Part Eight.
A/N:
One may wonder, "When will a plot develop?" "When will it end?" "When will Legolas stop be at the receiving end of our jokes?"
Well here are the answers folks: Hopefully soon. After the plot develops. And NEVER! Ahahahahah okay sorry. Anyways. This is chapter 8. Sorry the other one was so short. This one is a bit longer.
Oh, and for all you music lovers of all genres out there, don't be offended by the special cameos. I wont give them away now. But you must read and see. Thanks.
Walking from house to house, Legolas was looking for something to do. Just as he was passing by, he noticed a wardrobe sitting in the middle of the road.
The leaves started to rustle around him and he yelled, "Get off the road!"
Since the wardrobe is obviously an inanimate object, it stood there looking quite innocent. This royally pissed off Legolas. So after a minute of internal debate, he decided to go smack it down.
As he got closer, he noticed the wardrobe was rocking back and forth. Something had to be inside. He wanted to touch it. So he whipped out his handy dandy spork and started sporking his way through the wood.
Tedious as this was, it kept him amused for hours on end. Until finally he decided to give up and open it. Just as he reached for the knob, the wardrobe shook violently.
Legolas screamed and started running in circles. The rest of the Fellowship and Harry and his friends all ran to his aid.
Hermione eyed the wardrobe, pulled out her wand, and yelled, "Oh move over!"
She unlocked the wardrobe and moved back. Harry stepped up and a dementor drifted out. Harry started to black out and hear bad experiences in his head. He remembered one in particular.
"That was the worst sex I have ever had! Ron, you suck!"
A few minutes later, Harry regained consciousness. He noticed that Gimli was standing in front of him, and the dementor was gone.
Lying on the ground was Legolas' dead body. Harry silently thought to himself, hasn't he died enough times in this story already?
Harry heard a stifled cry, it was Legolas. But alive. Standing behind him.
Ron pushed his way in and said, "I know what that is, it's a Boggart."
All of a sudden the dead Legolas turned into a spider. Seeing as spiders freak Ron out, he ran away screaming, "Follow the spiders, why couldn't it be follow the butterflies. I am going to kill the next queer I see."
He looked up and saw Legolas. What a big surprise.
Pippin took Ron's place and tried to take on the boggart. The spider went poof and in its place laid a big heap of broken carrots.
His eyes began to water, and he ran into Merry's outstretched arms.
Merry then threw Pippin to the side and exclaimed, "But I want to fight."
He bounded up to the wardrobe and the carrots turned into the one and only Witch King of Angmar.
The Witch King was about to speak, but then Legolas rammed into Merry and knocked him to the side.
"I am no man!" Legolas shrieked and ripped off his dress, letting his long blonde hair sway back and forth in the wind.
The Witch King was shocked, "But. . . I didn't even say anything. . ."
Legolas replied, "Oh. . .uh. heh, I'll be back then. I most re-clothe myself in my purple polyester skirt and boot ensemble."
Aragorn jumped in front, ready to take on the Witch King, but was stunned because the Witch King was no longer standing there. In his place was a clean-shaven man in a suit, with amazingly shiny, oil-free hair.
The man spoke in a jaunty voice, "Hello! Would you like to buy a shaving kit, or perhaps some shampoo?"
Aragorn's eyes widened. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
It was another manly yell. Aragorn ran and hid under a rock while Hermione finally managed vanquished to boggart.
After reassuring him many times that the man was gone, Hermione was able to get Aragorn out from under the rock.
All retreating to their houses, the Fellowship was once again separated.
Feeling bored, Harry Potter decided to take a walk. As he walked he was observing the sites he has never seen before, such as a waterfall, a dog, and . . . a mole talking to a camera crew?
Harry, feeling that this sight was out of place and not of the norm, he got closer. He overheard this mole telling the camera crew many things.
". . . You are nothing without me. We have been everywhere together: Spain, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Europe, Asia, Ana Kornicova (sp?)."
Since Harry was magical and not quite "hip," he didn't quite understand what this mole was talking about. He also found it funny that a mole was talking. This wasn't the animal kind of mole. This was the removed and long outcasted mole of Latin singer Enrique Iglesias.
Feeling quite disturbed, Harry proceeded onwards.
While walking he saw a commotion up ahead. So, walking at a swifter pace, he decided to find out what on Joey (earth) was going on.
He saw a man.
A man he had never seen before. And this man was missing something. Harry could only hear bits and pieces of what this guy was yelling because more then half of it was in a different language.
"My Mole! Where is my mole? I need my mole!"
Enrique ran over to Harry.
"Have you seen a mole? It's about this big, and brown"
Harry, puzzled at this question, retorted, "Um, yes. I saw it giving an interview. It's down this street."
"Oh, gracias. Are you Harry Potter? I Loved you in 'Harry Potter y la Chambre de Los Secretos.'
"Um, thanks," replied Harry. And he continued forwards.
He kept walking. He was walking for miles. He walked right into a forest.
He could sense somebody else's presence in the forest.
'Morsmordgay,' Harry heard a high-pitched voice yell out.
In the sky, a symbol started to appear. It was made out of purple stars. Harry had expected the Dark Mark, but instead saw something he had never seen before.
A man had run out from the forest. He was tall, dark, and not so handsome. In fact, he looked like a woman. Harry did not recognize this guy either.
This strange new person walked up to Harry singing, "All I want is your extra time and your. . . kiss. Ooooh."
"Who are you," Harry asked.
"The Artist Formerly Known As Prince," TAFKAP replied. "And that is what I go by now," TAFKAP said pointing to the symbol in the sky.
Idiots, Harry thought, I am surrounded by idiots.
Sorry if this chapter was not up to your expectations, or not funny enough and so on and so forth. I wrote more then half of this solo. And after rereading it, I don't find it quite as funny as the others. I am kind of lost on what new and exciting adventure I should put the characters through. Or if I should just end it in the next chapter. So, if anybody has any suggestions or requests: you can leave it in a review, email me, or IM me on AIM. My screen name is xskyisclosed. I will be sure to add your request one way or another into my story. Actually, I think I am putting off this plot thing until the last chapter. But nonetheless, thank you.
Review if you wish. It will be greatly appreciated. Flamers welcome, I just don't want to hear the same old "Legolas is so hot, why do make fun of him" crap. Constructive criticism, and just regular criticism is nice. Actually just hearing from you is nice. So be a pal and click that review button down there. Thanks!
And by the by, Enrique Iglesias and Ana Kornicova (sp?) own themselves. Enrique also used to own his mole. Prince, or TAFKAP, also owns himself, and the study of Musicology. This is all in good fun. Heh. But anyways, I don't know how to cite people. So that is it. Right there. My citation.
The mole conversation comes from E!, or so I heard. I think my friend was lying, but no matter. It was still funny.
A/N:
One may wonder, "When will a plot develop?" "When will it end?" "When will Legolas stop be at the receiving end of our jokes?"
Well here are the answers folks: Hopefully soon. After the plot develops. And NEVER! Ahahahahah okay sorry. Anyways. This is chapter 8. Sorry the other one was so short. This one is a bit longer.
Oh, and for all you music lovers of all genres out there, don't be offended by the special cameos. I wont give them away now. But you must read and see. Thanks.
Walking from house to house, Legolas was looking for something to do. Just as he was passing by, he noticed a wardrobe sitting in the middle of the road.
The leaves started to rustle around him and he yelled, "Get off the road!"
Since the wardrobe is obviously an inanimate object, it stood there looking quite innocent. This royally pissed off Legolas. So after a minute of internal debate, he decided to go smack it down.
As he got closer, he noticed the wardrobe was rocking back and forth. Something had to be inside. He wanted to touch it. So he whipped out his handy dandy spork and started sporking his way through the wood.
Tedious as this was, it kept him amused for hours on end. Until finally he decided to give up and open it. Just as he reached for the knob, the wardrobe shook violently.
Legolas screamed and started running in circles. The rest of the Fellowship and Harry and his friends all ran to his aid.
Hermione eyed the wardrobe, pulled out her wand, and yelled, "Oh move over!"
She unlocked the wardrobe and moved back. Harry stepped up and a dementor drifted out. Harry started to black out and hear bad experiences in his head. He remembered one in particular.
"That was the worst sex I have ever had! Ron, you suck!"
A few minutes later, Harry regained consciousness. He noticed that Gimli was standing in front of him, and the dementor was gone.
Lying on the ground was Legolas' dead body. Harry silently thought to himself, hasn't he died enough times in this story already?
Harry heard a stifled cry, it was Legolas. But alive. Standing behind him.
Ron pushed his way in and said, "I know what that is, it's a Boggart."
All of a sudden the dead Legolas turned into a spider. Seeing as spiders freak Ron out, he ran away screaming, "Follow the spiders, why couldn't it be follow the butterflies. I am going to kill the next queer I see."
He looked up and saw Legolas. What a big surprise.
Pippin took Ron's place and tried to take on the boggart. The spider went poof and in its place laid a big heap of broken carrots.
His eyes began to water, and he ran into Merry's outstretched arms.
Merry then threw Pippin to the side and exclaimed, "But I want to fight."
He bounded up to the wardrobe and the carrots turned into the one and only Witch King of Angmar.
The Witch King was about to speak, but then Legolas rammed into Merry and knocked him to the side.
"I am no man!" Legolas shrieked and ripped off his dress, letting his long blonde hair sway back and forth in the wind.
The Witch King was shocked, "But. . . I didn't even say anything. . ."
Legolas replied, "Oh. . .uh. heh, I'll be back then. I most re-clothe myself in my purple polyester skirt and boot ensemble."
Aragorn jumped in front, ready to take on the Witch King, but was stunned because the Witch King was no longer standing there. In his place was a clean-shaven man in a suit, with amazingly shiny, oil-free hair.
The man spoke in a jaunty voice, "Hello! Would you like to buy a shaving kit, or perhaps some shampoo?"
Aragorn's eyes widened. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
It was another manly yell. Aragorn ran and hid under a rock while Hermione finally managed vanquished to boggart.
After reassuring him many times that the man was gone, Hermione was able to get Aragorn out from under the rock.
All retreating to their houses, the Fellowship was once again separated.
Feeling bored, Harry Potter decided to take a walk. As he walked he was observing the sites he has never seen before, such as a waterfall, a dog, and . . . a mole talking to a camera crew?
Harry, feeling that this sight was out of place and not of the norm, he got closer. He overheard this mole telling the camera crew many things.
". . . You are nothing without me. We have been everywhere together: Spain, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Europe, Asia, Ana Kornicova (sp?)."
Since Harry was magical and not quite "hip," he didn't quite understand what this mole was talking about. He also found it funny that a mole was talking. This wasn't the animal kind of mole. This was the removed and long outcasted mole of Latin singer Enrique Iglesias.
Feeling quite disturbed, Harry proceeded onwards.
While walking he saw a commotion up ahead. So, walking at a swifter pace, he decided to find out what on Joey (earth) was going on.
He saw a man.
A man he had never seen before. And this man was missing something. Harry could only hear bits and pieces of what this guy was yelling because more then half of it was in a different language.
"My Mole! Where is my mole? I need my mole!"
Enrique ran over to Harry.
"Have you seen a mole? It's about this big, and brown"
Harry, puzzled at this question, retorted, "Um, yes. I saw it giving an interview. It's down this street."
"Oh, gracias. Are you Harry Potter? I Loved you in 'Harry Potter y la Chambre de Los Secretos.'
"Um, thanks," replied Harry. And he continued forwards.
He kept walking. He was walking for miles. He walked right into a forest.
He could sense somebody else's presence in the forest.
'Morsmordgay,' Harry heard a high-pitched voice yell out.
In the sky, a symbol started to appear. It was made out of purple stars. Harry had expected the Dark Mark, but instead saw something he had never seen before.
A man had run out from the forest. He was tall, dark, and not so handsome. In fact, he looked like a woman. Harry did not recognize this guy either.
This strange new person walked up to Harry singing, "All I want is your extra time and your. . . kiss. Ooooh."
"Who are you," Harry asked.
"The Artist Formerly Known As Prince," TAFKAP replied. "And that is what I go by now," TAFKAP said pointing to the symbol in the sky.
Idiots, Harry thought, I am surrounded by idiots.
Sorry if this chapter was not up to your expectations, or not funny enough and so on and so forth. I wrote more then half of this solo. And after rereading it, I don't find it quite as funny as the others. I am kind of lost on what new and exciting adventure I should put the characters through. Or if I should just end it in the next chapter. So, if anybody has any suggestions or requests: you can leave it in a review, email me, or IM me on AIM. My screen name is xskyisclosed. I will be sure to add your request one way or another into my story. Actually, I think I am putting off this plot thing until the last chapter. But nonetheless, thank you.
Review if you wish. It will be greatly appreciated. Flamers welcome, I just don't want to hear the same old "Legolas is so hot, why do make fun of him" crap. Constructive criticism, and just regular criticism is nice. Actually just hearing from you is nice. So be a pal and click that review button down there. Thanks!
And by the by, Enrique Iglesias and Ana Kornicova (sp?) own themselves. Enrique also used to own his mole. Prince, or TAFKAP, also owns himself, and the study of Musicology. This is all in good fun. Heh. But anyways, I don't know how to cite people. So that is it. Right there. My citation.
The mole conversation comes from E!, or so I heard. I think my friend was lying, but no matter. It was still funny.