Chapter 9:
"…Were humans…"
"We cannot banish danger, but we can banish fears. We must not demean life by standing in awe of death."
~David Sarnoff
"Failed test subjects," Aeris repeated softly, peering into one of the cages. "Those poor creatures."
The thing wrapped its deformed hands around the bars of the cage, looking at her with pleading yellow eyes.
Help us…
Aeris leaped back in alarm. "It…it talked!"
"What talked?" Cloud demanded. "Aeris?"
"That thing!" She pointed to the creature in the cage. "It's sentient!"
Of course I am sentient. It stared up at her unblinkingly. I am…or rather, was…a survivor of the Cetra.
"The Cetra!" Aeris took a step forward, studying the creature intently. "I thought I was the last."
You are, it said bluntly. Hojo and Gast had gathered all that remained of our ancient race….but when Gast eloped with your mother, Ifalna-
"You knew my mother?" Aeris interrupted eagerly.
Another creature, one trapped in a cage to the left of the first one, nodded its head. When it spoke, it was apparent this thing had once been female.
Your mother was the kindest, most gentle person I've ever met. I've always felt privileged to know her-
She talked too much, a third creature, sitting in a cage above the second, retorted. When that fool Gast fell in love with her, he left, taking with him our only shred of hope. With him out of the way, Hojo could perform his experiments to his fullest. No one stopped him. No one interfered while he changed us to what we are now!
He left us behind for a good reason, the second one countered. If Hojo had us, he would not search for Ifalna right away, allowing her time to give birth to a child that may be the last salvation for humankind!
He left us behind as bargaining chips! The third hissed.
"What's going-" Cloud started to say, but Nanaki shushed him. Though neither of the two non-Cetra could hear the creatures' voices, Nanaki understood something important was happening. Why else would Aeris be standing there like that, gripping the lab table for support, all blood drained from her face?
"I cannot be held responsible for wither of my parents' actions," she said slowly and deliberately. Cloud looked to Nanaki in question, but the latter pretended not to see him.
Aeris continued. "What's done is done. What is it you want from me now?"
The first creature's gaze met hers. "Kill us."
"What?!" Aeris flinched, as though she'd been struck a physical blow. "Why?"
It waved a scrawny, mutated arm at the other Cetra trapped in cages, perhaps four or five in all. We have been trapped here since before your birth. We can't die of natural causes. We must be killed by some outside force.
Aeris opened her mouth, but the creature kept talking.
Please, Aeris Gainsborough. Have you no pity?
She could only shake her head, torn by inner turmoil. At last, to find survivors of the Ancient race! True, pure-blooded Cetra, those who could talk with her about the Promised Land, tell her of her mother. And now…to kill them? What was more, to murder them in cold blood? Aeris had never taken a sentient life and she certainly didn't want to start now. Most of her friends had plenty of blood on their hands, and some of the more hardened ones laughed at her steadfast respect for life.
Inadvertently she thought of Reno once again. His face contorted with fury as he yelled at her. . "Where the hell do you get off preaching about life?! You know nothing, absolutely nothing, about the real world!"
But she did know. She'd heard the pain, the suffering in his voice when he yelled that. Aeris had been though her share of suffering too. But painful experiences hadn't diminished her beliefs; in fact, it had enlarged them. After seeing how easily life could be lost, she'd come to understand just how precious it was.
"I can't." She spoke in a whisper. "I can't do what you ask!"
You must! Stern, commanding. We are dead already. At least grant us this one request. No one else may do it. Only one of the Cetra.
"I?" She looked to Cloud pleadingly. "Couldn't-"
No! It was the third one, the one who held such anger toward her father, that spoke this time. Or do you deny your heritage?
"I do!" she yelled. "I didn't want it! I didn't want any of it! Not the responsibility, the questions, the abilities…I just wanted to be normal like everyone else! Why do I have to be different?!" It wasn't Aeris who was speaking. Rather, it was her past childhood coming back to her- the sideways looks, the jokes at her expense, Elmyra looking shocked at the things young Aeris shouldn't know but did. People hunting her down…
Aeris, listen to me. The second one, the female, begged. You can't change who you are. You can't send your life back and reorder another. But you can take this life and make the most of it. Use your heritage to your best advantage. Don't try to change your identity. Go along with it.
Aeris was silent a long moment. The first Cetra spoke to her gently.
Young one, he said softly. You will find the answer.
Hearing this, she looked up. "You!" she cried out in recognition. "You were the one that spoke to me! Please, what is the answer? I must know!"
You will find it in time, was the only reply.
Dissatisfied, yet somehow knowing the discussion was finished, Aeris hung said, in a nearly indiscernible whisper:
"I'll do it."
* * * * * *
It was over quickly.
Aeris was silent after Cloud and Nanaki led her from the room. The blond man suspected she might be brooding, going over every action, trying to determine whether she had done the right thing. As a matter of fact, this was almost precisely what she was doing.
Destroying the last remnants of her kind had been the hardest thing Aeris had ever had to do. Not only that, but since taking a life, she felt…dirty, somehow. Unclean. Her hands weren't hardened with blood. The first shocking realization that she had killed living beings was overwhelming. Aeris couldn't handle it.
She looked at Cloud, smiling at her so reassuringly. How can they do it? She wondered. How can they kill so much and still be able to smile, to enjoy their own lives? How can Cloud still stand tall and proud? How can Barret still tell stories to Marlene at bedtime? How can Reno still wear that awful Turk's uniform and not be ashamed of what it symbolizes?
As if seeming to read her thoughts, Cloud's smile faded. He patted her shoulder sympathetically.
"Sometimes, you just have to remember to stay yourself," he said softly. "When you take a life, your own is all you have left."
"I know," she replied, after a moment. "But…I wish there was another way."
"So do I," he murmured. Just then, Zack called to him from across the lab.
"Cloud!"
Cloud's head snapped up. "Zack! Tifa!" His eyes narrowed. "Who's this with you?"
Tifa tapped a foot nervously while Zack explained how they had come across Sufur. She noted how Cloud's eyes narrowed when he looked at the man, and she knew he was trying to figure this guy out, too. Through it all, Sufur stood with his arms crossed, and arrogant smile on his lips. He talked slowly, with elaborate patience, as he answered Cloud's curt question.
"Of course I can fight. I know how to defend myself, and I was once pretty good with a gun." His smile, if possible, grew colder. "Trust me, you'll definitely want me fighting for you, rather than against you."
"That's for us to decide," Cloud snapped. He motioned Tifa aside and stepped some distance away from the others. He spoke in a whisper, glancing back to make sure Sufur couldn't hear him.
"All right. What do you think of this guy?"
Tifa counted off her fingers. "He's cold, cocky, unfriendly and too slick. I don't like this." She hesitated, then went on. "But…he's right. I definitely would not want to fight him. People are only that confident if they're either really stupid, or have something up their sleeve. And he doesn't look stupid to me." She looked at Cloud intently. "He's not joining us 'against a common foe', or whatever reason he's giving. He wants something out of us, I'm certain. We just work to his advantage."
Cloud nodded grimly. "That's what I figured. And we can't leave him here, not now. We need to keep an eye on him." And I bet that bastard knows it, too, he added silently,
"So we have no choice."
"It would seem that way." He sighed. "Watch him closely, if I can't, all right? See if you can get a sense as to what he's really after."
"Sure thing." Tifa looked at Cloud closely, a little worried, though she refrained from mentioning it aloud. She had never seen him look as weary as he did now. Dark circles under his eyes made his face look tired and wan. He was unusually pale, too. Maybe he's under too much pressure, she thought. He needs a break.
He smiled. "Thanks, Teef. I always could count on you."
They walked back to the group, where Zack greeted them with an ear-piercing whistle. "Took you two long enough, I must say. What were you talking about?"
Tifa's cheeks burned. Not again! She saw Sufur observing languidly, smirking sarcastically. Wishing she could disappear, she turned and gave Zack a look that plainly said, Why don't you ever shut up?!
"Zack," Cloud said calmly. "Please keep your mind on business." He looked at Sufur meaningfully. Zack grinned apologetically.
"Sorry. These things just pop outta me." He waved a hand airily. "Won't happen again."
Tifa doubted that. She looked at Sufur again to see him smiling charmingly. She shot him a glare.
"You're in," Cloud said to him abruptly. "But you'll have to prove your worth on your own." He turned and started for the elevator. "Come on. I want to reach Kalm before dark."
"A bit crabbier than usual, isn't he?" Zack observed. He winked at Tifa. "Guess it's up to you to cheer him up." When she opened her mouth to argue, he simply grabbed her arm and pulled her after Cloud. "Don't shirk your duty now, Tifa, or you'll owe me thirty push-ups!" They left, Nanaki trotting after them.
Aeris started to follow them, but Sufur stepped in front of her, scowling.
"I heard you were dead."
She looked up at him steadily. "Are you disappointed to find I'm not?"
The retaliation caught him momentarily off-guard, and he didn't know what to say. But only momentarily. Quickly recovering, a smooth smile replaced the scowl. "Of course not. I'm absolutely thrilled."
A look of alarm crossed Aeris' features. For just one moment, she was afraid of this man, afraid of the unspoken threat behind his words. For one terrible second, she was even more fearful of the known than the unknown.
Sufur saw her expression change, and his confidence grew. "Sorry about the mistake, Miss Gainsborough." Turning, he followed the others.
Aeris realized her teeth were clenched so tight her jaw was hurting. She forced herself to relax, swallowing hard. She turned back for one, final glance to the room that was the crypt for the last of the Cetra, than hurried after the others.
* * * * * *
The dream came again that night.
Cloud tossed and turned fitfully in the bed at the Kalm Inn, knowing it was a dream, trying to force himself to wake. But he never could. Not until the dream was complete.
He was standing alone, watching his entire life flash-forward in front of him, as though on a huge movie screen. From the time in Nibelheim, wistfully watching Tifa and her friends play, wishing he could get along with people like that. Instead of joining them, the young Cloud turned away from them, scuffing a toe in the dirt. "I don't need them," he muttered.
His childhood. Wasted.
The promise at the well. Tifa's eyes, bright with unshed tears, pleaded with him to stay. But she was too proud to say it aloud. Her voice was steady as she asked him to remember the promise.
She wanted to have faith in him. She wanted to believe in something.
His life accelerated, the pictures moving faster and faster. Trying for SOLDIER, failing miserably. He couldn't go back to Nibelheim, couldn't tell Tifa of his failure. So he became a nobody, signed up for guard duty.
Failed. All his life, he'd failed.
Becoming friends with Zack. Zack, whose dreams were as tangible as his personality. He made it to SOLDIER, First Class. He was someone to believe.
Lost. Confused emotions.
Back to Nibelheim on a mission with Sephiroth. Tifa. Hiding who he was.
Hidden. He had always been hiding.
Sephiroth discovering what he was. Nibelheim going up in flames. His family…his childhood…everything…
Burning rage…just like the fires surrounding him…
Zack's death. Swaggering back to Midgar, telling everyone he was a member of SOLDIER. First Class.
Lies…His whole life…a lie…
"You see?" The voice of Jenova said to him. " You have never had anything, anyone. Only me. I'm the only one you can count on."
The words he had said to Tifa earlier echoed back to him. His childhood friend, so supportive, so-
"So out of your league!" Jenova hissed. "She deserves better!
No! he cried soundlessly, but in his heart he knew Jenova was right.
"Stop clinging to her. Face your destiny like a man."
But…Tifa…
Cloud bolted upright, breathing heavily. The bedsheets were tangled and damp with his sweat. Half of the blankets were on the floor. The room was pitch black.
Pulling his legs free of the blankets, Cloud stood shakily and walked over to the sliding door that led to the inn's back balcony. He opened it quietly, careful not to wake the others. Zack, Sufur and Nanaki all roomed with him. They would have booked two rooms for the guys, but he and Zack had decided: Sufur was not to be trusted. Left with only one member of the party, he could…Cloud didn't know. As Nanaki had pointed out, why did Sufur bother joining them if he was going to turn on them? Still, there was just something about that guy he didn't like.
Cloud stepped out onto the balcony, breathing in the night air. Things were so damn confusing, and the reoccurring nightmare wasn't helping. He knew it was Jenova striving to reach him; that part was clear. But why these jibes about Tifa?
And then he realized. With a low moan, he put his face in his hands, rubbing his aching temples.
It's trying to turn me against her, he thought. No! I did that once, but never again. I am stronger than the Jenova inside of me. I can overcome it.
But what if he couldn't?
"I will," he vowed aloud. "No matter what it takes, I'll protect Tifa!"
"What if it takes more than you can muster, little puppet?"
He swallowed back sudden fear. "You wait," he whispered, his throat dry. "You wait and see."
The words echoed back to him, carried on the cool night air.
K, those of you who are impatient to see Reno & Co. again, (myself included) next chap. Thanks to everyone who's still reading this. You're all just so darn great! Luv your feedback! Just remember- Reno RULES!!
~Lila
PS- Oh, yes. I purposely didn't mention how Aeris killed the Cetra, deciding to leave that to your imaginations. This is Cetra-stuff! How would I know what's going on? listens in vain for someone to believe in her excuse* Oh well.