Chapter 20-

Check

"She gets up and pours herself a strong one

And stares at the stars up in the sky

Another night, it's gonna be a long one

She draws the shade and hangs her head to cry."

~Lyin' Eyes, Eagles

The fire crackled in the grate, the flickering flames seeming to leap out at the group of people gathered in front of it in Tifa's living room. The occupants either didn't notice or didn't care, too wrapped up in their own problems to give anything else a thought. That was the way it was with Cloud.

He stared at the expectant faces gathered around him. They were all dependent on him, waiting for him to assume leadership mode and tell them everything was going to be okay. He didn't think he'd be able to do that this time around. It wasn't going to be okay.

The dreams were worse every night, and sometimes he thought he heard Jenova's voice during the day, too. Either that or he was finally going insane. He wouldn't be surprised.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly, wishing he could rub away the memory of Tifa enclosed in Zack's arms. He shouldn't have been so surprised. With the way he'd been pushing her away, it was only natural that she'd turn to Zack for comfort. He was, after all, everything Cloud wanted to be but couldn't. He was real.

"Cloud?" Yuffie sat by herself, knees pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. "Where's Tifa?"

Staying away from me. "Upstairs. She's sitting this one out."

"Can't really blame her," Zack murmured. "She's got a lot on her mind." Cloud looked at him sharply.

"And you'd know?" Cloud suddenly felt inexplicably angry with his friend…angry enough he suddenly hated him. Zack, SOLDIER, First Class…a ladies' man…Aeris' first boyfriend…now playing with Tifa's affections.

"Yeah, I would." Now Zack sounded carefully calm. "You think I can't tell she's going through a tough time right now?"

"She didn't look so unhappy when I walked in earlier." What was he doing? He was being stupid, letting his emotions run away with him. But he couldn't stop.

"What the hell did you want me to do?" Zack snapped defensively, ignoring the fact that he wasn't telling the whole story. "She needed somebody! Adine may be dying, Cloud!"

He was right. Tifa needed someone. Someone else, not me. Cloud swallowed an angry retort, forcing himself to calm down. This was no time to be arguing. There were more important things to worry about.

"So what now?" Reno asked, breaking the silence. He leaned against the wall, suspiciously close to the chair Aeris was sitting in. Cloud wasn't sure what he thought of Reno and Aeris together. His biggest concern was the Turk's sincerity. If he hurt Aeris, Cloud wouldn't forgive him. Even after all this time, he still didn't trust the Turks much.

He answered anyway. "We've got to figure out what our next move is. Here's what we know so far." He counted off his fingers.

"One: Somehow, Jenova has returned. Evidence at the Shinra lab suggests it was triggered by someone, although we don't know for sure. Also, if that's the case, why?" He threw up his hands. "Personal gain? Or maybe he was forced into it? There's a big grey area there."

"It was probably that Darryn bastard," Cid interrupted. "That was the same place we found those hacked-up corpses. It sounds like something he'd do."

"But for what?" Nanaki pondered aloud.

No one knew. It was foolhardy, bringing back that monster. But then, many of Darryn's pursuits were foolhardy.

"In any case, he's dead now," Elena said firmly. "Whether all this was his fault or not, we don't need to worry about him anymore."

Cloud nodded. "Okay." He held up another finger. "Two. Jenova is spreading a deadly virus called the Sresla. As far as we know, it's incurable and unstoppable. Supposedly, Jenova is doing this in order to draw us out." Here he glanced at Aeris, but didn't mention the fact that Jenova obviously wanted the last Ancient, too. "That thing wants us dead. Revenge, most likely."

No one said anything. Cloud went on, holding up three fingers. "Three. Jenova can also create mind-shattering illusions in an attempt to break us. However, it is possible to resist the illusions if you keep your head, right, Elena?" He darted a glance at the blond Turk.

She nodded. "Yeah. But you can get hurt by them." Eyes shadowed by the memory, she shrank back against the wall, as though it would protect her. Rude put a comforting arm around her.

Cloud sighed and held up a fourth finger. "Four, she is also striking us where we're weakest- by infecting Adine. How did she even know about her?" Cloud's piercing blue eyes were hard. "She has to be tracking us somehow. Meaning we have no way of taking her by surprise. We really don't have any way of forcing this showdown. So all we can do is wait."

Barret leaped up, his gaze flashing fire. Marlene clung to his leg as he began shouting. "'Wait'? That's all we can do?" He shook his meaty fist angrily. "An' how many more are gonna die while we jus' sit an' wait, huh? We hafta do sumthin' now, Cloud!" He looked down at Marlene and visibly calmed, lowering his hand to smooth her hair. "'Sides," he continued more quietly, "if we don't do something, my daughter'll lose her best friend."

Cloud nodded. "I understand how you feel, Barret, but there's nothing we can do. It's like a chess game. It's her move now. All we can do is wait."

Barret sank back down, defeated. Reno watched him, eyes narrowed. Some chess game, he thought bitterly. We can't forfeit this one. The stakes are set way too high.

Aeris, sitting in a chair, tilted her head to smile at him. She reached up and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I remember what you told me that night during the storm," she whispered. "We mustn't lose hope."

Strange. It was like she'd read his mind. He smiled back, but she had just reminded him of his plan to speak with Sufur. He had to find the guy. "Anyone know where Sufur is?"

Cid jerked his cigarette in the direction of the door. "I saw him head outside a while ago. Said he wanted to see the town." He laughed. "Probably pilfering the houses."

Reno gave a nod and stepped to the door. "I'm gonna go see what he's up to."

Cid shrugged, blowing a cloud of smoke in his direction. "Yeah, it's dangerous to be wandering around alone out there. Though I can't say his loss would be earth-shattering."

Reno agreed, but didn't voice his opinion. "Be back in a while." He ducked out the door, leaving the warmth of the fire behind.

The air was crisp and cold, seeping through his thin suit jacket. Reno could see his breath, floating in front of him like the last fragile shred of hope, before finally dissipating into the chilly air. Even though it was now late enough to be really dark outside, a full moon illuminated the empty houses. Stars hung overhead, a million watchful eyes judging him in all their divinity. Lousy things couldn't mind their own business.

In the center of town was the Nibelheim well. Reno watched it with a fleeting moment's sadness. Things had changed so much, but the stupid old well still worked. Like those damned stars, it was unchanging, eternal. Weird.

Sufur sat on the edge of the wooden structure, staring up at the sky as though it possessed secrets he had to know. Reno wanted to laugh. The stars weren't about to share anything with the likes of him. For some reason, he seemed to have something against stars tonight. Maybe it was their constancy, their unwavering brilliance. Stars were so high above, unreachable. Always looking down on him.

Tearing his gaze from the sky, Reno made his way over to the well and clambered up it easily. He's always liked climbing; it gave him the feeling that he was getting closer to his dreams, closer to where the stars stared down at him. One of his favorite childhood pastimes had been racing the other slum kids up a crumbling wall. He'd always won.

Sufur didn't react when Reno sank down beside him, but took his eyes off the heavens, staring at Reno instead. Feeling uncomfortable under that gaze he couldn't return, Reno felt in his breast pocket for a pack of cigarettes. He stuck one between his lips, lighting it with a lighter he'd filched from Cid. "Cigarette?"

Sufur declined. "I don't smoke."

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Sufur sighed heavily and turned to look at him. "Well? Go ahead. Demand to know why I attacked your girlfriend."

Damn, this guy's fast. "She's not my girlfriend," Reno said quickly. "Just a friend I watch out for, that's all." He smoked quietly for a minute, then said, "So? Why did you?"

Sufur sighed. "Jenova…can make you do very strange things."

Some distance away, Cloud put a hand to his head, gritting his teeth against the sudden pain.

-Failure, failure, all your life a failure-

"Cloud?" It was Nanaki. "What's the matter?"

-Tifa's suffering, and it's all your fault-

"Fine," he gasped, wiping a hand over his face. "Just the beginnings of a migraine, that's all."

-You can't even protect her without hurting her, that's how much of a failure you are-

"Bullshit," Reno growled, flicking away the half-smoked cigarette. "I'm not stupid. Don't even try those games with me."

Sufur seemed to smile. "And how many times has Jenova entered your mind?"

-Why haven't you eliminated the threat right away? Isn't that what SOLDIER, First Class, is supposed to do?-

-You were never in SOLDIER!-

-But you know you must eliminate the threat. It's the right thing to do-

-What threat?-

-Don't be stupid. You're the threat. It's the only way to protect everyone. Protect Tifa-

-They need you. Jenova's the threat. Eliminate her-

-What if Barret's right? It's not her move, it's yours-

-Eliminate the threat-

-Stop it!-

Reno swallowed. "There's no way Jenova could make me hurt Aer- the others."

Sufur raised an eyebrow…or so was the impression he gave. "I'm sure you're right."

"I know I am."

The faceless man gave him a sideways glance, as though uncertain how to voice his next question. "So why do you still wear the uniform? I should think it'd be possible to obtain new clothes by now."

"Don't give me that smartass crap," Reno snapped. "I wear it because…"

"Mm?"

Reno sighed. "Who am I, without Shinra? Just some lowlife drunk. The uniform makes me feel like I'm someone, like I still belong. There really isn't any reason except for the fact that I'm pretty much hopeless, without something to believe in."

Sufur watched him with that penetrating gaze. "Are you saying you'd go back to Shinra, given the chance?"

Reno shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know…it's just like nothing's changed, since then, you know? I don't feel any better or worse about myself than I did then. I should feel better, shouldn't I? Since I'm on the good guys' side?"

You son of a bitch, Reno, Sufur unexpectedly thought. You may still be useful to me. But the girl…she would have to be disposed of.

-Yourmoveyourmoveyourmoveyourmoveyourmoveyourmoveyourmove-

"Cloud, maybe you should lie down," Elena suggested. "You don't look so good."

He wiped his sweating brow and tried to smile. "I'm alright." He glanced about, and his gaze fell on Zack.

It was odd. All of a sudden, he just wasn't angry with Zack anymore. He hadn't done anything wrong, hadn't actually tried to take Tifa away. Whatever happened with Tifa, it was Cloud's fault and Cloud's alone.

The realization suddenly made him start sweating all over again, but when he spoke, his voice was steady. "Zack, could you check on Tifa? Just see how she's doing?"

Zack gave a nod and started up the stairs.

Cloud wiped his brow again, closing his eyes.

-Yourmoveyourmoveyourmoveyourmoveyourmoveyourmoveyour-

Reno suddenly looked confused. "Why am I telling you all this? I don't even like you."

The pendant burned against Sufur's skin, as though to provide an answer.

"You're creepy." Reno gave him a suspicious look. "I've just decided that. I'm outta here." With that he jumped off the edge of the well, landing in a crouch. As he straightened he heard Sufur call after him.

"You're wrong." He gave a slow laugh. "About how nothing's changed. You're wrong. Everything's changed."

Reno stared at the guy for a minute, feeling decidedly uneasy. Then he turned and practically ran back to Tifa's house.

* * * * * * Zack meandered down the hall, wondering what was with Cloud. There was something going on with his friend, he knew it…but he wasn't sure how to help. The way Cloud had looked, back in the sitting room, it was scary. As though he'd given up hope, somehow. Like he was only acting the part of a leader, maybe just for their sake.

Sad…

By the time he'd reached Tifa's door, his thoughts had been interrupted by a soft melodic voice. It took him a minute to realize it was actually Tifa singing. Carefully, he opened the door. He froze in the doorway, riveted, and unconsciously held his breath as he watched the scene before him. Watched her lips caress the lilting notes. Watched her eyes fall half-closed, her hand gently woven in Adine's soft curls.

Little moon-white girl,

Eyes snowy and bright,

Dance beyond the song of night.

Dance so your feet trace ribbons in the sea.

Dance with star-licked arms light and free.

Dance so the wind hushes dreams with your steps.

Dance with poetry in your touch.

Dance as to not forget

The love of a child at night,

Smiling softly to a mother's song,

Smiling softly of a sweet day yet to come.

Little moon-white girl,

Dance to remember.

When Tifa had finished with her song, Adine gave a small sigh and stirred in her sleep, shifting on her side. Tifa pulled the blankets up to the child's chin, giving a quiet sigh herself.

It was strange. In his twenty-odd years of life, Zack had endured much and seen even more, but this sight of one woman struggling tirelessly to soothe the child she loved…this was the sight that made him want to weep.

Clearing his throat, he stepped into the room. Tifa looked up at his arrival with surprised but warm eyes, and hurriedly put a finger to her lips in a gesture to be silent.

"She's sleeping," she whispered as he sank down beside her. "She woke a while ago, but just now fell asleep again."

"While you were singing?"

She blushed, just a bit. "You heard me?"

"Yeah." He touched her cheek, a faint caress. Then he caught himself and reluctantly dropped his hand. "It was a beautiful song…did you make it up?"

"No." Absently she smoothed Adine's hair- her gaze had again fallen on the child's face. "My mother sang it to me…back when I was very young, before she got sick. I don't know why, but I never forgot the words." She closed her eyes, as if remembering. "They're all I have left of her."

She was so beautiful. Before he knew it, he'd leaned over and kissed her on the lips. She gasped at first, surprised, but then responded hesitantly, the way a wilting flower turns its face to the sun, relishing its warmth, starved for its touch. He ran his hands through her thick, dark hair, savoring the feel of his lips on hers, inwardly rejoicing despite the sudden tightness in his chest.

But summoning the last shred of her resolve, Tifa put her hands on his chest and pushed him away. "Zack…I can't."

"You can't?" His voice was pleading, ragged. "Why not?"

Her voice choked, her eyes brimming with abject shame and hurt. "I can't…Not…the way things are right now. Not with Cloud…like this."

"Forget Cloud!" He shook her forcefully, desperately. "Just forget about him, Tifa! He doesn't deserve you!"

"Please," she begged, holding his hands in hers. "Please, Zack. I'm…I'm not ready. I need to sort out…a few things..." She brought one of his hands up, touching it softly with her lips. Her eyes met his plaintively. "Please?" she whispered. "Can you give me…just a little time?"

A warm wave of shame washed over him. He knew it was wrong, to kiss her. To tell her to forget Cloud. With Cloud in pain like that, he'd been worried too. How must she feel…she'd been in love with the guy for so long…

"Sure, Tifa," he said quietly. "Whatever you need. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

She gave his hand one last squeeze before letting it go. "I need to be alone…with her right now." Her guilty eyes fell on Adine again. He could almost see her retreating inward.

He stumbled to his feet. His smooth, reassuring front had dissolved, leaving him hollow and clumsy.

"Yeah…I'll be downstairs," he heard himself mumble. She nodded, not daring to meet his eyes. At the door he paused and looked back, swallowing hard to break the paralysis in his vocal cords.

"Tifa…Don't think…don't ever think you have to go through it all alone..."

The last fragile hold she had on her emotions seemed to slip then, and she hid her face in her arms, weeping. If he didn't leave right now…she was terrified of what might overcome her, if she clung to him in her desperation…her fright. "Zack…I'm sorry but…Please. Just go…"

He tore out of there, not daring to stay a second longer

* * * * * *

In time, Tifa's tears slowed. Although the turmoil still lurked, she could shove up a flimsy front of confidence, of self-assurance. A light touch on her arm suddenly startled her.

"Tifa?" Adine's voice was so frail, so weak. "Are you okay?"

She wasn't okay. But she couldn't tell this child, couldn't put any weight on Adine's tiny, fragile shoulders. "I'm fine, sweetheart." She lifted her head and managed a reassuring smile. "How are you feeling?"

Adine seemed to disregard the question. "Tifa," she said urgently, tugging on Tifa's hand. "I have to tell you something."

"Sure, go ahead," Tifa replied hurriedly, anxious to soothe the suddenly agitated child.

"I-"

A furious cough suddenly seized Adine just as she'd opened her mouth. Tifa could do nothing as Adine hacked and choked on her own phlegm, her tiny frame wracked by the fit. When the horrible spasm finally subsided, little splatters of blood dotted both of the girl's palms. Blinking furiously to squelch back tears, Tifa wiped the blood drops away with a wet cloth, then tenderly kissed each tiny finger.

"Tifa," Adine said when she could speak, "I wanted to tell you something important."

"What is it?" Tifa's voice rose worriedly as her hand gently caressed Adine's sweat-soaked brow.

"I love you, Tifa."

Tifa felt her eyes blur again as she bit back a sob. "I love you too, Adine," she whispered. "I love you so much..."

Adine squeezed Tifa's hand once, and released her last breath in a sigh.

Tifa waited silently for Adine to begin breathing again, all the while holding her own breath. She waited even as the rising panic closed her throat, and the spasms wrenching her heart told her it was no use. Adine would never breathe again. Never smile again. Never grow up, or fall in love...

A mere half dozen sobs shook Tifa's body, the pent up agony finally bubbling over as the minutes crept by and Adine's little hand still lay cooling in her own. But though she remained cuddled against the child for the better part of the evening, the wet tracks shined no longer. Her tears had simply run dry.

Some time later, she had closed Adine's eyes, and kissed Adine's now smooth brow one last time. She felt herself getting to her feet, casting one last broken glance at the child. This was…the second time she'd lost a loved one in this very room…

As she approached the door, she calmly tried to prepare herself for breaking the news to the others. How Cloud, Aeris, all of them might take it. How Zack might…try to comfort her…And the consequences of her grasping desperately for his warmth…she couldn't trust herself with Zack right now. She couldn't see him now.

She had to leave this room. Leave the choking horror and agony. Physically, at least. But Zack might be on the other side of that door…

She made her way to the window with faltering steps, walking like a foggy sleepwalker. Her fingers trembled a bit as she undid the latch and slid it open. Why was she trembling? She'd seen death before…the death of her own mother…then her father…now Adine…

The cold air hit her with a shock, numbing her senses, much like the way she felt inside. Frozen, empty. A lump rose in her throat, but it soon passed. Tears stung her eyes, but…was it only because of the icy wind?

She swung her legs over the window, staring out at Nibelheim. The town was a joke. But she could pretend it wasn't, that it was her Nibelheim, the town she'd grown up in.

And there was the well…

Tifa suddenly stood up on the roof outside her window, arms out for balance. It was so stupid…somewhere in her numb mind, she was proud of herself, for being able to stand up on her roof, just like she could when she was ten. It was as though she was defying reality, proving she could go back to her innocent childhood…back to those days when her mother sang her to sleep and Cloud lived next door, watching her when he thought she wasn't looking.

She dropped lightly to the ground, never taking her eyes off the well. Hey…was that Sufur up there? Why was he sitting in her and Cloud's special place? In the back of her hazy thoughts, an alarm bell started to sound. Something was horribly wrong.

Sitting on the well, Sufur watched Tifa Lockheart warily. What was the matter with her? Why had she just climbed out of the window?

He suddenly felt a shadowy presence beside him, heard a breathy voice whisper in his ear. The pendant burned furiously at the words.

"The girl. Seize her!"

He started with surprise. "I thought you wanted the Ancient."

The voice grew harder, more commanding. "I will take care of the Ancient. You get me this one. Bring her to the reactor."

He nodded. "Very well."

The presence left him, drifting away like smoke on the wind. He leaped down to the ground, landing some distance from Tifa. She seemed dazed, but the moment their gaze locked she immediately regained her composure. Her wine-red eyes glared at him defiantly.

"What do you want?"

He spread his hands, smiling. "Come, Tifa, that's no way to speak to me." As he spoke, he moved steadily closer to her. "After all, you must keep your friends close."

They were about arm's length apart. She watched him appraisingly, unafraid. Suddenly a flicker of realization dawned on her face as she guessed his intent. Before she could open her mouth, he grabbed her roughly by the shoulder with one hand and pulled her close, holding her gaze the whole time.

"And your enemies closer," he hissed, slamming her in the stomach with his other hand.

The blow knocked the wind out of her and she collapsed over his arm. At that moment, the door to her house opened and Zack raced out.

"Tifa!" he shouted. His eyes went black with rage and terror at the sight of Tifa lying limp on Sufur's arm. If she was hurt…

Sufur could practically see the man make his desperate decision as his arm went up to free the Buster Sword-

Sufur yanked out his shotgun. Just as he pulled the trigger, Tifa fisted him in the face. Sufur fell and the shot was deterred a little. But Zack was hit. Blood blossomed in his shoulder and Zack cried out, clutching the wound in pain.

In a flash Sufur was up again. Tifa was ready for him, kicking him in the chin. As he went down Sufur swept a foot out, tripping Tifa's legs out from under her.

Zack was making his way closer, despite the pain. Sufur aimed carefully and shot the former SOLDIER in the leg, shattering the kneecap. Zack's screams severed the silence of the night.

He couldn't stay here any longer. Sufur clubbed Tifa across the head with the shotgun, and she went limp. He swung her over one shoulder and took off, running with inhuman speed.

The others rushed outside to see Zack crumpled on the ground. Aeris was the first to reach him.

"Zack, what happened?" she asked gently, using both hands to try to stanch the blood flow of his shoulder wound. Her hands were soaked in red.

"Tifa…" he gasped, white-faced. "Sufur…the bastard…"

Cloud, immediately grasping the situation, knelt beside his friend. "Where did they go?" he said tersely. "Zack! Which direction?"

But Zack was already unconscious, pain still evident on his face.

Reno made a gesture to the other Turks and they ran, the redhead shouting orders as they went.

"Split up! I'm going to find that son of a bitch if it's the last thing I do!"

~Author's Note~

Whew! Lotsa drama and emotion in this chapter…I actually like it best so far…so! Without further ado, here are my thanks!

Zelda6- Bud, you know you are my lifeline with this fic. Best beta-reader there ever was! *peace sign*

Aes Sedai (Ani K)- She wrote the song! Isn't she wonderful? *major hug* Thank you so much! I cannot write poetry/songs! You saved me…

Kally- She came back! Back! And is actually caught up w/ the rest of us! My best bud forever, Kally! (She just posted a new fic too! Check it out!)

Rachel- Again, that was such a sweet email! And you know what? It gave me back my inspiration! Actually, nearly ALL of this chap was written after reading that! Thanks hun!

And, of course, thanks to all you readers, who I'm doing this for. ;) (Wow, can't wait to see what the thanks notes will be like for the END of the fic…) But this was a special chap!

Luv ya all!

~Lila