Part 25: Being Away Can Make You Want To Go Home
January 30th 2004
Mac and Harm were sitting in the room between their two hotel rooms. Despite the fact that them living together was on the records, they had been assigned separate rooms on the hotel in Hague. They were together with Bud there to defend the Secnav against charges of war crimes in the ICC.
They had wanted the best defense team the Navy had and the Secnav had decided he wanted the two of them despite their personal relationship. Mac and Harm would probably have enjoyed officially working together, but under these circumstances the pressure was taking all the enjoyment out of it.
"You never told me how Sturgis reacted to the fact that you got to go and he had to stay in Washington even though you're not really at JAG anymore," Harm suddenly asked her looking up from the file he was reading.
"He took it well I guess..." Mac said. Mac had of course felt very honored and appreciated for being assigned this case, but she also thought that it was hard to be away from her daughter for so long, especially when she didn't know for how long it would last. She highly doubted that Sturgis was the one who was more envious of the other.
There was a knock on the door and Mac got up to let Bud in.
"Ma'am, sir, something's happened," he started off obviously very upset.
"What's wrong Bud?" Harm asked "Something wrong with Harriet or the children?"
"AJ's lost. Mikey lost him. I... Permission to return home?" Bud had a hard time to make long coherent sentences.
"Permission granted," Harm answered him quickly. Mac felt for Bud. She had been in his situation and the fear bubbled up again making her unable to utter anything.
As soon as Harm had said that Bud rushed out of the room to try and catch the next flight back to the States.
Harm and Mac just looked at each other their fright mirrored in the other's eyes. Without exchanging a word they went and picked up their respective phones to call home and check on their children.
February 5th 2004
Finally Mac was back home from Hague. She and Harm had arrived in DC at lunchtime and whereas she had been able to go pick up Elena from daycare early and go home Harm had been forced to go to the office first. He was hoping to at least be able to get off so early that he could go and pick up Mattie from school.
Mac entered the apartment a bit worried what she was going to find. Mattie didn't know yet that they were coming home today, since it had been a pretty quick decision and maybe the apartment wouldn't be as presentable as she was used to. She was positively surprised. Jennifer Coates had promised to come by the apartment every evening after work to make sure Mattie was OK, but whether that was the reason for the apartments current state or if Mattie actually would have done all right on her own Mac didn't think more about. The whole point of them taking over guardianship on her was for her to be allowed to be more of child with less responsibility than she had had when she lived alone and she had felt a little guilty about leaving her alone for that long.
She didn't bother to unpack yet and just put her suitcase in her bedroom and carried Elena in to her room, sat down on the floor and started playing and talking to her. 'It's wonderful to be back home,' she thought, but her playtime was interrupted by a knock on the door. She wondered who it could be and went up to go and open up.
"Bud," she said a bit confused. It wasn't like him to come to their apartment unannounced like that. He must really have something important to say.
"Ma'am," he said, but then backpedaled "I'm sorry. I shouldn't interrupt you when you've just come back. I'll see you at work on Monday." He started to turn around, but before he had a chance he was stopped by Mac.
"Lieutenant, you better come back here now," she ordered him. Whatever it was, it was obviously so important to him that he had rushed over here to talk to her as soon as he learned that they were back. He wasn't getting away now.
Mac led the way to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.
"Bud, what did you want?" She had sat Elena down in her chair and was sitting on a chair opposite Bud.
"Ma'am, I don't know. I needed to talk to someone and I knew you'd understand."
"Bud, please call me Mac," she said first. "It's up to you if you want to talk and say what's bothering you, but I will be here and I will listen."
Bud still didn't say anything for a while, just trying to come up with a place to start.
"When I found out that AJ had been found, at first I just felt relieved. I had my boy back and then I got so angry with Mikey for loosing him. I said things I promised I'd never say to him or my sons or anyone for that matter. I don't know what got in to me."
"Well, you thought someone was trying to hurt your son, so you got angry only there was no one who had tried to hurt him and you still needed to take it out on someone," Mac suggested.
"Mikey will never be able to trust me again."
"Yes, he will," Mac tried to reassure him. "He's family and he loves you. Have you talked to him?"
"No, I can't get in contact with him. I want to apologize. Explain," Bud had been close to tears ever since he had sat down at the table and now the tears started falling.
"Oh, Bud..." Mac moved closer and gave him a hug. "It will be all right. He'll understand and he'll forgive you regardless of what you said."
"And if he doesn't... I always felt so responsible for him and now I think he feels like I've turned my back on him," he sighed "Ma'am, I'm sorry. I don't have a right bothering you with this. I wasn't there for you last year..."
"What do you mean, Bud. You were always there... I know you had doubts about me, but in the end you were still my friend. And you were Sturgis and Harm's friend to. It was a difficult situation for all of us, but we pulled through. Don't feel guilty about what happened back them. It's over and done with, OK?"
"Yes, ma'am," Bud said. Maybe he hadn't gotten further to resolve everything with Mikey yet, but he felt a lot more optimistic of doing that now after talking to Mac. He didn't know when this had happened, but somewhere during the time since she had returned with her daughter he had grown a different relationship with Mac. He felt that he could talk with her in a way that he had never before. She never judged him and he would always feel better after talking to her. He thought that she didn't get as much out of their talks as he did, but that was far from the truth. Mac felt at least as good after one of their talks as he did.
"I better go home now," Bud said "I planned to go and pick up AJ and spend some time with him. I don't know him at all as well as I used to. I don't know what happened, what made me so busy I couldn't spend time with him. He really needs someone who's there for him and gives him positive attention. I never wanted my son to get so little attention that he had to act out to get it. Somewhere it just went bad and we have a lot to make up for."
"You'll get through this too," Mac said with the outmost confidence "Come back whenever you need to talk."
"Thank you," he said and put his cup in the sink "for everything:"
"I know, Bud. I know."
TBC
January 30th 2004
Mac and Harm were sitting in the room between their two hotel rooms. Despite the fact that them living together was on the records, they had been assigned separate rooms on the hotel in Hague. They were together with Bud there to defend the Secnav against charges of war crimes in the ICC.
They had wanted the best defense team the Navy had and the Secnav had decided he wanted the two of them despite their personal relationship. Mac and Harm would probably have enjoyed officially working together, but under these circumstances the pressure was taking all the enjoyment out of it.
"You never told me how Sturgis reacted to the fact that you got to go and he had to stay in Washington even though you're not really at JAG anymore," Harm suddenly asked her looking up from the file he was reading.
"He took it well I guess..." Mac said. Mac had of course felt very honored and appreciated for being assigned this case, but she also thought that it was hard to be away from her daughter for so long, especially when she didn't know for how long it would last. She highly doubted that Sturgis was the one who was more envious of the other.
There was a knock on the door and Mac got up to let Bud in.
"Ma'am, sir, something's happened," he started off obviously very upset.
"What's wrong Bud?" Harm asked "Something wrong with Harriet or the children?"
"AJ's lost. Mikey lost him. I... Permission to return home?" Bud had a hard time to make long coherent sentences.
"Permission granted," Harm answered him quickly. Mac felt for Bud. She had been in his situation and the fear bubbled up again making her unable to utter anything.
As soon as Harm had said that Bud rushed out of the room to try and catch the next flight back to the States.
Harm and Mac just looked at each other their fright mirrored in the other's eyes. Without exchanging a word they went and picked up their respective phones to call home and check on their children.
February 5th 2004
Finally Mac was back home from Hague. She and Harm had arrived in DC at lunchtime and whereas she had been able to go pick up Elena from daycare early and go home Harm had been forced to go to the office first. He was hoping to at least be able to get off so early that he could go and pick up Mattie from school.
Mac entered the apartment a bit worried what she was going to find. Mattie didn't know yet that they were coming home today, since it had been a pretty quick decision and maybe the apartment wouldn't be as presentable as she was used to. She was positively surprised. Jennifer Coates had promised to come by the apartment every evening after work to make sure Mattie was OK, but whether that was the reason for the apartments current state or if Mattie actually would have done all right on her own Mac didn't think more about. The whole point of them taking over guardianship on her was for her to be allowed to be more of child with less responsibility than she had had when she lived alone and she had felt a little guilty about leaving her alone for that long.
She didn't bother to unpack yet and just put her suitcase in her bedroom and carried Elena in to her room, sat down on the floor and started playing and talking to her. 'It's wonderful to be back home,' she thought, but her playtime was interrupted by a knock on the door. She wondered who it could be and went up to go and open up.
"Bud," she said a bit confused. It wasn't like him to come to their apartment unannounced like that. He must really have something important to say.
"Ma'am," he said, but then backpedaled "I'm sorry. I shouldn't interrupt you when you've just come back. I'll see you at work on Monday." He started to turn around, but before he had a chance he was stopped by Mac.
"Lieutenant, you better come back here now," she ordered him. Whatever it was, it was obviously so important to him that he had rushed over here to talk to her as soon as he learned that they were back. He wasn't getting away now.
Mac led the way to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.
"Bud, what did you want?" She had sat Elena down in her chair and was sitting on a chair opposite Bud.
"Ma'am, I don't know. I needed to talk to someone and I knew you'd understand."
"Bud, please call me Mac," she said first. "It's up to you if you want to talk and say what's bothering you, but I will be here and I will listen."
Bud still didn't say anything for a while, just trying to come up with a place to start.
"When I found out that AJ had been found, at first I just felt relieved. I had my boy back and then I got so angry with Mikey for loosing him. I said things I promised I'd never say to him or my sons or anyone for that matter. I don't know what got in to me."
"Well, you thought someone was trying to hurt your son, so you got angry only there was no one who had tried to hurt him and you still needed to take it out on someone," Mac suggested.
"Mikey will never be able to trust me again."
"Yes, he will," Mac tried to reassure him. "He's family and he loves you. Have you talked to him?"
"No, I can't get in contact with him. I want to apologize. Explain," Bud had been close to tears ever since he had sat down at the table and now the tears started falling.
"Oh, Bud..." Mac moved closer and gave him a hug. "It will be all right. He'll understand and he'll forgive you regardless of what you said."
"And if he doesn't... I always felt so responsible for him and now I think he feels like I've turned my back on him," he sighed "Ma'am, I'm sorry. I don't have a right bothering you with this. I wasn't there for you last year..."
"What do you mean, Bud. You were always there... I know you had doubts about me, but in the end you were still my friend. And you were Sturgis and Harm's friend to. It was a difficult situation for all of us, but we pulled through. Don't feel guilty about what happened back them. It's over and done with, OK?"
"Yes, ma'am," Bud said. Maybe he hadn't gotten further to resolve everything with Mikey yet, but he felt a lot more optimistic of doing that now after talking to Mac. He didn't know when this had happened, but somewhere during the time since she had returned with her daughter he had grown a different relationship with Mac. He felt that he could talk with her in a way that he had never before. She never judged him and he would always feel better after talking to her. He thought that she didn't get as much out of their talks as he did, but that was far from the truth. Mac felt at least as good after one of their talks as he did.
"I better go home now," Bud said "I planned to go and pick up AJ and spend some time with him. I don't know him at all as well as I used to. I don't know what happened, what made me so busy I couldn't spend time with him. He really needs someone who's there for him and gives him positive attention. I never wanted my son to get so little attention that he had to act out to get it. Somewhere it just went bad and we have a lot to make up for."
"You'll get through this too," Mac said with the outmost confidence "Come back whenever you need to talk."
"Thank you," he said and put his cup in the sink "for everything:"
"I know, Bud. I know."
TBC