A/N: Okay, this is about Pippin and Gandalf. It is one of my favorite chapters (the other favorite is the one about Aragorn and Frodo), and it's also pretty long. Sorry! Oh, and I know they didn't have like, microwaves back in middle earth, but I don't really know what stuff they did have so in my story they have modern appliances!
Pippin sat nervously in his rocking chair, as he watched Gandalf pacing around between the rows of cribs. "Peregrin-" Gandalf began, but at that precise moment, the door was thrown open and he was cut off.
"I almost forgot!" Elrond came running into the room. "If you're working at the House of Elrond's Childcare Center, you need a uniform!" He handed Gandalf and Pippin each a pink smock with the words 'House of Elrond's Childcare Center' written on the front.
Gandalf looked disgusted. "And you expect me to wear THIS?"
"Yes, of course I do! Look, it's even got your name on the back!"
Pippin turned his over to see the words 'Peregrin Took: Secondary Caregiver-Infants.'
"See Gandalf, you're the PRIMARY caregiver." Elrond said gleefully.
But Gandalf did not seem to be in the mood for cheeriness at the moment. "FIRST you put me with PEREGRIN TOOK! THEN you tell me to take care of 41 BABIES! AND NOW YOU TELL ME TO WEAR THIS!!!!!! I've had enough of it, Elrond. ENOUGH!!!!"
By the end of Gandalf's outburst, Pippin was hiding underneath a crib, trembling in fear. But Elrond wasn't. He simply stared back at Gandalf, cool as a cucumber and said "Gandalf, you have to wear that if you are going to work here. And since I told you that you are going to work here, you are going to wear that."
Gandalf shot him an angry look, but pulled his on.
"You too, Pippin." Said Elrond. "And I will be coming back periodically during the day to make sure that you are wearing them!"
Elrond swept out of the room, leaving a VERY angry Gandalf and a VERY frightened Pippin behind.
"Now, Peregrin, as I was saying before we were SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED, I want you to listen to ME and do as I SAY...especially since I am the PRIMARY caregiver." Pippin could see a smug grin spread across Gandalf's face. He knew Gandalf was slightly happy about being the "PRIMARY caregiver", at least, happier than he would have been if he had been named secondary.
"Yes sir." Pippin said quietly. He looked up at the clock. Six twenty-nine. Knowing elves, they would all arrive precisely at six thirty, just like they were supposed to. He sat there, dreading the second when the minute hand would reach the six AND THE STARS WOULD BE PERFECTLY ALIGNED!!!!!!! Actually, they wouldn't, but it would be six thirty. The second hand slowly ticked around the clock, second, after second, after second, after second, after second, after second, after-
BANG!!!! The door was thrown open, and through it came the longest stroller Pippin had ever seen. In it sat at least a dozen elf babies. The elf woman who was pushing it stepped forward and said "Hi, there were so many babies out in the streets this morning, that I decided to just pick them all up and bring them here before their parents forgot!"
"Yes, that would be quite a tragedy, wouldn't it?" Gandalf said sarcastically. "Peregrin, help us get these babies out!"
Pippin stepped forward and began trying to unbuckle the first elf baby. Gandalf and the elf who had brought them started at the back. After struggling for some time (mainly because the little elf seemed to find his hair very interesting and liked to pull it) Pippin finally got the buckle undone. "Okay, Gandalf, what do I do now?" Pippin asked.
"For God's sake, Peregrin Took, don't tell me you don't know how to take a baby out of a stroller! PICK HIM UP!"
"Um...how?" asked Pippin.
Gandalf glared at him. "Like THIS." He said, trying hard to control his temper. He walked over to Pippin's baby (no, NOT as in, Pippin's BABY, Pippin doesn't have one. As in, the baby Pippin was trying to take out of the stroller). Gandalf picked the baby up, and then set him back in the stroller again. "Now, you try it." He commanded.
"O...kay." said Pippin. "Um," he seized the baby underneath the arms and lifted it up.
"Very good." Said Gandalf sardonically. "Now, hold him the way he's SUPPOSED to be held!"
"Um..." said Pippin. He didn't really want to move, for fear he'd drop the baby.
"You know what, never mind." Said Gandalf. He snatched the baby from Pippin's arms and set him in the nearest crib. "Now Pippin, that was a very nice baby you had there. Most babies would be crying and screaming by the time you were done with them, so you were lucky." Gandalf walked back to the end of the stroller and began unbuckling more babies.
Pippin just stood there uncomfortably.
"PEREGRIN TOOK, for the last time HELP US GET THE BABIES OUT!"
"Yes sir!" Pippin walked back to the stroller. The next seat had a VERY tiny baby in it. "Maybe I could lift this one up," Pippin murmured to himself. He unbuckled the straps and ever so carefully lifted the baby up.
"PEREGRIN TOOK, what ARE you doing?" Gandalf shouted. "Support his head! You're going to kill him!"
"Yes sir!" Pippin cried. After several minutes of meticulously shifting the baby around, he managed to get it in a position where he could support his head and not drop him at the same time.
"Thank God you did something right!" Gandalf said. "Go sit in your rocking chair with that one, he's too little to just put in a crib right now."
Eternally grateful that he didn't have to lift any more babies up, Pippin sat down in his rocking chair with the baby (who had a lot of hair). He rocked back and forth, and watched Gandalf take the last baby out of the stroller. The elf woman smiled and cried "Have fun, you guys!"
"Oh, I'm sure we will." Gandalf grumbled.
She wheeled the stroller out of the room. Just as she did so, another elf woman came into the room. Gandalf looked incredibly relieved to see that she was carrying only one baby. She looked around nervously at the rows of cribs. "Um, hello." She said.
"Hello." Gandalf said.
"Um, listen, I have kind of a big favor to ask." She continued nervously.
"What is it?" Gandalf asked, exasperated.
"Well, see, this is my daughter, and she's six months old, and I KNOW she's mine too. I've managed to keep her for six whole months!"
"Very impressive, now what were you going to ask?"
"Yes, um, see, I really don't want to lose her, so could one of you, by any chance, hold her for the whole time? Just so I don't lose her." She looked expectantly at Gandalf.
"Absolutely not." He said.
"But-but, why not?"
"Madame, are you aware that Peregrin and myself will be taking care of forty-one babies today? We cannot hold one of them all day long and ignore the others."
"Well you don't have to hold her! Just keep track of her, okay?"
"Here," said Gandalf. "Put her in crib number 12. And remember that number too. We won't take her out."
"Thank you very much!" the woman said. She walked over and placed her baby in the twelfth crib just as another family of elves arrived.
"Oh look! What a cute little boy!" the mother called, looking at Pippin. She walked over to him and pinched his cheek. "Did you come to help your grandpa at work today?" she asked.
Gandalf exploded. "PEREGRIN TOOK IS NOT MY GRANDSON!!!!!"
"I'm...sorry..." the elf woman whimpered from underneath a crib.
"Yes, okay." The elf man continued for her. "We have a two-month-old, an eleven-month-old, a twenty-one-month-old, a thirty-two-month-old, and a forty-one-month-old."
"I don't do months. How many of them are less than one year?" Gandalf asked in a bored tone.
"I...just told you that." The elf said.
"Yes, but you told me in months. Now, how many are less than one year old?"
"Two."
"Leave them in here."
"Okay."
"Any that are one year old, take across the hall. Two year olds next door, and three year olds across the hall from next door." He said in monotone.
"Thank you" the elf man said. He handed Gandalf two babies, which Gandalf immediately took to the next two available cribs.
"At least no one is crying yet." He muttered to Pippin.
"Shh...don't jinx it!" Pippin whispered back.
But it was too late. The two-month-old began to cry, which started off the eleven-month old. Gandalf looked up sharply at their parents who rushed out the door. Next the baby in crib twelve started to cry, and on down the row. Soon, the only babies not crying were the one Pippin was holding, and the one who had played with Pippin's hair.
Gandalf's face went pale. "And these are only the first fifteen!" he muttered. He walked over to the nearest crib and picked the baby up. "Okay, stop crying now!" he said in a sing-song voice as he bounced the baby up and down, but this only made her cry harder. "Okay, you REALLY need to stop crying!" he sang. The baby screamed. "PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"Yes sir?" Pippin said nervously.
"HELP ME!"
"But...but you told me to hold-"
"Yes, well put him in a crib for a moment. He's not crying!"
"But you said he was too little to put in a crib!"
"He is! But I don't really care at the moment!"
Pippin set the baby in crib fifteen, and then looked down at the one in fourteen. "Um...Gandalf?"
"WHAT IS IT?" Gandalf was now holding a baby in each arm and attempting to pick up a third.
"How do I pick this baby up?"
"The same way you picked up the other one!"
Pippin stared back down at the baby, and then gently lifted her out of the crib. She stared at him with her big scary blue eyes, tears running down her cheeks. Again, he shifted her around carefully until he got her in the same position as the other one. Then he returned to his chair.
"PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"Yes sir?" This was getting to be a regular routine now.
"Please go greet the people at the door!" said Gandalf, who was sitting in his chair, rocking five babies at one time.
Pippin looked up to see about eight different elves, all carrying at least two babies at the door. "HI, AND WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF ELROND'S CHILDCARE CENTER!" Pippin shouted over the din. "PLEASE SET YOUR BABIES IN AN OPEN CRIB! IF THEY'RE GOING TO CRY, TAKE THEM HOME!"
"HOW SHOULD WE KNOW IF THEY'RE GOING TO CRY?" One of the mothers shouted back. "THEY'RE NOT OUR KIDS!"
"This is going to be a long day." Pippin said to no one in particular. "OKAY, SET THEM IN THE CRIBS." Pippin showed the "parents" the cribs. As he walked, he counted the babies. "THIRTY-THREE!" He yelled to Gandalf. "ONLY EIGHT MORE!"
"OH JOY!" Gandalf yelled back.
Pippin turned around to see even more elf parents at the door. "FOLLOW ME, I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THEM!" he said. The baby in his arms started crying even harder. Pippin walked the parents to the end of the last row of cribs. There were three babies left without cribs, plus the five Gandalf was rocking and the one Pippin was holding. "Okay, well, you can put them in swings, I guess...unless you want to take them home!" he added hopefully. But the parents put the babies in swings.
By this time, some of the babies had realized that they weren't going to get any attention, so they stopped crying. It was at this moment that Pippin noticed crib twelve was empty. "GANDALF!" he screamed. "Where's the baby who was in crib twelve?"
"I'm holding-OH MY GOD!"
"Which one was she?" asked Pippin frantically.
"I'm not sure...THREE OF THESE ARE GIRLS!"
"They all look the same!" cried Pippin. "Well, which one looks most like six months old?"
"They all do!" said Gandalf.
"Okay, well..." Pippin set the baby he was holding down and picked up one of the girls from Gandalf's lap. "If we can't tell, her mother can't tell." He hefted the baby ino crib twelve. She immediately began to cry. "Shut up." Pippin said to her. She didn't listen. The baby he had previously been holding was quiet, so Pippin put her in a swing and picked up another (small) baby who was crying. Elf babies were much bigger than hobbit babies and he was having trouble lifting some of the larger ones.
"Well, at least we have all the babies now, so we don't have to worry about any more coming in!" said Gandalf.
Pippin sat back down in his chair, nervously rocking the baby, and trying hard to ignore the sounds of all the babies crying. After a couple of minutes of this, Gandalf couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay, Peregrin, it's feeding time. I don't care whether they're hungry or not. Maybe if we feed them, they'll shut up."
"An excellent idea...but, um..."
"Let me guess, you don't know how?"
"Yeah, that's about right."
"You know, it would be a great service to me if you would go out and learn some of these things. My life would be so easy...or, well, easier than it is now, at least." He muttered something about wishing he had gone to the undying lands after all, and then set the five babies down on the floor and walked over to the cabinet. He pulled out a box of fifty plastic bottles and set them on the counter. "If any of these kids are allergic to the formula, that's just too bad. If they die, it'll make it easier on both of us!"
"Gandalf!" cried Pippin, horrified.
Gandalf paid no attention to him. "Okay, we have to do this in an orderly fashion. Are the cribs all numbered?"
"Yes." Replied Pippin.
"Okay, you take the evens, I'll take the odds, except don't touch the one in crib twelve. She may not even be the right baby anyway, but if she is, we're not going to risk messing it up." He began to fill the bottles with formula. "Here's what you'll do. Walk over here, grab a bottle, put it in the microwave for 15 seconds, make sure it's not too hot, then grab the baby and feed it. Once you're done, put the bottle in the sink, the baby back in the crib, and repeat. Don't feed the babies in the swings until I tell you to. IS THAT CLEAR?"
"Yes sir."
"Okay, let's get started." Gandalf handed Pippin a bottle of warm milk, then he walked back, picked up each of the five babies he had set on the floor, and put them in their cribs. Four of them were still crying.
Pippin walked over to crib two and, with much difficulty, managed to lift the baby out of it. He made it back to his chair just before the baby fell out of his arms and then tried to hand the baby the bottle. The baby, however, did not seem at all interested in holding the bottle. "Um, Gandalf. This one doesn't really want it!" Pippin shouted.
Gandalf got out of his chair, where he sat feeding the baby from crib number one (if you'll remember, that was the first baby that Pippin interacted with...he he he, I have a good memory!). "PEREGRIN TOOK! Do not hand him the bottle! PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!"
"Okay..." Pippin said timidly. He put the bottle in the baby's mouth. It immediately stopped crying and began sucking. Pippin couldn't help but think that despite the fact that these babies were loud and annoying, they were incredibly cute.
Once Pippin's baby had finished his bottle, Pippin picked him up (and very nearly dropped him) and walked over to put the bottle in the sink. The baby started crying again. No, not crying, SCREAMING. "Gandalf!" Pippin yelled. "What's wrong with him? Does he want more?"
Gandalf looked up at him, very exasperated. "Did you burp him?"
"What?"
"Like this." Gandalf demonstrated using the baby in his lap.
"Oh, okay." Pippin, with much effort, lifted the baby up onto his shoulder and began hitting it on the back.
"PEREGRIN TOOK! Are you trying to murder the baby?"
"Um, no sir!"
"Pat LIGHTLY!"
"Yes sir." Pippin returned a now quiet and content baby to crib two, and moved on to crib four.
The bottles kept the babies quiet for a little while, but all good things must come to an end. The babies started to get fussy again. Soon, they were all crying (well, most of them anyway). It seemed to be even louder than before, if that's at all possible.
"PEREGRIN!" Gandalf shouted.
"YES SIR?"
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Gandalf set down the babies he was holding and walked up to Pippin. "Peregrin, get a couple of strollers and walk some of these babies up and down the hall." He said.
"But...won't that disturb the other classes?" Pippin said.
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OTHER CLASSES! What I care about right now is MY class and MY class is DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!" Gandalf opened the closet door and pulled out two triple strollers. He started loading babies into one of them. "PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"Yes sir?"
"HELP ME!!!!"
Pippin rushed to the nearest crying baby, which just happened to be the one in crib number ten. He strapped her into the stroller and then picked up the one in crib number eleven. Next he headed for crib twelve.
"PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"Yes sir?" Pippin was getting quite bored of saying that all the time.
"That's crib TWELVE!"
"Oh yeah, sorry!"
Gandalf rolled the now-loaded strollers to the door. Pippin began rolling them out, but Gandalf stopped him. "You can take more babies with you!" he cried.
"No I can't!" Pippin replied.
"Yes you can!"
"How?"
"You've got two arms, don't you?"
"Well, yes, but-"
Gandalf placed two VERY small babies in Pippin's arms. Pippin was grateful that they were small, but he didn't really know how to push the strollers now.
"Um, Gandalf? How do I push the strollers?"
"With your knees, now out into the hallway!"
Pippin inched out into the hallway with the eight babies. Gandalf slammed the door. "Now, how do I turn?" Pippin wondered aloud. He was getting rather nervous. The babies' cries were echoing all around the hallway, and he didn't want to disrupt anyone else. He knew that Legolas and Gimli were probably having a hard time with the one-year-olds, because Elrond had said they cried the most. Well, the babies cried a lot too, but that's not the point. Sam and Merry had no clue what they were doing, and Pippin didn't want to make things worse for them. As for Frodo and Aragorn, well...he didn't really know what to say about them. As he inched up and down the hallway, he could hear screams and cries, and the occasional sound of breaking glass followed by loud, not-so-nice words from Aragorn coming from the three-year-old room. Thankfully, the babies seemed to be quieting down. In fact, they were almost completely quiet, except for the occasional whimper.
Suddenly, the door to the three-year-old room burst open, and Aragorn came running out. He slammed the door behind him and leaned against the wall, breathing hard.
"Um, hello Aragorn!" said Pippin.
"Oh, Pippin! Hey!" he said. "My god, this is a nightmare! I am NEVER having children!"
One of the babies in the stroller chose that precise moment to let out a loud shriek. Another one started crying, and then the rest, except for the two in Pippin's arms, chimed in.
"You look like you're having fun." Aragorn commented.
"Oh yes." Said Pippin. "But at least I'm away from Gandalf."
"He being pretty hard on you?" Aragorn asked.
"Just a little." Pippin said. "What are you out here for?"
"I'm having issues with those kids." He said. "One of them threw my sword OUT THE WINDOW!"
"Oh my goodness!" Pippin cried. "I guess I'm kind of glad I don't have your group."
"Hey man, I don't really think there's a single age that would be a whole lot of fun. But anyway, I have to go borrow some cookies from Sam and Merry, and then I gotta get back in there. I can't leave Frodo alone for too long."
"Alright, see ya!"
Aragorn knocked on the door across the hall, and Pippin painstakingly turned the strollers around and pushed them back up the hall the other way. His arms were getting tired holding the two babies, but he really didn't want to go back into the baby room with Gandalf.
"Pippin!"
Pippin jumped and whipped around, causing the babies he was carrying to start crying again. He had turned in a full circle when he finally saw Legolas's head poking out of the door to the one-year-old room.
"Having fun?" Legolas opened the door all the way. He was clutching a little elf girl to his hip. She was giggling and playing with his hair.
"Yeah, it's just great." Pippin said sarcastically.
"Well, it really is going great in here! Hardly anybody's crying anymore! We're having a great time, aren't we Onna?" he tickled the little girl and she giggled and pulled his hair. "Ow! Pippin, why don't you come into our room. Gimli loves babies, and I'm sure we could help get some of these guys quiet." He turned back to the little girl. "Onna, let's look at the babies!"
Legolas led Pippin into the room, and then he set the little girl down and took the first baby out of one of the strollers. He sat down on the floor and rocked the baby in his arms. She opened her eyes and stopped crying immediately. Instead, she blew a raspberry and reached her arms up to hug him. Onna, the elf girl Legolas had been holding earlier, toddled over and joined in the hugfest.
"How did you do that?" Pippin asked.
Legolas set the now happy baby on the floor with Onna, and took another little girl out of the stroller. She immediately stopped crying also. Pippin's jaw dropped.
"He can only do that with girls." Gimli commented, from the other side of the little wall. "The boys don't care if he's pretty or not, just the girls."
For the first time, Pippin noticed that all of the children on Legolas's side of the wall were girls, and all the children on Gimli's side were boys.
"Of course, I think he's very pretty too." Gimli walked up to the wall. "Hand me one of the boys there, Pippin."
Pippin gave Gimli one of the screaming boys he was holding and then sat down (or, rather, up) in Legolas's elf-sized rocking chair with the other baby.
Pippin sat with Legolas and Gimli for a few hours, laughing and talking, interrupted only once by Elrond who popped in to make sure that everyone was wearing their uniforms, and once by Aragorn who needed to borrow Gimli's battle axe (nobody really wanted to know why) before he started noticing something strange. There was silence...well, almost. He could still hear the three-year-olds screaming (he felt very bad for Aragorn and Frodo but was not at all willing to go help them), but he no longer heard the babies crying from across the hall. He stood up. "Thank you guys so much for helping me," he said, "but it's almost time for the parents to come and pick them up, so I'm going back to my room now." Legolas and Gimli helped Pippin get all the babies back in the strollers, and he pushed them across the hall to the baby room.
When he opened the door, he found that all the lights were turned off. The babies were asleep in their cribs, as was Gandalf (except he was asleep in his chair). Pippin left the babies in the stroller and then took the two he was holding and put them in swings. He wanted to return to his chair, but he didn't feel like he had the strength to do that, so he just sprawled out on the floor instead.
When he woke up, all of the babies were gone, and the sun was just peeking over the hilltops. Gandalf was bustling around the room, adjusting cribs and folding blankets. "Oh, Peregrin, you're up. Welcome to your second day of working at the House of Elrond's Childcare Center."
"WHAT?!?!?!?!"
A/N: Okey-day! That was the chapter. Next one should come tomorrow or the next day and it will be about Legolas and Gimli. Guys, I'm sorry that they're so gay in this story. I try hard to make them not gay, but it never works. It just seems so natural for them to be gay, and when I start writing about them, it just always comes out...I'm sure they're not really gay.
Pippin sat nervously in his rocking chair, as he watched Gandalf pacing around between the rows of cribs. "Peregrin-" Gandalf began, but at that precise moment, the door was thrown open and he was cut off.
"I almost forgot!" Elrond came running into the room. "If you're working at the House of Elrond's Childcare Center, you need a uniform!" He handed Gandalf and Pippin each a pink smock with the words 'House of Elrond's Childcare Center' written on the front.
Gandalf looked disgusted. "And you expect me to wear THIS?"
"Yes, of course I do! Look, it's even got your name on the back!"
Pippin turned his over to see the words 'Peregrin Took: Secondary Caregiver-Infants.'
"See Gandalf, you're the PRIMARY caregiver." Elrond said gleefully.
But Gandalf did not seem to be in the mood for cheeriness at the moment. "FIRST you put me with PEREGRIN TOOK! THEN you tell me to take care of 41 BABIES! AND NOW YOU TELL ME TO WEAR THIS!!!!!! I've had enough of it, Elrond. ENOUGH!!!!"
By the end of Gandalf's outburst, Pippin was hiding underneath a crib, trembling in fear. But Elrond wasn't. He simply stared back at Gandalf, cool as a cucumber and said "Gandalf, you have to wear that if you are going to work here. And since I told you that you are going to work here, you are going to wear that."
Gandalf shot him an angry look, but pulled his on.
"You too, Pippin." Said Elrond. "And I will be coming back periodically during the day to make sure that you are wearing them!"
Elrond swept out of the room, leaving a VERY angry Gandalf and a VERY frightened Pippin behind.
"Now, Peregrin, as I was saying before we were SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED, I want you to listen to ME and do as I SAY...especially since I am the PRIMARY caregiver." Pippin could see a smug grin spread across Gandalf's face. He knew Gandalf was slightly happy about being the "PRIMARY caregiver", at least, happier than he would have been if he had been named secondary.
"Yes sir." Pippin said quietly. He looked up at the clock. Six twenty-nine. Knowing elves, they would all arrive precisely at six thirty, just like they were supposed to. He sat there, dreading the second when the minute hand would reach the six AND THE STARS WOULD BE PERFECTLY ALIGNED!!!!!!! Actually, they wouldn't, but it would be six thirty. The second hand slowly ticked around the clock, second, after second, after second, after second, after second, after second, after-
BANG!!!! The door was thrown open, and through it came the longest stroller Pippin had ever seen. In it sat at least a dozen elf babies. The elf woman who was pushing it stepped forward and said "Hi, there were so many babies out in the streets this morning, that I decided to just pick them all up and bring them here before their parents forgot!"
"Yes, that would be quite a tragedy, wouldn't it?" Gandalf said sarcastically. "Peregrin, help us get these babies out!"
Pippin stepped forward and began trying to unbuckle the first elf baby. Gandalf and the elf who had brought them started at the back. After struggling for some time (mainly because the little elf seemed to find his hair very interesting and liked to pull it) Pippin finally got the buckle undone. "Okay, Gandalf, what do I do now?" Pippin asked.
"For God's sake, Peregrin Took, don't tell me you don't know how to take a baby out of a stroller! PICK HIM UP!"
"Um...how?" asked Pippin.
Gandalf glared at him. "Like THIS." He said, trying hard to control his temper. He walked over to Pippin's baby (no, NOT as in, Pippin's BABY, Pippin doesn't have one. As in, the baby Pippin was trying to take out of the stroller). Gandalf picked the baby up, and then set him back in the stroller again. "Now, you try it." He commanded.
"O...kay." said Pippin. "Um," he seized the baby underneath the arms and lifted it up.
"Very good." Said Gandalf sardonically. "Now, hold him the way he's SUPPOSED to be held!"
"Um..." said Pippin. He didn't really want to move, for fear he'd drop the baby.
"You know what, never mind." Said Gandalf. He snatched the baby from Pippin's arms and set him in the nearest crib. "Now Pippin, that was a very nice baby you had there. Most babies would be crying and screaming by the time you were done with them, so you were lucky." Gandalf walked back to the end of the stroller and began unbuckling more babies.
Pippin just stood there uncomfortably.
"PEREGRIN TOOK, for the last time HELP US GET THE BABIES OUT!"
"Yes sir!" Pippin walked back to the stroller. The next seat had a VERY tiny baby in it. "Maybe I could lift this one up," Pippin murmured to himself. He unbuckled the straps and ever so carefully lifted the baby up.
"PEREGRIN TOOK, what ARE you doing?" Gandalf shouted. "Support his head! You're going to kill him!"
"Yes sir!" Pippin cried. After several minutes of meticulously shifting the baby around, he managed to get it in a position where he could support his head and not drop him at the same time.
"Thank God you did something right!" Gandalf said. "Go sit in your rocking chair with that one, he's too little to just put in a crib right now."
Eternally grateful that he didn't have to lift any more babies up, Pippin sat down in his rocking chair with the baby (who had a lot of hair). He rocked back and forth, and watched Gandalf take the last baby out of the stroller. The elf woman smiled and cried "Have fun, you guys!"
"Oh, I'm sure we will." Gandalf grumbled.
She wheeled the stroller out of the room. Just as she did so, another elf woman came into the room. Gandalf looked incredibly relieved to see that she was carrying only one baby. She looked around nervously at the rows of cribs. "Um, hello." She said.
"Hello." Gandalf said.
"Um, listen, I have kind of a big favor to ask." She continued nervously.
"What is it?" Gandalf asked, exasperated.
"Well, see, this is my daughter, and she's six months old, and I KNOW she's mine too. I've managed to keep her for six whole months!"
"Very impressive, now what were you going to ask?"
"Yes, um, see, I really don't want to lose her, so could one of you, by any chance, hold her for the whole time? Just so I don't lose her." She looked expectantly at Gandalf.
"Absolutely not." He said.
"But-but, why not?"
"Madame, are you aware that Peregrin and myself will be taking care of forty-one babies today? We cannot hold one of them all day long and ignore the others."
"Well you don't have to hold her! Just keep track of her, okay?"
"Here," said Gandalf. "Put her in crib number 12. And remember that number too. We won't take her out."
"Thank you very much!" the woman said. She walked over and placed her baby in the twelfth crib just as another family of elves arrived.
"Oh look! What a cute little boy!" the mother called, looking at Pippin. She walked over to him and pinched his cheek. "Did you come to help your grandpa at work today?" she asked.
Gandalf exploded. "PEREGRIN TOOK IS NOT MY GRANDSON!!!!!"
"I'm...sorry..." the elf woman whimpered from underneath a crib.
"Yes, okay." The elf man continued for her. "We have a two-month-old, an eleven-month-old, a twenty-one-month-old, a thirty-two-month-old, and a forty-one-month-old."
"I don't do months. How many of them are less than one year?" Gandalf asked in a bored tone.
"I...just told you that." The elf said.
"Yes, but you told me in months. Now, how many are less than one year old?"
"Two."
"Leave them in here."
"Okay."
"Any that are one year old, take across the hall. Two year olds next door, and three year olds across the hall from next door." He said in monotone.
"Thank you" the elf man said. He handed Gandalf two babies, which Gandalf immediately took to the next two available cribs.
"At least no one is crying yet." He muttered to Pippin.
"Shh...don't jinx it!" Pippin whispered back.
But it was too late. The two-month-old began to cry, which started off the eleven-month old. Gandalf looked up sharply at their parents who rushed out the door. Next the baby in crib twelve started to cry, and on down the row. Soon, the only babies not crying were the one Pippin was holding, and the one who had played with Pippin's hair.
Gandalf's face went pale. "And these are only the first fifteen!" he muttered. He walked over to the nearest crib and picked the baby up. "Okay, stop crying now!" he said in a sing-song voice as he bounced the baby up and down, but this only made her cry harder. "Okay, you REALLY need to stop crying!" he sang. The baby screamed. "PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"Yes sir?" Pippin said nervously.
"HELP ME!"
"But...but you told me to hold-"
"Yes, well put him in a crib for a moment. He's not crying!"
"But you said he was too little to put in a crib!"
"He is! But I don't really care at the moment!"
Pippin set the baby in crib fifteen, and then looked down at the one in fourteen. "Um...Gandalf?"
"WHAT IS IT?" Gandalf was now holding a baby in each arm and attempting to pick up a third.
"How do I pick this baby up?"
"The same way you picked up the other one!"
Pippin stared back down at the baby, and then gently lifted her out of the crib. She stared at him with her big scary blue eyes, tears running down her cheeks. Again, he shifted her around carefully until he got her in the same position as the other one. Then he returned to his chair.
"PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"Yes sir?" This was getting to be a regular routine now.
"Please go greet the people at the door!" said Gandalf, who was sitting in his chair, rocking five babies at one time.
Pippin looked up to see about eight different elves, all carrying at least two babies at the door. "HI, AND WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF ELROND'S CHILDCARE CENTER!" Pippin shouted over the din. "PLEASE SET YOUR BABIES IN AN OPEN CRIB! IF THEY'RE GOING TO CRY, TAKE THEM HOME!"
"HOW SHOULD WE KNOW IF THEY'RE GOING TO CRY?" One of the mothers shouted back. "THEY'RE NOT OUR KIDS!"
"This is going to be a long day." Pippin said to no one in particular. "OKAY, SET THEM IN THE CRIBS." Pippin showed the "parents" the cribs. As he walked, he counted the babies. "THIRTY-THREE!" He yelled to Gandalf. "ONLY EIGHT MORE!"
"OH JOY!" Gandalf yelled back.
Pippin turned around to see even more elf parents at the door. "FOLLOW ME, I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THEM!" he said. The baby in his arms started crying even harder. Pippin walked the parents to the end of the last row of cribs. There were three babies left without cribs, plus the five Gandalf was rocking and the one Pippin was holding. "Okay, well, you can put them in swings, I guess...unless you want to take them home!" he added hopefully. But the parents put the babies in swings.
By this time, some of the babies had realized that they weren't going to get any attention, so they stopped crying. It was at this moment that Pippin noticed crib twelve was empty. "GANDALF!" he screamed. "Where's the baby who was in crib twelve?"
"I'm holding-OH MY GOD!"
"Which one was she?" asked Pippin frantically.
"I'm not sure...THREE OF THESE ARE GIRLS!"
"They all look the same!" cried Pippin. "Well, which one looks most like six months old?"
"They all do!" said Gandalf.
"Okay, well..." Pippin set the baby he was holding down and picked up one of the girls from Gandalf's lap. "If we can't tell, her mother can't tell." He hefted the baby ino crib twelve. She immediately began to cry. "Shut up." Pippin said to her. She didn't listen. The baby he had previously been holding was quiet, so Pippin put her in a swing and picked up another (small) baby who was crying. Elf babies were much bigger than hobbit babies and he was having trouble lifting some of the larger ones.
"Well, at least we have all the babies now, so we don't have to worry about any more coming in!" said Gandalf.
Pippin sat back down in his chair, nervously rocking the baby, and trying hard to ignore the sounds of all the babies crying. After a couple of minutes of this, Gandalf couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay, Peregrin, it's feeding time. I don't care whether they're hungry or not. Maybe if we feed them, they'll shut up."
"An excellent idea...but, um..."
"Let me guess, you don't know how?"
"Yeah, that's about right."
"You know, it would be a great service to me if you would go out and learn some of these things. My life would be so easy...or, well, easier than it is now, at least." He muttered something about wishing he had gone to the undying lands after all, and then set the five babies down on the floor and walked over to the cabinet. He pulled out a box of fifty plastic bottles and set them on the counter. "If any of these kids are allergic to the formula, that's just too bad. If they die, it'll make it easier on both of us!"
"Gandalf!" cried Pippin, horrified.
Gandalf paid no attention to him. "Okay, we have to do this in an orderly fashion. Are the cribs all numbered?"
"Yes." Replied Pippin.
"Okay, you take the evens, I'll take the odds, except don't touch the one in crib twelve. She may not even be the right baby anyway, but if she is, we're not going to risk messing it up." He began to fill the bottles with formula. "Here's what you'll do. Walk over here, grab a bottle, put it in the microwave for 15 seconds, make sure it's not too hot, then grab the baby and feed it. Once you're done, put the bottle in the sink, the baby back in the crib, and repeat. Don't feed the babies in the swings until I tell you to. IS THAT CLEAR?"
"Yes sir."
"Okay, let's get started." Gandalf handed Pippin a bottle of warm milk, then he walked back, picked up each of the five babies he had set on the floor, and put them in their cribs. Four of them were still crying.
Pippin walked over to crib two and, with much difficulty, managed to lift the baby out of it. He made it back to his chair just before the baby fell out of his arms and then tried to hand the baby the bottle. The baby, however, did not seem at all interested in holding the bottle. "Um, Gandalf. This one doesn't really want it!" Pippin shouted.
Gandalf got out of his chair, where he sat feeding the baby from crib number one (if you'll remember, that was the first baby that Pippin interacted with...he he he, I have a good memory!). "PEREGRIN TOOK! Do not hand him the bottle! PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!"
"Okay..." Pippin said timidly. He put the bottle in the baby's mouth. It immediately stopped crying and began sucking. Pippin couldn't help but think that despite the fact that these babies were loud and annoying, they were incredibly cute.
Once Pippin's baby had finished his bottle, Pippin picked him up (and very nearly dropped him) and walked over to put the bottle in the sink. The baby started crying again. No, not crying, SCREAMING. "Gandalf!" Pippin yelled. "What's wrong with him? Does he want more?"
Gandalf looked up at him, very exasperated. "Did you burp him?"
"What?"
"Like this." Gandalf demonstrated using the baby in his lap.
"Oh, okay." Pippin, with much effort, lifted the baby up onto his shoulder and began hitting it on the back.
"PEREGRIN TOOK! Are you trying to murder the baby?"
"Um, no sir!"
"Pat LIGHTLY!"
"Yes sir." Pippin returned a now quiet and content baby to crib two, and moved on to crib four.
The bottles kept the babies quiet for a little while, but all good things must come to an end. The babies started to get fussy again. Soon, they were all crying (well, most of them anyway). It seemed to be even louder than before, if that's at all possible.
"PEREGRIN!" Gandalf shouted.
"YES SIR?"
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Gandalf set down the babies he was holding and walked up to Pippin. "Peregrin, get a couple of strollers and walk some of these babies up and down the hall." He said.
"But...won't that disturb the other classes?" Pippin said.
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OTHER CLASSES! What I care about right now is MY class and MY class is DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!" Gandalf opened the closet door and pulled out two triple strollers. He started loading babies into one of them. "PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"Yes sir?"
"HELP ME!!!!"
Pippin rushed to the nearest crying baby, which just happened to be the one in crib number ten. He strapped her into the stroller and then picked up the one in crib number eleven. Next he headed for crib twelve.
"PEREGRIN TOOK!"
"Yes sir?" Pippin was getting quite bored of saying that all the time.
"That's crib TWELVE!"
"Oh yeah, sorry!"
Gandalf rolled the now-loaded strollers to the door. Pippin began rolling them out, but Gandalf stopped him. "You can take more babies with you!" he cried.
"No I can't!" Pippin replied.
"Yes you can!"
"How?"
"You've got two arms, don't you?"
"Well, yes, but-"
Gandalf placed two VERY small babies in Pippin's arms. Pippin was grateful that they were small, but he didn't really know how to push the strollers now.
"Um, Gandalf? How do I push the strollers?"
"With your knees, now out into the hallway!"
Pippin inched out into the hallway with the eight babies. Gandalf slammed the door. "Now, how do I turn?" Pippin wondered aloud. He was getting rather nervous. The babies' cries were echoing all around the hallway, and he didn't want to disrupt anyone else. He knew that Legolas and Gimli were probably having a hard time with the one-year-olds, because Elrond had said they cried the most. Well, the babies cried a lot too, but that's not the point. Sam and Merry had no clue what they were doing, and Pippin didn't want to make things worse for them. As for Frodo and Aragorn, well...he didn't really know what to say about them. As he inched up and down the hallway, he could hear screams and cries, and the occasional sound of breaking glass followed by loud, not-so-nice words from Aragorn coming from the three-year-old room. Thankfully, the babies seemed to be quieting down. In fact, they were almost completely quiet, except for the occasional whimper.
Suddenly, the door to the three-year-old room burst open, and Aragorn came running out. He slammed the door behind him and leaned against the wall, breathing hard.
"Um, hello Aragorn!" said Pippin.
"Oh, Pippin! Hey!" he said. "My god, this is a nightmare! I am NEVER having children!"
One of the babies in the stroller chose that precise moment to let out a loud shriek. Another one started crying, and then the rest, except for the two in Pippin's arms, chimed in.
"You look like you're having fun." Aragorn commented.
"Oh yes." Said Pippin. "But at least I'm away from Gandalf."
"He being pretty hard on you?" Aragorn asked.
"Just a little." Pippin said. "What are you out here for?"
"I'm having issues with those kids." He said. "One of them threw my sword OUT THE WINDOW!"
"Oh my goodness!" Pippin cried. "I guess I'm kind of glad I don't have your group."
"Hey man, I don't really think there's a single age that would be a whole lot of fun. But anyway, I have to go borrow some cookies from Sam and Merry, and then I gotta get back in there. I can't leave Frodo alone for too long."
"Alright, see ya!"
Aragorn knocked on the door across the hall, and Pippin painstakingly turned the strollers around and pushed them back up the hall the other way. His arms were getting tired holding the two babies, but he really didn't want to go back into the baby room with Gandalf.
"Pippin!"
Pippin jumped and whipped around, causing the babies he was carrying to start crying again. He had turned in a full circle when he finally saw Legolas's head poking out of the door to the one-year-old room.
"Having fun?" Legolas opened the door all the way. He was clutching a little elf girl to his hip. She was giggling and playing with his hair.
"Yeah, it's just great." Pippin said sarcastically.
"Well, it really is going great in here! Hardly anybody's crying anymore! We're having a great time, aren't we Onna?" he tickled the little girl and she giggled and pulled his hair. "Ow! Pippin, why don't you come into our room. Gimli loves babies, and I'm sure we could help get some of these guys quiet." He turned back to the little girl. "Onna, let's look at the babies!"
Legolas led Pippin into the room, and then he set the little girl down and took the first baby out of one of the strollers. He sat down on the floor and rocked the baby in his arms. She opened her eyes and stopped crying immediately. Instead, she blew a raspberry and reached her arms up to hug him. Onna, the elf girl Legolas had been holding earlier, toddled over and joined in the hugfest.
"How did you do that?" Pippin asked.
Legolas set the now happy baby on the floor with Onna, and took another little girl out of the stroller. She immediately stopped crying also. Pippin's jaw dropped.
"He can only do that with girls." Gimli commented, from the other side of the little wall. "The boys don't care if he's pretty or not, just the girls."
For the first time, Pippin noticed that all of the children on Legolas's side of the wall were girls, and all the children on Gimli's side were boys.
"Of course, I think he's very pretty too." Gimli walked up to the wall. "Hand me one of the boys there, Pippin."
Pippin gave Gimli one of the screaming boys he was holding and then sat down (or, rather, up) in Legolas's elf-sized rocking chair with the other baby.
Pippin sat with Legolas and Gimli for a few hours, laughing and talking, interrupted only once by Elrond who popped in to make sure that everyone was wearing their uniforms, and once by Aragorn who needed to borrow Gimli's battle axe (nobody really wanted to know why) before he started noticing something strange. There was silence...well, almost. He could still hear the three-year-olds screaming (he felt very bad for Aragorn and Frodo but was not at all willing to go help them), but he no longer heard the babies crying from across the hall. He stood up. "Thank you guys so much for helping me," he said, "but it's almost time for the parents to come and pick them up, so I'm going back to my room now." Legolas and Gimli helped Pippin get all the babies back in the strollers, and he pushed them across the hall to the baby room.
When he opened the door, he found that all the lights were turned off. The babies were asleep in their cribs, as was Gandalf (except he was asleep in his chair). Pippin left the babies in the stroller and then took the two he was holding and put them in swings. He wanted to return to his chair, but he didn't feel like he had the strength to do that, so he just sprawled out on the floor instead.
When he woke up, all of the babies were gone, and the sun was just peeking over the hilltops. Gandalf was bustling around the room, adjusting cribs and folding blankets. "Oh, Peregrin, you're up. Welcome to your second day of working at the House of Elrond's Childcare Center."
"WHAT?!?!?!?!"
A/N: Okey-day! That was the chapter. Next one should come tomorrow or the next day and it will be about Legolas and Gimli. Guys, I'm sorry that they're so gay in this story. I try hard to make them not gay, but it never works. It just seems so natural for them to be gay, and when I start writing about them, it just always comes out...I'm sure they're not really gay.