Part two
Just as Ron was trying to deflate Hermione's ass, Harry appeared with a popping noise. They turned to look at him. Hermione exclaimed, "You're alright, thank god, you could have died!" Ron looked angry and said, "I bet you loved that didn't you, Potter. Famous Harry Potter. You can't even go to the Riddermark without screwing a hairy midget."
The only answer he received was, " they're good for your soul. "
Just as this was said, they heard noises like rolling thunder. Then, from over the hills a bunch of horses stampeded. 'Twas the Riders of Rohan. Harry pulled out his wand just in time, and yelled, "STUPEFY." All of the horses stopped but two. They came trotting up to Harry. The commander, Eómer pulled off his helmet, it had a ponytail on it. Harry thought that he looked quite like an aardvark.
Eómer asked, "Who goes there."
Ron answered, "Be you angels?" And they answered, "Nay, we are but men.ROCK!"
And out of the distance they heard a slight noise, and it was growing louder and louder as the seconds wore on. When the noise finally got loud enough to hear properly, they looked around for Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas. They looked around because whenever this certain song plays they seem to show up running across the Riddermark.
Then Hermione yelled 'finite incantatem', and their horses were unstupified, and they rode off cursing the fact that Aragorn didn't show up. Eómer had started to fancy his unwashed manliness. That stubble was so butch, it gave him Goosebumps.
After that ordeal was over, Harry turned to Ron and said, "By the way. LOVE the eyelashes, they really do suit you."
WACK. Ron had punched Harry right in the nose.
Harry's only comeback was, "YOU BITCH. SHIT RON. I'M SHOOTING A NOSE SPRAY ADD TOMORROW! And my insurance doesn't cover PMS."
Ron looked taken aback, and Hermione giggled and said, "looks like your gunna have to miss out on the witty repartee of Harry "eat me" Potter."
"Your gayyyy," joked Harry.
"Of course not," replied Hermione. "Too late now," he yelled and chased after her yelling, "DYKE!!!".
Ron muttered under his breath, "Horny bastards...I got to go find me a 500 year old hobbit to play with."
*** As Ron walked around Hogwarts grounds he ran smack into someone how smelled quite like turnips.
"You shall not pass!" bellowed the old man.
Ron was in a very touchy mood and yelled, "Bite me, Santa! Get out of my way."
At this Gandalf turned Ron into half a mongoose. "Nooo!" squeaked Ron, "I have to find my 500 year old plaything. Curse you!"
Gandalf just laughed and said, "There is only one Lord of the Mongeese. And he does not share power! When has that white guy in the tall tower ever abandoned reason for madness?!"
"Bitch say what?" Ron exclaimed. But it was too late, Gandalf was already gone, back to the fiery chasm from whence he came. Ron then wiggled back up to Gryffindor tower.
Up in Gryffindor tower, Harry had just tackled Hermione to the ground. "RAPE!" she yelled shrilly.
"Shut up wench.someone might hear you."
"Oh No You Di'int," she retorted and slammed the heel of her hand into Harry's nose.
"Shit Hermione, I STILL have a nose spray ad tomorrow!"
"Oh sorry. 'Unbreakify'" And his nose fixed itself, and looked almost as good as Storm's. Then Harry pointed his wand at Hermione and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Knock-outify" Then Hermione was knocked out. "Its okay Hermione. Sleep is good." He said while he watched her lay there.
Then Harry heard something outside and went to the window. He exclaimed when he heard singing, "There is a fell voice on the air."
***
Legolas who is really Voldemort was walking around and found himself located right under Gryffindor Tower. He was kind of bored so he started to sing.
"There was once a wizard who lived in a forest. He told everyone his wand was enormous. So three naughty witches unzipped his britches."
"There is a fell voice on the air."
This offended the Dark Lord, so he ran away crying. As he was running away, he slammed straight into that sexy blonde babe, Draco Malfoy.
"Oh, its you again, why are you crying? Did Potter stick his wand up your."
*Crack*
All of a sudden Yoda reappeared and said, "People from dying, he wants to stop. Dead they are. All of them he has killed. A fell voice, I heard."
"Me too," added Malfoy
"Hey!" Voldemort said. "That's so uncool! You gon' die bitch, Im gon' bust a A.K. cap in yo ass!" 'Avada Kadavra.'
But, as it did with Harry Potter, only 15 years ago, it backfired. "Damn the world," he yelled. "Not again." Then he disappeared.
And as with Harry, Draco was now Another Boy Who Lived. He was blingin, with a brand new scar, as well.
Harry ran to the window, from the wall. He was sweating, so he let it drip on his balls.basketballs. And he noticed Hermione was starting to crawl. He peered down to the grass and saw Draco standing there. He apparated to his side, and looked at his forehead. "MUAHAHAHAHAHHA. you have a scar.faggot!"
***
Down in hell, Legolas thought to himself, "Is this really the way I wanted to die.again? I would have rather shot me-self in the head."
He noticed that there were a lot of fuzzy pink bunnies in hell, and found it strange. He decided to go speak with Satan, which oddly looked Ms. Biesel.
***
Draco fell and screamed, "Nooooooooooooooooo! How can this be, I don't want to be a scarhead too. No No No No! This is so.blah."
"Let me unblah you," replied Harry. " HawooweewalahalamalkoalaCHOCLATE"
Draco just stared at him blankly and said, "Whee. I like to run. I look good when I run."
Then it was Harry's turn to stare.
Somewhere in hell, Legolas proclaimed, "Oh bitch, don't let me catch your ass sayin my lines again."
Anyway, back to the scar clad boys. Harry said, "Really? You look good when you run? Me too! Let's go run. Whee."
And they took off together running like the wind. Draco's hair billowed and started to fall in front of his face, like Sam but.blonde.
***
Back in hell, Legolas ran into someone who he didn't quite know. But this person had sort of a split personality. He was both a sexy pirate and a sexy CIA guy. The CIA guy walked up to Legolas and asked, " Are you a Mexican, or a Mexicant?"
"What is your name?" he asked.
"Johnny." He answered.
"'Tis truly a lovely name," Legolas uttered.
Then all of a sudden, Johnny sprouted facial hair, rugged pirate attire and eyeliner. Oddly, he had an eye patch too. Johnny's pirate form had taken an instant dislike to Legolas and decided to make him look gay. He yelled, 'Gayify' and Legolas immediately started to look gay. Not much happened, due to the fact he was as gay as they come.
"How dare you," he gasped. "I am prepared to rip off your eye patch and skull fuck you to death."
"Ha, sure, this is the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow," Johnny cackled as he floated away.
As a last attempt, Legolas called after him, "have you ever seen one of these?" And he rummaged through his pants for a while and pulled something out, ".wait not that."
Johnny replied, "no I'm sorry, I've never seen one of those THAT small. Oh by the way.heads will roll."
Legolas had no idea what he was talking about. So he threw out his best comeback.
"You know what.I have super duper elf eyes, and you don't. So there."
(ohhh.snap)
Johnny started to cackle again, and left. Then Legolas felt hurt that he was so easily shunned, and nanced off to go complain to Satan.
When he arrived at his lair/throne thingy, he started complaining, "I want a party. I want a pony."
The devil decided to banish him from hell for whining. And adding to his banishédness (ban-ish-ED-nhess), he also exorcised Lord Voldemort from Legolas's body, and Legolas was set freeeeeeee!
As Voldemort was floating away, he screamed, "BANISHÉD, HOW CAN I BE BANISHÉD!'
***
As Harry and Draco were running, Harry looked at Malfoy and said, "Why do you keep falling behind? Because if anybody was to ask my opinion, which I note they're not, I'd say your staring at my butt."
Draco looked stunned. How did he find out? He answered, "HA! NO! Not like there's anything to stare at."
At that, he started to hum "Baby Got Back."
So they decided to sit down. They were near Hogsmeade, so they decided to go into the Three Broomsticks. As they sat down, Draco looked at Harry and said, "if you really want to be gay, I wont stop you."
Harry took offence and punched him right in the nose. Blood squirted out. Draco looked utterly pissed. His eyebrows got all evil looking, he sat so close to Harry he was almost on top of him, and he screeched, "You man whore. What did you do that for, I was just making a sincere comment."
Harry replied, " Jeez sorry homie, didn't think you'd take a sock in the face so hard. Oh and speaking of hard, the wand in your pocket is poking into my leg."
Draco smirked, and answered, "How do you know it's my wand?"
"Ewe!" exclaimed Harry, and he grabbed his cloak and ran out of the bar screaming.
But Draco still sat there. And he thought to himself 'I thought he was "Boy Who Takes it Up The Ass" now.
***
Just as Hermione awoke, she noticed a wriggling half of a mongoose with the head of Ron by her side squeaking, "Hermione, HELP ME!"
So she pulled out her wand and yelled, "Ronify" and he turned back to normal. He rushed to see if she was okay, because he had heard her yell 'Rape.' "Are you okay Hermione?"
"Yeah I'm fine, Harry just knocked me out."
"Why.how come.?
"Because I was making too much noise when he was trying to rape me."
"What. I thought he was gay!"
"Well, I guess it's a mystery. Being a magical boy, such as himself, must be so hard.
"How you get him to "unknock-outify" you?"
"I dazzled him with my.wits."
"Ah makes sense."
***
Just as Ron was trying to deflate Hermione's ass, Harry appeared with a popping noise. They turned to look at him. Hermione exclaimed, "You're alright, thank god, you could have died!" Ron looked angry and said, "I bet you loved that didn't you, Potter. Famous Harry Potter. You can't even go to the Riddermark without screwing a hairy midget."
The only answer he received was, " they're good for your soul. "
Just as this was said, they heard noises like rolling thunder. Then, from over the hills a bunch of horses stampeded. 'Twas the Riders of Rohan. Harry pulled out his wand just in time, and yelled, "STUPEFY." All of the horses stopped but two. They came trotting up to Harry. The commander, Eómer pulled off his helmet, it had a ponytail on it. Harry thought that he looked quite like an aardvark.
Eómer asked, "Who goes there."
Ron answered, "Be you angels?" And they answered, "Nay, we are but men.ROCK!"
And out of the distance they heard a slight noise, and it was growing louder and louder as the seconds wore on. When the noise finally got loud enough to hear properly, they looked around for Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas. They looked around because whenever this certain song plays they seem to show up running across the Riddermark.
Then Hermione yelled 'finite incantatem', and their horses were unstupified, and they rode off cursing the fact that Aragorn didn't show up. Eómer had started to fancy his unwashed manliness. That stubble was so butch, it gave him Goosebumps.
After that ordeal was over, Harry turned to Ron and said, "By the way. LOVE the eyelashes, they really do suit you."
WACK. Ron had punched Harry right in the nose.
Harry's only comeback was, "YOU BITCH. SHIT RON. I'M SHOOTING A NOSE SPRAY ADD TOMORROW! And my insurance doesn't cover PMS."
Ron looked taken aback, and Hermione giggled and said, "looks like your gunna have to miss out on the witty repartee of Harry "eat me" Potter."
"Your gayyyy," joked Harry.
"Of course not," replied Hermione. "Too late now," he yelled and chased after her yelling, "DYKE!!!".
Ron muttered under his breath, "Horny bastards...I got to go find me a 500 year old hobbit to play with."
*** As Ron walked around Hogwarts grounds he ran smack into someone how smelled quite like turnips.
"You shall not pass!" bellowed the old man.
Ron was in a very touchy mood and yelled, "Bite me, Santa! Get out of my way."
At this Gandalf turned Ron into half a mongoose. "Nooo!" squeaked Ron, "I have to find my 500 year old plaything. Curse you!"
Gandalf just laughed and said, "There is only one Lord of the Mongeese. And he does not share power! When has that white guy in the tall tower ever abandoned reason for madness?!"
"Bitch say what?" Ron exclaimed. But it was too late, Gandalf was already gone, back to the fiery chasm from whence he came. Ron then wiggled back up to Gryffindor tower.
Up in Gryffindor tower, Harry had just tackled Hermione to the ground. "RAPE!" she yelled shrilly.
"Shut up wench.someone might hear you."
"Oh No You Di'int," she retorted and slammed the heel of her hand into Harry's nose.
"Shit Hermione, I STILL have a nose spray ad tomorrow!"
"Oh sorry. 'Unbreakify'" And his nose fixed itself, and looked almost as good as Storm's. Then Harry pointed his wand at Hermione and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Knock-outify" Then Hermione was knocked out. "Its okay Hermione. Sleep is good." He said while he watched her lay there.
Then Harry heard something outside and went to the window. He exclaimed when he heard singing, "There is a fell voice on the air."
***
Legolas who is really Voldemort was walking around and found himself located right under Gryffindor Tower. He was kind of bored so he started to sing.
"There was once a wizard who lived in a forest. He told everyone his wand was enormous. So three naughty witches unzipped his britches."
"There is a fell voice on the air."
This offended the Dark Lord, so he ran away crying. As he was running away, he slammed straight into that sexy blonde babe, Draco Malfoy.
"Oh, its you again, why are you crying? Did Potter stick his wand up your."
*Crack*
All of a sudden Yoda reappeared and said, "People from dying, he wants to stop. Dead they are. All of them he has killed. A fell voice, I heard."
"Me too," added Malfoy
"Hey!" Voldemort said. "That's so uncool! You gon' die bitch, Im gon' bust a A.K. cap in yo ass!" 'Avada Kadavra.'
But, as it did with Harry Potter, only 15 years ago, it backfired. "Damn the world," he yelled. "Not again." Then he disappeared.
And as with Harry, Draco was now Another Boy Who Lived. He was blingin, with a brand new scar, as well.
Harry ran to the window, from the wall. He was sweating, so he let it drip on his balls.basketballs. And he noticed Hermione was starting to crawl. He peered down to the grass and saw Draco standing there. He apparated to his side, and looked at his forehead. "MUAHAHAHAHAHHA. you have a scar.faggot!"
***
Down in hell, Legolas thought to himself, "Is this really the way I wanted to die.again? I would have rather shot me-self in the head."
He noticed that there were a lot of fuzzy pink bunnies in hell, and found it strange. He decided to go speak with Satan, which oddly looked Ms. Biesel.
***
Draco fell and screamed, "Nooooooooooooooooo! How can this be, I don't want to be a scarhead too. No No No No! This is so.blah."
"Let me unblah you," replied Harry. " HawooweewalahalamalkoalaCHOCLATE"
Draco just stared at him blankly and said, "Whee. I like to run. I look good when I run."
Then it was Harry's turn to stare.
Somewhere in hell, Legolas proclaimed, "Oh bitch, don't let me catch your ass sayin my lines again."
Anyway, back to the scar clad boys. Harry said, "Really? You look good when you run? Me too! Let's go run. Whee."
And they took off together running like the wind. Draco's hair billowed and started to fall in front of his face, like Sam but.blonde.
***
Back in hell, Legolas ran into someone who he didn't quite know. But this person had sort of a split personality. He was both a sexy pirate and a sexy CIA guy. The CIA guy walked up to Legolas and asked, " Are you a Mexican, or a Mexicant?"
"What is your name?" he asked.
"Johnny." He answered.
"'Tis truly a lovely name," Legolas uttered.
Then all of a sudden, Johnny sprouted facial hair, rugged pirate attire and eyeliner. Oddly, he had an eye patch too. Johnny's pirate form had taken an instant dislike to Legolas and decided to make him look gay. He yelled, 'Gayify' and Legolas immediately started to look gay. Not much happened, due to the fact he was as gay as they come.
"How dare you," he gasped. "I am prepared to rip off your eye patch and skull fuck you to death."
"Ha, sure, this is the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow," Johnny cackled as he floated away.
As a last attempt, Legolas called after him, "have you ever seen one of these?" And he rummaged through his pants for a while and pulled something out, ".wait not that."
Johnny replied, "no I'm sorry, I've never seen one of those THAT small. Oh by the way.heads will roll."
Legolas had no idea what he was talking about. So he threw out his best comeback.
"You know what.I have super duper elf eyes, and you don't. So there."
(ohhh.snap)
Johnny started to cackle again, and left. Then Legolas felt hurt that he was so easily shunned, and nanced off to go complain to Satan.
When he arrived at his lair/throne thingy, he started complaining, "I want a party. I want a pony."
The devil decided to banish him from hell for whining. And adding to his banishédness (ban-ish-ED-nhess), he also exorcised Lord Voldemort from Legolas's body, and Legolas was set freeeeeeee!
As Voldemort was floating away, he screamed, "BANISHÉD, HOW CAN I BE BANISHÉD!'
***
As Harry and Draco were running, Harry looked at Malfoy and said, "Why do you keep falling behind? Because if anybody was to ask my opinion, which I note they're not, I'd say your staring at my butt."
Draco looked stunned. How did he find out? He answered, "HA! NO! Not like there's anything to stare at."
At that, he started to hum "Baby Got Back."
So they decided to sit down. They were near Hogsmeade, so they decided to go into the Three Broomsticks. As they sat down, Draco looked at Harry and said, "if you really want to be gay, I wont stop you."
Harry took offence and punched him right in the nose. Blood squirted out. Draco looked utterly pissed. His eyebrows got all evil looking, he sat so close to Harry he was almost on top of him, and he screeched, "You man whore. What did you do that for, I was just making a sincere comment."
Harry replied, " Jeez sorry homie, didn't think you'd take a sock in the face so hard. Oh and speaking of hard, the wand in your pocket is poking into my leg."
Draco smirked, and answered, "How do you know it's my wand?"
"Ewe!" exclaimed Harry, and he grabbed his cloak and ran out of the bar screaming.
But Draco still sat there. And he thought to himself 'I thought he was "Boy Who Takes it Up The Ass" now.
***
Just as Hermione awoke, she noticed a wriggling half of a mongoose with the head of Ron by her side squeaking, "Hermione, HELP ME!"
So she pulled out her wand and yelled, "Ronify" and he turned back to normal. He rushed to see if she was okay, because he had heard her yell 'Rape.' "Are you okay Hermione?"
"Yeah I'm fine, Harry just knocked me out."
"Why.how come.?
"Because I was making too much noise when he was trying to rape me."
"What. I thought he was gay!"
"Well, I guess it's a mystery. Being a magical boy, such as himself, must be so hard.
"How you get him to "unknock-outify" you?"
"I dazzled him with my.wits."
"Ah makes sense."
***