Part 28: Reconciling and Forgiving, It's A Hard Art
February 20th 2004
"You remember that your father will be here tonight at 1830, right?" Harm reminded Mattie the next morning at the breakfast table.
"Yeah, yeah," she answered not very enthusiastically.
Harm and Mac decided to not argue with her about her attitude right at that moment, They'd give her a chance to behave tonight and if it didn't work out then they'd try again.
Mattie hadn't asked what had happened last night. She had heard Mac crying and she assumed that it had something to do with what had happened last week. No details had been shared with Mattie, so all she knew was that Mac had killed a man and they didn't have to worry about him any more. She had sensed a small smell of alcohol when she walked into the kitchen, but since Mac seemed to be doing much better today than she had the whole week she assumed that it was just her nose playing tricks on her. She was off to school now and since her school bus left before Mac and Harm had to leave for work they remained seated at the table.
"Even though I'm kind of responsible for inviting Mr. Johnson over I'm starting to think just as badly of it as Mattie does," Mac admitted once Mattie was out the door.
"Why is that?"
"Well, you know, when I talked to him I told him that it was going to be hard for him to remain sober and now I almost didn't do that myself. I feel like a hypocrite for that."
The reason they had invited him was partly because they wanted to explain the situation with Sadiq and how he had broken in to the apartment while the girls were there since they morally felt an obligation to tell him about that. The other reason was that Mattie hadn't been contacting him the way they had agreed to and they now felt that they needed to push her into it. It was a delicate balance for them to keep pushing her in the right direction of her father without making her feel like they were pushing her away.
"Mac you were strong and resisted all on your own. That is what counts," Harm said seriously.
"I think I will need some help reminding me of that the next couple of days," she said gratefully.
"As often as you need to, Mac."
After finishing the pizzas that Mattie's father had brought over, they decided to call it quits for this time. The tensions had been horrible and even Elena had noticed and been uneasy the whole time. Harm had offered to drive him home. He was going to tell him about last week's events in the car. Mac and Mattie were cleaning up in the kitchen.
"You need to try harder Mattie," Mac said as she put the last thing away.
"Why? He's the one who screwed everything up. This is not my responsibility," Mattie protested.
"Not everyone is as lucky as you are and get a second chance with their fathers. Forgiving him is the best gift you can give yourself."
"Mac, you always think you know how I feel, but you have no idea. No idea at all," Mattie screamed at her in anger. "My mother wasn't like yours. She didn't want to leave me. He took her away. You just... ah," she said in frustration and left the kitchen. Soon after that the door to her room slammed shut.
February 21st 2004
"Mac, I'm sorry about yesterday. I really am," Mattie said truly apologetic when she emerged for breakfast the next day.
"I know that and you are already forgiven. Harm's off on his morning run. Have some pancakes," Mac said and put a plate in front of her.
"You'll forgive me just like that," Mattie said in disbelief.
"Yeah," Mac simply said.
"But I had no right to say those things. I know you want my best."
"I think there was some truth in them as well though. Our backgrounds are a lot alike, but they're not exactly the same and you aren't the same person with the same feeling as me either. Most of the time I feel that the fact that our childhoods were so much alike is a good thing since it helps me understand you better, but sometimes I get carried away and I want to apologize to you for that."
"I said some pretty nasty things to you though."
"If you'd heard what I said to my mother..."
"But you're not my mother, so you shouldn't have to put up with that from me. You've done so much for me even though you didn't have to."
"I guess you still need to vent sometimes and I actually think it's a good thing you did that. Keeping things locked up inside is never good. There was a time when I would get very defensive when anyone criticized me, especially if that person meant something to me, now I can see beyond what people say and look at the true actions instead. Besides you shouldn't feel like a guest here. You're as much a member of this family as everyone else here and that means you get to scream at us and you get to be screamed at, but most of all it means that we love each other and are there for each other. No matter what."
"Where did you learn to be so smart?"
"Harm has taught me a lot of things... You obviously have to promise to keep that to yourself," Mac joked.
"But he doesn't talk about stuff like that," Mattie interfered still serious.
"He didn't teach me like that. We learned together, by making mistakes and coming back from them. Harm was like family to me long before we were ever a couple. It's hard to explain."
"I like being a part of this family," Mattie said and hugged Mac. It was hard or her to imagine Mac and Harm not being together, even though she knew that they had known her for seven years before they became a couple.
"And we love having you. I still think you'd better work a little on the relationship with your father."
"I'll try," Mattie said and she really meant it.
TBC
February 20th 2004
"You remember that your father will be here tonight at 1830, right?" Harm reminded Mattie the next morning at the breakfast table.
"Yeah, yeah," she answered not very enthusiastically.
Harm and Mac decided to not argue with her about her attitude right at that moment, They'd give her a chance to behave tonight and if it didn't work out then they'd try again.
Mattie hadn't asked what had happened last night. She had heard Mac crying and she assumed that it had something to do with what had happened last week. No details had been shared with Mattie, so all she knew was that Mac had killed a man and they didn't have to worry about him any more. She had sensed a small smell of alcohol when she walked into the kitchen, but since Mac seemed to be doing much better today than she had the whole week she assumed that it was just her nose playing tricks on her. She was off to school now and since her school bus left before Mac and Harm had to leave for work they remained seated at the table.
"Even though I'm kind of responsible for inviting Mr. Johnson over I'm starting to think just as badly of it as Mattie does," Mac admitted once Mattie was out the door.
"Why is that?"
"Well, you know, when I talked to him I told him that it was going to be hard for him to remain sober and now I almost didn't do that myself. I feel like a hypocrite for that."
The reason they had invited him was partly because they wanted to explain the situation with Sadiq and how he had broken in to the apartment while the girls were there since they morally felt an obligation to tell him about that. The other reason was that Mattie hadn't been contacting him the way they had agreed to and they now felt that they needed to push her into it. It was a delicate balance for them to keep pushing her in the right direction of her father without making her feel like they were pushing her away.
"Mac you were strong and resisted all on your own. That is what counts," Harm said seriously.
"I think I will need some help reminding me of that the next couple of days," she said gratefully.
"As often as you need to, Mac."
After finishing the pizzas that Mattie's father had brought over, they decided to call it quits for this time. The tensions had been horrible and even Elena had noticed and been uneasy the whole time. Harm had offered to drive him home. He was going to tell him about last week's events in the car. Mac and Mattie were cleaning up in the kitchen.
"You need to try harder Mattie," Mac said as she put the last thing away.
"Why? He's the one who screwed everything up. This is not my responsibility," Mattie protested.
"Not everyone is as lucky as you are and get a second chance with their fathers. Forgiving him is the best gift you can give yourself."
"Mac, you always think you know how I feel, but you have no idea. No idea at all," Mattie screamed at her in anger. "My mother wasn't like yours. She didn't want to leave me. He took her away. You just... ah," she said in frustration and left the kitchen. Soon after that the door to her room slammed shut.
February 21st 2004
"Mac, I'm sorry about yesterday. I really am," Mattie said truly apologetic when she emerged for breakfast the next day.
"I know that and you are already forgiven. Harm's off on his morning run. Have some pancakes," Mac said and put a plate in front of her.
"You'll forgive me just like that," Mattie said in disbelief.
"Yeah," Mac simply said.
"But I had no right to say those things. I know you want my best."
"I think there was some truth in them as well though. Our backgrounds are a lot alike, but they're not exactly the same and you aren't the same person with the same feeling as me either. Most of the time I feel that the fact that our childhoods were so much alike is a good thing since it helps me understand you better, but sometimes I get carried away and I want to apologize to you for that."
"I said some pretty nasty things to you though."
"If you'd heard what I said to my mother..."
"But you're not my mother, so you shouldn't have to put up with that from me. You've done so much for me even though you didn't have to."
"I guess you still need to vent sometimes and I actually think it's a good thing you did that. Keeping things locked up inside is never good. There was a time when I would get very defensive when anyone criticized me, especially if that person meant something to me, now I can see beyond what people say and look at the true actions instead. Besides you shouldn't feel like a guest here. You're as much a member of this family as everyone else here and that means you get to scream at us and you get to be screamed at, but most of all it means that we love each other and are there for each other. No matter what."
"Where did you learn to be so smart?"
"Harm has taught me a lot of things... You obviously have to promise to keep that to yourself," Mac joked.
"But he doesn't talk about stuff like that," Mattie interfered still serious.
"He didn't teach me like that. We learned together, by making mistakes and coming back from them. Harm was like family to me long before we were ever a couple. It's hard to explain."
"I like being a part of this family," Mattie said and hugged Mac. It was hard or her to imagine Mac and Harm not being together, even though she knew that they had known her for seven years before they became a couple.
"And we love having you. I still think you'd better work a little on the relationship with your father."
"I'll try," Mattie said and she really meant it.
TBC