Chapter 8: Now and Then
The students began to slowly drift out, talking and yelling to each other as they did. Aurora and Remus walked to the front of the room, and picked up their robes which lay on the long table. Aurora suddenly realized that Remus hadn't been wearing his all night. That's why he looks different! I've never seen him without it on....Aurora tried very hard not to think of how Remus' shoulders looked in his shirt....Or how he looked a lot younger without a tie on...
"Do you know what happens to Witches who lie?"
Aurora snapped out of her thoughts, "Pardon?"
He pretended to look very stern, "You said your weren't hurt, but you keep rubbing your arm."
"Oh that...." She put her bruised arm into her robe pocket, trying not to wince, "it's nothing. I just landed wrong when I fell."
He looked entirely unconvinced, and as he began to walk out of the room he motioned her to follow, "You, Professor Knightly, are coming with me."
Aurora raised her eyebrows, and hurried to keep up with his long stride. "If you think you're taking me to see Madam Pomfrey you are out of luck, it's too late, she'll be asleep." Aurora looked triumphant. The last thing she felt like was seeing Madam Pomfrey, who would undoubtedly give her a lecture on the importance of taking her medicine EVERY DAY.
Remus turned his head and looked at Aurora, almost laughing at the stubborn look on her face, which was so much different from the mature, wise professor he had just watched for the last two hours. "I'm not taking you to Madam Pomfreys."
"Oh....where are you taking me then?" Aurora was slightly intrigued by this new side of Lupin.
"To my room."
Aurora's eyebrows rose even further up her head. "To your room?"
"Mmm Hmm. You've hurt your arm, and I am going to fix it." Lupin walked purposely along, looking like he wouldn't take any argument from Aurora.
He didn't get it, though. She just shrugged her shoulders, "All right, whatever you say."
He was about to voice his surprise that she had put up so little resistance when they turned a corner and came upon a sight that made them stop in their tracks.
Down the hall a little way, unaware that two professors were gaping at them, were Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. They were facing each other in the dimly light hall.
"I'm sorry I hit you tonight, Ginny, I honestly didn't mean to.." Harry looked shyly at her over the top of his glasses, his scar faintly visible.
Ginny inclined her head, and laughed, "It's ok, Harry. I didn't think you did it on purpose. Ron really was spinning you too fast."
Harry shook his head, "No, he was doing really well...you..you were, too."
Ginny's ears went a little pink. "Uh well, Professor Knightly showed it well, I just copied her..."
There was an awkward silence and then Ginny said softly, "Why did you want to see me, Harry?"
Harry's head snapped up, the candles burning along the wall lighting up his face, "Oh right..well I...I mean I was wondering...would you.." He cleared his throat, and Ginny seemed to step a little closer to him.
"Yes, Harry?"
He spat his words out quickly, "Ginny, would you go with me to Hogsmeade next weekend?"
Ginny's eyes widened in happiness, and almost in a whisper she replied, "Sure Harry, I'd love to go."
Harry sounded hoarse, "Really? I mean....you really will go with me?" He stepped closer to her, as though making she sure was standing in front of him.
"Ya, I really will go with you."
They stood very close together now, whether by choice or accident they weren't sure, the hems of their robes brushing against each others.
Harry opened his mouth to say something, then he closed it, looking at Ginny intently. Then, very slowly, he lowered his head toward the girl in front of him. She looked surprised for a moment, and then, her eyes shining, she titled her head towards his. For a brief moment, they paused, Harry searching Ginny's eyes in a questioning manner. Then, as though he had found an answer, he brushed his lips gently against hers. Ginny gasped slightly, opening her eyes as Harry began to pull away. Then she stood up on her toes, and kissed him back, putting her arm on his for support.
Aurora looked over at Lupin, wanting to move back down the hall so that they wouldn't disturb the two teenagers. She started to say something to him, but stopped, staring at his face. Lupin's eyes were hooded, his mouth a thin line, and it seemed as though he wasn't even standing beside her....
"Moony!" Something was shaking him fiercely. He moaned and rolled over, pulling his blankets up over his head.
"Go away, Sirius" he muttered sleepily. It was only two days since the full moon and he was exhausted. He crawled deeper under his covers.
"Remus, will you get up! Prongs is gone!"
Lupin moaned again and pushed his quilt back, squinting up at his fellow Marauder.
"Padfoot," he said, through gritted teeth, "It's 1 o'clock in the morning!"
Sirius' answer was to grab Lupin's blankets and fling them off this friend. "Rise and shine!"
Stripped off his warm covers Lupin was forced to face his friend. "Sirius," he said, holding his throbbing head, "what in the name of Merlin are you doing?"
Padfoot chuckled happily, practically rubbing his hands with glee. "My dear Moony, perhaps you didn't hear me the first time. Let me repeat myself: James is gone!"
"And why," replied Lupin, letting his words come out slowly, as though he were talking to a lunatic, "should I care about this?"
"Because Lily Evans" Sirius paused for dramatic affect, "is not in bed either."
Moony narrowed his eyes, "How do you know? Don't tell me you've actually been successful in getting into the girl's dorms." Sirius had been trying for years to foil the charmed staircases that led to the girls rooms, so far with no success.
Sirius' face momentarily fell as he comtemplated one of his few failures, "Well no... But," his face brightened, "I do have my contacts.." He wiggled his eyebrows, and Remus rolled his eyes. Padfoot's 'contacts' consisted of all the girls who happened to be in love with him at that time, thanks to the liberal amounts of charm he threw their way.
"I don't see why you had to get me up to tell me this."
Sirius looked at Remus incredulously, "Moony! It's James and Lily! James Potter and Lily Evans," he repeated for good measure.
Lupin saw what Sirius was getting at, "In case you've forgotten, Sirius, Lily hates James."
Sirius shook his head happily, "Not anymore..." He walked over to the chest that lay at the end of James' bed and rummaged around looking for something. Remus noticed that Peter was sitting at the end of his own bed, looking sleepy. He shrugged his shoulders apologetically to Lupin, who just rolled his eyes in Sirius' direction.
"Ah ha," Sirius turned back to face Remus and Peter, "found it!" In his hands he held the Invisibility Cloak.
"Oh no," said Remus, firmly "I am not going to go traipsing around at 1 in the morning just so you can find James and Lily in some er..situation."
Padfoot put on his most hurt look, looking sadly from Peter to Remus, holding the Cloak dejectedly in his hands.
Remus groaned, deciding he didn't have the energy to argue, "Fine, lets get this over with."
Sirius' face sprang back to life. He held the Cloak open in front of him, and in a very upper-crust voice he said, "Gentlemen, after you."
Peter and Remus grudgingly crawled under the Cloak, and the three Marauders set off down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.
The fire was out when they had made their way down the stairs, books were scattered about, and the remnants of a half finished Chess match lay on a table. They crept cautiously across the room and out of the portrait hole, looking left and right down the deserted hallway. Following Padfoot, who seemed to know where to go thanks to one of his "contacts," they walked softly towards the lower level of the school, passing only the Bloody Baron who was muttering something to himself. They reached a door that led to a small courtyard and, opening it softly, they stole through. Beside him Remus could see Peter put his arms around his chest, his breathe showing in the cold air.
"Sirius, " hissed Lupin quietly, "did we have to come outside? Couldn't we have looked out a window or something?"
"Why Moony, " said Sirius in a dramatic whisper, "Marauders do not look out windows, we go directly to the scene of the crime....Which, Gentlemen," He pointed a finger to his left, "is right over there."
Remus and Peter turned to look where Sirius had pointed. They both raised their eyebrows in surprise at what they saw.
Standing in a shadowed corner of the courtyard, illuminated slightly by candles on the walls, were James Potter and Lily Evans, their arms around each other.
"I thought she hated him!" said Peter incredulously.
Remus nodded in agreement, and looked at Sirius. "How did you know...?"
"Contacts, men, contacts, "said Sirius for the second time that night, looking very satisfied with himself.
They all turned to stare at the couple again, whose breathe was mingling together in the cold air. James said something to Lily, Remus couldn't hear what, and then he leaned down and kissed her very softly, drawing back quickly. Lily looked up at him and, standing on her toes, she kissed him back.
The three hidden friends stood watching for a few mintues, until Remus thought he might fall asleep on his feet.
"Come one," he said, trying to stifle a tired yawn, "lets go."
Sirius turned away reluctantly, and they walked back to the Gryffindor common room lost in their own thoughts...Padfoot dreaming up all the ways to tease his best friend...Peter wondering what it felt like to kiss a girl...and Remus trying to remember what a good nights sleep felt like.
After they had made their way back to their room, Remus lay under his now cold blankets, attempting to get back to sleep.
"Don't go to sleep," commanded a voice.
Moony raised his head painfully and saw that Sirius was lying in his own bed, hands behind his head, wide awake. "Why in Merlin's name not?"
"Because," replied Padfoot as though were obvious, "we need to have a little interrogation with our friend Prongs when he returns." Sirius raised his head, "Wormtail, did you hear that?....Is he asleep?" Sirius looked astonished, "How can he sleep at a time like this? We've waited six years for our old pal James to make his move, and Peter goes to sleep!"
"Shocking, isn't it?" said Remus sarcastically. He hoped James would hurry up and get back so they could get this "interrogation" over with.
Luckily he didn't have to wait long, fifteen minutes later the fourth Marauder crept quietly into the room, unaware of what awaited him.
"Evening, Prongs," drawled a voice.
James stiffened in surprise. "Sirius? Why aren't you asleep?" He voice took on a suspicious tinge.
"Ah, well you see, " Sirius said casually, "I came upon some rather interesting information tonight, and Moony," Remus raised a hand in a weary greeting, "Wormtail," there was no movement from that bed, which Padfoot choose to ignore, "and I decided to investigate it."
Prongs eyes narrowed, looking from Sirius to Remus and back.
Sirius continued, "What we found was most satisfying. You won't believe it but we came upon James Potter and Lilly Evans passionat-"
His words were cut short by James, who had flown at him and was attempting to throttle him. "You used the Invisibility Cloak, didn't you!" he roared.
Sirius tried to pry the hands that were around his neck off, his voice sounding a bit hoarse, "Steady there, old man, we just thought we'd check up on our old friend Prongs...HEY!" His "old friend" had by this time hauled him into the middle of the room and was shaking him by the collar.
Remus looked at the familiar scene in front of him, knowing his two friend would sit up for hours dissecting what had happened between James and Lily. He got up from his bed and grabbed his blankets. He walked out of the room, stepping over the two fighting forms, who didn't even notice he was leaving, and walked tiredly down to the common room, collapsing on the couch in front of the dead fire. Happily enjoying the peace and quiet, he was asleep within five minutes.
"Remus...?" A voice was calling him softly. He shook his head, trying to banish his thoughts. He felt something warm on his arm, and he looked down to see what it was.
Aurora had pulled Remus back around the corner they had come from, so as not to disturb Harry and Ginny. He didn't seem to notice, though, and she was a bit worried. Did he see something that upset him...? She put a hand on his arm and repeated his name, "Remus."
He seemed to snap out of his daydream. He looked down at her hand on his arm, and stepped back involuntarily.
"What's wrong?" she said quietly, looking at him searchingly.
"Nothing," he said, more sharply then he intended, "I just thought of something."
"Oh," Aurora didn't know what to say, his cheerful mood seemed to have evaporated, "Well perhaps we ought to break up that little gathering down there," she titled her head in the direction of Harry and Ginny.
Lupin squinted slightly, but he didn't say anything.
"Um...Why don't we start to talk loudly, so they know we're coming, " Aurora tried to smile, but she looked confused. What in Merlin's name is going on?
Remus just nodded, and Aurora began talking a bit louder than normal as they turned the corner again. This time they saw Ginny and Harry standing a good six feet apart, looking a bit rumpled and flushed.
Aurora tried not to smile, "Good Evening Miss Weasley, Mr. Potter."
"Hello, Professor Knightly," they said in unison, blushing furiously.
Aurora looked at Lupin, who realized he should say something, "Shouldn't you two be asleep?"
Harry looked embarrassed, and began to run a hand through his hair, "I was just apologizing to Ginny..."
Ginny nodded her head furiously in agreement, "He was just apologizing to me."
"Well," said Aurora, "you two finish "apologizing" and then you better get up to bed."
"Yes, Professor," they said at the same time.
"All right," she smiled at them, for a moment wishing she was sixteen again, "good night then."
"Night, Professor." They looked at Professor Lupin curiously, " Good night, Professor Lupin."
Stiffly, he said, "Good Night Harry, Ginny."
***
Aurora and Remus walked down the hall and up the staircase that led to both their rooms. They were quiet, Remus lost in his thoughts, and Aurora completely confused as to what was going on. At the top of the stairs she paused, unsure of whether to go with him or not.
"Well...Goodnight Remus.."
He seemed to come back to reality for a moment, shaking his head he said, "I don't think so, Aurora, you are coming with me."
"Ok," she said resignedly, although she didn't really mind. What would Sigourney think of this! Going to Professor Lupin's room at 10:30 at night....
She followed him to the right, down a winding corridor that led to a portrait of a very buxom young women. She was blond, and wore a fiery red dress that was too tight in certain areas. The minute she saw Lupin she jumped up from the chair she was sitting on, and flounced her hair over her shoulders.
"Eagle Horns."
The woman paid no attention to the fact that Remus had just spoken the password. Instead she swished her long red skirts around and, in a husky voice said, "Good Evening, Remus."
"Good Evening Miss Marble. Perhaps you didn't hear me, but I would like to get into my room," his voice was a tad exasperated.
The lady giggled, "Oh I know, Professor. But I would prefer if you stayed here." She leaned her head towards the front of the picture, raising her eyebrows seductively. Then a scowl creased her brow as she noticed who was standing beside Lupin.
Her voice sounded harsher as she spoke, "Have company tonight do you, Remus?"
"Yes, Miss Marble I do, and I would appreciate if you would let us into my room."
Aurora looked at Lupin's portrait with raised eyebrows, "Good Evening, Miss Marble." She smiled icily at the picture, feeling great satisfaction that the other woman was stuck in the confines of her frame.
Remus spoke again, in a warning tone, "Miss Marble, the door if you please."
"Fine!" She opened the door with a great flourish, and stormed off muttering something about visiting Sir Cadogen.
Aurora followed Remus into his room, glancing around curiously. Walking through the door they entered into a little wood-lined hallway. There was a closet on one side, and a small side table on another that held a three tiered candle holder and a few letters.
"Lumos, " said Remus, and the candles flared to life. He held out his hand to take Aurora's cloak.
"Oh, thanks," she said, gingerly trying to extract her sore arm through the sleeve.
"Careful," he said, coming up behind her. He eased the coat of her shoulders, and then pulled it off her sore arm.
Aurora nodded her thanks again, hoping the dim light would hide the flush that had crept up her cheeks when she felt his hands on her back. She walked down the hall, which curved to the right, and came to an opening which revealed the main living room. It was similar to hers, although smaller, with a large stone fireplace on her right. Opposite her there were two windows that looked out on the lawns of Hogwarts. A square desk sat in front of the windows and some papers were stacked neatly on it, along with a few shabby books. There was a couch in front of the fireplace, and a few bookshelves along the back wall, as well as the usual portraits that covered all the walls of Hogwarts. It was a cozy room, although it felt a little lonely and un-lived in.
She turned as Remus walked up behind her and watched him as he lit the fireplace with a fire spell. "Lumos" he said again, and all the candles in the room flared to life, casting their friendly glow over the surroundings.
He turned to her, after putting a few books on a table, "I'm just going to find my healing kit, have a seat wherever you like."
He walked through a door that stood in the far left corner of the room, and Aurora could see a bed and chest-of-drawers in what was obviously his bedroom. She wandered over to the windows, and sat down in the chair behind his desk, looking out over the dark grounds of Hogwarts. She felt very sleepy sitting in the soft green chair that seemed to mold to her tired limps, and for the first time in awhile she felt very safe...
***
Remus walked through his bedroom and into the adjoining bathroom. He searched around in a cupboard until he found what he was looking for and then started to walk out again. He paused, though, standing over his sink, shoulders stooped. He looked at himself in the mirror. "He's not James," he said softly to himself, "It's different now." But he didn't sound convinced. Of course it's different now, it's worse! He shouldn't be doing this...I shouldn't be doing this! "Oh Merlin," he said wearily, running a hand through his gray flecked hair, and looking at the healing kit he held. He realized he couldn't leave Aurora sitting out there forever while he wrestled with his problems, so he turned resolutely away from the mirror and went to fix her arm.
***
Aurora was almost falling into a warm slumber when she heard Lupin walking behind her. Her eyes flew open and she spun the chair around to face him. He looks so tired. What happened back there? She racked her brains, but her senses seemed dulled and she couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. She shook her head, and put aside the problem for a moment, looking curiously at the slim box Remus held in his hands. He set in on the desk, and with a wave of his wand said, "Moria." The dark wooden healing kit opened slowly, and seemed to expand ten times. Shelves appeared to grow from it, filled with jars and bottles of potions and lotions, gauze's and bandages lay on the bottom of it, neatly rolled up, and Aurora thought she even glanced a few sweets lying in a small compartment.
"It's like St. Mungo's in a box!" she said in an astonished voice.
"Yes, it's a handy thing; my father gave it to me years ago, before the Wolfsbane potion was invented." His voice was light, but Aurora looked at him closely.
She didn't want to sound sorry for him, but she couldn't help that a little bit of pity crept into her voice, "It's pretty bad, isn't it?"
He nodded matter-of-factly, "The change is very painful, but all this," he waved his hands at the healing kit, "were for the injuries I would give myself." He looked at her, smiling reassuringly at her worried face. "Don't worry, I haven't had to use it in a long time."
Aurora looked relieved, and Remus felt slightly pleased that she seemed to care so much. He continued, "Now, lets see about that arm of yours."
Aurora pretended to look a bit frightened, and shrank back in the chair.
He couldn't help laughing, "Come on," he said, "it won't hurt. Why don't you come and sit on the desk so I can assess the damage."
"Yes, doctor," she said, teasingly, hopping up to sit on the desk beside the healing kit.
"Arm, " he said, holding out his hand.
She placed her arm in his hands. Gently he undid the button on her sleeve, and slowly rolled up the fabric until it was above her elbow.
"Well, you certainly didn't hurt it, " he said sarcastically, although he smiled at her.
Aurora looked at her arm, and made a face as she saw how bruised and puffy it was. "Oh dear...not too pleasant, is it?"
"Definitely not." He looked intently at the healing kit, moving his eyes over all the different jars. "If I remember correctly Mrs. Beely's Calendula Cream will help those bruises." He picked up a dark green jar that showed an old gray haired lady balancing on a broomstick. 'For use on bruises, bumps, and bashes,' he read off the label, "I think that certainly applies here." Taking a bit of the lime green coloured cream in his hands, he rubbed it gently on Aurora's arm in a light circular motion. She watched his hands moving across her arm, and swallowed slightly. Then she glanced at his face again, and felt worried. We were standing watching Harry and Ginny and then it seemed like he wasn't there...Was it because they were kissing each other? Was it some memory he had? She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to picture the scene she had seen earlier. She pictured Ginny, and then Harry as his face knelt towards the girl... Suddenly Aurora's eyes flew open, "You idiot!" she softly scolded herself.
"Sorry?" said Remus, startled.
"Oh," she waved her good arm vaguely, "I was talking to myself."
Teasingly, he said, "Talking to yourself now? You sure you don't want me to check your brain when I'm done with your arm?"
Aurora laughed, but her mind was elsewhere. Finally, after about five minutes she said softly, "He looked too much like James, didn't he?
Remus' hands momentarily stopped moving on her arm, but he didn't look at her. Instead he looked out the window in front of him, staring at the moon that hung above the Forbidden Forest. For a moment he stood lost in thought, and Aurora waited patiently. Finally, in a voice so low she had to strain to hear it, he spoke.
"When I saw him there with Ginny I... I remembered the night James finally kissed Lily." A small, sad smile played on his lips, "Sirius, of course, had to witness the momentous event, and he dragged Peter and I along with him. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now..." His voice trailed off and unknowingly his grip on Aurora's arm tightened, "Now I don't want the same thing to happen to Harry and Ginny."
Aurora looked at his profile, he was still staring out the window, not looking at her. She listened to him as he kept talking, letting him hold her arm.
"With Sirius gone, I feel responsible for him. How can I let him do something like this? How can I let him fall in love just like his father did and then die because of it? Everyone faces an uncertain future with Voldemort's return, but with Harry it's much worse...Voldemort has already used Ginny. "
Aurora gazed at Lupin's face, on the sadness that was visible in his eyes. She knew he didn't want to make Harry unhappy, yet he had been haunted his entire life by James and Lilly's death, and wanted to protect their son from the same fate. She sighed almost inaudibly, tired of the veil that Voldemort cast over all their lives.
"Remus," she finally said, in a low voice, "James and Lily didn't die because they loved each other. They died because of what they did, of what they opposed."
He shook his head faintly, "She was from a Muggle family, he was a pureblood. They were targeted because they dared to marry, and 'tarnish' pure wizarding blood."
Aurora shook her head firmly, knowing she needed to convinced him otherwise.
"Harry's parents were two of the best Aurors in the world, they were a threat to Voldemort, that's why they were killed. It's true that Lily's Muggle heritage made her a target, but they both would have been threatened whatever their heritage." She looked at him, her eyebrows knitted together in worry. She wished he would just look at her, instead he kept staring out the window, his eyes turned away. Aurora placed her hand gently on his arm, "Remus, Harry and Ginny know the risks better than anyone. But you saw their faces tonight, they looked so happy. Just let them enjoy it, let Harry be a normal teenager for awhile."
He finally turned his head away from the window, and looked at her. His face looked more relaxed now, and his eyes were more alert. "You're likely right...It's just that when I saw them there looking so much like James and Lily..."
"I know," she said understandingly, "but Harry is different than James. He knows far more about Voldemort than his father did...Or anyone else does, for that matter. And just think," she added, flashing a smile, "ten years from now we'll probably be sitting at Harry and Ginny's wedding wondering why on earth we were so worried."
He finally broke into a real smile, "Well if their wedding is anything like Harry's parents, then it will be one for the ages." His face took on a look of mock horror, "I can just imagine Ron as best man...he would be almost as bad as Sirius was."
Aurora widened her eyes in interest, "What happened?"
"He was drunk, " Remus said flatly, "Absolutely dead drunk. He could barely make a toast." He shook his head and laughed at the memory, "I think he got as far as 'To Jamesy and 'illy' before he passed out."
Aurora giggled as she pictured the scene, "And I suppose you were completely sober?"
"Of course," his eyes gleamed wickedly as he looked at her skeptical face, "Well at that point anyway...about three hours later things were starting to spin."
Aurora cocked her head at him, trying to imagine Remus Lupin inebriated "You two must have had a pair of nasty hangovers."
His closed his eyes and cringed at the remembrance, "Yes, I think that was the last time I drank a Bavarian Greenback martini." He shuddered, and then realized what he was supposed to be doing, "Speaking of pain, I better finish up with your arm."
Aurora had forgotten temporarily of why she was there, "Yes, I suppose it is getting a little late."
Remus took out from his kit a normal looking piece of white gauze. Carefully, starting at her hand, he wrapped it round her arm. As he did so Aurora felt a warmth emit from the cloth, and she moaned happily, "Mmmmmm...It feels lovely."
With a swish of his wand Lupin tied the cloth near her elbow, "Yes, it has a self heating spell on it." He released her arm, and stood back from her, "Well that should do it. But," he looked at her critically, "if it still hurts you tomorrow I want you go to see Madam Pomfrey right away."
She tried to be serious, but ended up giving him a mock salute. "Yes, sir."
He shook his head and laughed at her. Closing the lid to his healing kit, he walked her to his door. They stood together in his hallway, lighted only by the three candles that stood on the table, the light flickering off their faces.
"Thank you for the first aid, " Aurora said, cradling her wrapped arm in her good hand. "It does feel much better."
"Anytime," he said, outwardly looking as calm as usual. In truth though he had just remembered that tomorrow was a full moon... and that there was a side affect he had completely forgotten about. His senses has suddenly slammed into full gear, heightened beyond usual human levels. Lupin could now see every single eyelash that framed Aurora's bright green eyes, every way the light caught her hair, and the small lines on her opened lips. Mostly, though, he could smell her. He could smell the faint lavender smell on her skin, the leather of her shoes, the cream he had put on her arm. He could smell sadness and joy, fear and love, pain and excitement, and something else...It had to do with him...A longing for something...
"Let me get your cloak," Lupin said, walking quickly over to the closet. Calm down! You can control this. He took a shallow breathe and reached for her robe. He walked back to Aurora, and held it open for her. She smiled a thank you to him and slid her arm into a sleeve. He stood directly behind her now, barely inches from her back. His fingers inadvertently brushed her hair. He gritted his teeth and tried to concentrate on normal feelings, tried push down the part of himself that he hated. Aurora turned around to face him, unaware of what was happening.
"Good night , Remus." She smiled at him,
"Good night, Aurora." He moved to open his door, and she stepped out of it, standing in the dimly lit hall. She paused for a moment, as though there was something she wished to do or say. But she just smiled goodnight, and turned to walk to her room. He stood in his doorway for a moment, his face in the shadow. Then he walked back into his hallway, closing the door behind him. He leaned against the wall, running a hand across the back of his neck in tiredness. Finding it slightly damp with perspiration he walked to his bathroom. Peeling of his shirt, he turned on the water to his shower, thinking that it might clear his head. He felt embarrassed and annoyed at himself for how he had just felt, mad at the part of himself that he could barely control. He stepped into the shower, and turned his face into the water, letting it run over his forehead, his cheekbones, and down his neck. Oh Merlin, I can't do this. I could hurt her so much. He closed his eyes, and the water gathered in tiny droplets on his eyelashes. But I need her...I want to be near her... It suddenly occurred to him as he stood there that this feeling was stronger then his fears of what he was capable of doing.
After awhile he stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair looked darker when it was damp, the gray less visible, so that he looked younger and more like his real age. He had no idea why he had just realized he had to rebel against his werewolf self, to let his human side take control, but it thrilled him and scared him at the same time. Walking into his bedroom, he put on his pajama bottoms and went to stand in front of his window. He saw the moon, almost full, and realized that tomorrow night he would take on a much different form than what he currently looked like. But, for the first time, he was not depressed by this image. It had ceased to be the prominent thought of his existence. He thought back to his evening, remembering something that filled him with a purpose he had never felt before. Lupin remembered what he had smelt on Aurora. Not the smell of her skin or clothes, nor even the scent of fear or love. But something entirely different.... I need her, and I think...maybe....that she might need me...