Glorfindel-- just another MPE (Miscellaneous Pretty Elf)? EXPLANATIONS is
unaware of what the word 'Glor' means, but (according to the appendices of
The Silmarillion) '-findel' means "horror-hair". Was Glorfindel replaced by
Arwen not because she looked better in a cheesecloth dress, but because he
had a bad hair day? EXPLANATIONS arms itself with a good supply of Arë'ol 2-
in-1 Shampoo and Conditioner and combs through the tales.
Episode 4: Where Is The Glory?
A white horse, gleaming in the light, was seen running swiftly through the mist. Its headstall flickered and shone, as if it were studded with gems like faraway combusting globes of hydrogen gas. The rider's hair and cloak streamed behind, cloak providing a beautiful soft-toned background for the long shimmering locks of gold to shimmer and shine prettily against. A white, shining light appeared to glow from the rider's heart and seeming.
That is somewhat unimportant to the happenings of this particular tale, though. What is definitely important is the expression on the grey- eyed face of a beautiful Half-Elven maiden, who was wandering around crying out the name of the only horse in Rivendell.
"Asfaloth!"
"Asfaloth!"
Or, as a variation, "Where are you, Asfaloth?!"
And, occasionally, "Stupid ing horse. Where does it have to go out to, anyway?! It's not like he can shop..."
She paused, and turned to see a dark-haired elf leaning against a wall. "Elladan!" she cried. "Where is Asfaloth?"
Elladan paused in his inspection of the ends of his long, shining black hair. "How should I know?" He bit his Elven-perfect lip and pondered. Quite slowly. Elrond should have been ashamed of the lack of intelligence on the part of his son, but, as he had enough problems with that I'm-Going- To-Be-King Numenorean trying to get with his own great-to-the-power-of-X- aunt, Elladan's incredible ditziness escaped the notice of the Lord of the Last Homely House completely. "I think Glorfindel took him out for a ride. What do you want Asfaloth for, anyway? You can't exactly ride in a cheesecloth dress, Arwen."
Arwen glared at him, still managing to keep her air of Elven perfection. "How do you know, Elladan?"
"I tried it," Elladan replied, now inspecting his fingernails. "Father caught me and withheld my allowance."
"For five hundred years you had to borrow Glorfindel's stuff," Arwen recited. "I know, I know. Do you know where Glorfindel went?"
"Nope, sorry." Elladan picked a bit of dirt from below his thumbnail using his pocketknife. "He never tells me anything. Or at least, hasn't told me anything since we all got drunk at Morgoth's bash at the Nindalf Nightclub [1] in the Second Age and I told Leggy that Glory liked Hally. Word got around pretty fast, considering that Leggy had to go to war the next week."
Arwen rolled her grey (but blue) eyes and walked lightly away, finger tapping the sparkly white jewel at her slim pale neck [2]. Where would Glorfindel be? Where would she find Asfaloth? What had Glory said at dinner last night that made Father choke? Arwen cast her mind back.
Flashback
"Tinuviel! Tinuviel!"
"Freak," Arwen muttered. "Stop following me!"
End Flashback
"That may have been the wrong memory," Arwen mused.
"Hey, Arwen," Elladan called. "Do you have any nail-hardener?"
Flashback Attempt #2
Lord Elrond took a sip of his wine. Silence reigned until Bilbo began to snore. Glorfindel poked the old hobbit and coughed. "You know," he announced, "I've run out of hair-care products."
Elladan's eyes nearly popped out of his head.
"In fact," the golden-haired elf continued, patting his bulging bandana, "I've had to use bubble-bath to clean it out. It's becoming a slight problem."
Elrond coughed. Arwen giggled. Bilbo snored.
"I'll show you."
Glorfindel untied the bandana. Elrond, who had uncharacteristically unwisely begun to drink his next glassfull at that moment, began to turn purple and emit some extremely un-pretty noises.
End Flashback
"I suppose he might be going down to the Onoldo Chemists," the Evenstar reasoned. "They do import exclusive Arë'ol products from the Grey Havens, after all."
"Apparently not," Elladan yelled. "I'll just go ask Elrohir then."
Arwen began to walk to the stables ("Huh. Brothers.") before realising that there was only one horse in Rivendell and her father only created the river-horses for Nazgûl and hawkers. So she sat down and waited for Glorfindel to return. After telling Elrond, of course. Elves can be petty as well as pretty, after all.
The pretty rider eventually tired of riding around in circles and returned to Rivendell. At least his hair was pretty and shiny again. Now all he needed was someone to save and show his hair off to. Unfortunately, he had mistimed his visit to the Grey Havens and arrived at Rivendell several days before the hobbits and Numenorean reached Weathertop. Upon his arrival, he was grounded and a letter was sent to his parents, informing them of his disgrace and ban from all hair-care products and horses for the next century. Arwen, who was in secret correspondence with her great-to-the- power-of-X-nephew, timed her journey perfectly so that she could surprise Aragorn and show off her new dress and glowy body-paint to a cuddly blue- eyed hobbit.
Of course, this led to some confusion on the part of the Nazgûl, who were still referring to Glorfindel as 'She-Elf' at the time of Sauron's demise.
[1] See map 4 in the Appendices and change the 'g' to a 'k'. That makes it more graphic and slightly funny.
[2] People of Elvish descent seem to enjoy staring at useless pretty sparkly trinkets. See Galadriel, Elrond, Arwen, Aragorn, Fëanor and Isidur.
Episode 4: Where Is The Glory?
A white horse, gleaming in the light, was seen running swiftly through the mist. Its headstall flickered and shone, as if it were studded with gems like faraway combusting globes of hydrogen gas. The rider's hair and cloak streamed behind, cloak providing a beautiful soft-toned background for the long shimmering locks of gold to shimmer and shine prettily against. A white, shining light appeared to glow from the rider's heart and seeming.
That is somewhat unimportant to the happenings of this particular tale, though. What is definitely important is the expression on the grey- eyed face of a beautiful Half-Elven maiden, who was wandering around crying out the name of the only horse in Rivendell.
"Asfaloth!"
"Asfaloth!"
Or, as a variation, "Where are you, Asfaloth?!"
And, occasionally, "Stupid ing horse. Where does it have to go out to, anyway?! It's not like he can shop..."
She paused, and turned to see a dark-haired elf leaning against a wall. "Elladan!" she cried. "Where is Asfaloth?"
Elladan paused in his inspection of the ends of his long, shining black hair. "How should I know?" He bit his Elven-perfect lip and pondered. Quite slowly. Elrond should have been ashamed of the lack of intelligence on the part of his son, but, as he had enough problems with that I'm-Going- To-Be-King Numenorean trying to get with his own great-to-the-power-of-X- aunt, Elladan's incredible ditziness escaped the notice of the Lord of the Last Homely House completely. "I think Glorfindel took him out for a ride. What do you want Asfaloth for, anyway? You can't exactly ride in a cheesecloth dress, Arwen."
Arwen glared at him, still managing to keep her air of Elven perfection. "How do you know, Elladan?"
"I tried it," Elladan replied, now inspecting his fingernails. "Father caught me and withheld my allowance."
"For five hundred years you had to borrow Glorfindel's stuff," Arwen recited. "I know, I know. Do you know where Glorfindel went?"
"Nope, sorry." Elladan picked a bit of dirt from below his thumbnail using his pocketknife. "He never tells me anything. Or at least, hasn't told me anything since we all got drunk at Morgoth's bash at the Nindalf Nightclub [1] in the Second Age and I told Leggy that Glory liked Hally. Word got around pretty fast, considering that Leggy had to go to war the next week."
Arwen rolled her grey (but blue) eyes and walked lightly away, finger tapping the sparkly white jewel at her slim pale neck [2]. Where would Glorfindel be? Where would she find Asfaloth? What had Glory said at dinner last night that made Father choke? Arwen cast her mind back.
Flashback
"Tinuviel! Tinuviel!"
"Freak," Arwen muttered. "Stop following me!"
End Flashback
"That may have been the wrong memory," Arwen mused.
"Hey, Arwen," Elladan called. "Do you have any nail-hardener?"
Flashback Attempt #2
Lord Elrond took a sip of his wine. Silence reigned until Bilbo began to snore. Glorfindel poked the old hobbit and coughed. "You know," he announced, "I've run out of hair-care products."
Elladan's eyes nearly popped out of his head.
"In fact," the golden-haired elf continued, patting his bulging bandana, "I've had to use bubble-bath to clean it out. It's becoming a slight problem."
Elrond coughed. Arwen giggled. Bilbo snored.
"I'll show you."
Glorfindel untied the bandana. Elrond, who had uncharacteristically unwisely begun to drink his next glassfull at that moment, began to turn purple and emit some extremely un-pretty noises.
End Flashback
"I suppose he might be going down to the Onoldo Chemists," the Evenstar reasoned. "They do import exclusive Arë'ol products from the Grey Havens, after all."
"Apparently not," Elladan yelled. "I'll just go ask Elrohir then."
Arwen began to walk to the stables ("Huh. Brothers.") before realising that there was only one horse in Rivendell and her father only created the river-horses for Nazgûl and hawkers. So she sat down and waited for Glorfindel to return. After telling Elrond, of course. Elves can be petty as well as pretty, after all.
The pretty rider eventually tired of riding around in circles and returned to Rivendell. At least his hair was pretty and shiny again. Now all he needed was someone to save and show his hair off to. Unfortunately, he had mistimed his visit to the Grey Havens and arrived at Rivendell several days before the hobbits and Numenorean reached Weathertop. Upon his arrival, he was grounded and a letter was sent to his parents, informing them of his disgrace and ban from all hair-care products and horses for the next century. Arwen, who was in secret correspondence with her great-to-the- power-of-X-nephew, timed her journey perfectly so that she could surprise Aragorn and show off her new dress and glowy body-paint to a cuddly blue- eyed hobbit.
Of course, this led to some confusion on the part of the Nazgûl, who were still referring to Glorfindel as 'She-Elf' at the time of Sauron's demise.
[1] See map 4 in the Appendices and change the 'g' to a 'k'. That makes it more graphic and slightly funny.
[2] People of Elvish descent seem to enjoy staring at useless pretty sparkly trinkets. See Galadriel, Elrond, Arwen, Aragorn, Fëanor and Isidur.