Chapter 7

Goku was looking at his hands, which were soaked with his friends' blood. His hands were shaking violently as his eyes spilled rivers of crystalline tears. He stood unmoving at his place above Gojyo's corpse staring blankly at his hands. He can't believe he killed the two most important people in his life. He couldn't believe it...

Without warning Goku sunk to his knees and covered his face with his bloodied hands. He cried and wailed like never before. Never had he felt so extremely lonely, never so alone, never so wrong... Never so guilty. His shoulders racked with violent sobs as he continued to cry. He never noticed the approaching footsteps behind him... All that he was aware of was the smell of blood and the presence of the two corpses lying somewhere around him.

Goku had been fighting the two of them in an almost insane state. He wasn't in his right mind to put it clearly. He was thinking so irrationally. He was blinded by the sense of urgency... Blinded by the duty of love. After he regained his consciousness, he felt sick and disgusted with himself.

Killing his own friends with his own hands!! How low can he get?! And all of these... All of these for one youkai who hadn't even assured him a place in his life!!! Only empty promises of 'trying' to be with him!! How could have he been so blind?!!

Goku was so preoccupied with his inner ranting when a hand touched his shoulder. He jerked away from the hand and looked back around wildly. He calmed down when he saw the youkai prince looking down on him with so much sympathy, pity and love in his wine colored eyes. The doubts in his mind earlier on, vanished immediately as Kougaiji bent down and enfolded Goku in a tight embrace.

Goku held on to the youkai so tight you would think he was holding on for dear life. In a sense he was... He needed reassurance, needed someone to sympathize with him, and needed someone to be there for him, period. Kougaiji sensed the turmoil inside the saru and held on just as tightly. He made soothing circles on the boy's back and whispered sweet nothings on his ear to help him calm down.

"I... I... I killed them!! I can't believe it... I'm so sorry... So sorry..." Goku grumbled again and again as he buried his head in Kou's shoulder.

"Shh... Shh, little one. Everything would be alright, you'll see..." The prince said soothingly. Instead of calming the boy down, the more he got him agitated.

"Alright?! Alright?!!! I just killed Gojyo and Hakkai!! How can I be ever alright?! I just killed my two best friends!!" Goku screamed at the top of his lungs as he tore away from Kougaiji's embrace. He paced in front of his bewildered lover, his hands clenching and unclenching, his eyes unfocused once again.

"I killed them. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I'm so terribly sorry..." Goku ranted as he picked up his pace. He walked back and forth going faster... And faster... And faster. He was releasing tension by doing so, but the pain was so great, it didn't matter at all. His hands darted to grab at his hair and he proceeded to tear them out. He was so frustrated he wanted to hurt himself.

Hurt himself? That doesn't sound like a bad idea. In fact it's a very, very fine idea. Maybe he could modify it a bit. How about killing himself sounds? Hmmm... Definitely a great idea.

His still dazed eyes glanced at Kougaiji. The youkai prince was standing up and was eyeing him worriedly. No. He can't kill himself here. Kougaiji will definitely stop him. He got to go somewhere where he could kill himself quietly. He got to. Or he will never be free. Never be freed from his guilt. He's got to compensate. Then as quick as lightning, he bolted away from the clearing willing himself to run much faster than he usually can. He's got to get away.

Kougaiji nearly lost his wits when Goku bolted out of sight. He was so shocked he didn't react right away. His mind had just registered the fact that the saru was out of his mind, pain ridden because of the guilt. And the irrational way he was acting as he was pacing around... Warning bells rang loudly in his head urging him to move forward. Then like a mad man he ran after Goku.

The youkai prince felt moisture in his eyes when he realized what Goku was intending to do. Berating himself for his stupidity, he wiped his eyes angrily and surged forward thru the woods not minding the braches scratching his face.

"You better not die on me Goku..." He said to himself feeling his heart restrict tightly in his chest.

And because of Kougaiji's intent on trailing the saru fast, he didn't notice the twitch of limbs on one of the bodies as he ran after Goku.

Sanzo woke up with a start, his right hand already fingering his gun. He heard some noises during the course of the night but dismissed it as harmless since the noise came from three very inconsiderate journey-mates. But this one... No. Can't be from Goku, Gojyo or Hakkai. He had memorized all the noises they made from heart.

Now speaking of the three errant demons... Where are they?! They've been gone for more than three hours straight!! Don't tell me they lost themselves in this freaking forest!! Oh well, Sanzo thought to himself, they had air for brains anyway.

He kept his eyes shut and his breathing even. He doesn't want to alert the intruders that he's awake. Better to keep them in surprise. He heightened his senses trying to decipher who the blasted enemies are.

Without warning a small body leapt into his lap and proceeded to strangle him. He opened his eyes and whipped his gun right into the intruder's forehead. His eyes widened in recognition.

"Lilin! Get off me this instant." Sanzo said in a hushed deadly voice.

"Nope. No can do buozo. I'm serious this time. My brother needs my help." Lilin said quite seriously that Sanzo wondered briefly if this was a very bad dream. No... A nightmare would be a more apt description.

"Get off me now or else I'll be serious about killing you too." He said, calmly still. His hand was still pressed against Lilin's forehead but the latter was as cool as ice. Not showing the least bit of nervousness.

"And if you know what's good for your 'princess' you will not attack me while I'm dealing with this brat." Sanzo said sharply as he heard two pairs of footsteps.

"Che." Doku spat angrily as he lowered his sword. He knew the buozo doesn't make threats. If he said so, then he will definitely do so. And that spirit ascending gun will certainly kill Lilin... A bad news to Kougaiji and an even worse news to the hag queen. Doku shivered involuntarily at the thought of an angry queen.

"So what do you plan on doing? Hold my neck till dawn while I press my gun into your forehead? I have better things to do, so if you value your life you will release me and be on your happy little way." Sanzo muttered diplomatically as his eyes took a dangerous edge. He was simply burning. And of course... Even if he won't admit this aloud, he was worried about his three troublesome companions. Something doesn't fit right here in this situation.

First of all Yaone, Doku and Lilin always appear with their beloved prince. It is of rare occasion that the four separates. Secondly, his own three companions never went without telling him where they are going... Especially if they think that they will be long. Something is definitely amiss here...

Lilin suddenly shifted in his lap. The first signs of nervousness from the girl. Sanzo hardened his purple gaze and willed the girl to just go away. Unfortunately Lilin had other plans.

"Give me the sutra your wearing and we'll go away." Lilin uttered softly.

"Do you think I will just hand this to you?"

"No."

"Then why bother asking?! Now get the hell away from me before I get angry and blow you to smithereens!!" Sanzo yelled, finally loosing his patience.

Lilin flinched and hesitantly pulled her hands from the buozo's neck. Sanzo relaxed slightly but his hand was still poised on the youkai's forehead. She leapt up and went to Yaone and Doku's side.

They glared at Sanzo and his gun, which was pointed directly still on Lilin, then went out as one. The buozo let out a sigh of relief but still held his composure.

Now that the situation was taken care of, he went out to fix the other one.

Sanzo was glad that Kougaiji's ikkou believed his threat that he can kill Lilin. He never really tried to shoot them yet, and he wasn't sure if the gun would work on them, on stronger youkai perse... Since it wasn't really tried yet. But the spirit ascending gun would still work... Sanzo thought to himself as he lighted a cigarette and walked down the cleared path in the forest.

He blew lazy circles of smoke. Well of course, it would work with Lilin as well!! The gun was made for youkais after all!!! Sanzo decided once and for all as he finally reached the clearing. His jaw promptly dropped as he glanced at the gruesome scene before him.

Without thinking about it, he ran towards Hakkai's body and searched for signs of life. Sanzo felt panicked for the first time in his life! No pulse!! Who could do this so Hakkai?! He was a strong fighter!! Who could bring him down in such a manner?!! Sanzo's cigarette dropped from his lips as he looked behind him and saw another grotesque sight. Gojyo's body. He was about to run in the kappa's direction when something caught his sutra. He looked back and gasped.

"Hakkai?! You all right?" He asked. When that came out of his mouth, he berated himself almost instantly. Who would be alright when they lost half their blood? Talk about stupid questions!!

"Last time I checked... No." Hakkai said as he managed a small smile. He coughed blood and Sanzo went ahead and comforted him.

"Don't talk. You'll only worsen your condition." Sanzo said worriedly. He tore a part of his robe and pressed it on Hakkai's skull where he suspected the wound is. His hair was so dark and dripping it's so hard to detect where the wound is. You would have thought Hakkai had gone showering in blood.

"Hold this so the blood flow will be slower." Sanzo said commandingly as he stood up and prepared to attend to Gojyo's side. Hopefully, Gojyo isn't as bad as he looked. If Sanzo looked closely in a certain direction... The kappa looking breathing!! Yup, a gentle rise and fall of chest. Then he stopped short. He turned to Hakkai and to Gojyo. One youkai companion, two youkai companion... There's someone missing!!!

"Where's Goku?!" Sanzo asked when he realized that his charge wasn't in sight. Hakkai looked at him warily.

"Don' t tell me he's..." Sanzo exclaimed, his eyes widening.

"That he's dead?" Hakkai said dully. Sanzo narrowed his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Goku isn't dead... He's the one who attacked us." Hakkai said with dead finality.

"WHAT?!!"

TBC