Disclaimer: Obviously, not mine.
Notes: Editing completed on 05/06/07.

Chapter Two: Porcelain Skin and Stains of Guilt

I let my body crash onto my bed as it groans from the sudden weight. I knew Barett now hated me for saying Maz's name. He watched over the shift I was in and now my body ached everywhere. That jerk made me shovel triple the amount of coal today. I moan as I try to move my head towards the side. White walls in front; I stare at the brick surface and sigh.

Is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life?

It's almost dinnertime. Trying to ease my pain I spread my limbs in an attempt to stretch. My hands glide under the pillow and I feel a familiar cool object. A grin spreads across my face as I pull out the necklace from under the white pillow.

"Why hello." I say cheerfully. Why is it that this necklace always makes me feel better?

I sit up slowly and slip it over my head letting it drop against my chest; it shines at me proudly. Suddenly I feel happier and decide to take a shower. Gathering my things I figure I have a half-hour before dinner.

I reach under my dresser and pull out a basket of shower things: a towel, shampoo, wash cloth, and soap. A soft creak and I pull open a drawer to retrieve clean clothes. Selphie peeks her head through the doorway and smiles.

"You coming to dinner?" she asks brightly, her head cocked to the side.

"Yeah, I'm going to take a quick shower though." I pass by her and she cringes.

"Did they push you today?"

I freeze. "Sorta…" I guess she could tell I was aching all over.

Selphie smiles, "I'm sorry. You okay?" her eyes full of concern.

"Don't worry about me Selphie, isn't that my job for you?" I ruffle her hair as she scowls in protest. "I'll be back soon." I call back while I make my way to the showers.

"Hurry back!" she calls from behind, "Wakka gave me a heads up that we're actually eating something good for dinner!"

I chuckle. "And what would that be?" I shout over my shoulder.

"I heard it's not just Phoose!"

A full smile forms onto my face and I shake my head, brown spikes of hair waving gently. I make my way to the showers quietly. When I reach the door I peek my head through and note no ones there.

Good.

I find that taking a shower in a public stall is always best when you're alone. It's kind of uneasy having your scars on your back exposed when you're trying to shower peacefully. I turn on the water to one of the showerheads and wait for it to heat up.

I remove my clothing and feel daring… maybe I'll leave on my necklace. Somehow it's telling me not to leave it. I shrug.

The warm water hits my back and I feel like I'm in heaven. It soothes my sore muscles as they sing to me melodies of thank you's. Lathering up the soap bar I inhale the clean scent and wash my body. After rinsing, I find myself lost, floating endlessly on cloud nine when I pour shampoo in my hair and begin to massage my scalp. Looking down at the floor, I watch all the dirt go down the drain… if only I could as well.

CREAK

I halt when I hear the door open. Damnit! I wanted to be the only one in here! But then I quickly change my mind instead, I wish I was dead

Riku walks in the door.

He blinks when he sees me and I feel my face go red. I turn the other way to hide my pink face when I feel him grow near me. He casually walks to the shower next to mine and turns on the water.

Oh shit… I can feel the flooding emotions as he just quietly undresses himself. A faint memory comes back when the last time I saw him. It was the day after we all arrived here. I remember how scared everyone was. All of those cries, the fear, the pain… all of it. Then the sight of seeing Riku walk by me, cold and untouched. He looked as if he was oblivious to the fact that everyone was taken by their will. Oblivious that people were being beaten into a bloody pulp to stop the whining.

Oblivious to me.

I tried to run to him, I screamed but soon found myself gagged before I could even utter his name aloud. It was hell. It still is.

I didn't find out till I was thrown into my room and saw Selphie. I ran up to her, asking her what's wrong. But why? Why hadn't I said her name in all those questions? As I think back to that day, as much as I remembered Destiny Islands, though not fully, why didn't I say her name? It could have sparked up a brief memory or anything.

Instead I stared in complete shock at her while she backed up against the wall and screamed for someone to help her, thinking I was going to hurt her. Then, she was pulled away. It wasn't until days later she came back and I realized, no one… no one remembered.

But why me?

I was so absorbed in thought I didn't notice that Riku was coming over towards my way. My face turns a deep scarlet.

But why worry?

A sudden tinge of pain grips my heart when reality slaps me across the face. He doesn't even know me. Or, he doesn't really remember me. He's flushed.

Someday I'll get fully used to the fact all my friends are no longer with me. That these people I met are never going to be the same. That I will never again get to laugh about old times and how many ways to have fun with those… damn, see?! What are those fucking things called?! Coconuts. Instead I will have to suck it in and deal with what, oh so horrible, destiny I was given. In the mean time, I need to get over Riku. I need to let go of hope and realize… I can't go back in time and change the past. No matter how much my mind wants it and no matter how much my heart wills it 1.

I suck in a deep breath and continue to rinse my hair, the final suds coming out. I need to regain control of myself, continue with what I was here for in the first place. To just shower and be done with. I reach down to change the water temperature to cold. This thinking is making me flustered. Placing my hands on the faucet, I then comprehend the fact that…

Oh shit.

My back!

He can see my back! All the scars on my back!

I quickly try to cover my hands with my back and he turns to face me, now completely naked.

I swear the water just turned to sweltering hot.

I gasp as he looks at me, not amused. Why does this have to happen to me? Why does all this shit have to happen to me?! And why now?! I can't handle this emotional roller coaster right now! I can't handle him seeing me like this for the second time since that day! I'm trying to forget about you Riku! Not have emotions flood my already filled to capacity brain!I should run out. I need to get away like, now. Maybe I can just sink down into the drain. Oh Gods, help.

Riku clears his throat, "You're pretty brave aren't you?" the water cascades down his body like diamonds and I feel my eyes stare at his milky flesh. No, not now!

The scene and situation isn't helping much either as a haze of steam starts to form. We're in a shower… naked. This isn't good. Even being an emotional wreck, I can't seem to stop my state of lust I always had for him. It's gnawing at my insides, calling forth it's army of raging hormones to break down my concentration to take him now on the tiled floor. I feel my heart speed up and butterflies in my stomach.

I gape at him like a dying fish, why can't I say anything? I curse at myself for being this dumb to not do anything and look away.

A soft chuckle and I feel a hand come up and grasp my chin, turning me to face him. I blush from the contact and feel myself grow hotter. My heart pace quickens almost painfully.

I meet those familiar fierce green eyes and feel myself fall in love all over again. That eagerness to have him for lust begins to fade as that love comes back and takes me away. Just one look at Riku… just that one glance from him makes me weak in the knees. Even back in Destiny Islands I fought so hard to keep from reaching out and just touching his face. Just to reach out and brush away those silver locks of hair that would always stray across his face. Or caress that smooth porcelain skin, so fair... it never burned or tanned.

He smiles and laughs a second time, hand still on my face, "You know you still didn't answer my… question." Riku lets the last word fall out slowly. What are you doing? Are you trying to sound and act over intimidating like how you used to? Or are you just trying to drive me crazy?

He trails a hand down my chest, leaving a fiery path behind.

My mouth dropped open as his hand trailed lower, agonizingly slow. My whole body felt on fire while that bare hand continued to sink lower. I could feel my breath come out ragged, my heart race, and my eyes flutter close. Gods, do you remember Riku? Do you remember us? How we were? How happy we were together back home? Home Riku… home.

He grinned. "I said to you, 'you're feeling pretty brave aren't you?'" his hand stopped and he held out the crown pendant around my neck.

I felt my eyes snap open in fear, shit…

A sly smile spreads across his lips and his eyes light up in delight. "From what I hear, you're not supposed to wear jewelry. Ever."

Oh fuck!

Why did I have to feel daring? I backed away from him and opened my mouth to say something but his hand shot up and covered it. Why had I been so fucking blind?!

"Shh, you're not supposed to talk to someone above you right? Don't want to get into more trouble than you already are, eh?" His eyes skim my body.

Riku reached down and grabbed my wrist. He flipped it over and sighed.

"Sora."

I gasp and back away. Riku?

I open my mouth to ask if he remembers me but once again I am cut off.

"Sora, number 03043" he says blankly. "You should go Sora, number 03043 Squad D, room 803, you don't want to get in trouble now." his eyes light up and he winks at me.

Backing away I turn to gather my things abruptly. I slip on my pants and shirt as fast as I can with my trembling hands before turning to go. It's rather hard since their shaking so much they feel like they're about to fall off and shuffle away.

I back out of shower hesitantly catching the number on his wrist quickly, 30691. I memorize.

"We'll be meeting again."

I turn and walk out of the shower room completely wet and stunned. What just happened?

I decide to skip dinner. I don't feel hungry anymore.

I run back to my room making sure no one sees me and close the door behind me. It all doesn't add up in my head. The look he gave me. The tension in the air. But… how he read my numbers, looking totally blank. Like a human puppet or something. That's what catches me off most of all. How did he say my information like that? Like one of scanners for the food lines. Is he like that? And if he can read mine like that… what if he knows everyone else's information?

I don't really care that I'm soaking wet and now will have to pay tonight for sleeping in wet pajamas. The bed hits my face and I know that any minute now I'm going to cry from so many questions surging through my mind. I'm so confused and out of state that I just can't seem to register any thoughts that could save me before screaming and tearing at the sheets. But I don't understand. Why am I the only one who remembers? I don't understand any of it except… wait, what was his number again?

I cover my face with my shaky hands, recalling those 5 numbers.

30691

I feel my heart stop as I realized his number. He's in Squad A. If someone's number starts with a three, you're in A, two is B and so on… I'm in D… the lowest, a zero.

But…

Blood rushes straight to my head. I bolt straight up from my bed and gasp.

Wait, why was he in a Squad D shower?!

After getting a verbal beating for not showing up at dinner from Selphie, I felt like I would explode any minute now. Despite having a particularly small breakfast and an even smaller lunch, I'm surprised that I, Sora the living garbage disposal, wasn't hungry at all.

But for good reasons.

I lie awake in my bed late at night, staring at the ceiling. I found myself thinking over the little shower scene that I shared with Riku earlier and can't help but feel entirely drained both emotionally and physically.

I wish I could just go somewhere and scream. This was frustrating as hell. I just need a place where I can unhinge my jaw and let out the loudest scream ever. Not here of course, Gods, definitely not here.

Even though I'm emotionally disturbed, I feel shitty sexually as well. I can't help but think back to Riku and his gorgeous self. How great he looked back then when he would go fishing with no shirt and a spear in hand. How the water rolled down his back as if his skin repelled such an element. Damn, why on earth was I "blessed" with such a vivid memory of those times? Now is not the time to relate back on those Riku fantasies I had back there in the shower or even home. Home. Home.

This is awful. There is just no way for me to relax is there?

So now, I'll just lie in bed till I think of something, anything to relieve the frustration in me! I'll never be able to just be happy even for just a second here! Nev—

Wait. Wait a second.

A sly smile spread across my face as I found an idea.

I realized that I could let out my sexual frustration…

Maybe not my emotional rage or anything.

Quietly I sat up from my bed and crept down the hall. I felt for the walls as it ended and turned. I let my sight go and found that if I felt my way around I could easily find the bathroom. I smiled to myself coming to conclusion; this would be the first time I have ever masturbated in the bathroom. I usually would in my room, and clean up the mess with a towel that'd I would then throw in the laundry bin. Throwing away the evidence. I'm sure the laundry girls would have a surprise.

I smack myself for thinking that.

What the hell has gotten into me all of a sudden? Whenever Riku comes into my head, he just erases all those previous complications… only to add more lust, desire and love problems in my head!

Besides, doing this in the place where Riku was sounds kind of… daring.

I scoff to myself as I open the door. What is it with me feeling daring lately?

I look inside the beige bathroom and find it hot from the locked in heat. I fan myself as I walk in and can smell the different kinds of soaps. Maybe if I concentrate hard enough I could pick out what Riku was wearing earlier. He always seems to smell the same. Like vanilla, sweat, and Riku.

Without waiting longer I find a spot and stand in front of a mirror, my back against the bathroom stall stand. Why on earth would someone put a mirror in front of a bathroom stall? I don't think about it anymore as my reflection stares back, wild brown hair, deep blue innocent eyes, and a tanned body. I remove of my black sleeveless shirt aware of how it has gotten hotter. I bring a hand slowly to my lips and sigh imagining it was Riku's. I let that hand trail down while mentally picturing his strong-gloved hand roaming my body. My eyes close, feeling the heat coming from myself as I gasp when I brush a finger over a hard nipple. I let my head drop back against the stall as I play with the hard nub, letting myself feel the fiery burn I give to me as Riku gave me earlier.

Riku… It's unbelievable of how much you make me feel. Whether it be love or lust at the moment, you make everything so… thrilling.

Unable to take it anymore I sit on the ground and lean back onto one hand feeling the cool stall behind me. I slid my gray sweat pants off as my erection pops out free from its restriction. I move my hand back up to my chest and let it roam over myself, scratching and kneading my tan skin; no doubt, red marks with appear within seconds.

My cheeks redden at the thought. Some part of me should feel that this is way too embarrassing and I should just tuck myself away and wallow in my pity back in my room. But then there's the other side of me, the one that makes me feel free at times and lets me be who I want to be. The one who let's me drop all previous thoughts and bathe in total peace at times. To relax and take things as they come, carefree. Unaware at how bad the situation may be or how it's going to turn out. If I'll do the right thing or the wrong. Kind of like when I stuck up for Selphie and everyone. I knew I shouldn't. I knew I'd get in so much trouble. But I did the right thing. I didn't know what was going to happen though.

The other half of me begged me to leave, begged me to go back. To forget about the situation knowing how much trouble I'd get in if I would interfere. But again, I did the right thing. At least that's how I felt about it.

My hand snakes down to my stomach. I play with the few hairs above my arousal. I quickly forget about my last thought as that devilish side of me, the everyone has in them, encourages me to go on. Suddenly I can almost see Riku hovering above me, feeling me everywhere while he whispers unimaginable things in my ear of what he's going to do to me.

I ease my hand lower and stroke myself, trying hard to not scream at the instant contact. I haven't touched myself in such a long time and the relapse of time makes it all the better. It's pretty amazing what one touch can do to me. I already can feel my orgasm build up inside, climbing up from it's long dormancy. I gasp when I pick up the speed, I won't dare to go faster than this, I have to prolong these sensations. My eyes flutter shut from the pleasure I give myself, though I rather it be someone else's hand. Namely Riku's. I can hear my erratic breathing and almost cry aloud in both surprise and awaiting pleasure when I find that my other hand is going towards somewhere else subconsciously.

Riku… you have no idea how much I crave you.

I chew on my lip to keep me from shouting his name as I slid a finger down to rub at the puckered entrance. By will I feel myself relax and I shove it deep inside myself. A sharp pain shoots up from my bottom and spreads throughout my body, the pain is easy to ignore but my frustration eats at me saying it should be something other than my fingers. You, Riku should be inside me. Not my single digit, but your cock should be buried inside me.

I roll my eyes as I pump that finger in and out in time with my other hand. I feel my orgasm begin to rise while I stroke myself harder.

I don't even think as I add another finger and grit my teeth trying not to cry aloud and gasp Riku's name. I can feel my insides working hard, clamping down on the foreign objects trying to adjust to them. I won't let them adjust; I add another finger and almost die. I let both, my most intimate part of my body and my fingers thrust in and out of those familiar tunnels of heat. Oh Gods, a little more…

Colorful stars seem to explode in front my eyes when I hit that spot that always makes me cry but I dare not scream. I can't. My breath hitches and I almost pass out when I come so hard. I can picture Riku lowering his head and swallowing all of me, watch as that ivory fluid shoots into his warm mouth instead of on my stomach. I bring a trembling hand to my stomach and dip my fingers into the small white puddle. A creamy drop rolls down my fingers as I slowly draw the honey covered digits to my mouth. They slid in and a small moan escapes from me.

Riku…

After a minute I regain my state of mind and withdraw my fingers from myself. I get up wearily and pull up my pants. The good news, I didn't come on my pants or on the floor… only on me. Reaching down, I slip on my shirt and head over to clean up.

I turn on the water and grab a few paper towels and clean myself off. I look into the mirror and stare into my eyes.

What did I just do?

A small clink breaks my frame of mind as I look down at the silver crown where it hit against the sink. I wash my hands and stomach and grab some towels to dry off, the crown swinging happily in front of me.

Riku…

I reach down and kiss the crown. So daring.

Quietly I walk out of the bathroom, down the hall and into my room. My mouth opens wide and I yawn.

I silently shake my head and smile.

I love you so much.