Eep! Sorry! It's been a very long time since I've updated, huh? Heh. Sorry, you guys. There's just been a lot of things happening...a bunch of homework and such. Haha. I also would like to apologize for the cliff hanger..hahaha, some of you must hate me for that. :P Uhhm. What else? Oh yeah, I don't think much people cared about the Mir/San romance part.. Bwahahaha. That's okay! I liked writing it, so it's all good. Hahaha. Alright, well...here it goes. Wish me luck on this one! :P
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Chapter 23
"Kagome..." Inuyasha said silently.
"Don't you mean Kikyo?" Kagome said defensively as she flipped through the channels of the television. She hadn't even turned her head to reply to him.
Inuyasha looked down again, and then at the TV.
Kagome was changing the channels so quickly, that you couldn't even guess what was playing. He looked at her, her eye brows were together as she sat in the corner of the couch. Her elbow was on top of the arm rest, and her head was supported by her hand. Kagome's other arm lay beside her as her fingers pressed the buttons of the remote excessively.
Inuyasha fidgeted as he thought up of something to say.
"Do you mind? I'm trying to watch something." Kagome said irritatingly as Inuyasha kept on clearing his throat in a nervous matter.
"Oh, sorry.." he said silently as he looked down.
Kagome looked at Inuyasha from the corner of her eye.
'I can't believe I'm hurting you like this, Inuyasha. I really meant it when I said that I loved you...but I can't tell myself that those words meant anything to you at all.' she thought to herself in sadness as she kept her strict expression on.
"Kagome, I'm sorry." her thoughts were interrupted as Inuyasha's soft voice broke the silence.
Kagome grunted with disbelief.
"You're sorry?" she said mockingly; her eyes still fixed on the television.
"I've been thinking a lot lately..." he began. Kagome rolled her eyes.
"Oh really? Well congratulations on overcoming that obstacle, Inuyasha." she said sarcastically.
Inuyasha ignored her sarcasm and went on.
"...and when you asked me how it was possible for you to 'fight a ghost'...I really felt and understood what you meant.
And then I had this conversation with Sango and she helped me out a lot. Her words are probably half of the reason why I have the courage enough to sit here and talk with you.
Anyway...what I wanted to get at is that...I love Kikyo...but–" Inuyasha was interrupted as Kagome threw the remote on the couch and got up abruptly.
She made her way to the kitchen and got a glass of water. After Kagome got her beverage, she sat down at the kitchen table and looked at the glass.
"As I was saying...I love Kikyo, but–" Inuyasha said as he gulped, but was interrupted once again by Kagome's voice.
"I don't want to hear it, Inuyasha." Kagome said deeply.
Inuyasha looked up at her. She sat at the corner of the kitchen with her glass of water in her hands.
"But, Kagome.. You don't understand.. I wasn't fini–"
"No, I think it's you that doesn't understand." she said as she lifted up her head. Kagome got up from the corner and slowly walked near Inuyasha.
"I understood perfectly what you told me 3 days ago. And it took a lot of me to accept it. The only reason why you're here is because Miroku and Sango need their drama to be straightened. Just because we're in the same house, doesn't mean that things are the same." tears formed at the corners of Kagome's eyes.
Inuyasha just looked at her stunned.
"And for you to come here and repeat to me that you love Kikyo? Haven't you thought that I've heard that enough times? Haven't you even considered how much it hurts me to be so close to you...and yet so far away?" Kagome's voice became shaky.
"Kagome...but I wasn't finished explaining.." he said gently.
"Oh, but Inuyasha...I think you are. There isn't anything to explain. And if there is more for you to say about your undying love for Kikyo...respect my choice when I say that I do not want to hear it." Kagome turned away from Inuyasha and wiped her tears with her sleeve.
'Damn...I can't believe I'm tearing up...why does this always happen?!' she thought stressfully to herself.
"Kagome...but there's something I need to say...something that I need to explain..something–" Inuyasha said as he got up from the couch and walked towards Kagome.
"INUYASHA!" Kagome yelled as she placed her back on the wall.
Inuyasha walked nearer to her. His eyes were full of guilt, compassion, and worry.
"JUST STOP IT! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!" Kagome yelled as she slid to sit down with the wall supporting her back.
"STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!" her voice faded as she started to cry.
Inuyasha bent down to hug her, but Kagome flung her arms as she tried to avoid him.
Inuyasha's arms wrapped around Kagome as he hugged her tightly. Her face and tears dug into his soft, precious hair. Kagome kept on fighting to get out of his grasp, but gave up as she cried while in his embrace.
Kagome stopped crying and began to sniff the tears away. Inuyasha released her from his arms and looked at her. Her eyes were red and tears ran down her face. Inyasha took his clawed finger, and gently brushed away a tear.
Kagome looked into his eyes, and felt a fire burn into her heart. This compassionate gaze wasn't for her...it couldn't be. She turned her head to the side in stress and turned it back to face him. His eyes were still fixed upon hers and that made her heart ache even more. Their faces were so close together.
Kagome began to breathe heavily. Inuyasha's arms were gently holding her shoulders. She blinked boldly and raised her hand.
As she raised it, she slapped Inuyasha across his face and his head bolted to the side. He let go of her shoulders and rubbed his cheek. Inuyasha looked at Kagome with confusion and despair.
Kagome stared at him back, tears ran down her face. She tried to breathe to hold back any more tears to continue rolling, but still became a mess.
"Stop...doing that." she said as she tried to steady her voice.
"Doing what?" he whispered as his hand still rubbed his sore cheek.
"Stop...pretending that I'm her!" she yelled as her voice rose.
"I'M NOT, KAGOME! I'M NOT PRETENDING ANYTHING!" he yelled as he stood up.
"DAMN IT, INUYASHA. DON'T LIE TO ME. DON'T YOU DARE TO FUCKING LIE TO ME." Kagome yelled as she got up also.
"I'M NOT LYING TO YOU, KAGOME!" Inuyasha exclaimed back.
"You're not lying?!" she said sarcastically.
"That gaze...that gaze wasn't for me. I saw it in your eyes, Inuyasha. You were imagining that I was Kikyo. You've giving me things that aren't or weren't ever for me!" Kagome walked away.
Inuyasha grabbed her arm and she turned around.
"What're you talking about?"
"THAT GAZE! That gaze! It wasn't for me! Your words! Every word you say hurts me like a thousand knives because I can't be sure if you're intending to say that solemnly to me or to Kikyo. How many times do I have to tell you that I am not her? As much as I'd wish to be..I'm sorry, Inuyasha...but I can't! And I bet more than anything I'd switch places with her right now if it made you happy! I would rather be dead and knowing that you're living happily with her than living right now knowing that you're faking you're happiness with me!" Kagome pulled back her arm viciously.
"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY, KAGOME!" Inuyasha said as he cupped his face in his face and sighed.
"I-LOVE-YOU! YES, YOU! LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I MEANT IT WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT I LOVED YOU BACK AT THE CLUB OPENING. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO ADMIT THAT YOU LOVE SOMEONE AFTER BEFORE HURT SO BADLY!"
Kagome looked down, and sighed. She lifted her head up.
"To comment on your last sentence, Inuyasha. Yes, I do." she whispered softly as she turned her back away from him.
Inuyasha gently grabbed her arm again and she turned around.
"Kagome...I built a wall around my heart and didn't let anyone in. I thought that my queen was lost forever, but what I didn't know was that her spirit was actually trying to break the barrier. It wasn't until she succeeded in chipping the wall and led the new queen inside, that I realized...that the barrier wasn't going to stay protected forever." Inuyasha held Kagome's wrists gently and she looked upon him.
She almost gasped as she thought she saw a twinkle of tears in his eyes.
"...I thought the crevices were going to help and provide me with nothing, but I was wrong. They've given me everything."
Inuyasha's eyes softened and Kagome's efforts on trying to get out of his grasp loosened.
"Kikyo may not be here...but she will always be alive in my memory and heart. But as of now, Kagome...I love you...for you...and only you."
Kagome nearly fell as her knees began to weaken by Inuyasha's intent look and his gentleness as he held her hands.
Kagome looked away and brought her hands back to herself. Inuyasha looked at her with worry, and took a step forward.
Kagome looked at him once more, then looked down and quickly went upstairs. The sound of her slamming her door made Inuyasha flinch.
"Did I... say something wrong again?" he asked himself slowly as he looked up at her closed door.
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"What did you just do, Kagome?!" Kagome asked herself as she flung herself on her bed and cried in a pillow.
"He just said that he loved you...with the most sincerity you've ever seen..and you couldn't say anything!" she cried.
"And it's wrong to blame Kikyo for this...it isn't her fault. And I shouldn't hold any grudges on her.." Kagome wiped her face.
"And Inuyasha even got enough courage to tell me all this...he developed the strength to place her aside into this memory and heart...but placed me in the precise area with his love." Kagome cried once more into her pillow and she laid down in her bed.
She knew that he still stood by the stairs, staring in shock. Kagome pitied herself at her weakness for him, and looked at the pictures they had taken.
"Why couldn't I say anything? I still do love you, Inuyasha I never stopped...then what am I so afraid of? Am I afraid to trust you with my heart?." Kagome looked at the pictures once more.
"But I have got to tell you the truth, Inuyasha. I told him that I would fight anyone for his love..and I will. Even if it has to be myself.." Kagome stood up from her bed and made her way to her door.
Suddenly, Kagome heard the sound of the front door closing. She stood there speechless and fell to her knees.
"Inu....yasha..."
'He probably must be infuriated with me...After all, I did just leave him there...he probably never wants to see me again...oh, Kagome! You're such a fool!" she thought to herself as she sat in her room.
Kagome stood up and made her way down the stairs.
'I won't give him up! No matter what it takes...I'm not going to let us end this way!'
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Chapter 23
"Kagome..." Inuyasha said silently.
"Don't you mean Kikyo?" Kagome said defensively as she flipped through the channels of the television. She hadn't even turned her head to reply to him.
Inuyasha looked down again, and then at the TV.
Kagome was changing the channels so quickly, that you couldn't even guess what was playing. He looked at her, her eye brows were together as she sat in the corner of the couch. Her elbow was on top of the arm rest, and her head was supported by her hand. Kagome's other arm lay beside her as her fingers pressed the buttons of the remote excessively.
Inuyasha fidgeted as he thought up of something to say.
"Do you mind? I'm trying to watch something." Kagome said irritatingly as Inuyasha kept on clearing his throat in a nervous matter.
"Oh, sorry.." he said silently as he looked down.
Kagome looked at Inuyasha from the corner of her eye.
'I can't believe I'm hurting you like this, Inuyasha. I really meant it when I said that I loved you...but I can't tell myself that those words meant anything to you at all.' she thought to herself in sadness as she kept her strict expression on.
"Kagome, I'm sorry." her thoughts were interrupted as Inuyasha's soft voice broke the silence.
Kagome grunted with disbelief.
"You're sorry?" she said mockingly; her eyes still fixed on the television.
"I've been thinking a lot lately..." he began. Kagome rolled her eyes.
"Oh really? Well congratulations on overcoming that obstacle, Inuyasha." she said sarcastically.
Inuyasha ignored her sarcasm and went on.
"...and when you asked me how it was possible for you to 'fight a ghost'...I really felt and understood what you meant.
And then I had this conversation with Sango and she helped me out a lot. Her words are probably half of the reason why I have the courage enough to sit here and talk with you.
Anyway...what I wanted to get at is that...I love Kikyo...but–" Inuyasha was interrupted as Kagome threw the remote on the couch and got up abruptly.
She made her way to the kitchen and got a glass of water. After Kagome got her beverage, she sat down at the kitchen table and looked at the glass.
"As I was saying...I love Kikyo, but–" Inuyasha said as he gulped, but was interrupted once again by Kagome's voice.
"I don't want to hear it, Inuyasha." Kagome said deeply.
Inuyasha looked up at her. She sat at the corner of the kitchen with her glass of water in her hands.
"But, Kagome.. You don't understand.. I wasn't fini–"
"No, I think it's you that doesn't understand." she said as she lifted up her head. Kagome got up from the corner and slowly walked near Inuyasha.
"I understood perfectly what you told me 3 days ago. And it took a lot of me to accept it. The only reason why you're here is because Miroku and Sango need their drama to be straightened. Just because we're in the same house, doesn't mean that things are the same." tears formed at the corners of Kagome's eyes.
Inuyasha just looked at her stunned.
"And for you to come here and repeat to me that you love Kikyo? Haven't you thought that I've heard that enough times? Haven't you even considered how much it hurts me to be so close to you...and yet so far away?" Kagome's voice became shaky.
"Kagome...but I wasn't finished explaining.." he said gently.
"Oh, but Inuyasha...I think you are. There isn't anything to explain. And if there is more for you to say about your undying love for Kikyo...respect my choice when I say that I do not want to hear it." Kagome turned away from Inuyasha and wiped her tears with her sleeve.
'Damn...I can't believe I'm tearing up...why does this always happen?!' she thought stressfully to herself.
"Kagome...but there's something I need to say...something that I need to explain..something–" Inuyasha said as he got up from the couch and walked towards Kagome.
"INUYASHA!" Kagome yelled as she placed her back on the wall.
Inuyasha walked nearer to her. His eyes were full of guilt, compassion, and worry.
"JUST STOP IT! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!" Kagome yelled as she slid to sit down with the wall supporting her back.
"STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!" her voice faded as she started to cry.
Inuyasha bent down to hug her, but Kagome flung her arms as she tried to avoid him.
Inuyasha's arms wrapped around Kagome as he hugged her tightly. Her face and tears dug into his soft, precious hair. Kagome kept on fighting to get out of his grasp, but gave up as she cried while in his embrace.
Kagome stopped crying and began to sniff the tears away. Inuyasha released her from his arms and looked at her. Her eyes were red and tears ran down her face. Inyasha took his clawed finger, and gently brushed away a tear.
Kagome looked into his eyes, and felt a fire burn into her heart. This compassionate gaze wasn't for her...it couldn't be. She turned her head to the side in stress and turned it back to face him. His eyes were still fixed upon hers and that made her heart ache even more. Their faces were so close together.
Kagome began to breathe heavily. Inuyasha's arms were gently holding her shoulders. She blinked boldly and raised her hand.
As she raised it, she slapped Inuyasha across his face and his head bolted to the side. He let go of her shoulders and rubbed his cheek. Inuyasha looked at Kagome with confusion and despair.
Kagome stared at him back, tears ran down her face. She tried to breathe to hold back any more tears to continue rolling, but still became a mess.
"Stop...doing that." she said as she tried to steady her voice.
"Doing what?" he whispered as his hand still rubbed his sore cheek.
"Stop...pretending that I'm her!" she yelled as her voice rose.
"I'M NOT, KAGOME! I'M NOT PRETENDING ANYTHING!" he yelled as he stood up.
"DAMN IT, INUYASHA. DON'T LIE TO ME. DON'T YOU DARE TO FUCKING LIE TO ME." Kagome yelled as she got up also.
"I'M NOT LYING TO YOU, KAGOME!" Inuyasha exclaimed back.
"You're not lying?!" she said sarcastically.
"That gaze...that gaze wasn't for me. I saw it in your eyes, Inuyasha. You were imagining that I was Kikyo. You've giving me things that aren't or weren't ever for me!" Kagome walked away.
Inuyasha grabbed her arm and she turned around.
"What're you talking about?"
"THAT GAZE! That gaze! It wasn't for me! Your words! Every word you say hurts me like a thousand knives because I can't be sure if you're intending to say that solemnly to me or to Kikyo. How many times do I have to tell you that I am not her? As much as I'd wish to be..I'm sorry, Inuyasha...but I can't! And I bet more than anything I'd switch places with her right now if it made you happy! I would rather be dead and knowing that you're living happily with her than living right now knowing that you're faking you're happiness with me!" Kagome pulled back her arm viciously.
"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY, KAGOME!" Inuyasha said as he cupped his face in his face and sighed.
"I-LOVE-YOU! YES, YOU! LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I MEANT IT WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT I LOVED YOU BACK AT THE CLUB OPENING. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO ADMIT THAT YOU LOVE SOMEONE AFTER BEFORE HURT SO BADLY!"
Kagome looked down, and sighed. She lifted her head up.
"To comment on your last sentence, Inuyasha. Yes, I do." she whispered softly as she turned her back away from him.
Inuyasha gently grabbed her arm again and she turned around.
"Kagome...I built a wall around my heart and didn't let anyone in. I thought that my queen was lost forever, but what I didn't know was that her spirit was actually trying to break the barrier. It wasn't until she succeeded in chipping the wall and led the new queen inside, that I realized...that the barrier wasn't going to stay protected forever." Inuyasha held Kagome's wrists gently and she looked upon him.
She almost gasped as she thought she saw a twinkle of tears in his eyes.
"...I thought the crevices were going to help and provide me with nothing, but I was wrong. They've given me everything."
Inuyasha's eyes softened and Kagome's efforts on trying to get out of his grasp loosened.
"Kikyo may not be here...but she will always be alive in my memory and heart. But as of now, Kagome...I love you...for you...and only you."
Kagome nearly fell as her knees began to weaken by Inuyasha's intent look and his gentleness as he held her hands.
Kagome looked away and brought her hands back to herself. Inuyasha looked at her with worry, and took a step forward.
Kagome looked at him once more, then looked down and quickly went upstairs. The sound of her slamming her door made Inuyasha flinch.
"Did I... say something wrong again?" he asked himself slowly as he looked up at her closed door.
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"What did you just do, Kagome?!" Kagome asked herself as she flung herself on her bed and cried in a pillow.
"He just said that he loved you...with the most sincerity you've ever seen..and you couldn't say anything!" she cried.
"And it's wrong to blame Kikyo for this...it isn't her fault. And I shouldn't hold any grudges on her.." Kagome wiped her face.
"And Inuyasha even got enough courage to tell me all this...he developed the strength to place her aside into this memory and heart...but placed me in the precise area with his love." Kagome cried once more into her pillow and she laid down in her bed.
She knew that he still stood by the stairs, staring in shock. Kagome pitied herself at her weakness for him, and looked at the pictures they had taken.
"Why couldn't I say anything? I still do love you, Inuyasha I never stopped...then what am I so afraid of? Am I afraid to trust you with my heart?." Kagome looked at the pictures once more.
"But I have got to tell you the truth, Inuyasha. I told him that I would fight anyone for his love..and I will. Even if it has to be myself.." Kagome stood up from her bed and made her way to her door.
Suddenly, Kagome heard the sound of the front door closing. She stood there speechless and fell to her knees.
"Inu....yasha..."
'He probably must be infuriated with me...After all, I did just leave him there...he probably never wants to see me again...oh, Kagome! You're such a fool!" she thought to herself as she sat in her room.
Kagome stood up and made her way down the stairs.
'I won't give him up! No matter what it takes...I'm not going to let us end this way!'