Chapter 8-
Hojo's Dirty Little Secret
"The mere apprehension of a coming evil has put many in a situation of the utmost danger."
~Lucan
"It's so quiet," Aeris whispered, not wanting to speak aloud in what was left of the Shinra lab. She stuck close by Cloud and Nanaki, wishing, not for the first time, that the others were here. She wasn't too worried about running into trouble; she knew they could handle it. What bothered her was the silence. The waiting.
The feeling that you're helpless.
Reno's words came back to her, shaking her with a mental jolt. She had been surprised at how caring he'd seemed that night. How…humane…he'd seemed. But now she understood. Reno had dealt with many hardships since childhood. Part of him was a good man, kind and so compassionate. The other part…
She shuddered. The other part…didn't care. She remembered back in the Premium Heart how his face had looked and sighed. She'd seen Reno in many faces, but what she feared more even than his lust for killing was the way he had of writing people off. She'd seen him eager to kill, to drown his hatred and sorrow in blood, and it always shook her badly. But when he had that bored, uninterested look on his face… That was what really scared her. At least when he was angry he was feeling something.
For a while she'd even wondered if the man could feel. But as she'd gotten to know Reno, she saw: That wasn't it. He feared being hurt so much he just completely cut off his feelings. And every time she saw that. Aeris feared he wouldn't come back to being the warm, kind man she'd caught glimpses of. Sometimes it was almost like an awful kind of choice- lose him to the terrible rush of mad bloodlust, or lose him to the cold, unfeeling pillar of ice.
"Aeris? Are you listening?"
She snapped back to reality with a start. Both of her companions had gotten ahead of her. Cloud leaned against one of the bleeping computers, grinning at her.
"Daydreaming?"
She smiled back, albeit faintly. "I guess." She frowned suddenly, the computer he leaned against catching her attention. She walked over, gently pushed him out of the way, and studied the computer consel, biting her lip.
"Cloud. This place has power."
He shrugged. "I don't see what you're so worried about, Aeris. It could be something simple. Maybe it's just…auxiliary power, or something. I mean-"
"For this long?" Aeris interrupted. "No back-up source would last for a year, Cloud! Something feels wrong about this whole situation."
Cloud was silent a moment. "Well, what do you think is going on?"
"I don't know," she replied, turning back to the computer, "but I can try to find out." Hesitantly she touched a flashing red button. Immediately the screen filled with the oversized Shinra logo.
"'Welcome to Shinra, Inc.'s Science Department.'" Aeris read aloud from the text box. There was an option that said 'Log In", but she didn't see a mouse. Then she knew. A touch-screen. She tapped the words icon.
"'Please enter your username and password.'" She looked to Cloud. "Any ideas?"
He joined her at the computer consel, studying it with a practiced eye. "Well…Tifa's better at this stuff than me, but I can give it a try." He began typing furiously, muttering to himself while Aeris waited apprehensively. At last Cloud slammed the monitor in frustration.
"Damn! It's no use." He slammed it again for good measure. "The system's way too advanced. I can't hack into it."
"Well, if the two of you are finished-" Nanaki, who ha been trying very hard to be patient with the two humans, had had enough. Just then, an idea struck Aeris.
"Wait!" Swiftly she touched the screen on the small yellow icon that said "HELP". The screen changed to a help menu.
"Now we're getting somewhere!" Cloud exclaimed, rubbing his hands together. "What can we do?"
There was a list of topics to choose from. Aeris touched the one that said "Shinra HQ" and promptly received a virtual tour of the Shinra building.
"We don't have time to read all this," she muttered, scanning the information sidebar. "Ah!" She touched another icon and smiled. This was what she wanted.
"A map showing the layout of the entire building?" Cloud said. "Excellent!"
It was a detailed map, showing every floor with yellow dots depicting entrances/exits and red dots depicting elevators. Aeris touched their floor and watched as the map enlarged to show the lab.
"Isn't there supposed to be an arrow that says 'You Are Here'?" Cloud asked, only half-joking. Aeris rolled her eyes and pointed to a corner of the screen. "We're there," she said. "This is the rest of the lab…hey!" She glanced at the wall to the right of them, then back to the computer screen. "According to the map, there's supposed to be a door there."
"A door?" Cloud followed her gaze, then looked back, confused. "There's nothing there but a blank wall."
"Exactly!" Aeris walked over to the wall and knocked on it, listening intently. She turned to Cloud triumphantly. "It's hollow."
"No way." Cloud ran his hands over it, feeling for some kind of crack to betray a door. Finding none, he shrugged and walked back to the computer screen. "This is the right spot, all right. The computer's gotta be wrong. There's nothing here!"
"It's not wrong!" she insisted stubbornly. "This part of the wall sounds different. Come back over and listen."
Cloud took a step toward her. There was a loud clicking sound…
Aeris jumped back as the well-hidden door swung open, nearly whacking her in the face. She looked at Cloud, astonished, to see the blond man was as surprised as she was.
"I didn't do anything!" he protested. "I swear!"
Nanaki padded over to inspect the tiled floor Cloud was standing on. "A floor-trap," he announced. "Very well designed. Ingenious."
"How's it ingenious?" Cloud wanted to know. "I tripped it, and I didn't even know it was there!"
Nanaki chose to ignore this, instead turning to Aeris. "Why was this room hidden?"
Aeris peered inside, but drew back instantly. She laughed nervously, rubbing her hands over her arms as though she had goosebumps. "It's funny," she said, "but now that we've found the room, I'm not sure I want to go inside!"
Cloud looked at her piercingly; her fake laughter couldn't conceal her uneasiness. "Why? Do you feel anything?"
She bit her lip, green eyes thoughtful. "I know…I know that I'm afraid to go in there. But at the same time, something draws me…" She took a step forward.
Cloud pulled her back. "A trap!" he hissed. "Aeris, please, I've learned to trust your instincts. I really think you should, too!"
She shook her head, drawing away from him. "No, I don't think it's a trap," she whispered. "I think…the answer's in here…just beyond this door." Firmly disengaging Cloud's hand from her arm, she strode into the blackness beyond the door.
Cloud looked at Nanaki, shrugged helplessly, and followed her. A moment later, Nanaki bounded after him.
* * * * * *
You're afraid…
"Yes, I know!" Aeris whispered, wringing her hands. "I am afraid, and I don't know why! Tell me, please!"
You're afraid…of the answer…
"Answer to what?!" she screamed into the blackness. "I'm afraid of something I know nothing about! This isn't fair!"
Silence.
"All right,' she said quietly, dropping her raised arms to her sides. "I understand. I'm sorry. I am deathly afraid…but of what? Am I at least to be granted that knowledge?"
It is that answer of which you're afraid.
Aeris hid her hands in her hands. Nothing made sense. Everything made sense. "I know," she whispered brokenly. "I know."
As you already know the answer. It is there, deep inside of yourself. But you're afraid…
She felt herself sinking, sinking into a blackness more defined than the one that already surrounded her. Frantically she clawed her way to the surface. "Afraid of what?!"
There was no response.
* * * * * *
Cloud shivered in the silent darkness. "Aeris?" he called out, wanting desperately to hear another human being's voice, feel another human's touch. Nanaki seemed strangely…beastly, suddenly, no matter how high his intellect.
"Aeris!" he shouted again, gripped by a horrible dread he could but not understand. "Aeris!" Why wasn't she answering?
"Over here!" Nanaki called from some distance away. "She won't respond. I think she's unconscious."
Wishing he could see, Cloud stumbled over to where he heard Nanaki's voice, and as a result nearly tripped over him. He caught himself quickly.
"She's down on the floor, by me," Nanaki said. "She's alive, but…" He trailed off.
But just barely, Cloud thought grimly, feeling Aeris' ice-cold flesh. Gathering her in his arms, he stumbled to his feet, intending to carry her out of the place.
"Cloud," Nanaki intoned, jumping in front of him. "You're going the wrong way. Follow me."
Cloud started to follow him, but Nanaki stopped suddenly, nose quivering. "No, not this direction," he murmured, turning around.
"What's wrong? Cloud said impatiently. He could feel Aeris' life ebbing from her body. She was shivering convulsively now.
"Here," Nanaki said after a moment. "This way."
"Where are we?" Cloud asked, following so close he was almost stepping on Nanaki's tail. He could see now, a little at least, or maybe his eyes were just getting used to the darkness.
Up ahead, the animal stopped short. "Oh, no."
"What is it?" Receiving no answer, Cloud pushed past him, noticing how much better he could see now. He thought this odd, but then he saw the room ahead of them and forgot about it.
It appeared, at first, to be an equipment storage room. Cages were thrown against walls, stacked in disarray. A steel table took up the most space in the center of the room. Its surface was clear, except for a white cloth and several od-looking tools, perhaps used for surgery. A few softly humming mako-filled tubes were lined up in back, casting a ghastly greenish light over everything. The light, however, did nothing to aid one's vision. Instead, it almost seemed to make it more difficult to see.
At second glance, however, the room was vastly different.
Creatures were in the cages.
Hideous mutations. Red eyes blinked out at them from behind iron bars that looked alarmingly unstable. Low moaning, grunting sounds were emitted from what looked like disturbingly human faces. The cages kept out the creatures, but nothing could keep out the terrible smells wafting through the room.
Cloud swallowed hard, fighting back an overwhelming sense of shock and nausea. All he could think of was what Sephiroth had once said…about the horrible monsters created by Hojo…
You saw it! All of them…were humans…
Piteous wails rose up from deformed mouths. Whatever Hojo had done to the creatures evidently kept death at bay, they having lived in darkness for over a year. They hung in limbo between living and dying, both out of reach. Their lamenting wails bespoke of a sorrowful existence where even the sweet privilege of death was denied them.
All of them…were humans…
Aeris' weight in his arms made Cloud pull himself together. Pushing thoughts of what this was- and what it signified- aside he gently set her down on the steel table, first sweeping the surgical tools aside with one arm.
Aeris' skin was deathly cold to the touch and had a terribly unnatural pallor, her blue lips standing out in stark relief against her white flesh. Her breathing was slow and uneven, as though her body was forgetting how to function. She had even stopped shivering, perhaps to conserve what little energy she had left.
"Damn," Cloud muttered. "What's wrong with her?"
Nanaki put his paws on the table for a better look. "I don't know," he said slowly. "I have never seen a malady like this."
"We have to do something!" Cloud shouted angrily, then almost immediately calmed; the creatures in the cages were watching him intently. "She won't last much longer."
Just then, Aeris drew a shuddering breath and sat straight up on the table, her eyes opening wide. Then she seemed to collapse, putting a hand on the edge of the table to support herself and putting the other over her face. She drew another deep breath.
"The answer…" she murmured. "I must find the answer!"
"Aeris?" Cloud looked at her carefully, hoping she wasn't delirious. "Are you all right?"
She looked up then, the color returning to her cheeks. "I'm fine." She swung her legs over the side of the table and for the first time noticed their surroundings. "What is this place?"
Cloud looked away before answering, closing his eyes. "This," he began, "is Hojo's dirty little secret."
All of them…were humans…
He opened his eyes and turned back to Aeris. "It's where he kept his failed test subjects."
* * * * * *
Shera clutched the airship's railing with both hands, watching the countryside speed by. She kept rubbing her eyes to clear them. Her vision was blurry, and it wasn't because of the wind.
Who wanted you along, anyway?!
She swallowed back the lump in the throat. She had always told herself that Cid was so caught up in his ambitions he didn't see how much he hurt her. But…
All you are is dead weight!
A small sob escaped her lips. She loved Cid, she truly did. But things were going so wrong!
She wiped the back of her hand over her eyes angrily. Cid had every right to feel the way he did. It was true she couldn't fight, and was most likely useless baggage. She was the wrong who was wrong, reacting the way she had.
"But don't you want to be appreciated?"
Shera looked about. The voice had come out of nowhere! "Who-who said that?" she cried, a faint tremor to her voice.
"Someone who has been watching over you." The voice was soft, melodious. Enticing. "Answer my question. Wouldn't you like to be appreciated?"
"I-I don't know," Shera faltered. "I guess…I would prefer the Captain to be a little nicer to me…"
"You want more than that," the voice cut in smoothly. "You want Highwind to admit he depends on you. You want him to take your hand and tell you he can't live without you!" The voice softened. Shera had to strain to hear. "You want him to suddenly realize he loves you."
Shera's breathing had quickened, coming out in quick little gasps. How could this person, whoever it was, know so much about her? All her hopes, her dreams, her innermost desires?
"I told you," the voice whispered. "I've been watching over your miserable existence, Shera. Why do you put up with such treatment? You could have been so much more."
She blinked, putting a hand to her head. The air rushing by on the deck of the airship was making her dizzy and confused. "I've asked myself that very same question many times," she admitted softly. "Would I leave him, if I could?"
"And what was the answer?"
Leave Cid to fend for himself, who had stolen her heart so long ago? Cid, whose course gestures and bad habits were somehow endearing? "I can't." Her voice choked a little, and she cleared her throat. "I can't," she repeated more clearly.
"There is a way you can escape."
Escape?
"Look, Shera."
She walked slowly to the railing and stared down at the ground hundreds of feet below. She began to tremble.
"No." She had to force the word out.
"Think about it," the voice urged. "Your life has no meaning anyway. It would be better, much better, this way."
Slowly, hardly realizing what she was doing, Shera placed a foot on the bottom rail, then brought the other up beside it. She stood on the railing, looking down. The ground had never looked so far away.
"Cid will finally appreciate you. He will get what he deserves."
Cid? He wouldn't miss her. Maybe a little, at first, but he'd soon forget.
One foot went up on the top rail.
"Just do it." Soft, inviting. "It will all be over in a moment. Then, sweet peace."
Shera was standing, now, balancing on the top railing with both arms out.
"He can save the world without me," she whispered, a tear running down her cheek. She sucked in a breath…
"Shera!"
At that moment, Cid Highwind dashed forward. His heart stopped. His breathing stopped. The only thing that mattered was reaching her in time.
Shera screamed as she fell, reaching up to grab hold of the railing, missing by inches. Cid made a wild leap for her hand, and for one awful moment he'd thought he lost her, and then…
He had her hand in both of his, the only link that kept her from plummeting to the earth. Her weight was pulling him over the railing, but he dug his feet and held on with all his might. She was sobbing in fear and kept trying to swing her other hand up, but every time she did, Cid almost lost his hold and she screamed as he fought not to drop her.
He could feel her slipping away from his grasp. "Shera!" He yelled. "Shera, listen to me!"
Her wild brown eyes looked into his, and for the first time he saw something he'd never seen before…anger? Blame?
…Or was it hurt?
"No matter what happens, I will not let you go!" he shouted. "Come on, Shera! Give me your other hand!"
Desperately she tried to reach up, but at the last second she lost her grip. Cid was pulled further over the railing as she lurched back.
"I can't!" she cried. "I can't do it!"
"Dammit, Shera!" Cid yelled. "That doesn't sound like the woman I know!"
She looked up at him, eyes confused.
Cid felt the tendons in his shoulders straining with the pressure and talked fast.
"Who was it that stayed behind in a death trap to fix Tank No. 8?" he demanded. "Who was it that saved a damn fool when that same tank collapsed on him? The Shera I know never gave up!"
She swung slowly beneath him. "Cid…"
He felt his hold starting to give. "Just hurry up!"
Her mouth set in a resolute line, Shera made a tremendous effort. Her hand found Cid's wrist and held. He stared into her eyes for a moment, then hauled her up.
Her legs found a hold on the railing, and he was able to lift her over easily. Once the danger was past, Shera collapsed in his arms and broke down.
Cid was shocked. For all the years he'd known Shera, he'd never seen her cry. Every time he'd yelled at her, every time he'd lost his temper, she'd only nodded and murmured, "Of course, Captain." But to see her like this…
"Goddammit, Shera," he whispered into her ear. "Why'd you have to go and do a dumb-ass thing like that?"
"I'm sorry, Captain!" she wailed into his shoulder. Immediately Cid realized his mistake.
"No, Shera," he said softly. "Don't say that." Her sobs quieted as she pulled away to look at him.
"Forgive me, Shera." He tried to smile, but the expression didn't seem to come out right.
She looked mildly astounded. "Cid-" She started to say, but changed her mind. "Cid…I've never heard you say those words to me."
"I don't think I ever have," he admitted. "Shera…I ain't too good at saying this, but…I need you. When I saw you there, on that railing, I was so damn scared…what would I do without my best mechanic?"
Of course. This was why she had never left him.
"I need you too, Cid," she breathed, laying her head back down on his shoulder. "I don't think I've ever told you how much-"
Just then, the door to the deck slammed open and Yuffie rushed out. "Oh Gawd, I think I'm gonna hurl-" She stopped short on seeing the two of them. "Oh, uh…I'm not interrupting something, am I?"
For Anya, who has somehow converted me to a Cid/Shera fan ;)