Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls…never have…never will.

AN: Hello. Just a big thanks to all of you who are still reading this, since I've become terrible at updates. Sorry. Really. I'm very sorry. Anyways, enjoy…

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Jess laid in bed that night, eyes open, and staring at the ceiling, for some reason he just couldn't sleep…maybe it was the bed, or the room, the moon light coming through the windows, thoughts of his mom, thoughts of her, asking himself who Tristan really was and if Rory was really the girl she appeared to be, or maybe it was just because he wasn't tired.

The day seemed never ending, and as he glanced at the clock he realized it just may never end. Each passing minute seemed like an eternity and the only thing that helped him make it through was thinking about tomorrow.

He got up off the bed, and began to pace across the room. He watched his feet, as one went in front of the other and then he turned around and went in the other direction. He didn't know what was wrong with him; here he was in this new house, this amazing room, with a new friend, well make that two new friends, and all he could think about was New York, and what he left behind, just for a new beginning. He stopped when he noticed himself in the mirror. He froze as he looked at himself. He stepped closer towards himself and looked deep into his eyes, all he saw was sadness, weakness, and hurt.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, he stared into his own eyes searching for the strength that was once there, that he knew was once there, but was now lost deep inside him. He couldn't find it.

He had always been the strong one of the group, he had no feelings, no emotion, and no one could hurt him because of his walls. His walls that he built so high that even he didn't know where they ended. It was his wall that shielded himself from hurt, from girls, friends, but most off his mother.

Jess knew what people thought of him. As he stared at his image, he saw what others saw, a dark, mysterious, lost kid. Mean and tough, with hard eyes, but now that was all changed. He moved, and although it hadn't even been here a day he could see it in his eyes that he was different.

His entire life, his friends had been there for him, and now they were gone, he ran away from his friend, the friends that were at one time his only family, and the only people he truly ever cared about. Now even they didn't know that he was gone, and after so many years with them all, even they didn't know the real him.

Not even he himself could define who he was. He was the only one that knew the truth, and had an idea who the real him was, but he could never be certain, he had put on so many masks that somewhere in-between all the change, he lost who he really was.

Everyone back home called him fearless, he would nod when they said so, but it was a lie, like most his life, because he was afraid, he was afraid of being alone, and never finding love, and losing his friends, and even his mother, but his biggest fear was truth. The fear that if anyone knew who he was, they would take advantage of him and break him, exposing him to everyone and everything, just the thought of anyone knowing him, sent chills up his spine.

In New York it was easy to hide, he got away with what he did because people didn't pay attention. New York was crazy, and he lived the life he wanted, where he did anything and everything that he wanted to. The girls, the drugs, the alcohol all cleared his mind of his problems, and the people tangled in his web. He had no worries, no fears, just fun. He lived the life most people dreamed of, but it wasn't his dream, just a way of life.

His old way of life, the way of life he knew he could never go back to. He sighed and watched as his eyes filled with water, before stepping back and forcing himself to turn away from his reflection. He went back over to the bed, and laid down on it. He reached over on the bedside table and picked up the book that rest upon it. He opened it, and read the first line; he took a deep breath and set it back down.

He couldn't help but think how much his life had changed just in the past twelve hours. He thought of all of the people he left behind, and all of the people who he had yet to meet. He thought about the one person that this would affect the most, the one person that this would hurt, that would cause them heartbreak, and he thought about how a part of him didn't care…

It was the summer, the one time of the year besides winter that Jess loved. It meant no school, making new friends, and staying out all night. He remembers the day like yesterday, the day that for as far as he is concerned, changed his life.

Jess hadn't been home for almost a week now, and he figured his mother hadn't noticed yet. He was almost positive that she hadn't been home as well. His clothes were starting to look dirty and he was starting to look worn out, he had gotten a total of thirteen hours of sleep in the last week, and although for some, they could last days on thirteen hours, Jess could not. He didn't have the boost that everyone seemed to have. He moved passed that.

He was at the house of a friend of a friend (of a friend of a friend), some guy named Ryan or Brian, but he wasn't exactly sure, he had been here for the last three days and hadn't seen the kid once, at least he doesn't think he saw the kid, had he seen him he wouldn't have known it was him. The guy's apartment had been turned into a three day party, people coming in and out whenever they wanted, and tonight was the end of the party, but the beginning of his life…

Their relationship was different. Yet it was the same.

In reality, he was all wrong for, and she was all wrong for him, but like they say, opposites attract. And these two, they were on the opposite ends of the totem pole, she at the top, and he at the bottom, the part that was below ground.

But in their world, they were perfect, two lost souls, looking for something great.

Jess was like the quarterback, and she was like the head cheerleader. Together they were the envy of everyone else. He was good looking, he was mysterious, and a 'bad boy', he was a 'rebel' and didn't care what others thought about him, or anything for that matter, until her, he cared about her. At parties he was always the center of attention even when he didn't want to be. It didn't matter if he was surrounded by people, or in the corner alone reading a book, there was always a group of girls somewhere, both younger and older, huddled together in a circle, talking about him, talking about what they wanted to do to him, what it was like to kiss him, to hold his hand, to sleep with him, giggling about who the one lucky girl would be that would finally get him, and even she wasn't prepared.

He didn't see any of it.

She had just moved from Idaho, so she wasn't exactly the hippest one in the room, but she was naive and sweet, she was the girl next door. She walked through the door with all the confidence in the world, and she approached Jess because didn't know she wasn't supposed to. All she wanted to know was where the bathroom was, and everyone else seemed to be busy, she glanced around the room, looking for anyone to ask, but no one seemed to notice she was even there. Then she saw him, sitting on the counter in the kitchen with his head in a book. She slowly made her way over to him, and cleared her throat trying to catch his attention. He didn't notice her.

"Excuse me," he heard a whisper.

He glanced up from his book, and raised an eyebrow. Who was this girl? Who did she think she was, interrupting his reading; the silence was getting on his nerves, "yeah?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but can you tell me where the bathroom is?" she glanced down at her hands.

He let out a laugh, "Around the corner, second door on the right." Lie. It was the third door on the left.

"Thanks." She smiled and made her way around the corner.

He waited until she was out of his sight before he hopped down off the counter and went in search of his friends.

It had been thirty minutes since he was rudely interrupted by the 'new girl'. He was standing with a group of friends, when he saw her; she was headed straight towards him, and fast.

She made her way through the circle straight up to Jess. She put her hands to his chest and shoved. This caught everyone's attention, and it seemed as if all eyes were on them.

"Whoa!" he held up his hands in defense as he hopped on one foot catching his balance.

"You know, I'm not from around here, but usually where I come from, when you ask a simple question such as where the bathroom is people are kind enough to give you the correct response." She walked passed him, mumbling "jerk" under her breath.

It was at that moment that she became the most popular girl in the crowd of deadbeats. Every guy was laughing, and every girl's mouth hung open, someone actually had the courage to talk to him, let alone yell at him.

But Jess… it didn't even affect him, he went right back to conversing with his friends. He should have known right there at that moment, anything between the two of them would be doomed, but he was blinded by her power, and her beauty, her strength to come after him.

He was headed home later that night when he saw her standing on the corner. He walked up behind her, "Hi." He stopped next to her.

She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Some show you put on back there. I think I may have a bruise on my chest" he rubbed his chest as if it still hurt.

"Sorry," he heard her mumble more to herself then him.

"Apology accepted." He smiled at her, letting her know there were no hard feelings.

He walked her home that night, nothing big, no feelings, no kiss at the end, just a simple walk; he didn't even get her number. Although he was interested. She was not. He was going to have to catch her if he really wanted her.

Two months, one week, and four days later, he won her. And like every other relationship this one started out perfect. Every girl was jealous of her. They all watched as he chased after her and she shot him down time after time. It was every girls dream to be chased after by Jess Mariano, and when he finally does the chasing, the girl isn't even interested go figure. They always want the ones they can't have.

That night they became Jess and Taylor, Taylor and Jess, never once did you hear one name without the other.

But he was from the wrong side of the tracks. Her family was wealthy, his was not. He didn't even have a dime. He couldn't shower her with gifts, and he didn't meet her family's expectations, and although to some that should have been a warning, to him it was a save. No one had ever stood up for him before, she knew who he was, and what he had, and when her father pulled her off to the side to tell her his opinion she shot him down. She told him she didn't care, and that it didn't matter what he had, "not everything has to do with money" were the words he thought he heard her say.

Sixth months later, they confessed their love to each other. Of course he loved her from the get-go. The second she entered his life, it changed for the better. She constantly challenged him, she made him question who he was, she made him question life, love and death, things he never thought about, and she challenged his dreams. Sometimes he hated her for it, other times he loved her for it. So of course he said it first, and it scared the living daylights out of him. It was a day he would never forget…

They were at a party again, it's what they did every weekend, and every week night. The two of them were on the couch, a group of girls stealing glances at the two of them and giggling. A group of guys standing around the keg in the kitchen, his best friends Avi and Amy playing a drinking game in the dining room, he could hear them from the couch.

It wasn't very romantic; she could barely hear him when he said it. He repeated it again, into her ear, and her first reaction was to kiss him. She grabbed his face and gave him the most powerful kiss she could muster up. She pulled away with a huge grin on her face, and shifted her body to lean into him.

Jess wrapped his arms around her, and kissed the top of her head. He didn't even notice that she didn't say it back, and he didn't care. It was no longer a weight resting on his shoulder, and she gave him just the reaction that he wanted.

It wasn't until a week later that she told him she loved him too. He wasn't expecting it. He knew she cared for him, but he didn't think she actually loved him.

He knew that he was falling, and falling hard for her. He knew his feelings were ten times stronger then hers, but to him it didn't matter. He finally had someone, and he didn't feel like he didn't belong anymore. For him it became a new world.

They became the perfect couple. In love, and the envy of everyone else, but because of all the attention they were so shaded that they couldn't see their own problems.

It was only a matter of time before things started to go down hill. No matter how much they tried to ignore it, she was different from him, and she knew it, and so did he. She knew that every girl wanted to be her, and that every girl wanted her boyfriend, the attention went to her head, and she changed. She didn't know she changed. Jess barely noticed her change. She became controlling, she became unloving, and she put Jess down to make herself feel better. She constantly bickered with him, she stomped on his dreams, and whenever he began to feel good about himself, she would remind him who he was.

He was so in love, he didn't see it and he didn't hear it. He knew that she was better than him, and there was nothing he could do about that. He wasn't born into a wealthy family, everything he had he worked his ass off for, and he was proud, and he had her to thank for that. She made the world matter to him. He knew that she could do better, he gave her her status. He made her who she was in their crowd of friends, without him, she would still be that girl from Idaho. He had no idea that he had become the boyfriend he never wanted to be, the one that let their girlfriends walk all over them, the hopeless romantic, blinded by the love. Those types used to make him sick, and now here he was, one himself, completely unaware. Completely out of his box.

The more they partied the worse she got. She was unhappy, she wouldn't admit it to herself, or to Jess, and so she turned to drugs. She wanted her unhappiness to go away; she didn't want to feel anything but numbness. Jess watched as she began to deteriorate, and he tried everything he could to help her, but she refused to listen to him.

He was older then her by two years, He had been where she was. He knew the drug world, he moved past that, and hurt to see the one he loved fall into that dark hole. All he wanted to do was help her, make her happy, but she just kept falling deeper and deeper, and he stuck by her side the entire time. He knew that her family would blame him for this, he knew that he would only end up in trouble, but at a time like this is when you need the ones that you love the most.

He was a puppy, and he couldn't leave her. She became more violent towards him. Hitting him, punching him, kicking him, he never laid a finger on her. He would just hug her and hold her until the fits went away. He was lost without her, he was so in love with her that it didn't matter to him that she was not the same person he fell in love with, because no matter who she had become, he couldn't see his life without her in it.

After everything he did for her, she finally broke it off with him. She wasn't herself that day. She looked like a zombie, dark circles around her eyes, pale, almost a green tint to her he swore, she was thin, and her hair was dirty, and he knew that if he could love her like that, he could love her no matter what. But she didn't feel the same. He tried to reason with her, but she wouldn't hear it.

"Its over." She stated.

"You don't know what you're talking about Taylor, this isn't you." He reached out for her hand.

"This is me, and it's over… over." She quietly repeated before turning and walking away from him, into the crowd of the others like her.

He stood there, and watched as she walked right up to another guy and kissed him. He knew that it had been going on for weeks now, she slept with him, he knew, but that didn't stop him from loving her. He should be the angry one, he should have broken it off, but he didn't, because he swore to himself that they would get through this.

Two weeks later she came back. She was crying… the other guy hurt her; he took her in with open arms. He kissed her, told her it would all be okay, and that they were meant to be. She looked him straight in the eyes and nodded, she fell into him, and he held her. He was weak, and she was his shield.

But then it happened. The one thing he never saw coming, he cheated on her. He wasn't himself, she was away on vacation with her family, and he was at a party with his best friend Avi. He was wasted, he was hurt, and she just happened to be there. He woke up the next morning in a white room, in a strange bed he had never seen before, some beautiful blonde girl asleep next to him. He rubbed his eyes, sure that this was just an illusion, but when she stirred in her sleep and wrapped an arm around his chest, he freaked. He never ran so fast before in his life, straight home to take a shower, he had to wash it away, and he had to wash the nightmare away.

Taylor came back that same day; she surprised him at his apartment. Of course his mom was out, so she let herself in. She heard the water running and walked straight into his room. His clothes thrown around his room, she picked up his shirt off the floor. A wrinkled mess, she smoothed it out and folded it.

When the bathroom door opened, and he saw her there, he froze. His emotions were running amuck, and she could see the tears in his eyes. She knew, she didn't have to ask, she just knew. She stood up off the bed and nodded her head.

"Was it worth it?" she asked backing up towards his bedroom door.

He shook his head, "I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing."

Silence.

"Goodbye Jess" she turned.

"Taylor!" he shouted after her, but she didn't stop, instead she ran.

It was at that moment his life took a drastic change. He knew he lost her, he knew she wasn't as in love with him as he was with her. He knew that she would never take him back now, and so he went back to his old habits. The only thing that could take away the pain, the drugs and the constant need for an adrenaline rush. The police became familiar with him, Officer Huey his new favorite person. Nothing mattered to him anymore, not school, not work, not love, not life.

She came back to him two months later, but by this time it was too late. He couldn't go back to the love sick fool that he was. But then again he couldn't see his life without her, he was Jess, and he took her back of course, but that was only four days ago…

The next thing he knew there was a knock on the door and he opened his eyes. He reached out to the clock next to him and it read 6:27 am. He groaned and looked at the door just as it began to open. Tristan's head peaked around the door and he smiled when he saw Jess sprawled out across the bed still dressed in last nights clothes.

"Rise and Shine sleeping beauty" Tristan entered the room.

Jess shifted in his bed, and tried his best to ignore Tristan, but he could feel him hovering above him. "Dude, did you not look at the time? It's early; I don't wake up this early." He rolled over and buried his head into the pillows.

"Whatever." Tristan sat on the bed next to Jess.

"Dude…" Jess looked up, "What are you doing on my bed?"

"Sitting."

"Get off."

"Technically it's my bed… so no." Tristan made himself extra comfortable.

"What are you wearing?" Jess rubbed his eyes.

"Uniform… no way out of it."

"That's just sad" he laughed. "Did you not ever watch Fresh Prince? There are ways to at least make it look cool."

"Yeah, well not every one can pull that off okay? Now get up." Tristan rose up off the bed and made his way over to the dresser, he picked up a book and began to flip through it.

"Am I going somewhere?" Jess sat up.

"Nope" Tristan turned to look at him.

"Then why in the hell are you in my room?" Jess laid back into his bed.

"We live together now, get used to it." Just then the doorbell rang throughout the house. Tristan looked back over to Jess, "That must be Rory, go back to sleep you look like hell."

Jess sighed and closed his eyes. This was going to be an even longer day.