turned at the sound of his brother's voice. Keroberos stared at him for a very long moment before he padded fully out into the corridor and sat. He breathed in slowly and breathed out again before he started to speak again. "For Sakura-chan, I promised to try and help you . . . for my little one, I promise to try and accept you . . ." he sighed and looked back into his room, "for you . . . I promise to *try* . . ."
The pale ghost swallowed, trying to compose himself. He nodded and turned away again.
"Hei-ying!"
The taller boy turned and looked at him. Keroberos sighed, as Ruby's door opened and the butterfly winged girl stuck her head out, "Nani~?" She groaned, "It's *still* so early!"
Keroberos ignored her and stared at his older brother, "Don't make me regret this, Hei-ying."
Hei-ying tilted his head and turned away again.
Ruby blinked and yawned widely, looking at Spinel's door as the small form of her brother floated out. The midnight blue cat hovered over to her and sat on her shoulder, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He eyed her rollers and shook his head before looking at the intense confrontation between the two brothers. Keroberos stared at Hei-ying, his older brother, who'd always inspired so much fear in him . . . the cool, composed, icy angel of his childhood was gone. Hei-ying was a wreck, his body may have been restored but his mental state was barely holding on. Keroberos' brow drew together as his heart asked very quietly, if he wanted to turn Hei-ying away like this again . . . he got up and started to pad into his room again, pausing again to look at Hei-ying. Kero realised he had a chance, a very real chance to do something Hei-ying had never done. The lion looked down at his front paws; he had a real chance to change things between them. He looked at Hei-ying; the angel was receding back into the shadows of the corridor, falling further and further out of reach. Keroberos sucked in his bottom lip and turned away from his room, stepping after Hei-ying. Ruby and Spinel watched the two silently.
Keroberos glanced back into his room before stepping forward again, "Hey . . . look, Hei-ying . . .?"
Once again the angel stopped but this time didn't turn.
Staring at his front paws, Keroberos sighed sharply, "You look cold . . . if we combine all our magicks then my room will be much warmer than yours, with Yue and these two in it . . ." He huffed and stalked back into the room, his long tail flicking sharply as it trailed after him, "You might as well stay over . . ."
Ruby squealed as she bounced up and clapped her hands, "Guardian slumber party!!"
Spinel rolled his eyes and landed on Keroberos' back, "Is it such a wise idea to allow Ruby near your things?"
Hei-ying stared at the three others for a moment longer before walking back to his younger brother's room. He stood in the doorway and hesitated. It occurred to him that never before had he ever been invited into Keroberos' room, he'd always stood outside or forced his way in. His younger brother had never offered . . . it unnerved him and he wasn't quite sure how sincere the lion was. Yue was curled up on the bed, his hair loose and curling around him. He snored quietly. Hei-ying blinked as he thought he saw a small smile flit over Yue's lips as the large lion approached the bed, was Yue awake? Did he hear? Hei-ying stared at him closely but Yue's features were gently composed in sleep, seemingly ignorant as Keroberos bounced lightly onto the bed and Spinel transformed into his full form. Behind him Ruby Moon rushed out of her room, carrying a blanket and extra pillows. She rushed into Hei-ying's back and pushed him in. The star guardian stumbled slightly, emotional exhaustion finally taking its toll on his coordination.
"Come on! Come on!!" She squealed again, dumping her load onto Yue's sleeping form, "This is going to be so much fun!!"
Hei-ying raised an eyebrow as she proceeded to bounce on the bed, waking Yue up. The moon guardian growled and grabbed her arm, "Ruby! I was sleeping!!"
"Datte~!!" Ruby cried out cheerfully, "It's a guardian slumber party!! You're not supposed to sleep!!"
Yue rolled his eyes and blinked as he noticed Hei-ying standing awkwardly by the doorway. "Hei-ying . . . Oniichan?"
"Ruby!!" Spinel snapped as he padded around the top of the bed, clearly deciding that he would hog the pillows. He glared at his sister as he finally lay down, "Come here, and go to sleep!"
Yue continued to stare at him with shock as Hei-ying nodded and pulled his long ponytail over his shoulder to undo the straps. He smiled slightly as he perched on the edge of the bed, "Keroberos invited me . . ." He murmured demurely, "I was feeling a little cold, he thought it might help to be . . ." Hei-ying swallowed and tried to smile, it came off half suspicious and more than a little wan. He shrugged a little and continued to loosen his robes, ". . . to be with my family . . ."
Yue's mouth twitched into a slight smile as Keroberos finally pounced on Ruby, roaring loudly as he pulled at the large plastic rollers in her hair. Ruby squealed painfully loud and kicked out, managing to just miss Yue's head. Spinel rolled his eyes and picked up a pillow, he threw it at the tussling pair and growled darkly, "I want to sleep now!!"
Finally ready for bed, Hei-ying sighed quietly and lay beside Yue. He stared at him for a long moment before murmuring with an amused, sardonic twist to his voice, "Is it always so noisy?" He raised an eyebrow, "Or is everyone just really excited to have a serial murderer in their bed . . .?"
Yue blinked with surprise at his brother's dark sense of humour but gave him a small reassuring look, "You'll get used to Ruby after a whil—"
"WHHEEE!!" Ruby squealed loudly as she broke free of Keroberos and jumped to sit on Yue's back as if expecting a pony ride, "Yue-chan-chan!! You like me!!"
Yue muttered something that sounded suspiously like, "A *long* while . . ."
Giggling, Ruby leant over and squeezed his neck tightly before turning to her brother, "Suppi-chan-chan!! Did you hear that? Yue-chan-chan said he loves me!!"
Hei-ying's jade eyes widened with surprise, and a small chuckle escaped his throat as he took in the lightning change of Yue's composed and inscrutable moon guardian face, to that of infuriated youngest brother. Backing off slightly to give him enough room, Hei-ying watched him spun and pin Ruby down to the bed and yelled into her giggling features irately, "Stop calling me Yue-chan-chan!!"
-----
And Now It's Time To LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!
DrM:[starry eyed] I love the readers!! I love the readers!! I love the readers!! [coughs] Ahem, and now . . . Due to demand, never say I don't make a point of respecting the readers' request . . . Kero-chan-chan and Hei-ying-chan-chan will now translate their German conversation from the last chapter . . . [winks] I usually dislike translating most of the time as it takes away from the effect because other characters don't understand them, and because most of the time it's constructed from dictionaries, on-line translation machines and my own half-arsed understanding of grammar . . . [coughs] Anyway . . . Kero, Hei-ying. . .
Kero: [sighs] Okay, okay . . . [picks up script and reads] Eh? What is wrong, my shit older brother?
Hei-ying: [adjusts reading glasses] You are a fat house cat! I pity you, you are very ugly/hateful! [glances at DrM with pained expression as she can't remember which, continues] Damned stuffed playtoy!
Kero: [coughs, sips drink] What?! You shitty demon!! [Nods] I have nothing but hate for you! [Raises eyebrow] I am finished with you--- [DrM holds up card reading, 'More Literally:~'] With you, I am finished!
Hei-ying: [smirks and shrugs] I don't give a damn! I have nothing but hate for you as well! [Motions Yue in the corner] And your little Moonbeam! He is the thorn in my eye!
Sakura: [chuckles] isn't the saying meant to be 'Thorn in my SIDE'?
DrM: [frowns] yeah, but I think there was something screwy with the translation dictionary I have on my comp . . . [motions Hei-ying and Kero] please continue, guys!
Kero: [clears throat] He is beyond help. . .
Hei-ying: [tips glasses slightly] She has not understood us . . . we will speak in Japanese . . . [tilts head] in order (with you)?
DrM: [whispers] Sorta more like 'OK' or a harsh 'Alright?'
Kero: [nods] When you have no objections . . .
Hei-ying: [nods] Then that is good.
DrM: [bows] and that is what transpired during the last German conversation . . . from now on, unless I make special exception or I feel that the general sense can not be read from the words, I will not be translating . . . it just spoils the confusion . . . [grins] not to mention takes up valuable space in the author's notes! Please R&R!! [whispers] you were good, guys. . . keep up the good work!
Kero: [shakes head and sighs] Du gehst mir auf die Nerven.
Hei-ying: [folds arms and peers over glasses] Du hast viel auf dem Kerbholz, Frau Doktor Groessenwahn!
DrM: Doktor Groessenwahn?! [eye twitch] That's my name in German?! Wow! [grins] anyway, one last important thing for you to know is. . . This was supposed to be last week's update because it was my beloved betareader's birthday on the Friday!!! [claps] Yay!! So . . . with out further ado! [pulls at curtain revealing whole Find Redemption cast] Everyone, one. . . two. . . THREE!!
All: [sings] HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR BLUEGOOOOOOOOOO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!! [claps] YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!
Blue: *clasps hands to ears again* aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!! *weaves slowly upright again and winces painfully* You'd think I would've been expecting that. . . but no. . .