~The Curse That Went Awry~
~Chapter Five: Savage Plants (which could also be a great name for a rock group)~
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Draco awoke to the sound of screaming. At first it was right by his ear, and then, thankfully, it grew quieter at the expense of the loss of his backrest.
"Ow!" his head hit the ground. "What the—oh. Dammit." At least he could see. "The sky is purple?! What kind of screwed-up place is this?!" He waited for an angry response, and received none. "Granger?" Nothing. "Granger, if you don't answer me, I'll shove my wand right up your—"
Draco was interrupted by another scream.
Levering himself up quickly, Draco turned around just in time to see Granger's bushy hair disappear over a slight hill. It didn't look like she was walking.
Draco sighed, rolling his eyes, and drew out his wand and set after her.
It wasn't difficult to track her (mainly because every two seconds she'd let out a piercing shriek or yowl. At least she wasn't grunting). Soon he realized he wasn't going to catch up to her by merely walking, so he began to run.
He almost stopped running, however, when he saw what it was that had Granger.
It was a giant, ugly, dripping, nasty plant.
As if that wasn't bad enough, it had huge, nasty, scary, pointy teeth.
About six feet from its…mouth, Draco caught up to Granger, who looked decidedly worse for wear, and grabbed her hand. Her motion stopped, and then there was a very strong tug from the plant and she began to move again.
"Malfoy, what are you doing?!" cried Granger, finally quitting her shrieks.
"Saving you," he panted irritably. "What's it look like?!"
"Well, it's not working very well!"
"Shut up, Granger!"
"No, you shut up! This thing's gonna pull my leg off!"
"Can we save this argument for another time?!"
"You're right, I don't want to waste my last words on you!"
"Caedero!" shouted Draco, pointing his wand at the rather muscular-looking tendril. It snapped, and he yanked Granger to her feet. The plant shot out another tendril, this time at Draco. "Stupid plant! Stupefy!" The plant slumped, the questing tendril dropping to the ground limply. Draco watched it fall.
Suddenly he was being squeezed by a shocked maiden with bushy hair. "Thank you so much!"
"Jeez, Granger, get off me." She released her hold, and to his surprise, wiped a few tears from her face.
"Sorry. Forgot myself."
"You have an over-developed sense of gratitude. It's going to get you into trouble someday."
"Only with you."
"I can't believe I had to come all the way over here and save you!"
"Next time you try being pulled half a mile across the ground by a plant!"
"I think I'll pass," said Draco coolly, eyeing the plant warily. "I don't know if you noticed this," he told her condescendingly, "but the fog's cleared."
"I was a little busy being dragged across the ground by a plant," she grumbled to herself.
"I'm not one to stoop to saying 'I told you so,' but…I told you it would clear."
"Shut up, Malfoy."
"So what now, oh all-knowing one?"
Granger peered at their surroundings. Fields. Fields, fields, fields. Beyond the giant plant: more fields. Fields and nothing but. Oh, there was the occasional tree every now and then, which Draco intended to avoid walking into. No other landmarks, nothing, except for that slight hill they'd run over to get to this spot. Not even a hill, really. Just a minor rise in the ground. That he'd had to run over to save this ungrateful—well, not exactly ungrateful—wench. "Well, we can't stay here," said the wench finally. "At least, if we want to eat eventually."
"Moo…"
"Shut up, I wouldn't be surprised if you moved from my robes to the grass last night without noticing."
Draco smacked his lips, feeling around his mouth with his tongue for any trace of greenery. "No, I didn't."
"Which way do you want to go?"
"Not that way," said Draco, pointing to the minor rise. "Hmm…this way." Draco picked a random direction, then seized Granger's hand and started that way.
"Um…Malfoy."
"What?" asked Draco, annoyed.
"We can see, now. Ah, that is, we don't have to hold hands anymore."
Looking down at their joined hands, he let go quickly. Damn her and her impeccable logic! Scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, he said, "I knew that."
"Well, come on," she forged ahead, and he followed. After a couple hundred feet, however… "Malfoy?"
"Yeeeeees?" he drawled.
"Gimme your stupid hand."
"I knew you couldn't resist my charms," he said matter-of-factly.
"RassafriggamfraggamstoopidMalfoy…"
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"I wish I had a book," said Granger, miles later. "Any book."
"Why? You want to eat its pages? Maa," Draco did his best imitation of a goat.
"No! I could look to find out where to find food."
"Aha. Are you sure you don't want THE book? Maybe THE book would have that information."
"Actually, I could really just go for a nice, big, juicy…filet mignon."
"For a moment there, I thought you were going to say something else… but yeah, that sounds really good. But what I'd rather have is a hot dog- have you ever been to Coney Island?"
"No…"
"I'll say one thing for Muggles. They know their way around a hot dog."
"Do you know what they put in those?" Granger asked, horrified.
"No. That's the beauty of it."
"Ugh, now I've lost my appetite… wait… no, false alarm. I'm still hungry."
Draco tensed, spotting something in the distance. "What's that?"
Granger, after a few seconds, responded, "You're seeing things, Malfoy."
"It's not my fault you're blind, Granger. Look, there's smoke in the distance. Don't tell me you're not seeing that."
"I have not yet attained a view of said waste of smoldering material."
"Think you're funny, do you Granger?"
She smiled smugly. "Yes…oh, now I see it."
"That's right," he said obnoxiously to the girl whose hand he was holding. "What do you think it is?"
"It looks like… like the after-effects of Pepper-up Potion."
"No. You're not getting anywhere with this, Granger. You can't be a smart-ass. It's not in your breeding."
"I suppose the Balfoys all hab it id dere blood."
"I think it's a cottage."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Malfoy. Who would have a cottage in the middle of…hey, it's a cottage."
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Seeing as it was the only landmark besides the plant they'd seen so far, they headed for the cottage and reached it before the sun sank out of the purple sky. It was Draco who actually turned the knob to the front door. It seemed like a normal cottage from the outside, but inside it was filled with some very odd angles and shapes and textures. That didn't stop them from spotting something very unexpected on the table.
"Filet mignon!" shouted Granger in surprise at the same time Draco cried out, "Coney Island hot dogs!" They dove on the food and began devouring it at a rapid pace, but then Granger suddenly stopped.
"What if it's poisoned?"
"Who cares?"
"But—think about it, Malfoy. Why would somebody leave out the very foods we were craving and talking about just an hour ago."
"Again," said Draco. "Who cares?" He took another bite of his hot dog, then reached for a glass of pumpkin juice, of which there were two of a large size on the table. Granger still looked apprehensive. "Look, Granger, there's a very high chance that we'll never get home anyway, and seeing as you were almost killed this morning, there's a very good chance that we'll both end up getting gutted or devoured by savage plants. So eat, already. At least you won't die hungry."
"Listen, Malfoy…" she said, reaching tentatively for her filet mignon. "About this morning…I just wanted to thank you again."
Draco stared at her for a moment, then slowly turned back to his hot dogs. "You're welcome," he spat out before taking another bite.
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A/N: We don't care if it's a short chapter, because we like it the way it is. Green balloon animals shaped like savage plants to anyone who reviews! Scare your friends!
Special Note: References to The Princess Bride and any of InterNutter's fanfiction are totally stolen, but with great reverence and apology.