Dragon's Flame- Chapter Thirteen
Reflections
By darthelwig
I don't own these characters or this universe, so I'm not the one making money off them. J.K. Rowling is that lucky woman.
Still PG-13 for now!
This chapter HAD to be written to this song. It's perfect. And in case you're wondering, the song is "The Reason" by Hoobastank. They own it. My apologies to anyone who doesn't like song-fics.
Draco tossed on his bed, trying to find a comfortable position.
He hated nights more than anything. He had found himself spending almost all of his free time with Hermione. He liked being around her. But every night was the same. They each went to their separate dorm in a separate part of the castle, and he was left with a feeling of emptiness that never faded. He had discovered that all he wanted these days was to be near her. None of his old pastimes held any interest for him anymore. He didn't want to torment little first years into tears, he didn't want to play Quidditch and he certainly didn't want to hang with any of his Slytherin classmates. Not after what had happened with Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle.
So he had borrowed a stupid, palm-sized radio from Dean Thomas to see if music would make it easier to sleep. He had never really enjoyed muggle music before, but it was worth a try. Dean swore it helped him to relax, and Draco was desperate. He was exhausted.
He flipped the switch and scrolled through the stations. The music came out sounding small and tinny, but one song caught his attention. He paused, giving it a chance to capture him, skeptical as he was.
"I'm not a perfect person…"
No, he wasn't a perfect person. Not at all. Hermione had shown him how wrong he had been before.
"There's many things I wish I didn't do…"
Wasn't that the truth? How many people had he hurt with his insensitive, snide comments and his bullying? How many times had he called Hermione a mud-blood? Or tormented Harry about his less than storybook life? Hell, he'd treated the Weasley's like second-class citizens, and they were decent enough people if you got past the country-bumpkin ways they had. He and Ron had finally come to an understanding, and it was slowly blossoming into a tentative friendship.
"But I continue learning…"
Yes, Draco knew he was still a work in progress. He still had his "Malfoy moments" as Hermione called them. His attitudes and beliefs had taken years to learn, and they couldn't be undone in a few months. It would take time and effort, both of which he was willing to dedicate toward his goal. He wanted to make Hermione proud. He wanted to be worthy of the love she had given to him. He knew he had a long way to go, but he would see this through.
"I never meant to do those things to you…"
Why had he been so terrible to people? His parents had taught him their value system, that's why, and he had been unwilling to go against their ideas. They were his family, and he loved them. He had admired his father for so long. Only now was he coming to understand how wrong his father's beliefs were.
"And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know…"
He wanted to share all of these changes with Hermione. He wanted no other woman to be by his side ever again. No one could ever compare to her brilliance and heart. There would never be another love for him.
"I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be…"
Oh, yes, he smiled. He hadn't believed there would ever be a reason he would want to change his life around. He had been happy with the way things were. He had been feared and successful. His would have gone very far holding his father's teachings to his heart. But none of that mattered anymore.
"A reason to start over new, and the reason is you…"
She was his reason. She was his everything. She made him want to grow up and be a man for her. How could one person matter so much to him, when nothing had ever mattered before? She had crept under his skin, and now he would never be rid of her, and never want to. She was as vital to him as air.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's something I must live with every day…"
He would never forget the pain he had caused her. He would always remember that he owed her all the happiness he could provide. The guilt he felt now was like a hard, hot ball sitting in his stomach. Sometimes he couldn't stand the pain. Hermione could sense it, he knew, no matter how he tried to hide it from her. She saw into him more clearly than anyone else ever had. When the pain refused to leave, she was there to take it away. Her love was his healing.
"And all the pain I put you through… I wish that I could take it all away…"
Draco knew he could never atone for the things he had said to her. He remembered the tears in her eyes, the hurt he could see so plainly, when he called her a mud-blood. He, Draco, had made her cry. There was no excuse for it. He could only try harder to never hurt her again. He wished he could erase those times, but she loved him in spite of them, and that was more than he could have asked for.
"And be the one who catches all your tears. That's why I need you to hear…"
He wanted to be the one to comfort her when she needed it. He would always be her shoulder to cry on, her rock to break against. What ever strength he possessed was hers now. He could be that for her.
"I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be…"
He wanted her forever. He wanted to be her present and her future. He wanted to bring her all the joy she had shown him he was capable of. He wanted everything.
"A reason to start over new, and the reason is you…"
He felt like his life had just begun. He had finally learned what it was to be happy, and he had so much to share with her. A lifetime would never be long enough to suit him. He needed an eternity.
"I'm not a perfect person. I never meant to do those things to you…"
He would keep evolving and changing. Every day seemed to bring him a new discovery about himself, and he welcomed it with open arms. He was at long last finding the real Draco.
"And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know…"
His life would never be the same. She had changed him forever. He would never leave her. His life belonged to her.
"I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know…"
He had unearthed so many new sides to himself, emotions he didn't know he was capable of. All of them began when he embraced his love for that girl. How could she know how very much she had altered his life? He would always be grateful to her for showing him a new way to live. His heart was full to bursting with all the different feelings she inspired within him.
"A reason for all that I do, and the reason is you…"
He would always think of her before acting or speaking now. Every time he opened his mouth to shoot a cutting remark at someone, he saw her face and found himself unable to continue. She was his conscience. She brought light to his soul. He owed her everything he was.
Draco smiled again, switching the radio off. The music played on in his mind, lulling him into slumber. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the music in his head fill his mind with images of her.
Her smile was the last thing he saw.