Title: What You Wanted
Author: Tasha Miller
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from JOA least of all God
Authors notes: Haven't actually seen an awful lot of JOA so sorry if anything contradicts stuff from the show, we're rather behind in NZ
Joan removed her lips from Graces' and looked at the other girl
"What was that for?" Grace asked shocked at Joan's sudden action
"I thought you wanted me to" Joan replied uncertainly
"That's not the usual reason to kiss people Joan, just because they want you to" Grace pointed out.
Joan looked away; staring out the window then stood up and ran, out of the room and out of the house.
"Joan!" Grace shouted after her "It's your house, where are you going?!"
Joan ran through the park, she wasn't really going anywhere, she was running away. A man in a tracksuit starting jogging next to her
"Why are you running?" He asked, Joan looked at him and stopped, he did to
"Don't you already know everything?" Joan spat back
"True, I do, but obviously you don't and perhaps you need to verbalise your problem"
"Since when did you actually care about my well being, no new mission today" She glared at him
"I care for all my children"
"Even the sinners, the ones who follow lifestyles you don't approve of?"
"I don't disapprove of love Joan."
She stared at him for awhile then walked over to a bench and sat down; he followed and sat next to her.
"So why did you kiss her?" He asked
"It just seemed right, that moment sitting there; it seemed like a logical thing to do"
"You know, obviously you like her, I think you should go back, she's probably worried"
"I thought there was heaps of stuff in the bible against homosexuality" Joan looked at him
"We both know you're just looking for an excuse to run" He stood up "besides, it's like I said, I don't disapprove of love, those parts of the bible are out of date and out of context" He resumed his jog along the path leaving Joan to sit there. She watched people as they walked past.
Joan sat on the park bench as it grew dark, she realised she would have to go home soon, she looked down at her watch and realised she'd missed dinner; he parents would be worried sick. She stood up and headed home. She still had no idea what she was going to do; she wasn't ready to make a decision like this. As soon as she stepped inside her father appeared.
"Where have you been? We've been worried sick!" He growled
"I'm sorry, I had to go and think" She pushed past him and ignored his questions about what she was thinking about and why she hadn't called. She went to her room and lay down; she noticed a note folded on her desk, Graces obvious scrawl spelled out her name. Joan turned and ignored the piece of paper. It wasn't long until her mother came and sat down next to her and started to stroke her hair. "Are you okay Joan?" She asked concerned. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"No" Joan replied.
"Your dinner is in the fridge, would you like me to re-heat it for you?"
"No" Joan did her best to keep her voice monotone but she could feel tears brimming.
"You should eat" the warm caring tones of Helens voice forces tears to start flowing. Helen wrapped her arms around Joan. Joan sniffled and moved into her mothers embrace.
"I don't want to be different I don't want to prove people right" She looked over at her desk and realised something. Even if she decided she wanted Grace, she didn't actually know if Grace wanted her.