Author's note: All right, this little fic I blame entirely on my Padawan and charmisjess. They unknowingly inspired it.
Endings
"Hey, Qui-Gon, what do you think of my new Padawan? I think Depa is going to be a good student. Did you see anyone you liked?"
"Mace, this really isn't a good time," Qui-Gon replied as his friend hurried to catch up to him. His long strides carried him quickly through the corridors, and he had hoped no one would try to talk to him.
"Come on, Jinn, I want to hear your opinion."
"She could be very powerful. You need to be careful of her."
"What sort of answer is that?"
"Look, I said this isn't a good time. Just leave me alone." Qui-Gon turned and gave his friend a small yet forceful push away.
Mace stood watching as Qui-Gon walked away, wondering if he should not have pressed him about a Padawan. Qui-Gon was still dealing with the loss of his last one in what could have been the worst possible way: to the Darkside. He clearly was having difficulty with the impacts even now as he stalked around the corner and disappeared.
Qui-Gon sighed as he entered his apartment. He had not meant to snap at Mace like that. He just wanted to get home.
He kept his gaze straight ahead as he walked past the room whose door had closed long ago and would remain that way. He entered his own sleeproom and would have knelt in meditation, but since it had not worked in the past three months, what hope did he have for it now? Instead he lay down on his sleepcouch and stared at the ceiling. Sleep took him when he was not expecting it, and no dreams disturbed the dark abyss of his mind.
He woke to another presence inside the suite. Silently, he slipped onto the floor and into the corridor. Despite his noiseless approach, Master Yoda was not surprised when Qui-Gon emerged into the common room.
"Master, what are you doing here? I nearly attacked you."
"Hmph. If recognize me, my own grandpadawan cannot, then perhaps more meditation he needs."
"Did you come here to chastise me?"
"If the chastisement fits. Concerned I am, Qui-Gon. Mace tells me control yourself you cannot. Yell at him, you did."
"I didn't meant to, I was just a little... upset with him. I asked him to leave me alone. I'll apologize to him when I see him."
"More is needed, I think. Need a break, you do, Qui-Gon. An idea, I have."
...
At first, Qui-Gon felt this little notion of Yoda's was horrible indeed. There was much noise and disorder in the crèche, but very shortly he was used to it and actually started to enjoy the playful chirps of the babies.
When he walked in, the young ones all fell silent. Even they recognized a great Jedi Master instantly, but soon they were back to their games and mischief.
Qui-Gon spent the afternoon helping them with their toys and arts, playing games with them, and reading their favorite stories to the children. Despite all the chaos, he found it a peaceful place. The children were so innocent and easy to please if he just tried. They really wanted so little, only for him to play with them. The simplicity of the afternoon gave him time to relax yet occupied him and kept him from dwelling on unhappy thoughts.
Night eventually fell and the younglings had to be corralled and tucked into their beds. One by one, Qui-Gon lifted each into place and wrapped the blankets around them. He smiled and said "good night" and kissed each on the forehead. In just a little while, he stood amid a room full of sleeping, innocent babes. Inside, he felt refreshed; the tiny lives had depended on him that day, and he had been there for their every need. It was like he had accomplished a tiny miracle every time a little face lit with a smile, one he had put there.
The room was so peaceful, but different than during the day. Now he felt the quiet of so many pure souls around him, as if they could clean the marks from his own blackened essence. He could have knelt in meditation, and he started to lower himself, but instead he sat, holding his knees to his chest, listening to the many wee breaths.
He took a deep breath to let the serenity sink into him. His mind wandered, taking him to another time when he thought he was at peace.
He was sitting on a hilltop, looking at the sky. The one beside him fidgeted; sitting on the ground was not really his style.
"Look! A falling star. Why don't you catch it?"
"It's not really a star, Master. It's just a piece of space dust," came the indifferent reply, "burning up in the atmosphere."
"You really take the fun out of something so beautiful, Xanatos. You know that?"
The apprentice shrugged. "I guess I just don't see it the way you do."
"No," Qui-Gon whispered, "you never did, did you?"
His lip quivered, and a choked sob shook his shoulders. Great callused hands covered his face as he cried out his anxieties and fears. He had never dreamed he could be facing this harshness, that things would turn out the way they had, that his own student would turn on him. He had thought about it repeatedly in the months since the incident, and it still haunted him. He had not found closure and saw no impending end to his loss.
A small cry from the bed closest to him startled him. He stood and moved to the child, cradling her and hushing her.
"I'm sorry, little one, I didn't mean to wake you." She smiled up at him, and he wiped the tears that blurred her face. "At least one of us is happy.
"You are so beautiful. Maybe someday you can find a Master who will take care of you and preserve the light that is in you, someone who won't fail you." She drifted back to her slumber and Qui-Gon replaced her on the pillow.
Briefly, he wondered if he should ask for reassignment to the crèche; he seemed to have little trouble with the youngest children. However, the little girl's smile stuck in his mind, and he realized that there were so many like that needing protection. That was his duty: to protect the innocent. He needed to get back out there and do that. Maybe on his own, he could do it.
With renewed conviction, Qui-Gon decided that in the morning he would ask the Council for a mission. He would do the Force's will and save lives. It was his purpose.
With the decision made, Qui-Gon headed to sleep in the next room, in case the babies needed him during the night.