The Wayward Trio
By Hilarity
Being the part when Peter gets ideas, nicknames, and a very large burden
"That's our Wormtail!"
Five years, three hundred-fifty nine (and a half) detentions, and an uncountable number of howlers later, Sirius Black and James Potter sat side-by-side on the floor in the Gryffindor Common Room playing Wizards Chess. Or at least, pretending to. What they were really doing was plotting out new locations on their newest creation (with, as always, immense help from their favourite werewolf, Remus) affectionately dubbed The Marauders Map by pretty much everyone. After all, the four were the most marauding bunch of students in Hogwarts history. Setting records in detentions and howlers like no other. Not only that, but Sirius could now clean the trophy room in under ten minutes flat. Without magic. A feat unprecedented, much like everything else any of them did.
"No, James!" Sirius shouted, shattering the silence of the Gryffindor common room into thousands of tiny palpable pieces. A few of the students looked over at the pair, but no one said anything. They didn't want to risk it.
"Stuff it, Sirius! And keep your voice down!" chided James, hitting Sirius on the head with his wand. "We shouldn't even be doing this down here." He looked about and dropped his voice to a hoarse whisper. "Too many people!"
Sirius, who was rubbing the non-existent sore spot on his head, frowned. "When has that stopped us before? And besides," he added pointedly, waving his wand at James absently. "That's not where that room goes." He pointed to the map with his wand, muttered something, and the layout of the room flew to an entirely different corner of he castle.
"Oops," James breathed. "I thought we had it turned round. Needs a title! I'm getting confused as to which way is north."
"No," Sirius said, a lopsided grin on his face. "You're just infinitely stupider than I am."
"Stupider, Sirius?"
Sirius shrugged and pointed his wand tip at the seemingly innocent piece of parchment. "Mischief managed," he said, and the map vanished. He looked up and opened his mouth to speak, but instead, it cracked into a wicked grin. He rolled up the parchment and nodded his head, but it wasn't at James.
A swift kick to the ribs knocked James completely onto the floor.
"'Lo, dear sweet Lily my love!" said James, his mouth muffled in the carpeting.
"Why good evening Potter," Lily Evans said back. "You wouldn't happen to have a book of mine, would you?" she continued in a sweet, yet dangerous, tone.
James, finally able to sit up and breathe properly, made a face of mock indignation. "Why Lily my love! How could you accuse me of stealing your book? Me, your wonderful Jamsiekins!"
Lily laughed, but stopped immediately; her face turned serious. "No, really James. Where is it? I need it for homework."
"No, really Lily," he stopped and smirked. "That rhymed!" Lily glared at him impatiently. "Yeah, I don't know where it is." Then, after some thought and a prodding from Sirius, "What book is it?"
Lily, seeming to believe James, looked about the room with her brilliant green eyes and sighed. "Just a library book, but I need it for the report for Charms."
James and Sirius sat bolt upright. "REPORT?!" they shouted in unison, terrifying a group of first year girls sitting near the window. "CHARMS?!" they shouted again.
Lily shook her head resignedly. "Yes. Two feet of parchment. I suggest that, unless you wish to stay near the top of the class, that you get started on it."
"And perhaps finish it," piped up Sirius, who looked terrified. "So..." he began. "What's it supposed to be on?"
"You weren't paying attention at all, were you?" Lily said in more of statement than a question.
Sirius grinned. "Nope." His grin faded. "Well Prongs, I guess we had best start on it, eh?" He nudged his friend with an elbow and stood up, stretching.
James stood and looked at Lily. "So, what is the paper on?"
Lily smiled slightly and folded her arms. "You have to find an unusual charm; one not used in class – ever – and you're to write about it."
"What about performing it? Do we have to –"
"No, no. Heavens, no! I heard that Snape researched some ancient hex or something. It sounded terribly...illegal." She gave a wry smile and looked at the portrait hole, which had just opened. In walked Remus Lupin, resident werewolf, flanked by Peter Pettigrew, resident...Hufflepuff gone Gryffindor.
"Hello Remus, Peter," Lily acknowledged. "Look, I'm terribly sorry to remove my presence from your little inner circle, but I really must find that damned book!" she said with much flourish, and turned back to the girl's dormitories.
Sirius shook is head. "I wonder what book it is..." Something wild was glimmering in his eye. Remus noticed and immediately began to counter whatever Sirius was thinking.
"Oh dear God! What are you thinking about, now? Because whatever it is, it can wait until you do your charms reports."
Sirius looked simply appalled. "And how, my dearest Moony, did you know that we failed to, erm, pick up the assignment?" he asked.
Remus smiled. "Because, dearest Padfoot, you always forget." He lightly padded a bewildered Sirius on the shoulder and proceeded up the dorm rooms. Sirius followed at a run, skipping steps and nearly knocking over two fourth years in the process.
"WAIT! Moooony! What was that supposed to mean?!" he hollered, his voice echoing down from the dormitories before something slammed, a loud "SHIT!", more thuds, and then silence, ensued.
James and Peter, sharing a worried look, ran to the stairs to find Sirius laying flat on his back, an open book lying near his head.
"What the hell was that?" James asked, feeling concerned, but still highly entertained, as he helped his best mate off of the staircase.
Sirius groaned and rubbed his back. "Ow...Damn book!" he grumbled, and picked it up.
'Time Travellers Universe, and Other Odd Charms to Please the Wandering Wizard' was the title. The title took up two rows of golden script on the maroon, leather cover of the book. Inside, the pages were wrinkled and yellowed with age, but the bright gold leafing along the edges stood out vividly.
"Ha, I think you may have found Lily's book, Padfoot," James said, throwing an arm around his friend and holding the book in the other.
"Oy, Peter!" he shouted. Peter marched up the stairs to meet them.
"No," he said.
James and Sirius reeled backward in unison. "No?! But I haven't even asked a bloody question yet!"
Peter just shook his head, looking entirely amused. "Whatever it is, I'm not doing it."
"Oh but Wormy, you must!" Sirius begged, rubbing his head and wincing slightly.
"If you call me Wormy again, I'll never do anything you ask of me ever. EVER. Again." He threw in a threatening note at the end, and proceeded past the two stunned Marauders, who in turn threw cheeky smiles at one another, and marched up after him.
"That's our Wormtail!" Sirius and James declared together, and entered the dorm amid much fanfare, provided, only, by Sirius and James.
"I'm not your Wormtail!" Peter cried, looking revolted at the very idea.
"The nickname was my idea," countered Sirius.
"No it wasn't. It was his!" yelled James for some reason, and he threw his arms out in mock indignation.
"But speaking of bright ideas," Remus cut in. He was currently submerged within the depths of James' copy of 'Quidditch Through the Ages'. "Why don't you give that book back to Evans before she clobbers you." He looked up, grinning at the truth to the utterly absurd statement. And then he added as an afterthought, "And start on your reports."
But Peter, who was now holding the book, had another idea. Sirius was the first to notice, and the first to wholeheartedly agree. He always was. That was just his personality; agree before you even know what's coming, or blame it on Snape when it goes wrong.
"Whatever it is, Wormy," (Glare from Peter) "I'm up for it!" he announced to a room full of perplexed onlookers. Well, two perplexed onlookers, anyway.
"You don't even know what I was thinking, Padfoot," observed Peter, hugging the book against him to prevent Sirius from stealing it back. That was another facet of Sirius' personality; steal things that present good ideas and pranks. And incriminating information against Snape.
"Oh I know." He tapped his head with a finger and made a serious face. "I just know."
"Like hell, Padfoot!" Peter let loose a wicked grin and backed up slowly.
"Peter's right, I'm afraid."
"Yep, yep. Totally correct."
"Aren't you two curious?" Sirius nearly shouted. "I mean, bloody hell, Peter's THINKING!"
"Thanks Paddy."
"Any—HEY! What is this 'Paddy' business?"
"Wormy...Paddy...Prongy...Moony—Wait...Moony! That's not fair!" an outraged Peter whined.
Remus grinned over the cover of the book, not removing his eyes from it as he turned the page. "Luck of the draw, eh?"
James, who had up until now been quite silent, finally spoke, though it wasn't anything truly important. "Prongy?"
A brief moment of silence falls upon the room.
"5...4...3...2...1...James finally lets it sink in!"
James strode over to his bed and chucked a scarlet pillow at Sirius' head. It hit him; effectively mussing up his hair and making it appear quite a bit like one James Potter's.
"Not the HAIR, man!" he raged, and threw the pillow back.
"So what is this brilliant plan of yours, Peter?" inquired James as he ducked below the flying projectile.
"Brilliant? I never said it was brilliant. In fact," he paused a moment, suddenly very pleased. "I never even stated that I had a plan in the first place."
"Well you certainly didn't deny it! Now out with it, you!"
There was little hesitation before Peter flopped down on his bed and began to speak, his voice excited. "You looked at the cover, did you not?"
Sirius and James nodded, bemused.
"Well, it said 'Time Travellers'," he stated simply, and smiled again.
"Annnd...?" Sirius pressed on.
"Annnd that means that there are obviously charms for, oh, say, going back and forward in time!" He held up the book to show Remus, who had now put down 'Quidditch Through the Ages' and was looking quite intrigued.
"Those are probably complex charms, Worms."
"WORMS?!" He chucked the book at Sirius, who caught it and opened it up in one swift motion.
Sirius began to scan over the pages, thoroughly interested. The lull in activity prompted James to take out his Charms book, two rolls of parchment and quill (later remembering ink) and set up the supplies on one of the roll top desks to begin the report.
"But if we haven't done this in class, and if we aren't ever going to do this in class, then...I need a new book. Oi! Padfoot, could you lend me Lily's for a minute?" He turned round in his seat and made irritating puppy eyes at Sirius, who threw the book at James.
"Can't you ever stop throwing things?" Remus asked, and he threw the copy of 'Quidditch Through the Ages' back upon James' bed. It missed and thudded to the floor. "Whoops!"
"You know, I've been thinking," began Sirius thoughtfully.
"Oh no. Head for the hills. Sirius Black has finally engaged his brain in an activity in which it has surely never been engaged before," Remus said in a monotone.
"Cor, Padfoot! Want a medal?" offered James, who was now bent over the opened tome, and frenziedly writing the essay.
Opting to ignore the chiding from his peers and fellow mischief-making fiends, Sirius continued unabated. "You know what would be fun?" Without waiting for a response, he carried on. "We should go into the future and see if any of us have kids!"
Silence fell upon the Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers. James slowly turned to face his best mate, concern playing with horror across his face. He adjusted his glasses in a slow, calculated movement, and flicked his eyes to Remus, who merely shrugged. Peter blinked bemusedly.
"Uh, no," someone finally said. That someone happened to be Peter, who had now sat down upon his bed again. "No. Just...just no."
"I'm with Worms," James announced quickly.
"As am I," Remus agreed.
"What? My fellow pranksters are backing out?"
"Do I really need three different nicknames?"
"Backing out of what? How can we have out if there isn't anything to back out of?" Remus stated pointedly.
"Yes you do, Peter."
"Think about it, Moony! Think of all we could teach them!"
"If they haven't been corrupted already." The werewolf had a point.
Sirius waved an impatient hand in the air. "It could be fun!"
"And dangerous."
"And illegal."
Sirius wheeled round to face his best mate, his jaw unhinged. "DANGEROUS?!" he sputtered. "ILLEGAL?! Since when has that ever stopped us?"
"McGonagall –"
"MCGONAGALL! Now WHY did you have to go and drag her into it, Jamsie!"
"Work on your charms assignment, Sirius." All were desperately trying to get his mind off of such a foolhardy idea.
"You just think about it! That is all I am asking of you."
James and Remus sighed as one. "What if we don't even have kids? For one, you know the legend about sleeping with werewolves. And I, for one, don't want to find out if it's true. And what year will we go to? It could be completely off!"
"Too risky," James agreed.
"I've always been fond of the number 21."
"No. Higher than that."
"What legend?"
"So you want to do it?!" Sirius said excitedly.
Messrs. Moony, Prongs and Wormtail (Worms, Wormy...) shook their heads simultaneously. "No. We want you to finish your charms assignment," Mr. Prongs said, and he turned back to his own.
"No, seriously. What legend?"
Though Sirius finally managed to finish his Charms assignment, he did not drop the matter of careening into the future. In fact, he carried on with his wild menagerie of ideas all throughout the next day, starting as the group of four blearily made their way into the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning.
"But really! Think about it for a minute!"
"NO!" Remus shouted, though his voice was dry and croaky being that he still happened to be half-asleep and not even remotely interested.
"Mooooony!" Sirius pleaded. "You're sensible! Just – just go with me for a minute here –"
"NO!" all three of Sirius' friends hollered.
"Would it really be that bad?" Sirius now sounded panicked, as if he desperately wanted to know what his friends thought was so bad about such a 'harmless' little endeavour.
"It could be," offered Peter. "Really, Sirius...Who knows what could have happened to us by then. You-Know-Who could have destroyed Hogwarts, and the war could be going on."
James agreed. "Yeah, Sirius. If Voldemort is slowly building up his reserves now, who knows how bad he could be twenty-something years from now."
This evidently gave something for Sirius to chew on, at least until he got a hold of some bangers instead. The topic was revived instantaneously as the four marauding Gryffindors sat down at the Gryffindor table.
"And if he is," Everyone groaned as Sirius began another round of convincing. "we could just go back!"
"Have you even looked at the spell, Sirius?" asked Remus through a mouthful of toast. "Because we have to know everything about it in order to even think about going anywhere."
Sirius took this advice as some sort of prompting to run to the library, obviously thinking that Remus had given him permission to go through with the plan.
"Sirius!" James called, and he soon followed his friend out of the hall and eventually met up with him as they neared the library.
"We're going to miss, of all classes, Charms! Now come on! We have to get to class." He launched himself at Sirius and latched his arms around his chest, and began to pull him backward. Sirius pressed forward, completely undeterred, and seemingly unaware that he was half-dragging James Potter behind him.
"You. Can. Do. This. Later!" James grunted, trying to pulling his friend away from the horizon of the black hole that was the Hogwarts library.
When Sirius had finally been restrained and brought back to breakfast, it appeared that he had been mysteriously quieted, and did not bring up the spell again. At least, he waited a good few minutes before saying anything at all, much to the relief of all those sitting near him.
Unfortunately, as Peter reached across the table to nick another piece of toast, Sirius was jolted back into the argument full force. Apparently, the toast was to blame.
"Why don't you want to do this?" pressed Sirius, as he violently stabbed his fork into a half-empty plate of bangers.
Beside him, James sighed and put his fork down.
"Because," he said. "It's creepy! If you ran into Padfoot Jr.—"
"Or Pronglet," suggested Sirius amusedly.
Pausing a brief moment in order to glare pointedly at him, James continued, inwardly cringing. Pronglet?! "Exactly," he brandished his fork at Sirius in a don't-suggest-that-sort-of-thing-if-you-don't-want-me-to-hurt-you sort of way. "And personally, although I do believe that I speak for everyone currently present, other than you, when I saw that I do not want to meet Pronglet or Quarter Moony."
Remus snorted. "Half Moony would be more appropriate, don't you think?" And then he interjected his own thought. "But you must always remember, Sirius...the legend! Remember the legend!"
"What legend?!" exclaimed Peter, in a wash of indignation and frustrated curiosity.
He was dutifully ignored.
"Well then you've nothing to worry about, mate!" stated Sirius enthusiastically. He sat up straighter on his part of the bench. "And besides!" He now turned to look at James, who winced. "Who wouldn't want to meet Pronglet?"
James threw a pleading look at Remus and Peter, who both immediately came rushing to his aid. Or, at least, Remus did. Peter glared at his plate and muttered something that sounded like "what bloody legend?"
"Interacting with the future is dangerous, Sirius," Remus began coolly. "Not only could we find out information that we do not want to know—"
"Like what?!" Sirius looked completely gobsmacked that his fellow marauding brothers did not share his desire to learn forbidden information.
"Like, like..." Remus was now grappling for words suitable enough to put Sirius in his place. "Like, like ANYTHING!" Take that, Sirius!
"Like what, exactly?" Sirius shot back, narrowing his eyes and folding his arms. He seemed to be daring Remus to live up to his accusations. Remus, of course, could, and he therefore, did.
"Well, and this is obviously unconfirmed—"
"Though it could easily be."
"I don't believe you'd want this to be confirmed, Padfoot. You could very well be friends with Snape, or some evil dark lord."
"More likely Snape is some friend of an evil dark lord," mumbled Sirius, who seemed to be put out at being mentioned in a sentence containing the words 'Snape' and 'friends'.
"And moreover." Peter had suddenly become struck with inspiration. "What would you do if you came face to face with your father when he was your age?"
"I would be slightly scared, I will not deny it. But hear me out!" he added as quickly as possible so as not to seem as though he had been put in the wrong. "I never said he had to talk to them. We can take James' invisibility cloak and—"
Shaking his head, Peter added, "And somehow keep absolutely silent and basically non-us for Merlin knows how long?"
"We could do it!"
"Not in this lifetime, old chap," Peter concluded.
"Oh stop putting the dampener on things. What happened to our mischief-making spirits? Have we all forgotten our reputation? This would be the icing on the cake of feats!"
"I believe that becoming," casting a nervous look about, Peter continued in barely more than a whisper. "Becoming Animagi is, was, and will be the icing on the cake. Although I'm not sure I like being a rat."
"And Moony is a rather embarrassing nickname," added Remus thoughtfully.
"Don't divert from the matter at hand!" commanded Sirius.
Remus had evidently had enough. He stood up, shouldered his bag, and crossed his arms.
"The day Peter -- sorry Peter," he added.
"'S okay, Remus."
"The day Wormy—"
"Now that I will not tolerate!"
"The day Worms masters the charm to travel though time is the day that we utilize it. In laymen's terms, I advise no one to hold his breath." His voice had risen stridently in his irritation, and because Peter was making angry remarks about being called 'Worms'.
Remus left.
Sirius, looking positively put out yet again, called after him, "Well, that was completely uncalled for!"
James turned sharply where he was seated; his elbow knocking over his goblet of pumpkin juice as he did so, and thus staining the linen round James' immediate area a bright shade of orange. He leant back sharply. "Bullocks! Well, honestly Sirius! You've been going on about this for far, far too long."
Sirius spluttered indignantly as he assisted in cleaning up the mess of juice by use of his wand. The stain quickly disappeared, leaving the table white again.
"Look," sighed James as he picked up his bag and made to stand up. "We usually don't care about risks, or at least, we don't usually address them. The point is," He sighed again and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "That involves way too much risk, and we have to address it because it's the future!"
"I wasn't going to do anything. Remus' orders, mate." He smiled in a way that made James' insides give an almighty flip, and then he looked at Peter.
James, cottoning on with help from the flip of his stomach, widened his metal-framed eyes, but refrained from saying anything. He couldn't. Nothing would deter dear Padfoot.
Nothing and no one.
"I do believe that we have charms, Prongs." Sirius then turned to Peter. "Wormtail, a word if you please." He turned to James. "Excuse us, James."
Knowing it was useless to try and stop him, although he could very well try, James threw Peter the obligatory sympathetic look, realising that his dear friend was about to be thrown to the lions. Things weren't looking up. Remus had made one of the biggest blunders of his life (second only to being bitten by a werewolf), and now they would all be paying for it.
Unless...
James smiled as an idea slipped silently into his head, and in celebration of this thought, he nonchalantly hexed Evan Rosier's hair a bright yellow as he headed up the staircase to Charms. The poor Slytherin would never know until someone pointed it out to him.