Secondly, thanks to Shadow-Kat for inspiring me so much in the field of writing. I thank her so much because if she hadn't said the things she did, I wouldn't have been able to finish this chapter and I would've been more screwed up in the head.
This is dedicated to everybody else who's both inspired and put me down, not forgetting Jowie who spins me around like a bloody merry-go-round with the speed button on extreme. Dude, you are so… out of this world but that's what I like so much about you. Oh and you forgot to put your name on your report.
For further words of gratitude and other such nonsense, fee; free to look at the bottom of the page.
1+2, 3+4, 13+5, Mentions of D+R and extreme OOC-ness ensue. You have been warned.
Teach Me How To Be CoolLesson #11:
Malt Liquor Tastes Better When You've Got Problems
[Duo]
The Darlington Public high school was like any other stereotyping high school but you have to give them credit actually—there are but a few significant social roles, which my high school took a part in. It played church, charity and blood donor (don't ask the latter).
It molded society, rather what society would be years from now and paved the way for other forms of direct dictatorship, outright rebellion and repressed angst—sure it honed our ineptitude but education is only one of the few things they teach you when you go to school. It's like a discount in wholesale, if you know what I mean.
Society was reflected in school pretty much. There were lords (cool kids) who were very dominant and exploitive land owners, and vassals (those bozos you hang out with at the back of the bus with acne problems and glasses and who serve the cool kids) who actually bow down to the lords and spit shine their shoes; the upper class of the social ladder consisted mostly of those people who smelled great and wore nice clothes, drove nifty cars though they were underage.
They were jocks, cheerleaders and the rich kids.
I didn't belong to that class for the sole reason that I wasn't just fit enough. First off, I'm not a jock—I loathe sports because it makes me sweat and sweating makes me sticky and I'm quite the hygienic I'd-rather-avoid-sports-if-it-makes-me-less-clean type—and second of all I am not a cheerleader. I hate pom poms, pigtails (that's another story) and squealing (or people who do) and ogling over big-bodied, muscled jocks with the amoeba mentalities and it's not as if I can wear a really short skirt because my father would have a tiff and the school would shun me altogether.
Now about the other things that cast me out of the school's social 'inner circle'. I wasn't rich—I lived above poverty level so that was a relief but considering how my father disallowed me to wear anything but these bloody jumpers I resent the former.
Anyway, It's not that I had B.O. or smelled any less nice than the cool kids had; I just didn't fit in at all. Period. (Well, there is of course the underlying fact that my wardrobe is slightly scant and I talk too much, had one friend and was a preacher's kid.)
In school, science and modern literature were also pretty much represented. There was a balance of nature as eloquently depicted, the prey (kids who were picked on) the predator, (kids who did the picking) and the detached bystanders with the social conscience of a prokaryote (kids who watched others getting picked on).
As for literature, some kids liked to curse in different languages, like Heero Yuy for example. Anyway, somehow the vernacular language is discarded in D.P.S. because people liked to have their own lingo. Like Quatre for example—when he says yes, he means no, when he says 'Duo, I don't think this is a good idea' he means, 'You really should do it, Duo'.
Some other kids liked to talk with Californian surfer accents (but they don't really count because all they say is 'dude' and 'rad, man.'), some spoke with lisps and intonations, the drama people liked speaking it in French and the RevYoPoSoDa otherwise known as Revolutionary Young Poets' Society Of Darlington used words that rhyme and weren't really visible in the modern Webster Dictionary.
(You just don't say 'whore' anymore these days; you simply say 'trumpet strumpet'.)
There were always the cool kids or the exploitive lords—people who smelled good, wore nice clothes and looked great most of the time, (the tenants) the anti-social poets in turtlenecks who cursed creatively below their breath as they walked hunched in the hallways as if their day had been bad enough because of their scorned existence, the punks with pierced ears and dyed hair with their outlandish culture, the introversive and usually silent mysterious trench coat people who tread the halls as if they were some Fallen Angel out of a movie but still remained to be cool despite their lack of 'sartorial elegance', the rebellious black-clad teens who hung out on the wall of the school during lunch and recess passing boiled peanuts around and playing dominoes, and the (slaves) schmucks and nerds who had their head bent down because if any of them made eye contact with the exploitive lords, they would be hanged, more or less have their heads flushed down the toilet.
I was the latter. But now I feel so promoted—quite. Anyway, Heero had changed all that. I may still be wearing a jumper but that's beside the point. He loved me now as I had loved him. Need I say more?
The red curtain slowly slid open to reveal me all in black.
The color blended well with my slightly tanned complexion (I had to admit) and lean frame, highlighting the blissful iridescent glow of my violet eyes and as I looked into the mirror, I realized I looked almost ethereal (either that or my jumper had hidden my well defined features all these years) and infinitely irresistible to the eyes of those who watched me. (Heero and the guy with red hair.)
My chestnut braid fell languidly down my back, reaching down to my rear, silently following my every graceful (ha, I wish!) movement as carefully with ease devoid of pretense, I stepped towards Heero whose stoical mask wavered strangely.
I grinned.
There was fleeting uncertainty in Heero's face as I twirled around to give him a good look of his outfit and just as predicted, Heero almost gaped as he took it all in:
The black cotton shirt that had the word 'rock my world' written in bold, blood red letters, showing all the right lines and planes of the upper body, the leather pants that stretched down to the ankles enough to see the black boots.
I stiffly smiled at Heero before flushing an odd shade of red, my ears and scalp prickling as Heero's silence spoke more than words could.
I felt myself melt under Heero's intense gaze but nonetheless despite Heero's critical scrutiny and my trepidation that my lover might not approve of the much-too-revealing outfit he himself had chosen, Heero's seemingly awestruck wordlessness made me feel as if I were the most exquisite thing in the whole world, the most beautiful, pristine rose.
I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently against the floor, and as my eyes wandered behind Heero, I could see the guy with the piercings staring at me as well.
Heero blinked once and he shut his mouth promptly before grunting an unintelligible 'Hn.', which I took in as a 'You're beautiful'.
"Well, Heero?" I asked playfully, swaying my hips a little.
When Heero didn't respond for another prolonged moment, groaning, I sighed and just gave up.
"Okay, then! Your silence confirms it!"
I walked back into the changing room and Heero snapped out of his daze, fixing a hard scowl on nobody in particular.
"I'm going to Relena's party in a garbage bag!!"
"Baka."
I rolled my eyes. "Promises. Promises!" I pretended to be chagrined with Heero and the latter only smiled thinly in return as he walked over to me, arms readily reaching out for my shoulders. "I thought you said that you'd never call me that anymore."
"I say that with fondness now."
"What? So idiot's my nickname now?" I all but cried out. "I wonder how your parents will take this, you calling your boyfriend an idiot… Peachy, don't you think? I may as well have a cap with 'dunce' written all over it, that way everybody will know I'm a bloody twit!"
"Duo, you're overreacting."
"No, I'm not."
"Is it that time of month?"
My brow shot up. "Honestly, Heero." I began to say, folding my arms and retracting myself from his grip. "You think your jokes are funny, but sadly they barely make anyone smile so I suggest that you should just keep them to yourself." I rolled my eyes at him.
"I'm not making humorous commentary," Heero said seriously as he tried to pull me towards him. I complied. "And compared to you, if I started any sooner—", he stopped speaking briefly as he placed my arms to drape on his shoulders. "—If I started speaking humorously, my commentaries would be on a higher scale than yours."
"Are you trying to say I'm corny?" Heero pulled me close as if we were going to dance. He said nothing as he traced the outline of my lips with his finger.
"Oh, would you b-bloody stop doing t-that to my f-face!" I tried to snarl but Heero merely chuckled. I was ticklish, you know.
"This is the part where I kiss you to shut you up."
My eyes widened as he did just that. After a bit of groping and kissing in the dressing stall, in which I had stubbed my toe and Heero had almost ripped the pants off of me, I asked a tad hesitantly, "Sartorial elegance enough?"
I wanted to know if Heero liked the outfit. I am officially an overlord now. Hehe.
I felt the edge of Heero's lips twist into a smile as he kissed my forehead. "Black suits you."
"Oh you think so?" I twirled around perfectly, braid following my brisk movements once more and I stopped abruptly when I almost ended up dizzy eyed and blinked. "Whoa... Too much pirouetting there."
Heero folded his arms on his chest and gave me a dull look as he moved away from our proximity.
"Well, I suppose black is my color." I admitted, rolling my eyes at Heero who was on the verge of making fun of me again. "I think I might dye all my jumpers black if my parents allow me to. Just look at me man, I look so thin in this thing."
Heero walked over to me as I checked my reflection in the mirror, hands placing on my hips. "You are thin. In fact, very thin."
The two of us were in a secluded area of the store, where the changing rooms were located and only a few people were around, scattered in scant clusters and groups.
My left brow quirked. "Is that an insult or a compliment?"
Heero could only smile faintly, reaching to circle his arms around the slender waist in front of him as he allowed his chin to lean down on my shoulder.
"Whichever suits your enjoyment, Duo." I love how he says my name like that.
My face grew hot and red at Heero's husky tone, electric shivers coursing through my body. Heero always had that very same effect on me.
"You look like a perfect angel, Duo."
I shrugged, fingers tangled with Heero's at the front of my waist, blush subsiding.
"Angels don't wear black. They're pure, innocent and wear white, at least that's what Ma used to say when I was little."
"You must be the angel of death then." Heero kissed my cheek, still not moving from his position otherwise. "Pure, innocent and mine. My angel of death."
"Angels are lower in rank." I murmured softly, struggling not to giggle but failing as Heero nibbled lightly on my left ear. "I prefer to be called The God Of Death."
"The God of Death it is." Heero said finally as I leaned into his embrace and allowed the other boy to half-cradle me in his arms. "Shinigami."
"Shini-poo?" I blinked and turned to look at Heero curiously.
"Shi-ni-ga-mi." Heero said again, blowing lightly against my ear. "It's Japanese for God of Death."
"Cool." I smiled, ignoring the recent myriad of shivers that threatened to overwhelm my spinal cord. "I like it. Hmm… Shiniwami? Shinipoo-poo? Shini-what was that again?"
"Shinigami, baka." Heero ceased blowing and shook his head in disbelief.
I feigned a frown. "I thought you promised not to call me an idiot anymore." I pouted and watched my reflection do the same in the mirror.
Heero said nothing, a mirror of myself (no pun intended) as we both admired the sight we made in the full-length glass and after a brief silence I spoke once more, softly this time.
"You have to admit, it's got a nice ring to it, don't you agree?"
Heero nodded.
"Shinigami." I murmured wistfully. "God of Death. Correction, sexy, imperiously hot and ridiculously good looking Shinigami."
Heero let out a snort.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You sure are strange sometimes, Heero."
"My Shinigami." Heero told me, ignoring my last remark. "Mine and mine alone."
"Yeah well, I like that too." I smiled at the reflection we made in the full-length mirror, ignoring the guy with piercings gagging at the back and pretending to puke.
***
By the time it hit six at night, I had been at Heero's place for at least an hour after shopping for clothes from the Boston Mall.
I can't say I enjoyed the mall a lot even if it gave me an opportunity to leave Darlington for the time being and spend an entire day holding Heero's hand (or rather letting him carry the shopping bags for me) since there were throngs of people bustling in and out of shops as if it were pay day and the guy with dyed spikes in his hair touched my butt when Heero and I left the store after our first purchase of the day.
Said guy mouthed at me and winked, 'I want a vacuum' and I pondered for a moment what that meant till I found the sense of it all in a shoe store. It meant, 'I want to fuck you.' And being a simple Darlington person, I hadn't experienced anybody say that to me yet. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or not.
Anyway I hate crowds. And malls are crowded.
It reminds me of my future profession in which I have to reach out to the needy and donate a liver to a child I barely even know which reminds me thus, of my father who should be back in a week or so.
By the time the plastic clock hit six, my head jerked up from its position on Heero's chest and I scrambled to get my clothes off the floor as Heero stared idly at me from the couch. "I have to feed the dog!" I remembered and as I was struggling to search for a sock amidst the plastic bags strewn on the floor, I caught Heero smirking up at me.
"What?"
"You don't need to feed the dog."
"You fed my dog already?"
"No." Heero had his teeth gritted in annoyance. "You're not at your father's home now, Duo. You're at my house where there are no rules and no limitations."
"So I can sing Eminem in the shower?"
Heero turned to a sitting position and folded his arms. "…Yes."
"And I can check my own emails?"
"Yes."
"And I can curse and scream out loud and run around the house in my u—"
"Don't push it." I pouted and pretended to be offended.
"Hey you said that this household isn't bound by restrictions!"
"Well, there are but a few exceptions to take note of."
"Always so formal in your speech, aren't you Heero?" I grinned and walked over to him, cupping his cheeks in my cold hands. His face was warm and the coldness from his eyes has dissipated in the blueness of their not-so lachrymal depths.
Heero inched his face upwards, his hands over mine as I held his face. His touch was affectionate and caring and my heart thumped wildly in my chest as his lips parted to speak in a voice below a whisper.
"Duo," He said so softly that I could barely hear it. "I l—"
And then suddenly the door yanked open and I had to jump away from Heero. Quatre and Trowa were standing in the doorway all dressed up and good to go. Quatre was grinning and had clasped his hands together as if to say 'hello' whereas Trowa wore his detached, indifferent expression and stood by him astutely. "Well, are you two ready for the party?" Quatre chirped.
I sighed and gathered my limbs from its sprawled position on the floor. "Of all the moments you could've prevented from happening, you chose now to spoil the mood?"
Quatre looked at me weirdly. "I have my moments." He grinned.
The fact that I was standing in my boxers and Heero had only his spandex shorts on and we were in the very same room did not strike me as odd.
I sighed and put on a melodramatic face as Heero picked up his tank top from the floor and slipped it over his head. "We were engaged in this very meaningful conversation, you see and it was very sentimental what with the waves of the sea crashing and falling and the stars falling and all—"
Quatre blushed beet red and chewed on his bottom lip. "Er, sorry, Duo."
I sighed. Quatre had his moments.
***
I was prancing around the house trying to get the black combat boots to fit me. My braid was half-done, my shirt was on inside out and my fly was open. It was the night Heero and I would get to shove our relationship in Relena's face and I couldn't have been in a more beautiful, disheveled state.
As I struggled to fix my reflection in the mirror, all the while trying not to look like
I hibernated in my outfit for centuries and pulling on my boots, Heero walked over to me in his green shirt and pants. The stuff he had on was simple and his hair was all tousled in that kind of 'I just got up from bed from a wonderful lay which was Duo Maxwell' look. It looked incredibly sexy on him.
I grinned shyly up at him as he folded his arms as if to say, 'Really now Duo, I thought you could dress yourself up without wrecking havoc.' (Did I mention there was hair spray and clothes everywhere?) But since my boyfriend's communication skills are inept, he just looked down at me as I hopped up and down trying to get the boots on.
"I'll be waiting downstairs." Heero said simply after a few dull seconds of watching me pull my zipper up all the while trying not to be like Ben Stiller from 'There's Something About Mary'. I nodded and smiled at his retreating reflection in the mirror.
After a few painstaking minutes of smoothing my bangs and hair, I straightened my attire and bounded down the stairs. My heart was thumping in tumults and I tried hard not to trip as I took the steps two at a time.
At the foot of the stairs, was Heero who had his hands jammed in his pockets. His worn rubber shoes were dirty and the color had been two shades lighter than its original. As he heard my ecstatic footfalls, his head snapped up and a small, almost imperceptible smile played against his lips.
I stopped for a brief moment—Heero was gaping at me. (Sort of, well… at least I think he was.)
I just smiled softly and sighed in contentment and decided to kiss him—forgetting the fact that I was in the middle of the staircase and my boyfriend was ten feet down.
I slipped on the next step and tumbled gracelessly like a basketball down at Heero's feet. Really, I did. I tried holding onto the banister but I couldn't reach out for it in the nick of time because before that thought struck me as relevant, my chin was bleeding and my arm was painful.
Heero looked quite shocked—I noted as I began replaying the memory in my mind while holding a pack of ice to the small bump on my head— his mouth opened and close in slow motion as he watched me fall down at his feet. ("Ouch!") It's not very appealing I know but what gives? I did fall for him. Literally and otherwise.
The fall had been so fast I had looked around (I think.) cross-eyed. My head was swimming, my body hurt, my chin was bleeding and my boyfriend was wincing as he tried to comfort me.
Heero had scooped me from his feet and brought me to the kitchen counter where a ton of medical equipment was located near the fridge. (Odd.) I wasn't crying or anything—I was just numb and feeling faint, not to mention a little dizzy.
"Don't move too much or this will sting." Heero said as I swung my legs (with a great amount of effort) back and forth as I sat on the counter.
I remembered the time when I used to play baseball out on my grandmother's front lawn and whenever I tried to hit a homerun, the ball ends up shooting into her glass window.
I remembered once it actually hit her square in the face and knocked her false teeth out of her mouth and I think she suffered from memory loss. She was like, sitting in the front porch and hitting me with her cane, telling me "You're a bad girl, Amy! Bad! Bad! Baad!" that I had to run into the kitchen where my mother was preparing coffee. Honestly, my grandmother treats her cats better than she treats me.
I remembered my mom took one good look at me and carried me to sit on the counter. She kissed my nose and gave me a cookie with real chocolate chips in them.
Might I add I never really liked my relatives on my father's side, they were too odd for me, freaky even.
I have this cousin Solo back in Cape Cod, right?
He was a really cool dude, four years older, only his mother doesn't take him for a good preacher, more of a civil engineer. He's a sophomore in BU and usually hung out with me whenever we stopped by their place in the summer. We used to sing Nirvana songs whenever we were in his room, moving around like spastic idiots and he would lock the door so that my dad couldn't hear us singing ungodly tributaries. (His room had soundproof walls, cool huh?)
We had been best friends over the years, sending postcards and photographs and all those kinds of things more often than not, but I always had the feeling we were almost too close for cousins, you know?
I remembered we used to try to tackle each other. It was like our resident greeting or something. He would see me at the doorway and he would jump on me. Even if I were the smaller, frailer and younger one, he enjoyed mauling me nonetheless. I remembered when I was fourteen or so, a week before my fifteenth birthday, we sat in his room as he placed his guitar back in its case.
He had been teaching me how to play the instrument, occasionally stalking behind me to place his arms around my hips to try to 'perfect' my posture as I held the guitar but I would jerk at his proximity and he would suddenly back away.
It was raining hard that day and it splattered on the windows. I was cold as I rubbed my hands together to create friction. The door was locked but I didn't care.
He asked me, "So now that you're fifteen in a few days, what would you like to do once you're old enough to do… stuff…?"
"Stuff?"
"Yeah, you know… adult stuff."
"Adult stuff?" I repeated once more. "Like posing nude for a magazine or something?"
"Actually that wouldn't be such a bad idea," He mumbled. He thought I didn't hear it but I did.
"Hey, you're going to be fifteen in a week!" He said loudly anyway. He walked over to me and folded his arms. "You're going to be allowed to date now!"
"Ha!" I shook my head at him. "As if dad's gonna allow me to, anyway!"
"I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you date someone in the family, would he?" He said, smirking as he sat next to me. The bed dipped and I moved away.
"Er… what do you mean Solo?"
He looked at me through heavy-lidded blue eyes and his smirk broadened. I shuddered and move another foot away, which almost made me fall off the edge of the bed—but no I didn't for Solo had caught my hand.
"I'll be giving you your present ahead of schedule, Duo." His voice was husky and he was breathing heavily through his nostrils. His hand was still clenched around my arm.
"Er… I would… er… like that." I gulped.
And then he pulled me up to a standing position with him. "Solo, I think I'd rather have my present on the exact date… It would be less fun if I had it any earlier than the—"
"Nonsense." he cooed and at that moment he guided my right hand towards his crotch. He undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants. I gaped. He was naked from the waist down. And he did something very un-Maxwell like. I was afraid.
"Solo… what are you trying to do? Ma would be—" but I didn't get to finish my sentence before he placed my hand on his er… thing. He was looking me straight in the eye and opened my palm to grasp IT of course I refused to.
"Do you feel me, Duo?"
"I… Solo please… what are you… don't... I'm afraid."
And then he let go of his grip on my hands and pulled me close so that he was pressed against me. Solo had been a foot taller and he was eyeing me. I dragged my hand away and ran to the door.
Fortunately I opened it in time and dashed downstairs where my mother was having tea with my aunt. I never went over after that. I tried telling my father but he just dismissed it and said I should wash my mouth with soap with all the lies I said.
I didn't tell my mother—she wouldn't have the courage to stand up for her own son anyway. What was the point? She probably would just kiss me on the nose and give me a cookie and tell me to sit obediently on the kitchen counter.
"Hmph. Stupid-oww-stair-oww-case." I said in the present day. I tried not to think too much because it hurt my head.
"Hn." Heero smirked. "At least this cut will get you to shut up for once."
"Tha's-Nod-Evem-Fun-ny" I garbled as Heero held a ball of cotton to my chin. Talking had hurt as hell.
"It was never intended to be funny."
"Hmph."
I kicked Heero lightly on the foot—even that had hurt.
"I don't think I want to go to the party anymore," I confessed as I wrapped my legs around Heero's middle as he kissed my temple and pulled me close. "Everyone will probably laugh and point at me or something."
He sighed softly, his breath blowing lightly against my neck. "As long as you're with me," he began saying. And then he looked me in the eye, holding my chin up to look into him too. "You have nothing to fear."
And for the first time, I felt protection I had never felt before in my whole life. For the first time I was assured that I would indeed be okay. Nobody has ever told me that before.
Heero carried me to the car as if I was some disabled retard but I didn't care. I slumped against him and sagged into the backseat of Trowa's sister's car.
Okay, so it wasn't an ideal night, I'd have to admit. I had a killer migraine but at least Heero was with me all of the way.
Quatre, Trowa and Catherine had been waiting for us in the car, along with another person with light brown hair and grey eyes at least twenty years of age, who was clearly drunk. We were officially an hour late because Heero had to apply a band-aid on my chin, which to be honest, didn't go well with the whole leather look.
I was pouting and whining when we finally made it to the car but I was absent-minded and didn't keep track of what I said as long as I made an annoying sound or commentary. The new guy eyed me weirdly and grinned. "So, who the fuck is this?"
"Duo Maxwell." I said, offering my hand and trying to smile.
He grinned once more. "Fucking dorky name. You, fuck, have like, a fucking braid!"
"Yes, I am fuckingly aware." I said dourly, clinging to Heero who was next to me.
"My name's, like, Dave."
"Hello Dave." I mumbled, muffled by Heero's shirt, barely looking at him.
Quatre fidgeted in his seat as Dave (I think) turned to him. "Fuck, you're like, that fucking rich boy from the—" and he trailed off using the f word as nouns, prepositions, adjectives, adverbs and verbs. It was just sad listening to the guy and his lack of vocabulary.
It took me a huge amount of energy to try and find a decent sleeping position to recharge my energy for the upcoming party because if I did it any sloppier the band-aid came off my chin and my fresh cut was exposed to the air and hurt all the more.
Also, I wanted to block off the sound of Dave's voice. ("And so like we fucking fucked around the whole dorm and the fucking professor was fucked up and stuff and fuck was it great! You should've fucking seen it!") Catherine had odd taste in men.
"It's good we're not canceling or anything." Catherine, Trowa's sister (I had learned from Quatre a huge deal about The Barton Family Tree) had said as she tapped lightly on the steering wheel. (Dave had fallen asleep after Catherine handed him a bottle of water and sleeping pills, telling him it was candy. Stupid boy. ) "Just because Duo fell—" she stifled a laugh. "—down the stairs, doesn't give us the plausible reason to cancel our plans. I mean, that would be simply preposterous, wouldn't it Heero?"
Quatre giggled and I rolled my eyes mentally.
Trowa gave Heero a look from the passenger seat.
Quatre and I are sitting next to each other now (He and Dave had changed positions and the latter is not salivating on the window.) with Heero on my left, an arm securely around my shoulder. It was all good.
"Preposterous indeed." Heero said monotonously.
Catherine was quiet for a moment before she chirped, "Oh well, whatever!" She sighed. "We're going to party tonight! We're getting real, social contact with other normal, dignified people with wide vocabulary spans! We're going to enjoy ourselves in a PROPER party, and not some stupid Californian college frat party! We're going to get dead drunk and sing Meatloaf off-key and then wake up with killer hangovers on the streets! It will be fabulous, don't you agree guys?"
I smiled and sighed in contentment. "Aye!"
"Take care of yourself, Heero." Trowa said gravely without sparing S.G. the glance. "Don't let it hurt too much." Don't let what hurt too much?
"It won't." Heero said hastily. I didn't know what they were talking about. It was as if they had some psychic connection or something. "It possibly can't."
"Somehow I doubt you know what you're talking about." Trowa retorted over his shoulder.
Nobody said anything after that.
***
When we entered the mansion, the doors opened melodramatically. And then everybody looked up at us and gasped in awe. The music stopped and the room fell silent as Heero and I walked hand in hand inside. Everybody stopped whatever they were doing to ogle over what a hot couple Heero and I made.
I was a sexy beast. Ha! I wish!
Well here's what really happened. I hopped off the car dizzy-eyed and my head spinning. Catherine and Dave, Trowa and Quatre set off in their respective pairs and Heero and I headed to the huge opened oak doors.
The party had been starting and I was already feeling nauseous. There was a band called 'All American Rejects' playing on a makeshift stage where everybody was dancing and shaking their heads to. Heero had his arm around me and I was limping as he half-carried me inside. (My other leg was feeling stiff and I had muscle cramp from the car.)
And then we saw Relena. She was wearing a (shocking pink) V-neck top with long sleeves and her skirt reached mid-thigh. She was crushing a plastic cup in her left hand and I was surprised I didn't see Dorothy with her. They always looked so good together, like broccoli and vegetable oil.
Anyway, by then my cramp had receded and I could stand properly. I flipped my braid to one side (knocking some purple-haired girl to the floor, "Oops! Er, I'm… sorry?") and walked with my hips swaying a little.
Relena walked over to us, plastering a fake saccharine smile as she eyed me up and down. "Well, well, well… I see you've brought your… friend along with you." She said to Heero, barely minding my presence.
She gave Heero a brief glance and folded her arms. "I only hope you two have fun tonight, Heero." She pursed her lips together and extended her hand. "No hard feelings, Doe?"
"Duo." I said through clenched teeth as we shook hands.
"Whatever." She gingerly checked her nails and swatted her hand around dismissively. "Just, have fun you two. Oh and Heero,"
She threw a dangerous glance at Heero over her back, which made me blink.
"I know." You could practically hear the smirk in her tone of speaking.
Heero looked calm but a brief flicker of emotion passed before his prussian blue eyes—it was kind of hard to miss he was pissed off somewhat.
"Heero, what does she mean by that?"
"Hn."
"No, seriously Heero what does she mean by 'I know'?" I asked persistently. "Does she know where your birthmark is because I know where it is as well… or maybe she knows why you ARE walking away from me because I seem to be talking too much again! Hey!" Heero had stalked away from me again and disappeared amidst the cool crowd to probably, (more or less) join his fellow-overlords! Peachy!
I sighed and turned to the bevy of girls huddled in a corner, all glaring at me. One with blond hair, the leader more or less, had her arms folded and glowered at me with utter contempt.
The Heero Yuy Fan's Club— I think I've forgotten to mention them.
Anyway, they were this group of freshman girls who all have crushes on my beloved—Relena's rivals.
Their names were Bethany, Larissa and Anna. There were no exact membership qualifications for this type of thing. As long as you can scream your heart out at Heero, gush, blush and ogle over the guy, stalk him and join whatever club he's in, then you're definitely club material—well, sort of anyway.
I shrugged mentally and flashed them a grin and the blond one I'd mentioned earlier huffed and led her two friends away. I chuckled and decided to sit on the couch at the far end of the living room where I could watch from an obscured spot how the image of cool were people with miniscule mentality (save Heero and B. Boy).
There were a lot of seniors and juniors—jocks and cheerleaders scattered everywhere—and from the looks of it, only socially inclined people were invited.
From where I sat in the corner, I watched a band playing in a small stage at the center of the room. They were called The All American Rejects and they played really nice music.
Briefly, I wondered if I could join them any time soon, since I was a reject as well and they might need a new recruit who's an authentic American reject, but dismissed the thought as I spotted Heero walking over to me, sidestepping a punk dead drunk on the floor.
He looked the usual: stoic, serious and determined. He took my hand and pulled me up, leading me to a small garden out front where tissue rolls, empty bottles of beer and Snapple were strewn everywhere along with bags of chips and drunk trench coat people with bags of boiled peanuts clutched numbly in their hands.
I shook my head in sympathy as I passed them by. Some of the people noticed me and waved, raising their thumbs up in approval. "You-a leaving-a already?" One trench coat person said, raising a bag of boiled peanuts in a toast. He had an Italian accent.
Funny, I never knew there were students with Italian blood in my school. Then again, it's not as if anybody would dare talk to me anyway so there was a very slim chance of my finding out of anybody else's ancestral roots. "You-a and your-a boyfriend are sure-a very a-horny!"
I was about to say something witty when Heero's hand wrapped tightly around mine and it was only then I noticed that his hand was a lot larger than mine. When finally we stopped, he turned to me.
We were standing in a desolate area and the music had been faint upon reaching my ears. It was a song with a lot of "swings".
There were bushes and thickets surrounding us. It smelled like fresh rain and the sky was a backdrop of black and studded with tiny pinpricks of silver light.
"Well?" I joked around despite my sense of foreboding. (I actually thought he was going to break up with me right then and there.) "Are we gonna do it out here? You know I'm not a very public person, can we just go back to your house if we ever, you know, screw?"
Heero was silent and his eyes were indecipherable and dark. He said nothing and then he brought his hand up to stroke my cheek. My heart beat fast and even if we've done this more times to count, I still couldn't get to rehearse what I'm supposed to do. I tried to be calm and breathe normally-but as Heero's breath hovered above my cheeks I felt my knees buckle.
It was times like these I feared I was only dreaming that Heero is really here and loving me in every way. I was afraid that somebody would wake me from this beautiful dream, ruin the moment and pull me back into reality.
And then Heero kissed me, not forcefully or roughly. He just kissed me simply, lips touching mine. It was a soft, sweet kiss. His hand had been tilting my chin to look at him in the eye.
"Duo…" He said softly.
"Yes?" I asked breathlessly, my heart fluttering.
"I have to confess something."
"Huh?"
"I have to tell you this."
"Yeah…?" My heart was beating very, very rapidly.
"I had been trying to tell you, you see…"
"Go on…" The more we postponed things, the more my heart hammered in my chest. I was surprised I didn't explode already. It was the moment of truth. He was finally going to confess his love to me.
"You see when I…"
And then there was movement in the bush behind Heero. He glared at the disrupting bush but it moved again and strange sounds ensued. (It shook too fast and made too much noise for an ordinary bush so I'm surprised I'm even calling it one right now.)
"There's— there's something in there! A wild… a huge, wild animal! Save me Heero! Save me from the bush monster!" I screamed dramatically as I moved behind him.
Heero however, made no move from where he stood. (Chivalry's very dead) We watched as two shadows emerged from the bush, one with a slightly taller build and the other one around my height.
It was as if they didn't notice us there because they continued groping and smashing their hideous mouths together and moaning. I 'eep'ed.
"Oh… Treize… let's leave this place… and just continue this at home."
"But I promised a colleague of mine I'd—Oh god— well, I think I can make some… arrangements…" (More groping and panting came again.)
And then the sounds moved towards us as the shadows meshed together and the bush looked as if it would suddenly combust into flames at the rate it was moving.
The next thing I knew (and was very shocked to see at that) Wufei was allowing himself to be treated vulgarly by his boyfriend. They were like wild animals going at it nonstop and trundling away without giving our presence any honor.
Once they were away from view, moving into another thick patch of clover some few (hopefully) meters away that silence ruled us once more, I raised a fist at their retreating forms and said, "Some justice you two are!"
Heero took my hand from its position in the air and pulled me close by the waist. "Duo, listen please."
"I'm listening."
"No, frankly you're not."
"I am! Really Heero I am. Now, what is this thing that you have to tell me that's so important, hmm?" I asked, kissing him on the nose. I had to stand on my toes to actually do that.
"Promise you won't get angry."
"I won't!"
"You have to understand, when Relena and I ended—I was feeling very down. And I needed somebody to get me through. And then you came along and—"
Suddenly there was a commotion—more so distraction—that could be heard. More drunk people came and made out noisily and I got a bit perturbed. What is this, a make out place? Just when Heero and I are trying to make decent conversation, some odd dysfunctional cosmic thing decides to happen. Peachy how life tries to bring you down.
"Heero, let's just talk later!" I said as I pulled him out of the garden and back into the mansion. "Since everybody else is just so determined trying to distract us anyway, let it just be and have fun! The band's making nice music and hey, watch it!" Some dude slapped me on the butt and I glared at him.
"Anyway, Heero whatever you have to tell me can wait later!" I said trying not to yell through the music. We were standing next to the stage where the band was playing the song, 'The Last Song'. Heero sighed and tried to smile but failed miserably.
"I'm sorry, Duo."
"Sorry for what?"
"Just—for everything. I'm sorry for everything."
I stopped dancing to the music and stared incredulously at my boyfriend, wondering why he was acting so oddly. "Don't be sorry, silly!" I smiled at him and pulled him down for a short kiss. "You have no reason to be sorry. This is everything I've ever wanted and I can't ask for more. You've made me so happy Heero and I can't be anymore thankful enough."
[Heero]
Guilt was something I had never associated closely with. It was something I'd rather not think about because it is only one of those things that waste my time—one of those things that if worried over would be pointless regardless of the situation.
But there I was, pulled close to Duo and inhaling the lilac scent of his chestnut hair, wishing I had more to say than a few words. I wanted to tell him.
Relena knew. She knew that I was trying to get her jealous, trying to piss her off by bringing Duo to her party so that she may resent me forever and feel bad for herself.
I had spoken to her a few moments ago and she smirked sweetly at me as she leaned against the wall, her pink V-neck showing off her cleavage. I was nauseous.
"I know you don't really want that boy, Heero."
I folded my arms. "Don't play innocent Heero." She said my name in a way that irked me. "I know you wanted to get back together with me. I heard you and your friend Barton talking about him in the corridor back in school."
I cursed below breath. "You weren't around the school when we talked."
"Well I have my ways." She walked over to me and a sad look passed her face. "I love you Heero. The only reason I broke up with you is because I had wanted to test your loyalty to me, the love you promised me. It wasn't real. I never loved Sebastian the way I had loved you."
"Love?" I asked angrily, my frustration rising. "Love that borders on unhealthy obsession? You stalked me to the bar, Relena and lied to Duo's parents about me forcing myself on him. Really Relena, do you honestly consider that love? Love is not selfish or cruel or untruthful—"
"Well, do you love that Maxwell boy then?" She had asked me, the tears forming behind her eyelids. She was clenching her fists and glaring angrily at me. She looked so wan and thin, her pallor unhealthy. She seemed so vulnerable.
"Tell me Heero!" She continued in an unfeminine screech. "Do you love him? If love is unselfish and kind and truthful and all that you say it is then do you love him? If you suppose that you know what true love is then why do you play with him so—why do you hurt him by showing him off to others? I know you just want to get me jealous and try to redeem a little bit of your pride after our breakup. But I'm here now, and I know you want me… So let's stop all of this nonsense and just… stay together you know?"
"It's not that easy."
"Do you love me?" The stupid bigot asked.
"No." I was sure of my answer—very, sure.
"How about him then?"
"I… I don't. Love him." My conscience (or lack thereof) was thinning—it's bolder now than ever before.
"You admit it then? That you used him trying to get me jealous?"
"Would you fucking stop playing the almighty and superior interrogator Relena?" I cried out, pissed off. "First off it doesn't suit you, second of all the thing I have with Duo's just a fling, thirdly, yes! I'm using Duo to get you jealous and seeing that it's achieved my desired effect I'm going to do it for as long as I want because I enjoy it. And lastly, I don't love you Relena. Don't get me wrong, you're not ugly or anything—Fuck no— in fact you're a touch attractive that your best friend seems to have it bad for you. But I don't view you in that light. I cannot ever love you."
Relena was speechless. The tears streamed down from my cheeks and she slapped me in the face. Her lower lip was quivering and she stared at me, heartbroken.
"I hate you Heero." She said softly. "For making me love you. You're a… a fucking dips hit Heero!" And then she left me, her pink high heels clicking away.
"It's dipshit you bloody twit!" I murmured under my voice.
Despite my coolness I wasn't at all convinced that was the end of the dramatic show. Relena wasn't one for defeat. She was ceaseless and stubborn—reminds me of myself too.
I had a sense of foreboding that there was something else up her sleeve; that her crying was just some put up crap she decided to use. I knew she was going to make tonight memorable.
And so I fought my way through the throng of people tongue tied and groping to find Duo. He was sitting forlornly in a corner watching the band play. He looked so beautiful that it was heart shattering—suddenly I regretted all I had said earlier.
And so here we are, dancing to a song that feeds my guilt.
"You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know."
Duo wanted the best (he deserved the best) but it wasn't me.
***
I was drinking a lot of beer and Duo was tipsy by the time it hit midnight. Trowa and Quatre were making out in a corner and Catherine and her date were nowhere to be seen.
The party was about to end and I could see that Duo was very happy. He had made lots of friends during the course of the whole night however; a few had been so rash as to touch his ass, which I'd come to resent.
I was still struck by a small mound of panic rising in my chest. Relena hadn't been visible since we had our conversation (rather argument) earlier and I was a touch worried that she would do something drastic to ruin the party.
Duo had been 1.) Asked to dance, 2.) Hit on, 3.) Tipsy 4.) Slapped in the butt 5.) Groped by me, 6.) Asked out by jocks. Of course I being there—we shared every moment together.
Duo was sitting, exhausted, next to Dorothy who had worn something black, classy and blasé. Her hair was done in the same way.
"You look like Audrey Hepburn." Duo had said. "With blonder hair!"
"In what, breakfast at Wal-Mart?" Dorothy was ever as sarcastic. "Besides, Maxwell—I'm not one for vintage or Audrey Hepburn. I'm more…"
"Relena?"
"Exactly." They were both drunk I noticed and they gave a little high five.
By the time I was convinced the night would be over without any further problems, the band had stopped playing and an annoying sound came from the speakers.
There was a projection on a small blank area of the wall—a girl and boy talking.
And then I realized it was the conversation with Relena earlier. The room fell silent and everybody watched, listened and then turned to me.
Duo had stopped giggling madly with Dorothy about some dumb joke and was looking at me angrily. I thought he was going to slap me like Relena had earlier but he only left—which hurt more than a slap.
I took off after him.
"Heero?
I stopped and turned to Dorothy, waiting for her to speak. When she didn't, I resumed again in my pace but it was then she had begun to speak.
"Good luck Heero."
"You too." I threw over my shoulder.
***
Duo was back in the garden, eyeing me.
I stared down at the grass beneath my shoes, unable to make eye contact. Guilt gnawed at me—why? I did not know but as far as Duo was concerned, ever since I met him, my life's been invaded by a dozen foreign feelings.
I looked up finally to see that Duo was clenching his fists so tight that his knuckles were white tipped and his very own nails dug into them. I was surprised he did not bleed.
Duo stared down at his feet, unable to meet my eyes.
"Duo, look at me." My voice was commanding, all vestige of tenderness gone dry. It sounded so strange to me.
"So, that's why you always seemed to have tried too much to please me." Duo whispered. Tears were forming now and I could feel them coming—Duo was beginning to break. "I was gullible and the easiest of idiots to snag. Is that so Heero?"
I said nothing as Duo continued.
"It was because you knew I'd like you anyway," He sneered at that. "And would willingly allow myself to be used so that Relena would be jealous of us?!"
"Hn."
"I am so tired of all this manipulation!" Duo cried out and I tried so hard not to fume then and there. "You know what? My dad was right, you're bad company! You're distrustful and a Goddamn liar! You're a shithead Heero! And I hate you so much!"
"You have no right to hate me." I said as I walked over to him. He was couple of inches shorter so it gave me the momentous dominance. "I gave you these things-" I opened my arms as if to accentuate the things. "Isn't that what you always wanted? Popularity? Acceptance? Me?"
"I would've traded all that for a slice of the truth." Duo said softly and suddenly I resented that—resented him. Why was he being so bleeding difficult? Didn't he realize it was all so pointless what we were fighting, no arguing, for?
"Hn." I grunted again as all the spiteful words rolled off my tongue the moment his violet orbs pierced into my soul.
"You disgust me, Heero." Duo went for the theatrics again. "Why didn't you tell this to me in the first place? I would've underst-"
"Told you what?" I suddenly spat out. I would've grabbed at my hair if I could but I was seething and angry that my voice raised and dripped with venom.
"How can I possibly tell you anything when you keep running from me?" Duo's tears were beginning. "You play so hard to get Maxwell and when you're finally hooked to the bait, you run away with your tail between your legs. You were almost impossible but I bid my time and waited! Wasn't that enough for you? Wasn't it enough that I slept with you when I haven't barely touched Relena?"
Duo was scowling at me now. "So now I should be flattered you took away my virginity?"
I had been quiet for some time before I spoke in a falsetto, so soft it was barely a whisper. "I never thought we would last this far."
But Duo heard it and his voice was tinged with a certain unfamiliarity that chased the sanity out of me. Suddenly, I felt like he wanted to throw up. Must be the alcohol building up in me.
I had too much to drink, too much exhilaration, fun and social exposure for one night. I had too much of the truth. My lying streak was over.
"A week Heero?" Duo said softly, voice raking with belated hate. "You thought we weren't going to last that long?"
I folded my arms and allowed him to speak.
"You told me things I would never have believed if I were in the right mind but it was you who said those things, you who told me I was beautiful and made me feel like I belong. For awhile you made me think it was OKAY to be different, that it was OKAY to be me. I thought you spoke the truth and I feel stupid for that, so foolish because now I know you're a heartless, lying bastard."
"You patronize the truth too much." My voice was eerily calm, like a smooth pane of glass.
"I hate liars." Duo said bitterly, violet eyes hard and devoid of anything but betrayal and anger. His knuckles were white tipped once more.
I smirked mockingly.
"Everybody lies, Maxwell." I found myself saying. "Don't think you're an exception because you're a pastor's son."
"It wouldn't ever be this way if you had only told the truth."
I wanted to scream, kick-tell Duo to shut up for once. My temper had been pushed to the extreme limit-a rarity which never happens-and I struggled not to hit Duo. The alcohol was hot in my veins, like molten lava, and so was my anger.
"What was I to say? 'Good morning, Duo Maxwell. May I use you to get back together with my ex girlfriend because I want her to learn her lesson? Oh really? I can? Thanks so much.'
"I don't think it would've worked either ways. The truth will only blur things even more."
"You were the only person I'd ever loved, Heero." Duo was on the verge of breaking and I felt the urge to take back everything I said that made him this jaded.
"Are you listening to me?" I said instead of wrapping my arms around him and telling him I was sorry.
"Are you listening to me?" The tears were streaming down his cheeks in torrents and I touched his cheek to stop the flow but he only pushed me back. "Because I think that ego of yours has swelled to the size of a watermelon and had already impaired your hearing. Heero, for the love of God tell me the truth for once-"
"The truth?" I repeated, bewildered. "All right, here it is. I never thought I'd fall for you, and believe me I have. I wasn't supposed to do that because you were the key to get Relena jealous, to make sure she would be hurt when *she* left me. I am so tired of everybody leaving me. All my life, I have been alone. And I hate the feeling of vulnerability. I hate being weak. That's why I used you-so that I could get my revenge and redeem my company."
"Maybe if you tried telling the truth Heero then nobody would dare attempt to leave you."
My eyes narrowed dangerously and I raised my arm, poised to strike Duo. But then something screamed in my mind, something that warned me not to hurt Duo, something that told me that I should be wrapping my arms around the other boy instead.
"What?!" Duo yelled. "You're going to strike me with your fist? Fine! Do it!"
"You tapped something inside of me that made me desire you despite your flaws. And it's wrong because I like it and it hurts me when I lie."
"It hurts you? Have you ever thought of how it would hurt me?"
"I never knew you were such a truth zealot."
"A truth zealot?"
"I love you Duo." I said hopelessly, wanting to cry myself if only I knew how to.
"No, Heero. You only loved yourself." Duo was calm despite the tears that fell.
"You're selfish, untruthful and sick. If you want Relena you can have her, just leave me out of it because I've had my fair share of mocking and using all my life."
We were silent for a moment as I watched the moon spill its silver light on the grass beneath my shoes. The air was stiff and taut and a secret chill ran up my spine as Duo wiped his tears away with the back of his hand.
"I'm leaving Darlington." He said finally.
"I thought you said you loved me."
"I do. And that's why I'm leaving to keep you happy. You want to be with Relena right?" He said bitterly, his violet eyes betraying how cold he wanted to be.
"I don't love her." I said, honestly.
"You don't love anybody." True.
"That's not true." It was a whisper between a lie and a truth. I wasn't at all sure anymore.
"Sometimes Heero, I don't know what is anymore."
"You'll regret this, Maxwell."
"I know." Duo said softly as he began to walk away from me, like everybody had ever since I was little. I kicked angrily on a pebble and threw my head back to appeal to the moon as if it would resolve things.
"Duo!" I called out flatly, almost angrily as I came towards him.
"Don't touch me."
He was so angry now his ears perked and he raised a fist at me and my world went black. I saw the blow coming beforehand but I took it anyway—I deserved it.
***
"Is he sober now?" Winner's voice was soft and I wondered where Duo was.
I could hear voices and even through closed eyelids I saw clearly what was happening around me. The shuffle of feet and the incessant swinging of a door. There was no sign of Duo.
My memory was suspended in some parallel place in time and I felt myself talking to somebody and said somebody trying to paw at my arm.
"Define sober." Somebody said. It was Trowa.
"Well what is he doing?" A pause and then Trowa retaliated. I knew his voice well.
"If talking to Quatre's cat on his lap counts as sober then I reckon he definitely is."
I wasn't really talking to the cat—I was more, venting out my anger on him. He made a good listener anyway.
I blinked and adjusted my vision. The cat on my lap was meowing and I sighed. "Life sucks." I told it. My head hurt like hell and my body felt drained. It merely nuzzled on my lap in response, purring.
Trowa came into the living room and took the cat from my grasp. The cat merely urinated on him and he made a strangled noise at the base of his throat, grumbling as he entered the kitchen not before handing me the freshly peed kitty.
"Trowa did you pee on yourself?" Winner's voice.
"Not that I know, why?"
"You smell like urine." I heard Winner say—unfortunately the Bartons' residence had cheap, thin walls so I heard clearly despite the pounding of my head.
"It's that damned pussy of yours with a bladder problem of some sort. It keeps peeing on the furniture."
I was too tired to care so I grabbed the cat by the neck—which was the precise time Catherine peeked at me from the door of the kitchen. The cat scratched my arm and I tossed it to the coffee table, cursing and clutching my arm.
"Oh my God!" Catherine gasped as she entered the kitchen door again. God knows what they were all doing in there. "Heero just grabbed your boyfriend's little pussy!"
"Catherine," Trowa said stiffly. "Don't be vulgar and please watch your language."
"I'm not trying to be vulgar Trowa." Catherine said through (possibly) gritted teeth. "I meant the cat."
"Oh."
I passed out again after that.
***
"I think Heero can look peaceful." Again it was Winner's voice that I woke up to.
"When he's not trying to choke cats to death." He added as an afterthought.
I groaned and pressed a finger to my left temple. I blinked rapidly and regarded Trowa with a supposedly deadly glare after waking from a nasty hangover. Dave was awake as well and he was cursing again in Russian or some other language.
"Is that a squirrel on your head?" I blinked up at Trowa who had this massive furry thing on the other side of his face.
"Catherine!" He stomped off to the general direction of the kitchen and called on his sister.
"Do you think I should have a hair cut? Suppose I get rid of my bangs? They cover one side of my face so much anyway." Their voices were loud and I turned to Winner who smiled in sympathy—he found out about Duo.
Where was Duo anyway? I decided not to know. He might've went back home to his parents.
"Do you think it would suit me?" Trowa was asking his sister.
"What made you think that Trowa?"
"Heero asked if I had a squirrel dangling from my head."
"Heero's drunk." Catherine said trying not to laugh. "He'll say anything and everything under the sun without any regard to who he's actually speaking to."
"Maybe Quatre will like me more if it's-"
"Trowa, Quatre likes you because of your ass-et. I mean, er-he likes you because of your hair, which stands as an asset for you! It makes you look more… more… more…."
"Yes?"
"More… amorous." I choked a snort.
"Amorous?" Trowa repeated, confused.
"In a way, yes. Is that the phone ringing? Oh, yes. I think it is. "
***
I was lying on my bed faced down all night, mulling things over. The alcohol had ebbed away from my bloodstream and I could view my thoughts clearly without any illogicality or fatigue.
The lights were switched off and Trowa had made it a point to leave the door slightly ajar so that I could hear vague murmurs (of my conscience?) and voices from downstairs. Catherine was giving good old David a lecture.
Other than the light from the hallway, there was blackness, a thin yellow line marring the shadowy half-darkness. I could hear myself breathing as the muscles of my right arm became numb from being lain over.
Everything had gone down the drain now in a swift blink of an eye; what had mattered most to me had slipped from my grasp and it was undeniable the anger Duo felt toward me. He might not even speak to me anymore.
I've never been this perplexed by emotion. I was never good at extending affection towards others. I was immune to emotion… until now.
And I made Duo cry-tears of anger and pain-and there was nothing I could do but watch him leave… leave me. I shouldn't be so distraught by his actions, his departure but maybe I feared it might be permanent and I might be left alone again... Then again it cannot matter.
I never loved him, never had the time for a companion and I feel no pity towards him otherwise, and yet there is a dull pain boring into my soul—marring the steel wall I tried so hard to put up all these years. Such a waste of shame.
It hurt, so much that I want to cry myself too. Remembering how Duo tried to fight me when I wrapped my arms around him in hope to soothe his crying. It hurt how he rejected me and told me he didn't have time for riffraff like me, like liars like me.
It hurt and I wanted to cry too.
Of course I didn't.
I probably didn't remember how to anymore.
Tbc…
Phew… that was hard..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks A Bunch To:
Lin-z- I see you've got the hang of rhyming words. I've got this thing for that, hehe... I was once addicted to classical poetry—Poe's my fave though among them all and Percy Shelley's not so bad.
Wheeeeeeeee- Thanks! I'm actually glad some people think my writing's worthwhile 'wheee' indeed.
L33T PHR33K- Today is the day when there's gonna be more.
shinigami-steh- Thanks a load! Sorry for the delay as well.
inuki- er... sorry for the two month delay.. i was busily in a slump.. Among many others.
kaori-chan- I think the last title really is much more interesting too. I just thought up some
other titles for the sake of having a poll... hehe... but I liked the first title though..
Canyon- Well this whole thing's not really a PERFECT biography about my life, to tell you the truth. First off, I'm not quite... a preacher's offspring because my dad works in Venice and other parts of Europe and my wardrobe is not scant, though a bit stand off-ish because I don't dress femininely (not that I cross dress, I just have neuter clothes, you know?) and I only have five pair of jumpers (which I had to wear because it was mandatory) from the catholic school I attended. But if you dig in deeper-the expectations, sarcasm, poetry, friends and behavior-they're all mine to begin with. I just felt I had to clear that whole thing up, cause basically everybody thinks I suck which is partially true.
spellhorn- Thanks a load for reviewing!
Ex-Angel, and Muses- I used to despise-no scorn- Relena cause she reminds me of a certain person in school. I tried to make her seem like a real person, with feelings, etc.. But she came out as an utter cretin in this fic... Sorry.
AHAHAHAHA! I OWN WUFFIE!!!- Well, I dunno myself. I'm weird like that. You know that part when Duo says they raised sheep in their farm in Abbington? Yeah, I think that's why I called the chappie the way I did.
Ryoko-onee- I'm one for cliffies and stuff.. Once somebody says that it's going to be all right from then on, you know it won't. I'm evil like that.
meh - Yes you just don't. Too bad you'll be impairing their genitalia and dethrone them.
little red - My devoted fan? Er... I'm flattered. Again, sorry for the delay. Yes it may be summer but in the mean time I've been undergoing lots of drastic changes in my life... I've been busy-even when I'm not supposed to be because school's out. I'm only able to write when school's back-I dunno. I tend to get focused a lot and motivated, what with the object of my affection believing in me and all. *wink, wink*
Werekitten- I haven't particularly made anybody from the party want Duo yet because there's already somebody who does... oh someone from his family. *cough, cough* You'll soon find out in the next chapter how Confused!Heero reacts to that once Duo leaves Darlington... Rats! I just gave out my plot.. *goes back to her shiny, new laptop to reformat next chapter* So much for that.
sawdust monster- Er, I dunno yet. Their fathers may not be involved, or maybe they were... but who knows what I might think up? My Hentai mind has lots of new fangled ideas I'd want to throw into the story, but as for the insinuation, I'm not so sure yet. You're twelve? Oh my Goodness... I've corrupted your young mind! *dramatic sigh* oh well, don't worry kiddo, I started reading Yaoi when I was nine so, good for you! *sweatdrop* I'm a really bad influence, ne?
Queen Of Vegetasei- sorry, the other title won. And if ever Duo kicks Heero in the balls, don't you think he'd be dethroned from his sex god-ship now that hiss sex organ is impaired? And yes, flab and pink condoms... Relena's odd you know? And flab's just another one of Duo's paranoid thoughts.
Kary-Asakura- It's my fave chappie too! I'm glad you liked it!
Draco-Lover11- You read this four times?! Wow, thanks! Some of my friends won't even look at it! Oh and I love your pen-name...
Phoenix36-Thanks!!!
LBx- sorry about that.. My fic's too damn long it annoys me... hehe, I see you've changed your name. FFNET's becoming warped-what's the world coming to, banning Yaoi scenes and all that and changing pen names and... -stops- er, I'm babbling now, sorry. My life's a bit related to the fic-I'm more a mix of Dorothy and Heero and a bit of Duo, you know? I've a bit of a problem warming up to people because I'm forever paranoid. I like the nickname too! Hehe... and it's creative that you've placed the 'x' at the end of your name. It's very creative, even if I had to frantically search for you on FFNET.
Nina- I'm glad you liked it.
Darla-La Mosca Tete- *goes into hysterics*I'm so sorry!!!! SORRY!!!!!!! Gomen nasai! SORRY! I just completely lost it-I didn't check before uploading! I didn't check! I'm sorry!! I've added you though since you're one of my treasured reviewers, even if I did it belatedly. *beams*
TrenchcoatMan- Yeah, maybe I'll read I someday. Maybe later. It sounds very interesting and all that.
WhiteWolfSearching- you're the 2nd person who glomped on me today... Anyway, I love your fics, I had been offline most of the time but I'll find time to review them. I think that you're a really talented writer, feeding my interest in reading mpreg. I usually don't touch those things because I thought they were odd but you got me hooked. I may be considering writing one myself some time later on and I would really appreciate help if you don't mind.
Koneko- Thank you so much for being such a wonderful beta-reader! You're simply fab! If it weren't for you, I probably would wallow in my grammatical errors and misspelling! Thanks a load!
Duos-fangurl-2002- Thanks as well for being so nice to me and reviewing and adding me to your YM and all the other stuff I've missed out because I'm a twit whose go a memory problem!
Sev-chan-I'm glad you check on this when you log on FFNET.
Darkarc- *accepts pocky* Thanks, man.
SwomeSwan- you wouldn't mind if I used that line later on would you? I was at my mind's end trying to figure out some witty comeback while writing that scene!
Lin-z- sorry for the delay.
Lizzard - Your life is like my story? And I thought my life sucked, (no offense) but then again you have to accept whatever life's given to you, ne? at least you have a life.. (that's what they tell me when I complain) I'm thinking about writing my own autobiography. Memoirs From Hell: The Life Of A Catholic Student
Satans Little Toy- sugar high? I write when I'm high on caffeine and sugar! Well, I'll try it out some time! *wink, wink*
Ryoko-onee- Effed up indeed.
Kate- I am using it now.
Maria Wong - sorry about the pink condom… I didn't know what had gotten into me when I added that part up.
Terra Kaiba- yeah I'm looking forward to that day somebody decides to give me a job as a freelance writer or something.
Leaf Zelindor- oh well, guess we've the similar lives, ne?
Sir Gabs-a-lot- funny thing, my friend says it's better to be a smartass than a dumbass, so I at least fell smug about it when people call me the former too.
Jersie16- I did it once and I'm doing it again! Thanks so much for reviewing! Love lots to you too!
Peace Angel and Dark Angel- I'm more than glad you liked it!!
White Destiny- they are anorexic, yeah I know but Duo's just forever paranoid he's imperfect and all.
Terra Kaiba- aww, thank you! I've a rough draft of my new book (if anybody likes to publish it) It's called: Memoirs From Hell: The Life Of A Catholic Student , even if I'm not at all catholic…
Seraph's Cry- sorry about that, my paranoia of being banned from FFNET society strikes again what with the lemon scenes the bleeding management wants to take down…
Reina De Corazons- Again sorry for the damned delay… I am a bloody idiot…
mara-chan- Thank Ya! Thanks!
Meiyo- Aww, thanks, and I really look forward to seeing what you're about to (hopefully) draw for me… Anyway, sorry for the disturbing your apartment's peace… didn't mean to…
Fire-Wind1- Thanks A Load!!! ^^
Bleh!!!- Aww thanks so much! I'm just so glad that you reviewed again! One question though, how did FFNET delete your review? *waves hand around* Nah, FFNET's been screwed up recently anyway so I wouldn't be surprised.
Did you like it? No, really, did you? Anyway, I have to have another polling session with you guys. *people start whining and some random person throws a frying pan at the authoress* *dodges frying pan* Phew… that was close… Anyway… moving along—
Who would you like me to feature next in the fic?
A.) Heero's okaasan
B.) Hilde
C.) Solo
D.) All of the Above
Vote please! As for now, I thank the aforementioned people who reviewed the last chapter. To anyone I've missed out, mea culpa! My apologies—I'll add you in for the next chappie—it's bleeding difficult what with the names I have to keep track off, so sorry again! Like I said, I suffer from Alzheimer's disease and I'm only a sophomore. lol…
Please Review if you have a kind heart, if you don't then—review anyway. It doesn't really matter… Reviews are a karmic thing, you know. ^^;