Rimmer knew that the only way he would ever get a chance with Elizabeth was if he had some lessons in love. He didn't want to ask any of the boys in his dorm, they'd just laugh and make fun of him, and Rimmer wasn't prepared to give them new material for their bullying. He decided to ask one of his brothers on his next visit home, surely one of them could give Rimmer a snippet of advice, after all he was their brother?

John and Howard didn't care about Rimmer's trouble and told him to push off, but Frank seemed quite keen to help his youngest brother. Rimmer would later find out, this was yet another one of his pranks, Frank was going to lure Rimmer into a false sense of safety and trust, then BAM, he'd hit him, hard! Even though Rimmer was talking to his brother, he was embarrassed, it took him 10 minutes to work himself up to ask Frank to have a chat with him. He did, eventually, and as they sat at the bottom of the garden, on the bench where Rimmer had once been tied to all night, Rimmer took a deep breath and began to share his troubles.

"There's this girl, and she really likes me..." He cut off mid sentence by Frank laughing his head off, and he only stopped when he caught sight of Rimmer's serious face. Frank stared at Rimmer,

"Really?" he asked quite amused. Rimmer nodded his head, all the while thinking this may not be such a good idea.

"So" Frank continued, "what do you need me for?" he asked smugly. Rimmer sighed, closed his eyes and said

"I need to know how I can get her to like me more..." Frank smiled; he patted Rimmer on the back

"You've come to the right man, little bro, I've had more girls then how many times you've been beat up!" Rimmer stared at his brother in awe, and let out a low whistle of approval, he'd been beaten up so many times it was now a four digit number. Casanova compared to Frank, was just a spotty little freak whose only way of getting a date was asking girls out in total darkness.

"Okay" said Frank "there's 3 very, very important rules you have to remember, number 1." Rimmer leaned closer to Frank, getting ready to memorise the 3 rules, "Never tell them how much you like them..." Rimmer's face screwed up in confusion, he mulled over the concept,

"but how will she know how much I like her?" "She won't" said Frank, as though it was obvious "if you say how much you like her she'll use it against you, women, you give them an inch and they take a yard," he paused "that's how women act Rimmer, you toy with you and its worse if they know how they feel about them, you forget to buy them a birthday present" Frank began mimicking a high pitched girly voice, "I thought you said you loved me?" His voice returned to normal "she catches you eyeing up another girls bum" the girly voice returned only much harsher "I thought you said you loved my bum?" He allowed his voice to return to normal before glancing at Rimmer, who was still trying to work out the concept of not telling Elizabeth how he felt. Frank bellowing down his ear interrupted his thoughts,

"Number 2" he said, "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen!" Frank slumped back against the bench "not too bad, just enough to make them stay with you, tell them that their voice drives you to the point of suicide, or say you've seen hundreds of girls prettier then her, that way she will go out of the way to please you" Frank winked at Rimmer, and nudged him with his elbow.

"Rule number 3?" Rimmer asked, wanting to hurry the conversation along before to got any weirder. Frank laughed, and raised his eyebrows

"Have as many girls as you can on the go at the same time" Rimmer was now in totally shock, granted he was no ladies man, but these rules of Frank's: not telling them how you feel, treating them badly, have loads of affairs, they all seemed so wrong and immoral, and yet his brother could pull any girl in less then 2 minutes. "Right" said Frank yanking Rimmer to his feet by his shirt collar, "now I'm gonna teach you how to pull by saying nothing at all" Rimmer cheered up, this way he wouldn't have to use the 3 wrong rules.

"First" said Frank excitedly "is the hair flick, girls go mad at this...watch" Rimmer watched as his brother performed a hair flick worthy of a movie star, he swept his perfect hair, off his perfect face, and then as a grand finale, smiled. It was a smile that screamed perfection, coolness and rebellion at the same time. "Okay, now your turn" Frank said smirking at his younger brother. Rimmer copied Frank as best he could; he dropped his head, and flicked his hair. It didn't work; he looked like a small puppet with someone yanking sharply on the string that was attached to his head. Rimmer didn't achieve anything from this, except a stiff neck. Frank shook his head, tossing his perfect hair,

"perhaps we should try the 'leaning against something' trick" Rimmer nodded eagerly, then wished he hadn't as his neck screamed in pain. Frank put one elbow onto the stand up birdhouse that their father had made; he stared straight ahead lustily, "when girls catch you staring at 'em, they think your mesmerised by their beauty, but really your just checking out their 'assets'" Rimmer didn't know what Frank meant by 'assets' and he didn't really want to find out, so he concentrated hard at a point in the garden, and imagined Elizabeth there, not taking his eyes off that spot, he leaned backwards on his elbow, but slipped off the birdhouse and into the flowerbed below. He lay in the soil, embarrassed, confused and sore. His 3 brothers surrounded him, "Go get her 'Lover boy'" said Frank giving Rimmer a kick, their malicious laughter was still ringing in his ears when he was back at school.