A/N: Behold, my very first Invader Zim fic. It is also the first fic I have
written entirely by myself (I usually write with my older sister). It's
about Drin the Second Tallest, an OC of mine (hopefully a good one...). This
chapter is basically showing Drin's hatred for the Tallest (which is big).
I'll try to make it funny (buuuut... knowing me I'll probably fail
miserably). Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go tell my mother I'm
excited about my pants (don't ask).
Enjoy filthy human (egad, so many brackets)...
A little explanation concerning Vik: This is set a while after the Great Assigning, and some Irkens have already conquered their first planet. They, not wanted to be put to waste, are sent to a new planet. I know there are only around thirty Invaders, and my OC, Vik, wasn't originally one of them, but I liked her character and I wanted to insert her in this fic. The SIR saying what she's supposed to be saying, so don't get confused about that. That's why the argument between the SIR and Vik is so confusing for Drin. If you're confused, screw you; I'm awful at explaining things... now just go, read. And Review.
As I was saying, enjoy filthy human...
--
"No! They're going about this all the wrong way..."
Drin slammed his fist onto the armrest and squinted his eyes furiously at the view screen.
"Invader Sqood should be assigned to the Planet Pointy Rocks, not Zee! Sqood is the obvious superior in the field of pointy rocks! Garh..."
The light on Drin's face flickered as he stared heatedly at the images of the Almighty Tallest. He lifted himself off his chair and began pacing and muttering darkly to himself, his unusually vivid greens eyes giving an occasional tic.
"Vik! Assist me!"
"Assist you in what?" asked a tinny voice from behind him.
"In yelling at things!"
Behind him, Invader Vik was listening to him and shuffling around searching for some snacks. She glanced up at him irritably and crossed her arms. At that point she would've said something like, 'That's all very well and good, Drin, but could you get out of my quarters?' but she didn't. No, she was not shy; it was simply due to a certain accident involving blindfolds, soda and horrible, vocal-cord burning acid, that she had lost the ability to speak. Instead, her SIR unit, using sophisticated Irken Psycommunication™, spoke for her.
"That's all very well and good, Drin, but could you get out of my quarters? I'm about to leave for Planet Ghort, and I don't want you hanging around here," chirped her SIR unit.
Drin ignored her.
"Foolish Tallest, they don't deserve such an important position! I'm sick of being the measly Second Tallest. Oh, how I could rule this empire so much better!" he growled, clenching his fist.
"I wouldn't say that if I were you, I'm sure the Almighty Tallest would not be pleased," Vik's SIR unit warned.
"You are not me and you never shall be, Vik! And I don't care what those moronic Tallest think."
"Idiot. He's going to get himself killed."
"What was that?"
Vik scowled and kicked her SIR unit. That was the problem with the Psycommunication; the unit would say most things that came to her head...
"Uh, sorry, my robot seems to be defective... SIR! Shut up!" the SIR commanded itself.
"I am fully functional, mistress," it replied to itself.
Drin blinked.
"You're confusing me again, Vik."
Drin crossed his fingers as the computer scanned his height. Maybe he had miraculously increased in stature since yesterday.
"You are-"
....scanning.....
"-not tall enough to rule, insignificant being. Have a nice day," said the computer in an infuriatingly bright manner.
"Curses! If only my head was longer!"
Drin sighed wearily and turned away from his computer. He stared miserably at his quarters. It was pathetically small. Especially in comparison to Vik's. She got an Invaders quarters, a nice big room with a comfy chair and view screen. Two things his was lacking. The comfy chair, which was now more his than Vik's, was seated in front of the view screen, where Drin spent most of his time twitching and staring spitefully at the Tallest. His quarters didn't have a view screen, and that was the only way he could watch them without having to be near them. Their presence made him ill.
Vik was long gone for the Planet Ghort now, there was no way he could into her quarters. Not without a pass-code.
Oh, yeah, and her permission, of course...
"Hmm... maybe if I..." thought Drin aloud.
He had a plan.
...A terribly simple and somewhat clichéd plan, but a plan nonetheless.
"Vik? Do you read me?"
Drin stared at his computer screen. Nothing but static.
"Vik?"
The static cleared.
"Drin? Why do you want? I'm kind of in the middle of conquering Ghort here..." said the SIR sitting in front of the screen. In the background, Vik seemed preoccupied in another computer, rattling its keys like it would explode if she didn't type fast enough.
"What are you doing?" asked Drin.
"That pesky Ghortonian downloaded a virus into one of my computers!"
"Is it a bad one?"
"Well, it attacks the computers hardware, and the computer is progressively getting hotter. If I don't override it soon, it looks likes it going to melt!" the robot exclaimed.
"Or explode!"
"What?"
"Never mind."
Drin stayed silent for a while, one eyebrow raised.
"Er... have... I caught you a bad time?" he asked, deciding to break the uncomfortable silence.
Vik gazed at the computer fixedly, and then pressed a single key. The computer gave a solitary 'bleep' and Vik turned around looking satisfied.
"No, no, not at all," the SIR replied for her.
"Ok, good then, I... uuuh...."
Drin drew out the 'uh' as he tried to recall his plan.
"Oh, oh, yeah... um-"
Now we all know this is an exceedingly poor way to begin a lie.
"- there's been an order to uh... search every Irken's quarters because of... because there has been a great snack robbery?"
Drin cleared his throat and tried again.
"There has been a great snack robbery and an order has been given to investigate by searching every Irken's quarters," said Drin grinning moronically.
Vik gave him an unimpressed look, then smirked.
This plan hadn't worked as well as he'd hoped.
"Drin. Drin, Drin, Drin. You are possibly the worst liar I have ever met-"
Drin's grin faltered. Vik's didn't.
"-and I've met Zim."
He flinched at the Irken's name.
"I know your question, you idiot, and do you want to guess my answer?"
"...um...ye-"
"No."
Drin hung his head and sighed as Vik and her SIR unit's face flickered out into black.
"I can't believe this, ordered around by someone shorter than me. I'm the second Tallest, dammit!"
He had to go to the next Tallest announcement, it was law. It was either watch on a view screen, or come to the announcement. He had to watch them rub it all in; he was the Second Tallest, but he was still as puny and insignificant as any other Irken. Watch those idiots ruin perfectly good opportunities when he, himself would've taken advantage of them... watch them slowly weaken and even stop the progress of Operation Impending Doom II...
'Who needs Zim? They can destroy Operation Impending Doom II themselves!' thought Drin, drumming his fingers on the computer bench.
An announcement blared out on a speaker outside the quarters. Drin wasn't listening to what it said, but he knew what it meant. He groaned.
'Oh no. It looks like it's Tallest time...'
--
A little explanation concerning Vik: This is set a while after the Great Assigning, and some Irkens have already conquered their first planet. They, not wanted to be put to waste, are sent to a new planet. I know there are only around thirty Invaders, and my OC, Vik, wasn't originally one of them, but I liked her character and I wanted to insert her in this fic. The SIR saying what she's supposed to be saying, so don't get confused about that. That's why the argument between the SIR and Vik is so confusing for Drin. If you're confused, screw you; I'm awful at explaining things... now just go, read. And Review.
As I was saying, enjoy filthy human...
--
"No! They're going about this all the wrong way..."
Drin slammed his fist onto the armrest and squinted his eyes furiously at the view screen.
"Invader Sqood should be assigned to the Planet Pointy Rocks, not Zee! Sqood is the obvious superior in the field of pointy rocks! Garh..."
The light on Drin's face flickered as he stared heatedly at the images of the Almighty Tallest. He lifted himself off his chair and began pacing and muttering darkly to himself, his unusually vivid greens eyes giving an occasional tic.
"Vik! Assist me!"
"Assist you in what?" asked a tinny voice from behind him.
"In yelling at things!"
Behind him, Invader Vik was listening to him and shuffling around searching for some snacks. She glanced up at him irritably and crossed her arms. At that point she would've said something like, 'That's all very well and good, Drin, but could you get out of my quarters?' but she didn't. No, she was not shy; it was simply due to a certain accident involving blindfolds, soda and horrible, vocal-cord burning acid, that she had lost the ability to speak. Instead, her SIR unit, using sophisticated Irken Psycommunication™, spoke for her.
"That's all very well and good, Drin, but could you get out of my quarters? I'm about to leave for Planet Ghort, and I don't want you hanging around here," chirped her SIR unit.
Drin ignored her.
"Foolish Tallest, they don't deserve such an important position! I'm sick of being the measly Second Tallest. Oh, how I could rule this empire so much better!" he growled, clenching his fist.
"I wouldn't say that if I were you, I'm sure the Almighty Tallest would not be pleased," Vik's SIR unit warned.
"You are not me and you never shall be, Vik! And I don't care what those moronic Tallest think."
"Idiot. He's going to get himself killed."
"What was that?"
Vik scowled and kicked her SIR unit. That was the problem with the Psycommunication; the unit would say most things that came to her head...
"Uh, sorry, my robot seems to be defective... SIR! Shut up!" the SIR commanded itself.
"I am fully functional, mistress," it replied to itself.
Drin blinked.
"You're confusing me again, Vik."
Drin crossed his fingers as the computer scanned his height. Maybe he had miraculously increased in stature since yesterday.
"You are-"
....scanning.....
"-not tall enough to rule, insignificant being. Have a nice day," said the computer in an infuriatingly bright manner.
"Curses! If only my head was longer!"
Drin sighed wearily and turned away from his computer. He stared miserably at his quarters. It was pathetically small. Especially in comparison to Vik's. She got an Invaders quarters, a nice big room with a comfy chair and view screen. Two things his was lacking. The comfy chair, which was now more his than Vik's, was seated in front of the view screen, where Drin spent most of his time twitching and staring spitefully at the Tallest. His quarters didn't have a view screen, and that was the only way he could watch them without having to be near them. Their presence made him ill.
Vik was long gone for the Planet Ghort now, there was no way he could into her quarters. Not without a pass-code.
Oh, yeah, and her permission, of course...
"Hmm... maybe if I..." thought Drin aloud.
He had a plan.
...A terribly simple and somewhat clichéd plan, but a plan nonetheless.
"Vik? Do you read me?"
Drin stared at his computer screen. Nothing but static.
"Vik?"
The static cleared.
"Drin? Why do you want? I'm kind of in the middle of conquering Ghort here..." said the SIR sitting in front of the screen. In the background, Vik seemed preoccupied in another computer, rattling its keys like it would explode if she didn't type fast enough.
"What are you doing?" asked Drin.
"That pesky Ghortonian downloaded a virus into one of my computers!"
"Is it a bad one?"
"Well, it attacks the computers hardware, and the computer is progressively getting hotter. If I don't override it soon, it looks likes it going to melt!" the robot exclaimed.
"Or explode!"
"What?"
"Never mind."
Drin stayed silent for a while, one eyebrow raised.
"Er... have... I caught you a bad time?" he asked, deciding to break the uncomfortable silence.
Vik gazed at the computer fixedly, and then pressed a single key. The computer gave a solitary 'bleep' and Vik turned around looking satisfied.
"No, no, not at all," the SIR replied for her.
"Ok, good then, I... uuuh...."
Drin drew out the 'uh' as he tried to recall his plan.
"Oh, oh, yeah... um-"
Now we all know this is an exceedingly poor way to begin a lie.
"- there's been an order to uh... search every Irken's quarters because of... because there has been a great snack robbery?"
Drin cleared his throat and tried again.
"There has been a great snack robbery and an order has been given to investigate by searching every Irken's quarters," said Drin grinning moronically.
Vik gave him an unimpressed look, then smirked.
This plan hadn't worked as well as he'd hoped.
"Drin. Drin, Drin, Drin. You are possibly the worst liar I have ever met-"
Drin's grin faltered. Vik's didn't.
"-and I've met Zim."
He flinched at the Irken's name.
"I know your question, you idiot, and do you want to guess my answer?"
"...um...ye-"
"No."
Drin hung his head and sighed as Vik and her SIR unit's face flickered out into black.
"I can't believe this, ordered around by someone shorter than me. I'm the second Tallest, dammit!"
He had to go to the next Tallest announcement, it was law. It was either watch on a view screen, or come to the announcement. He had to watch them rub it all in; he was the Second Tallest, but he was still as puny and insignificant as any other Irken. Watch those idiots ruin perfectly good opportunities when he, himself would've taken advantage of them... watch them slowly weaken and even stop the progress of Operation Impending Doom II...
'Who needs Zim? They can destroy Operation Impending Doom II themselves!' thought Drin, drumming his fingers on the computer bench.
An announcement blared out on a speaker outside the quarters. Drin wasn't listening to what it said, but he knew what it meant. He groaned.
'Oh no. It looks like it's Tallest time...'
--