Dragon's Flame- Chapter Five
Yearnings
By darthelwig
I do not own them, they make me no money. Harry Potter's entire world belongs to the very talented J.K. Rowling, in case you hadn't heard.
Still PG-13 for now!
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She wouldn't look at him anymore.
Even when he was right in front of her, she would look anywhere but at him. He knew he had hurt her with the panic-driven insult he'd thrown her way the other night, but this new attitude of hers was killing him. He missed her attention, even (or especially) the glares she'd shoot his way.
What had he done? This was not the way things were supposed to happen. He was supposed to tell her how he felt and then hold her as she spilled her heart to him as well. What the hell had happened to the Draco he had known only a year ago? Was he gone? Would he be this whimpering, whining, pathetic excuse for a man the rest of his life? Had she broken him in some way?
A bitter smile graced his lips. That was hardly the case. He wasn't broken by any means. Things of that sort did not happen to a Malfoy.
So what did he do now? He had no idea how to fix the mess he was in. He wanted to be with her but he had to prove himself first, if for no other reason than to prove his worth to himself. He had to be sure he wouldn't just turn around later on and strike out at her again.
"Like I did last night,' he thought to himself. "That was brilliant, Draco. That's exactly the way to start your life over."
What he needed was a plan; a means. He'd spent the better part of the last few days mulling it over and had come to only one conclusion. In order to prove he had changed, he needed to do things he had thought himself incapable of. He'd made a list of possibilities. Pulling the crumpled list from his pocket, he read it over again, though he had memorized it long before.
Number one on the list was to join SPEW. He grimaced at that one. The civil liberties of house elves had never concerned him before, but Hermione felt very strongly on the subject. What mattered more to him right now- his pride or her? He sighed heavily. Hands down, she was more important. Maybe being a member wouldn't be so bad. Who would have to know?
The second thing listed was to be nice to Weasley. No teasing, no snide remarks, no getting him in trouble with Professor Snape and definitely no fighting back if the Weasel mouthed off to him. That one would be difficult. He couldn't stand the little rodent. But he would do this for Hermione. That's what he had to keep telling himself. She would never want to open her heart to him if he couldn't be nice to her friends.
That brought him to Potter, who happened to be number three. He had to be nice to Potter. This one would be tricky. He didn't want his father getting wind of this yet, and his Slytherin friends were great at spreading gossip. He needed to be polite, but not friendly (as if that could ever happen). He would be civilized to Potter. He would keep the image of himself and Hermione being happy together firmly in his mind whenever he and Potter were forced to speak to each other. After a while it would get easier. That's what he'd been told, anyway. He hoped he hadn't been lied to about that.
The last thing on the list was the thing that scared him the most. He had to apologize to her- and not just for the other night but for every nasty thing he'd ever said or done to her. And he needed to somehow convince her that he was sincere, which would be especially difficult after their latest encounter. She had been open to him before he'd gone and stuck his foot I his mouth. Correcting that was going to be a major undertaking. What if she refused to believe him? What if she wouldn't even listen to him? And the worst of all- what if she didn't even care?
There were too many possibilities, too many ways for things to go wrong. He felt like he was living in fear. He was paralyzed by it. He couldn't stop thinking about it. The Draco he had been would have acted first and thought it out later. He wished he could be like that again. Everything would be so much easier. But she mattered too much. He had to do this right.
He folded the square of parchment carefully and returned it to a pocket inside his robes. Tomorrow would be a good day to begin his quest to win Hermione over. He would join Spew first thing in the morning, then track down Potter and Weasley for a bit of talking. He would worry about Hermione's part of his plan when he came to it.
Draco walked out of the Great Hall, wrapped up in his own thoughts. He didn't notice Hermione's eyes follow him as he went.