The Wayward Trio
By Hilarity
Of really, really, really annoying family members and the qualifications for being a pouf
"Shalom, my lonesome prairie dog!"
A week passed, and James was feeling rather...nervous, if truth be told. Remus had assured him on multiple occasions that, no, the spell was not like a portkey and no, he wouldn't be suddenly pulled into the future.
James wasn't sure he believed Remus. Sure, Remus was honest and smart. And a prefect. And full of common sense. Not to mention that he was honest. And trustworthy...But, but...
Ah, hell. James had every reason to trust Remus, but Sirius...Sirius was another matter entirely.
Currently, James was sitting in Potions, giving the concoction in his cauldron an angry glare, and, out of the corner of his eye, watching Sirius as he muttered indiscernible somethings under his breath, and scribbled indiscernible somethings on a piece of parchment covered in, what looked like, the scratchings of a dozen mad, ink-covered Cornish pixies.
Just to see if Sirius was aware that he was to be making a potion, James nudged his elbow a bit and sent a vile of pomegranate juice crashing to the floor. The vile shattered and pink liquid sprayed across Sirius's left shoe. He didn't even move.
"Potter!" barked the potions mistress, her eyes twinkling amusedly. "Keep your elbows in check, won't you?"
James quickly waved his wand, and the shards of glass reconnected themselves into a very battered-looking glass vile. With another wave of his wand, the remainder of the liquid disappeared, and when he re-emerged above the table, he was stunned to see that Sirius's potion was already finished (correctly) and viled. Spluttering indignantly, James turned to his own blue, cement-like concoction, and violently jabbed his wand into it. The potion spat angrily, sending livid white sparks a good metre into the air, before turning back into the blue, cement-like concoction once more.
"Potter!" their professor barked again. "Don't poke your potion, boy!" She sounded highly amused, though her lips were doing quite the job of impersonating McGonagall.
James inwardly cringed.
"'S why I'm not a prefect, and Remus is, Professor," he said as he attempted to measure powdered root of asphodel, tongue between his teeth in concentration.
"You could have been a prefect, you know," their professor continued as though this were one of James's frequent, lonely detentions, devoid of the prying eyes of other students.
"Me? A prefect? Never!" exclaimed James, looking scandalised.
"You tell her, James," said Sirius as he stood to deliver his vile of potion to the professor.
"Ah, Sirius Black decides to grace us with his presence, does he?" muttered James as he added the asphodel into the cauldron. The potion turned pink.
"Always," said Sirius over his shoulder.
James, feeling a sudden wave of bitterness come over him, took up his pestle and began to absently grind the wood of his desk. Sirius came back, gave him a look that consisted of a raised eyebrow, and said, "The beetles mate."
Frowning, James began to crunch the beetles into powder. He added them to the potion, which hissed pleasantly, and watched the mixture turn to the proper shade of orange. He viled it quickly, and ran up to the front of the class, hitting his leg on Alice Prewett's desk, and causing her potion to slosh over the sides.
He muttered apologies, quickly cleaned up the mess, and ran back to his seat. Sirius was leaning back in his chair with the casual air of boredom about him once more.
"Black," barked their professor. "Sit in the chair properly, or I'll take it away." She didn't look up from her grading.
"James," began Sirius as he lowered the chair onto all four legs. "How does she do that?"
"Magic, Black," came the answer.
James snorted as he scoured his cauldron and put away his ingredients. Sirius hit him squarely on the head with his wand. "Berk," he said softly.
"Black."
"Sorry, Professor!"
A half-hour later, the bell rang, and the herds were released from the pen. Or rather, Sirius, James, Remus and Peter darted from the classroom, knocking chairs over in their wake as they made haste to greet the wonderful sight of their common room.
Rounding a corner, all four came to an abrupt halt, and Sirius expressed his feelings with a rather unsavoury exclamation of disgust.
The four began to walk again, flanked by a fifth, much uninvited, guest.
"Go away," Sirius said in a monotone, looking deliberately ahead of him. "Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away..."
"Don't start with me, you great prat!" Bellatrix Black, a fourth year Slytherin, chided. She hovered next to Sirius, grinning a maniacal grin and looking at him through heavy-lidded eyes.
"Go away. Go away. Go away..."
"Spoken to Auntie?"
"Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away..."
"I'll take that as a very blatant 'no'. You're going to be spending the whole summer in the cellar, you know."
"GO AWAY. GO AWAY. GO AWAY. GO AWAY!"
"Kreacher will be delighted to have company!"
"TRIXIE!" Bellowed Sirius, stopping to look at his cousin. "GO. AWAY!"
"DON'T CALL ME TRIXIE!!!!" she screeched, causing heads to turn.
"Don't you have Acromantulas to feed yourself to or something?" asked Sirius as he began to walk again.
"Nope."
"Well bloody find one, then!" And with that, Sirius grabbed Bellatrix's shoulders and spun the girl in the opposite direction.
"FINE! BUT IT'LL BE RAISED IN YOUR ROOM, SIRIUSLY NOT A BLACK!" she shrieked as she walked in the opposite direction.
Sirius groaned. "I haaaaate her."
"I'm sure that she has...some...redeeming qualities," put in Remus. Bellatrix began to shriek more comments at her cousin. "Or not."
"Too right you are. She's mad, you know. Raises Acromantulas, and Merlin knows what else, in the attic. Mum went berserk when she found out. Bella's mum nearly died of shock. If only she had. Oh to not have to live with them..."
"Raises Acromantulas in your attic?" Peter said, sounding wary.
"Yup."
"In your attic?!"
"Yup. Although," added Sirius thoughtfully. "I once found a baby Acromantula in my wardrobe. Thought it was dead at first, until it decided to eat me. I didn't manage to, so I think Mum got a little depressed. She locked me in the cellar."
James snorted.
"Listen. If I run off, I'm going to stay at your place, all right James?"
"What? Oh, er...Yeah! Of course!"
"That's the ticket," smiled Sirius as he clapped James on the back.
"SIRIUS!"
Sirius groaned. "Not another one! WHEN WILL IT END?!"
"Oi!"
"Go away, Reg."
"Berk."
"Prat."
"Wanker."
"Twonk."
"Pouf."
(Insert crickets here)
"What's a pouf?"
"You."
"Well, yes. I'd gathered as much...But what is one, specifically? I mean, what are the qualifications for being a pouf?"
"Well," began, of all people, Peter. "In Divination, there are poufs...But those are like...uh, big stuffed bags that one sits on."
"Ah. So I'm something one sits on?" inquired Sirius, looking thoughtfully at his second year Slytherin brother.
"Well, we could always find out, couldn't we? What say you, dearest brother?" He withdrew his wand.
"No need for that, Regular," said Sirius with a smile. He patted his brother on the head as if he were some sort of dog.
"The hair, Sirius! Please! And do not call me Regular, you twat."
The group of five once more began to walk in the general direction of Gryffindor Tower. Regulus had gone into a spiel on the importance of letting Bellatrix raise fearsome beasts in the family manor, and that the cellar wasn't so bad, really. Sirius was only half listening, and James was doing the thousand-metre stare. Meanwhile, Peter had nearly fallen asleep, and Remus was fighting to look even remotely interested.
"Hey, Reg," yawned Sirius. "Go back to the dungeons, and spend extra time with Trixie."
Regulus looked mildly hurt. "You'll damage her mental state by referring to her as 'Trixie', Sirius."
"Indeed." And in the same fashion as he had done with Bellatrix, he spun his younger brother round and pushed him in the direction of the dungeons. Regulus did not protest.
"He's a bit mild, isn't he, Sirius?" commented Remus as they began to climb another staircase.
"Yeah. I s'pose. He's awfully...odd, though. At home, I mean. Has obsessions with Narcissa's make up..." He shook his head in order to clear his thoughts of such a mentally molesting image.
When they had climbed the fourth staircase, they came across Evan Rosier, whose hair, James was delighted to notice, was still bright yellow. The Slytherin had obviously only just discovered that this was the case, as he was flushed scarlet as he spoke with seventh year Gryffindor, and Head Boy, Frank Longbottom.
As the marauding quartet passed dear Rosier, James hexed the poor boy's hair purple, and Sirius added a flare of pink tips to his fringe to complete the look. Frank Longbottom snorted rather loudly. "Nope, never mind there mate. Your hair is not yellow at all! My mistake!" He patted the bewildered Slytherin on the shoulder and continued to walk up the staircase in order to meet up with James and his crew.
"I'm going to have to take points, you know," informed Frank as he smiled broadly. "Brilliant as it was, I am Head Boy."
James nodded morosely. "Yes, yes. It is your duty to uphold the law that is Minerva McGonagall."
"Indeed. So, how's five points? Makes me seem like I'm doing my job, but really doesn't put Gryffindor in harm's way."
"You're a good man, Frank Longbottom. A good man," commented Sirius.
"So, you reckon Rosier has forgotten his natural hair colour by now?" asked James.
"That was the idea, after all."
"Taking advantage of the poor wanker's stupidity, are we?"
All remained silent until the right choice of words could be found. "Why yes, dearest Frank. Of course!"
"How're you styling it for the match next weekend?" inquired Frank.
Sirius and James thought for a moment, but it was Remus who spoke. "The match is Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, is it not?"
All nodded.
"Well, how about yellow and black?"
There was a brief moment when the statement sunk it. Apparently, Sirius absorbed it first, as he immediately stopped walking.
"That's my Moony!" shouted Sirius, and he hugged Remus with such force that the poor werewolf was knocked backwards a bit. "You devil, you!" Sirius ruffled Moony's hair playfully.
"Right. Stop. Sirius. Now," James commanded, and Sirius sprang to a salute.
"What? Sniff your potions again, Sirius?" asked Frank through a toothy grin.
"I've only done that once! Once, I tell you! So shut your gob! I'll not have rumours going round the school about me!" He thought for a moment. "Bad ones, that is."
"I'm confused," Peter squeaked. "Why are we colouring Rosier's hair Hufflepuff -"
As one, Remus, Sirius, James and Frank brought palm for forehead and let out an explosive sigh.
"Some day, Worms," said James as he threw one arm lazily over Peter's shoulders. "Some day, you'll understand the finer points of pranks, and why it would make Rosier look very, very stupid to be supporting a team not even playing. Especially when his own team isn't playing, either."
Peter frowned, displaying an amount of confusion that could be considered unhealthy. "But, why are we colouring his hair Hufflepuff colours?"
"Never you mind, Peter. Never you mind."
"At least you understand that it's Hufflepuff colours," Sirius pointed out.
"Yes, but -"
By now, they had reached the Fat Lady, who was currently snoring softly.
"OI!" shouted Sirius.
The Fat Lady let out a great snort, opened one eye, and frowned dangerously. "Mr. Black!" she shrieked.
It is a sure sign that one is famous for his pranks, to be not only noticed by the Fat Lady, but to have her learn ones name, as well.
"Billywig," Remus said quickly, and before the Fat Lady could say any more to reprimand Sirius, and before Sirius could torment the Fat Lady any further, the portrait swung open, and the five clambered inside the Gryffindor common room.
Despite the beginnings of summer weather, a fire had been lit in the grate, and a few students were scattered about next to it. There was an obvious division between the fifth years, seventh years, and everyone else, decipherable due to the large amount of books the fifth and seventh years had noses jammed inside of, and visible beats of sweat on the foreheads of those nowhere near the grate.
"Hmm," Sirius thought out loud. "We ought to study or something."
"Fair point," muttered Frank as he left the group in order to meet up with Alice Prewett, a fellow seventh year and prefect.
"What?"
"Never mind," mumbled James. "You want to study? Let's get our books and do so, then."
"Not that we need to, or anything," countered Sirius, looking rather proud of himself.
"Well, you two may be Wizarding geniuses, but I need to study in order to keep top grades, so I'm going to do so."
Remus walked briskly up the staircase to the boy's dormitories in order to fetch his books, while James, Sirius and Peter sat down in the farthest, coldest corner of the common room. Not five seconds had elapsed, when Sirius took from his bag, a deep maroon book, and flipped it open on his lap.
James started, and choked on air.
"You may need to get yourself some water, Prongs ol' boy," mumbled Sirius, distractedly. He held up his wand and a stream of water erupted from the end, spraying James in the face.
"Oi! Sirius! Sirius! SIRIUS!" sputtered James. "STOP!" he shouted.
Sirius looked up, and his face cracked into a grin. "Ha! And by Jove, look who it is!"
James spun round just as Remus entered the common room from the boy's dormitories and began to walk over to them.
"Moony, Sirius?"
"Nice look for you, James. Flattens your hair...slightly." Remus sat down and opened up his Transfiguration book, taking a chance look at what Sirius was reading. He choked on air in much the same fashion as James had.
James clasped onto Sirius's wand before the boy could do any more damage to anyone else.
"You're still on about that bloody time travelling spell!" Remus hissed. Sirius nodded, his eyes scanning the page. He nodded to himself, snapped the book shut, and looked at Peter.
"And we've got it!"
James and Remus looked at one another, eyes wide.
"What?" croaked James as he dried off his robes.
"Peter and I have mastered the spell!" announced Sirius. The look on his face read that he was excepting some sort of congratulatory pat on the back, but the looks that he received read that he was about to be thumped into the ground.
"You twonk!" shouted James. Heads turned, but quickly turned back.
"In this instance, I must concur with Prongs. You're nutters," said Remus in a hushed voice.
"You said we could do it if Peter learnt the spell, Moony."
"Damn. I did, didn't I? James, hit me please."
James was about to fulfil the werewolf's request, when Sirius grabbed hold of his arm. "No! Just, please! Come on! Peter and I decided that we're going twenty-four years into the future, because Peter's birthday is the twenty-fourth of March, and since my birthday is on the third of April...Anyway, just, just please! If we never do another prank again..."
Sighing, Remus began to nod his head. "Fine, fine!" He shut his eyes and sighed in defeat. "Wake me when it's over."
Sirius jumped up. "Really?! You'll do it?!"
James groaned. "As if we have a choice in the matter."
"You're right. Well, come on, then!"
"Can't we have dinner, first?"
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs managed to eat dinner that night. They almost managed to stay in 1972 for another week and a half, managing to fit in O.W.Ls as well, much to the disgust of Sirius, who had been bent on missing them.
James had been sulking for three days, due to a breakthrough. He had come to realise that Lily Evans would never, ever like him. Ever. But he wouldn't just turn round and act in the manner that Lily wished him to. No! He was James Potter, damnit, and...And Lily Evans hated him!
"Sirius," said the sulking James as he stared into the fire in hopes that he would go blind and not have to ever see Lily again. "Let's do it. Now."
There was no response, so James looked up. No one was there. He sighed and sank deeper into the couch, hoping to disappear completely. It was a Saturday, and rain was drizzling outside of the windows, splashing the bevelled glass.
"Okay! Here we are, then!" announced Sirius. James looked up, startled. "Don't act so surprised, Prongs! You requested that we leave. Now."
Remus and Peter emerged from the dormitories, both looking apprehensive.
"WORMS!" bellowed Sirius. "Your assistance is needed, post haste."
Scowling, Peter walked hesitantly over to Sirius. "The circle, right?"
"Correct."
Peter began to place multi-coloured stones about the room, presumably in a fashion that would create a temporary ward.
"Where did you get those, Sirius?" demanded Remus.
"Nicked 'em."
"From...?"
"Done!"
Sirius smiled contentedly and stared at the stones. "Well done," he commended. "Now, everyone, stand in the middle of these stones, and...Oh wait...nope, never mind."
Remus held up a hand. "What are the elements of this, er, spell, Sirius?"
Sirius shut his mouth, looked thoughtfully at Remus, and began. "Well, you need someone of every person intending to go. The person itself is the best. But you have to be holding some sort of element of them. Like, er...say...a shirt or something. Anyway, I suggest that you make sure that you don't have any borrowed items on yourselves at the moment. Even though you have to be holding said item, we don't want any chances, now do we?"
All three nodded, but did not do anything, so Sirius continued.
"Uhm...So we'll stand in the middle of the ward doohickey like so." He stepped back. "And then I mutter the spell, wave my wand, and POOF! we're twenty-four years into the future!"
"So it'll be," Remus stopped to think, and glanced at his watch. "This exact day, this exact time, only it'll be 1996?"
Sirius nodded eagerly. "Yes indeed, Moony."
"And if we do not find anyone of any particular - The cloak! Did anyone grab it?"
Sirius looked, to put it lightly, gobsmacked. "GRAB IT!" he bellowed again.
"I'll cast a silencing charm on us, if you want," offered Remus. Sirius nodded. "That would be grand, but do it when we arrive, because it could conflict with the spell, okay?"
"Sounds good."
James returned with the silvery Invisibility Cloak less than a minute later, and was soon standing next to Remus, panting.
"All set? Everyone have his wand?"
All nodded.
"Brilliant!" He looked round the common room wistfully. "Shalom, my lonesome prairie dog!" he said. He raised his wand and began to wave it, muttering Latin incantations under his breath.
James was only half-interested in this. He heard noises upstairs, and soon, the sound of thundering footfalls met his ears. He gulped when he saw Lily Evans emerge from the staircase leading to the girls' dormitories. She charged down the stairs, a musty, green book in one of her hands, and walked right in front of James. He gulped again.
Sirius, it seemed, had not noticed her presence.
"JAMES POTTER!" she shrieked, inches from his face. James gulped yet again. Evans was positively frightening! Beautiful, smart, and funny...but frightening! Bless her.
The next few seconds were but a blur in the memories of all standing in the circle, and of one unlucky Slytherin walking across the grounds.
The world began to spin, and James shut his eyes to keep from being sick. Another second elapsed, and they found themselves exactly where they had been standing before. Nothing had changed except that the fire had gone out.
Lily looked livid, and Sirius, upon noticing her presence, looked afraid for his life. "Evans!" he half-wailed. "Moony! Find me a Daily Prophet!"
"James Potter! What are you four doing in the common room, bellowing like a bunch of raving nutters? You completely ruined Alice Prewett's silencing charm that she had been teaching to me, not to mention, you were..." She trailed off, looking concerned. Her eyes were no longer looking at James, but were looking just over his left shoulder.
"Well, it worked Padfoot," said Remus. "I don't know if this is today's Prophet or not, but it isn't..." He looked hesitantly at Lily.
"What's going on?" she asked, sounding half-annoyed, and half-fearful. "What have you done?"
"Now, Evans. You might want to -" But he was cut off by the sounds of the portrait hole swinging open. He grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her behind the scarlet curtains of the common room window, Remus, Sirius and Peter in tow.
"POTTER!" she shouted. James clapped a hand over her mouth.
The footsteps that had entered the common room had now trailed off and up the steps to the boys' dormitories. The four boys listened intently, and when the presence of no other person could be detected, they emerged from the curtains.
If Lily had been livid before, it was nothing compared to how angry she happened to be now.
"JAMES POTTER!" she shrieked. "What are you DOING?! How dare you -"
Remus interjected as quickly as possible. "Look, er..." He gnawed his lip nervously when Lily shot him a glare. "We'll explain everything when we get to, er, a safer location. Just trust us on this. Please?"
"No. Tell me why you're hiding, first."
"Because," said Sirius even when James shot him a look that clearly said do-not-say-anything-you-giant-berk, but he carried on. "it's 1996."
Lily's demeanour changed instantly. She lowered her voice several decibels, and narrowed her eyes. "What?"
"We, er, Sirius was using a time travelling charm, and er...you kind of interfered, and uhm...Is that your book?" James couldn't help noticing how incredibly...non-Evans-like that book appeared.
"What?" She stared incredulously at James, seemingly still digesting the outrageous information he had just fed her. "Book? Oh! Er - no, it isn't. Why?"
Sirius sat down.
"Whose is it?" Remus chanced.
"Severus Snape's."
"Fuck."
"Sirius Black!" chided Lily. She turned to look at Remus. "Are we really, truly, seriously in 1996?"
Remus nodded heavily.
"Damn."
"Lily Evans!" chided James, and he couldn't help but hide a smile as she sank down next to Sirius, though she obviously didn't notice it.
"Well, then...If we are...then...er...we have to...uhm..."
"Hide. Right. The cloak, Sirius?"
There was a palpable silence as Sirius took in a deep breath, but did not release it. "Damn."
"What?" croaked James.
"You don't have it?!"
"Don't have what?" asked Lily.
"You left it behind?!"
"You pouf!"
"Now don't start that again."
"Please take note that I would kill you, but we don't know how to get back without you." Remus sank down in an armchair.
"I feel loved."
"We have got to get out of here!" burst Peter.
"Wormy's right. Move, people!"
"No! We have got to find Sniv - er, Snape!" said James, quickly eyeing Lily.
Though no one wanted to accept it, all knew that James was right. It wasn't safe. He wouldn't know what had happened. But where had he been when the spell had taken effect?
"We could just let him figure it out on his own."
Lily shook her head, and her shoulder-length red hair bobbed softly. "No. It's far too dangerous."
"Let's get out of here, at least!" whinged Peter.
"Fine, fine. Find the Room of Requirement. Think of locator charms, or a room to hide in, or, or something! Anything!"
"The Room of what?" asked Lily as she stood up.
"I'll explain it to you later."
"You'd best."
"I value my life, Evans," informed James as he pushed her rather violently through the portrait hole.
"Shh!" Sirius hissed, taking charge of the vulnerable situation. "Follow me. We have to go down a few flights, and..."
He stopped, an alarmed look gracing his handsome features. "People! People!" he whispered loudly, grabbing Remus' wrist and Peter's collar. "Go!" He pushed the werewolf and the Hufflepuff wanna-be in the opposite direction of the closer staircase.
The five skidded to a halt in the doorframe of an empty classroom, and Lily shut the door with a snap.
"Alright you four insufferable twats. What are we supposed to do now? We need concealment charms."
Remus nodded thoughtfully. "I only know temporary ones."
"As do I."
"And I."
"Yup."
"Okay, so...I'll cast a temporary concealment charm on all of us, and we'll find Severus, and cast one on him as well without his even knowing. He won't know that we're here, and, he'll still be able to come back with us if I have the book." Lily was speaking rapidly and pacing back and forth, her open animosity towards the four boys watching her has obviously placed aside.
"Yes, but the spells are temporary. An hour at most, if we do them correctly."
Lily sank down along the wall. "Fine. Fine. We'll have to interact with him, then. But I'm going to cast the charm now. No one will notice us, nor will they hear us, though we will not be invisible."
"We know, Evans," spat Sirius.
"Could have bloody fooled me. Now. Stand there, and close together. Closer!" she barked.
"Aren't you going to join us, Evans?" asked James hopefully.
"No," said Lily coldly. "I'm going to cast it upon myself."
Remus sighed as James laughed. "You can't! You won't see us, and we won't see you!"
"Fair point and all the more reason to cast it upon myself separately."
"But you won't know how to get back, and what if we leave without you?" continued James.
Lily let out a half-groan, half-Banshee-esque screech, and stepped into the group of ne'er-do-wells. She made it a point not to stand next to Potter, whose intentions were highly questionable. Instead, she stood behind Peter, who was only two inches shorter than she, and raised her wand, muttering the spell as fast as possible.
"Give it an hour, max," she said as she stepped hurriedly away from the group. "We'll have to cast it on Severus when we are nearing the end of the duration of the spell. We'll have to cast it back upon ourselves with him included."
"I am not standing next to him!"
"So, what do we do for an hour?" asked Peter.
"Pronglet hunting!" declared Sirius, and he bolted from the room without further (or any, for that matter) consent.
"No, no, no, no, no!" muttered James, and he skidded round the corner and out of the room, chasing down his best mate at a speed comparable to one that would be exerted if the chaser was being pursued by the Furies.
Remus threw Lily a look, Peter didn't do anything because he really didn't know what to do, and the three ran from the room in the same direction that Sirius and James had gone.
They finally caught up with Sirius and James inside of the Great Hall, where lunch was currently being served to a rather sombre-looking school population. Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen.
Not having to hide, or chase down Pronglet hunters, gave Hogwarts' current, yet former, students the time to think and digest the school, and the changes (or lack-thereof).
"Shall we nick some food?" suggest Peter, who was staring longingly at Gryffindor table.
"Fine," said Remus with a careless wave of his hand.
Sirius charged down the Gryffindor table with a hungry look in his eyes. He quickly sat down next to a very dishevelled-looking boy who had a slightly bruised look about his nose, and was absently poking at his empty plate with a leaden look in his eyes. Sirius waved a hand in front of the boys' face, and grinned at James when all the boy did was sigh heavily and rest his head on his hand.
Presently, a boy with sandy-coloured hair got up from his seat next to a black boy, and came over to the boy, and laid a hand on his shoulder. The boy didn't do as much as start.
"All right, Neville?" he asked in a soft Irish brogue.
The boy now known as Neville nodded sadly, and stood up. "I'm gonna go back to the Hospital Wing." The Irish boy nodded understandably, and went back to his seat.
Sirius shrugged at James, who had sat down across from him, and James made a worried face. Remus sat where Neville had been sitting, and Peter sat next to the Irish boy. Lily hovered behind the Irish boy, but was looking intently at the back of Neville's head as he left the Great Hall.
"All right, Evans?" said James.
Lily frowned and nodded. "That boy, Neville, he looks awfully familiar."
"I'd say he's the son of Alice Prewett," said Remus thoughtfully, as he helped himself to a porkchop.
"I 'gree," said Sirius through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. He swallowed. "Who d'you reckon is his dad, then?"
No one said anything. All attentions were focused on the entrance to the Great Hall. A boy was standing there. A boy with greasy, chin-length black hair. A boy with greasy, chin-length black hair and a look of pure horror on his sallow, pale face.
"Snivellus!" shouted Sirius, forgetting that Snape could not hear him. He bolted out of his seat and the others followed. Sirius grabbed Snape round the middle and tugged him back. Snape let out an anguished cry, and withdrew his wand in the blink of an eye.
"Who's there!" he half-shouted.
Sirius grabbed his arm (with a look of revolution on his face at doing so) and pulled the bewildered Slytherin backward.
But Snape was not to be underestimated. He smiled, though it was more of a grimace and did not sit well with the rest of his features, and raised his wand.
All concealment charms were dissolved instantaneously.
Lily knew what would happen next as soon as James began to flex his hands by his sides. She stood defiantly in between Snape and the rest of the group, and began to speak quickly, so that she would be heard until the end.
"Severus, I mean, er, well, you see, you need to come with us. Black and Potter made some sort of time travelling spell, and it worked, and now its 1996, and we can not stand out here where people can see us, so we have to get into another room now, so that I can cast concealment charms on all of us, understand?"
Snape sneered at Lily. "What are you on about, Mudblood?"
James made a noise of protest from behind Sirius, but Remus held him back.
"What am I on about, Snivellus?" she spat. "We're stuck in the future because I found your bloody book in my room, and...oh bleeding hell..." She sighed heavily and pulled Snape into the midst of the group so quickly that he could not fight back, and had cast another concealment charm in the blink of an eye.
"Way to go, Evans!" commended James.
Lily smiled appreciatively. "You so owe me, Potter."
James, not for the first time that day (nor the third) gulped uneasily, but smiled all the same.
Snape stepped from the group so quickly that no one noticed he'd left until Sirius pointed it out. "Snivelly's gone!"
"Stop. Calling. Him. That!" hissed Lily waspishly. "It only makes him worse. Now, follow him!"
"He doesn't believe us, obviously," said Remus as they followed Snape to the dungeons.
"Obviously. But he hasn't removed the concealment charm yet. No one's noticed him."
"And good, good, good thing," breathed Lily. She had stopped and her eyes had widened horrifically.
"Are you alright, Evans?" asked a concerned James. Lily nodded vigorously, and pointed one shaking hand down to the end of the corridor.
There, robes' billowing behind him, was a very unmistakable person. A much older Snape was now locking up a classroom at the end of the hall, and was making his way up to where the Marauders and Lily stood, who were now all rooted to the spot as if put under locomotor mortis.
Lily grabbed Sirius and Peter only just in time. Snape walked right past them, not paying them even the slightest bit of mind.
"Merlin! They made him a professor?!" exclaimed Sirius. "That is an abomination!"
"I'm loath to think of what he does to his students," put in Lily.
Remus nodded.
"Let's follow him!" said James, and without prompting, he followed his least-favourite person up and out of the dungeons. The others had no choice but to follow. They'd let the younger Snape find out about this the hard way.
Snape was making his way up a flight of stairs, when the cries of an impending duel met the ears of James. He looked down at his friends to urge them onward and upward, and had to resort to physically pulling Sirius up the stairs. The result: Sirius tripped on his robes and fell backward. Remus, Peter and Lily continued up.
The professor Snape was now speaking to someone, dislike plainly evident in his voice. From behind, the sound of someone coming up the stairs could be heard. Lily, Remus and Peter whirled round and saw a very battered-looking McGonagall hobbling up the stairs.
James threw Remus a startled look, and managed to untangle himself from Sirius and dart up after her. He stopped when he reached the top of the staircase, and immediately turned round, his face pale and his eyes dilated with fright.
A/N: Again, I am stuck writing this in a program devoid of spell check. It's quite painful. I do hope I spelled things correctly, but if not…Argh…
Anyway, replies, replies, replies!
Scarlet Phoenix: Thanks!
FireSenshi: Duly noted. J
Lizzypadfoot: As am I. And as you can see, it is to Harry's fifth year. And not just Harry's fifth year, but to directly after Sirius' death. It's going to be SO MUCH FUN for them!
Arwen: Never! I will never, ever, ever do that, so rest assured, Padfoot is safe.
Skye0906: Thank you! I got someone to laugh out loud! Marvelous. I'm pleased, well, more than pleased, that you found chapter two amusing. It was fun to write. Of course, with the publication of OotP between chapters two and three, I'll be changing my characterizations just a bit. A teensy bit. Mostly with the relationship with Lily.
RabidSquirrel: Thanks! I'm flattered!
Malvern: I shall try my best ;)
Japonica: Thank you! Glad you found this one amusing.
dragongirlG: Thanks! And yes, I've read quite a few very implausible "MWPP go to the future" as well. I was hoping to make this one seem just a little bit more realistic, but I don't know if I was able to do it in this chapter at all. Oh well. I'm very honored that you like it so much!