Welcome back! This monstrosity is too long for one chapter, according to ff.net, so we're gonna break it into a couple parts. Same disclaimers apply.

The two agents had portaled just inside of the nameless town's limits. said Mimarhan. I guess my aim is a little off. I wanted to take us directly to the inn. Yare, yare, can't do much about it. Laih, we're gonna walk.

Lookit, Mimarhan! We're so... animated! We've got black lines around us and everything! said Laih excitedly.

Yeah, cool. My trollish pecs are huge. Look, I can wiggle them! Hee hee, this is fun! Hey, why do trolls only wear loincloths? What is up with that? How can I wear my swordbelt with this huge waist?

Actually, Mi-chan, your waist is disproportionate to the rest of your body. We've both got barrel chests and tiny waists and kind of stubby legs. No one said trolls were the prettiest! Laih replied cheerfully, admiring her new long clawlike nails. Besides, trolls have healing powers. We can't die!

I know; we have to look like something that could conceivably kill something else in the canon. Bandits rarely wander into towns, but trolls are known to do so Hey, wait a minute... Mi-chan? Mimarhan replied, less than excited by her new nickname.

Well, Mimarhan is kind of long.

... Whatever. Let's go. I don't want to be here longer than possible.

Mi-chan? Are the edges of the town supposed to be flickering like that? It's making me kind of sick. Laih asked. Mimarhan glanced at the town limits. Sure enough, they were not definite, but growing and shrinking almost too quickly for the eye to follow.

I guess the author didn't say how big the town was. Ew, your right. It's making me sick too. It's almost seizure inducing! Mimarhan said, turing away from the blinking buildings. As the two walked closer to the inn, Mimarhan began to arm herself. She pulled out a swordbelt and a small dirk from her black duffel bag, donned them, and strapped a large club to her back.

Clubs are crude, but they get the job done. I think that's enough for now, don't you? Laih nodded in response, not really paying attention.

As they walked, Laih noticed a crowd gathering. Hey, Mi-chan, is this where we're supposed to be?

According to the Words, yes. Let's go watch behind that tree. That way, there's less of a chance of people seeing us.

The two agents settled in a dark, concealed area close to the Sue's window and watched as the Words began.

The statuesque blonde sat part way out the inn's window, seemingly looking at nothing, thinking of nothing. Just enjoying the cool night breeze after a long hot day. Moonlight played on golden hair, which cascaded down a sculpted back, covered only by a loose fitting shirt. Blues eyes sparkled like the stars in the night sky, reflecting the light from the lanterns that lined the street.

The agents watched as the moonlight engaged in a vicious game of rugby on the golden hair. Laih wondered why the girl wasn't screaming out in pain after a particularly nasty flying tackle. Having something land that hard into one's scalp had to hurt.

Ano, Mi-chan? Is that the Sue? She's not moving.

I suppose that's what happens when you describe something as statuesque'. She's rather vacant. The author is writing sentence fragments, ooh I hate those! It's something for the charge list, Mimarhan said, delicately holding a pencil between her claws and writing down the charge on a dot HACKsign notepad.

Here's something else! You can't see how sculpted someone's back is if he or she is wearing a loose fitting shirt. All my comfy clothes cover me right up! Laih said, happily thinking about all of her worn and faded apparel. Unless, of course, the shirt is see-through, she added as an afterthought.

The agents stared as the shirt on the statuesque Sue suddenly became transparent. Laih! Why did you have to say that? Ugh! I don't want to see her naked! Gross! Mimarhan exclaimed in revulsion.

Well, technically, she is wearing a shirt! Laih pointed out cheerfully.

How can you be so blithe about this? Why aren't you scarred for life? Oh, this is definitely something for the charge list. Man, I am so glad that Teena and Wyldehorse gave us that Bleeprin. I need a lot of it to erase that mental image. Wonder if the store in HQ has Brain Bleach? Mimarhan wondered aloud. Oh, by the by, do you want first kill?

Since there are two of them, we can each charge one and kill one! Laih replied happily.

You're kind of scary. No one should be that happy when talking about assassinations, Mimarhan said, looking askance at her partner.

Shh! A bit OC is coming! Laih shushed.

"A goddess," Shaymann breathed. This was the second night in a row he had stood outside the small inn. He had caught his first glimpse of her merely by chance while making deliveries for the local grocer the day before.

In a small town, there aren't grocers. Most people grow their own food. There's a small market to trade and buy goods, but not really a grocer. And not one who would deliver, Mimarhan pointed out.

But Mi-chan, the author didn't say whether it's a small town or a large town, Laih replied. She looked puzzled. Are we sure that's the Sue? Something seems off to me.

Oh, well there's an informed opinion.

That's not very nice, Mi-chan. Remember, in training we had to rely on instinct! So that's what we have to do here! Laih said primly. One box of pocky says that's not the Sue.

You're on, Mimarhan replied, eager for free pocky.

She was doing much the same thing she was doing now, sitting in the window and looking surreal.

The two agents watched in amazement as the supposed Sue transformed into something out of a Salvador Dali painting.

Wow. I didn't know your skin could be so liquidy! Laih breathed in amazement. I just adore Dali! His stuff is so great!

It looks like her bones just disappeared! Trippy, Mimarhan added. Something else for the charge list.

He spent the money he had earned that day on a bouquet of wild flowers, which he now held in nervous hands.

 Both agents burst out laughing. Oh, man, what a moron! What kind of idiot buys wildflowers? Especially since Slayers is set in a medieval-esque era. Lots of fields and forests everywhere! And all towns and cities are next to very underdeveloped areas, Mimarhan said between gasps for air.

Yep! All you have to do is go pick your own! But I guess there are people who spend their hard earned money on something they could go make or get for free. How silly! The flowers are rather sad-looking, aren't they? All droopy and limp, Laih remarked.

I guess it's cause most wildflowers look like weeds, Mimarhan replied.

I wonder if I can cheer them up? Laih wondered.

No. They're just flowers. The author didn't personify them in any way. Don't be ridiculous, Mimarhan chided.

It was now or never.
There was no way of knowing when she would leave town and thereby leave him forever; no one stayed at an inn for very long. He pushed his way through a small group of young men who had also stopped to gaze at the vision of alabaster and gold.

Now she's a real statue! Laih noted. So it doesn't matter that she's wearing a see-through shirt. Michaelangelo's David was nude, too! But, artistically speaking, statues made of stone aren't usually gilt. It looks funny. Besides, most classical sculptors working in a medium such as alabaster wouldn't want the piece to be marred with another color. You know, white stone should stay pure. I think.

Good. Something else for the charge list.

The crowd took a collective gasp as the figure ran a hand through long glistening locks and turned to face them. Shayman drew up his courage.
"Uh... for you," was all he could say before tossing the flowers up towards the second floor window. His heart began to fall as it looked as though the flowers would miss the window. His sanity began to fail when the object of his desires leaned out the window and snatched the flowers from the air with the reflexes of a jungle cat.

Suddenly, there were two identical men. One was holding a bouquet of wildflowers, the other had tossed them. Laih was confused.

Why are there two of them?

 Well, that's just plain sad, Mimarhan said, shaking her head.

What is? You didn't answer my question, Laih replied.

The author can't even spell her own OC's name correctly! That's why there are two of them. We have to kill one of them, I think.

Okay! Which one? Laih asked.

Dunno. Hey, Laih? Why do you s'ppose that this guy is going crazy if the Sue caught the flowers? That doesn't make sense, Mimarhan wondered.

It's cuz I'm right. I still don't think that that's the Sue. And as fun as it could be to kill this so-called Sue, we could get in trouble with Upstairs, Laih said, beaming.

You are absolutely certifiable, you know that? Mimarhan muttered under her breath.

You say something, Mi-chan?

Ah, nothing. The last thing Mimarhan wanted was for her tall partner to reply to that comment.

"Whoops! Got 'em!" Gourry said hanging from the window ledge by a hand. "Gee, thanks! I love wild flowers."
Shaymann could only nod numbly, as his dreams of youth lay gripped in the all to masculine hands of Gourry Gabriev, wandering mercenary. Dejectedly, the forty-year-old Shaymann began to make his way home. His wife would have dinner ready soon and the kids were probably home from school by now.

The girl in the window suddenly transformed into a guy. A canon character, to be exact. He was still wearing the see-through shirt, though.

It's the amazing gender-bender Slayers doll! Watch a canon transform into a Sue and back again! Mimarhan said in an announcer voice.

I win! I win! Yay! I told you something was off! Whee! I'm so happy! Laih cheered. You owe me pocky!

Yeah, yeah, whatever. How did you know?

Actually, Mi-chan, I cheated. I looked ahead at the Words. I just forgot for a little while! Laih replied, beaming.

In that case, go get your own pocky, cheater, Mimarhan snapped, clearly annoyed.

Uhm, are there schools in the Slayers-verse? Laih asked, changing the subject.

There are secular schools, where you can train to be a priest or Shrine Maiden. This is where you learn how to read and translate clerical texts and practice White magic. There are the various magic Guilds, where you can learn Shamanistic or Black magic. Any of those schools teach you how to read. Tradesmen take apprentices. So the answer is yes, except when it's no. In this case, however, the author said this guy was a bag boy. Hee, a forty year old bag boy, how depressing. I'd be tossing flowers at a Sue, too. Anyway, he's not going to be in the upper class, and therefore unlikely to send his kids to a Guild or a temple. His kids would most likely be apprenticed, or married off. Those schools cost money, which this moron spends on wildflowers.

Oh. Good to know!

Gourry retracted himself from outside his window and waved at the dispersing crowd, although it should be noted that quite a few stayed enchanted beneath his window. Sniffing the flowers, Gourry smiled at how amicable the people here were. Too bad they would be leaving tomorrow.

 Ano... Mi-chan? Laih asked tentatively.

What is it? Mimarhan replied neutrally, still a little annoyed at her partner's duplicity.

We have to kill the OC now, the one who didn't go home to his wife and kids. Lookit, there he is! He's just standing there, Laih said, pointing to the bit OC.

Sure enough, the man stood there, staring blankly at the window. The assassins walked up to him, and Laih waved her hands in front of his face to see if he would notice. As expected, there was no reaction from the man.

Spokey doke, I'll make this painless for you. You're just an unfortunate bit who shouldn't exist, Mimarhan said from behind the man. She flipped out her knife from her belt. Holding him steady, the short agent stabbed the man in the lower back, angling her knife to slip under the ribs and into the kidney. He jerked and collapsed into a heap on top of Mimarhan.

Wow! That was so cool, Mi-chan! Laih exclaimed in admiration, helping Mimarhan out from under the body.

Quick, clean, and relatively painless. That reminds me, do we have to kill this guy's original? Mimarhan asked, wiping the blade with a cloth before stowing it back in her bag.

No, I don't think so. This town should either vanish once we kill the two Mary Sues, or become part of canon. Let's dump this guy's body in the outskirts of town. It should flicker into nonexistence, Laih replied, hoisting the dead body onto her shoulders.

Then why did we have to kill this guy if the town vanishes after the Sues are dead? Mimarhan grumbled.

Laih said happily.

Mimarhan sighed loudly. Fine, whatever. She punched the buttons on the remote activator, and they stepped through. The agents wound up some fifteen yards away from their entry point. Laih strode over to the blinking borders, easily carrying the dead weight of the bit character. She tossed the body into the flickering outskirts. The agents watched with satisfaction as the body started flashing in and out with the scenery. Soon it was gone. Mimarhan reopened a portal to the inn, landing closer this time to her desired destination. Let's see what the Words have to tell us now. I think the rest of the action takes place inside the inn, the short agent said.

Laih nodded. Yep! We have to go into Gourry-san's room. Eew, we meet the real Sue this time, and she's really icky!

Icky? How so?

A so-called lemon scene.

Eew. You're right. She is icky. Teleport there, or walk up?

Mi-chan, what do you want to do? I'm fine with whatever you want! Laih said beatifically.

You do more than just border on creepy, you know that? No one should be this genuinely nice! We're porting.

Mimarhan punched some buttons on the remote activator, and stepped through, Laih following close behind. The agents had portaled into the hallway, right outside of Gourry's door.

Mi-chan! You're getting better! This is the closest yet! Good job!

Hush. I wanted us to portal into Gourry's room, but whatever. Lesgo. Careful, I think the Sue is already inside. We can't kill her yet, but we can be seen by her. Also, if you're loud enough, we'll attract Gourry's attention, and I know I can't beat him in a sword fight. He's way too good. So be quiet! Mimarhan growled, upset that she missed her target destination again.

Hai, Mi-chan! Laih said with a smile. The two agents crept very carefully into the room. They silently tiptoed along the wall to a very dark corner away from the bed and window, praying that they wouldn't be seen by the Sue. Inn rooms were not very large, after all. Fortunately, there was a large armoire next to the corner the assassins had selected. Mimarhan and Laih arranged themselves behind it, effectively hiding from the Sue's eyes. It was a good thing they had disguised themselves as relatively small trolls. Mimarhan had taken out her sunglasses and neuralizer though, just in case, and nudged Laih to do the same. Better safe than sorry, as she always said.

Gourry retracted himself from outside his window and waved at the dispersing crowd, although it should be noted that quite a few stayed enchanted beneath his window. Sniffing the flowers, Gourry smiled at how amicable the people here were. Too bad they would be leaving tomorrow.
"Friendly town," he said to no one in particular as he turned towards his bed. He was quite surprised when someone answered.
"Isn't it, though."

Mi-chan, how can you retract from a window? I thought that only cat claws and statements could be retracted, Laih whispered, softly enough to only be heard by Mimarhan. The short girl shook her head.

Charge list, she replied, just as softly. That's the Sue on the bed. Observe and charge.



The Sue in question looked around. Apparently, Mimarhan and Laih were louder than they thought, or the Sue had exceptional hearing. They crouched, frozen, until the Sue once again focused her attention on the blonde swordsman.

The room was dark, the only light coming from the full moon, which shone through the window. Gourry could not see the woman who spoke, but he knew it was a woman. He could also tell by her voice that she was in the direction of his bed. Unfortunately, his sword was also by the bed. Gourry wasn't the smartest man alive, but his journeys had taught him one thing: not to underestimate someone because of their sex. Seeing as how this woman had sneaked into his room without his knowledge, and quite aware of the type of people, he and his group usually ran befoul of, he decided not to take any chances.

Laih looked over her partner's shoulder to see her writing something down in the notepad. It looked like abuse of commas! Slipping past G. not acceptable,' but the tall agent couldn't see very well. There was enough light from the moon to let Mimarhan write, but Laih somewhat disapproved. Her mother always told her that whenever you wrote, you had to have good light. However, if Mimarhan didn't writing this down, then they probably wouldn't have enough charges to condemn the Sues to death.

Slowly he reached towards the desk next to him, and in quick motion, picked a chair up over his head and rushed the bed.
"WHO ARE... r... r... 'ROWR'" Gourry stuttered out, the chair falling from his hands and hitting him on the head. Didn't feel a thing though.
Just as he had reached the bed, a slender hand reached over to a nearby candle and lit the wick.

Both agents looked up. Did he just say Laih whispered.

Yes. Yes he did, Mimarhan whispered back in a too calm voice.

So, he has jungle cat reflexes, can retract himself from a window, and he says rowr.' Did Gourry-san turn into a cat? Laih whispered again, eyes wide.

Charge list. Also adding to the list the fact that the chair fell from his hands, Mimarhan whispered in response. She pointed her CAD at the swordsman, mindful to set it on mute before she did so.

Gourry Gabriev: CANON CHARACTER Status: 89.7% OOC CHARACTER RUPTURE HOLY APHRODITE IN A BOWL OF PACKING PEANUTS!!!

Mimarhan quickly pointed the instrument down, scowling. Out of curiosity, she pointed the instrument at the Sue in the bed.

name unidentified: NONCANON Status: MARY SUE!! Middleschoolicus builtlikeapornstarricus species. ELIMINATE!!! ELIMINATE!!! DESTROY!!!!!! KILL!!!!!!!!!!!

Mimarhan turned the machine off before it started shooting lethal lasers at the characters.

Look on the bright side, Mi-chan! It didn't break! Laih whispered.

Lying profile in the bed, bathed in the soft, warm, flickering light was a young woman with darkly tanned skin, perhaps seventeen-years-old. She was wearing one of his spare shirts, which reached just far enough down her slender frame as not to be revealing, but far more torturing. Her head was canted on the soft down pillow, her white hair splayed about and her eyes boring into him. An arm was sprawled across the bed, while the other rested along her shapely torso. Her hand traced small circles on her all to exposed thigh as her chest rose and sank gently with each breath.
Gourry gulped; being a man in his early twenties forces beyond his control were beginning to rise within him.
The woman's smile was a knowing one as she leaned over and blew out the candle.
It was a DAMN FRIENDLY town.

We leave. Now. Let's go. Out, Mimarhan whispered, making a stealthy bee line towards the door. Laih didn't say anything. She hurried over to the door as quickly as she could without alerting the Sue, but she stopped long enough to grab the see-through shirt. They shut the door and sprinted down the stairs to the inn's common room.

Not something I wanted to see in my lifetime. Give me Bleepka. Now, Mimarhan commanded.

Mi-chan there's a bottle in your bag. You should get it yourself, Laih replied. Her normally cheerful visage was gone. In its place was an expression of horror. That was terrible! This takes place after NEXT, right? Well, canon hinted in a not so subtle way that Lina and Gourry are a couple, right? So, why? Lina and Gourry are perfect for each other! My head hurts.

Mine too. This is a killable offense. Gourry's not that stupid! He knows that Lina associates with Mazoku, so why would he sleep with a teenage hooker he doesn't know?

Blue balls? Laih asked innocently.

I beg your pardon! Mimarhan exclaimed, shocked.

Well, his relationship doesn't seem to get anywhere with Lina, does it? Still, that's no reason for him to go sleep with whatever lands on his bed. He should know better! Laih grumbled. Suddenly, her face resumed its normal cheery countenance.

What's up with you? I thought you were just as scarred by that scene as I was, Mimarhan grumbled, finally fishing out a bottle of Bleeprin. She groaned when she realized she would have to swallow it dry.

I just realized something! It is a killable offense! We can kill her now! Isn't that just wonderful? Laih exclaimed, truly excited. We get to be heroes! We save canon! This is so wonderful! Oh, I'm so happy! And I got a souvenir! Laih proudly held up her trophy. Mimarhan just stared at her partner. Laih continued, We don't have to do anything until tomorrow morning at breakfast. What do you want to do? I picked some guy's pocket in the crowd, so we can afford a room and-

Y'know what? Mimarhan interrupted. I'm gonna give you a nickname now, too. Agent Laih of the Moral Ambiguity. How can you tell me what's nice and what's rude and then you go and pick some guy's pocket? How do you even know how to pick pockets?

Well, his pocket wasn't really a pocket, it was a money pouch, and it was low to the ground. Anyway, the guy was really rich, he could afford to lose some spare gold. Besides, the S.O. didn't give us any fundage at all! And I don't really want to sleep in the Flickering, do you?

The what?

The Flickering! What else would you call the borders of the town?

... Point.

See? There you go! I was gonna share with you, so it's not that bad! And I'll return whatever's leftover to the man tomorrow, okay?

Hey, Laih, I don't really care. I'm not the one sleeping with your conscience.



Nevermind. Let's go get a room. I'm tired, Mimarhan said, standing up from the table. She started walking towards the innkeeper, motioning for Laih to follow. Laih jumped up and rushed over to Mimarhan, and left all the room negotiating to her short partner. After getting a room key, the two girls (and their equipment) climbed to their room and went to sleep, but not before Laih had neuralized the poor innkeeper. He really didn't need to remember two (albeit small) trolls asking and paying for rooms like civilized people. The poor man had almost died of shock and fright.

TO BE CONCLUDED