Chapter 22-

Fifteen

"I am shell-shocked and I have walked

Through the trenches full of tears

With the motors of memory

Exploding in my burning ears."

~Coming Home, Caedmon's Call

Tifa opened her eyes. It was dawn. Sunlight shined down on her, blinding her. She tried to put a weak hand to shield her eyes from the brightness, but discovered she couldn't. Her wrists were bound behind her.

She rolled over and gasped as sharp rocks dug into her bare shoulder. She was lying on pale grayish-white gravel. Ahead of her, some near and some far, loomed the jagged, threatening peaks of the Nibel Mountains. She had to be somewhere within the mountains, not that that gave her any clue as to where she was. The Nibel Mountains stretched for hundreds of miles in any direction.

Sufur had to have brought her here. Tifa grit her teeth and inwardly cursed as fluently as Cid. She would kill him. Right now.

But then her thoughts strayed to Adine, and her vigor suddenly evaporated. What was the use of fighting? She'd fought so hard to save Adine, and the child had died just the same.

No. She wouldn't think like that. That was how she'd slipped into Sufur's grasp in the first place! Adine's death had left her so devastated –she was ashamed to admit she'd pretty much lost it, that night. No wonder Sufur had been able to overpower her so easily, and hurt Zack…

Zack! Sufur had shot Zack! How badly had he been hurt? Tears stung her eyes, and her heart wrenched as she tried to sift through recollections of that night. Could she have gotten it wrong? Her consciousness had already been blunted by Sufur's blows at the time. But she'd heard the gunshots clearly, she'd seen Zack fall to the ground…

He had to be okay. He had to. He'd had the SOLDIER training, and Aeris and the others were near at hand. Although…did Aeris have much materia to work with? Suddenly, she couldn't think at all, only found her mind going around in circles. From Adine to Sufur to Zack.

She bit her lip, hoping physical pain would return her to the present and drive away the waves of rising panic. The thought of anything happening to Zack left her mouth so parched, her eyes so blurred that she had to banish it from her mind. She couldn't think of that right now –she had to get out of Sufur's clutches first. She braced herself and somehow got to her feet without the aid of her hands.

Sufur, sitting languidly on a nearby rock, laughed. "'Morning, Sunshine."

She glared at him with unspeakable rage, then said, calmly and coldly, "Where are we?"

"What? You don't recognize the mountains you knew as a girl?" He slid off the rock and came to stand beside her, keeping his shotgun at his side. "I'm quite surprised."

"Where in the mountains?" she demanded.

He shrugged. "No idea. You know this place, not me."

She looked around, then glared at him again. "Sufur, we aren't even on a trail," she said impatiently. "Do you mean to say you got us lost?"

He flicked a hand through his hair. "Tifa, our location is not the important thing. The important thing is that those fools are following us."

Suddenly she gave him an odd look, trying to puzzle this out. She had caught it again, that fleeting impression that she knew him, somehow, or had seen him before. "Who are you?" she questioned, looking at him quizzically.

"That's not important either." He folded his arms. "Are you ready to go?"

"Go? Why should I go anywhere with you?" She still didn't know his purpose.

He sighed, unfolding his arms. "Your friends are after us. We have to keep moving."

"And if I resist?"

He stepped closer to her, tilted her chin up to get a closer look at her face. His fingers were rough and strong, but she didn't blink, simply stared back at him with hatred. He leaned closer, and the melding features on his face shifted for a moment, and she thought she could almost discern-

Suddenly, he lashed out and clouted her across the face, hurling her back down to the ground. She licked her lips and tasted blood.

"Tifa, let's try to be reasonable." His voice was calm, almost gentle. "As you have already observed, I hold no foolish reservations about hurting women. One way or another, you'll do as I say."

She was on her knees, staring down at the earth. Her bound hands clenched into fists as frustrated tears sprang to her eyes. She hated him, hated him for making her feel powerless and weak. It was just like with Adine dying, the same message: You can't fight. You can't win. It made her want to hit something and cry at the same time. When she'd had this feeling over Adine, Zack had comforted her, kept her from succumbing to rage and despair. Now that she was all alone, she could see how much she missed that. Already she was consumed with fury.

"You're a cowardly bastard." She spoke to the ground, not looking up at Sufur. "Slapping around a bound, armless woman half your size. You won't win any prizes for bravery."

"I don't care about the methods," she heard him say calmly. "Just results." Abruptly he reached down and grabbed her by the hair, pulling her to her feet again. He yanked her against him, holding her to his chest with his free arm while the other pressed the cold barrel of the shotgun to the back of her head.

Somehow it was worse than if he'd pulled the gun in front of her. There she could see the weapon, stare Death in the face. This way…it was harder. She had no way of knowing whether he would pull the trigger or not.

Sufur seemed to know this. He smiled down at her, fingering the trigger. "You do realize your friends have only 'hope' to go on. They're trusting that I'm keeping you alive. If I wanted to, I could kill you right now, and they'd be none the wiser." He caressed the trigger of the shotgun, making sure she heard the tiny clicking sounds. "I'm only keeping you alive because you may yet be useful to me."

Trembling with rage and fear, she stared up at him defiantly. "'Useful'?" she repeated. "Useful…in what way?"

"To torment them. And you."

For one brief moment, she considered challenging him. Who cared whether he pulled the trigger or not? She was helpless anyway. Better to die fighting than to be held hostage.

Then she thought of Zack, of his kind words and gentle smile. He wouldn't want her to die, fighting or not. And…she desperately wanted to see him again.

"Why?" she whispered. She needed to know. "Why are you doing this?"

He smiled again and released her, allowing her to step away from him. "Personal gain, for the most part," he said matter-of-factly. "Although revenge is a big factor, too."

Revenge… She scowled. "Who are you?" she demanded for the second time.

"Your enemy." He smirked. "That's all you need to know."

She'd known that from the beginning. Tifa sighed impatiently. "Where are we going?"

"I am under no obligation to answer any of your questions," he said coolly. He shouldered his shotgun. "Let's go. I want to head north."

Tifa clenched her teeth. "What's to stop me from escaping?"

He smiled. "Just my gun. As I think I've mentioned, I don't care whether you're alive or dead. Your friends do."

"You can't watch me every minute. You'll have to sleep eventually."

"Yes," he said, staring up at the sky. "But I've thought of that, too." He said nothing more about it, merely made a sweeping gesture with his arm. "Get going." He jerked his head to an outcropping of rock that loomed over them. "Up that way. I'll come behind you."

Tifa gave him a sarcastically sweet smile. "And how am I to climb without my arms free?"

He sighed and stepped behind her, pulling something- she thought it was a knife or a razor blade, she wasn't sure- from his jacket. After a moment, the ropes fell away. Tifa brought her arms forward and flexed them, trying to get the pins-and-needles sensation to stop. As she did so, she noticed one of her gloves was missing.

She turned to Sufur accusingly. "Did you take it?"

He only flicked back his hair again, as though brushing off her glare. "I think you'd better start climbing."

* * * * * *

Walking alone, Yuffie's step was a lot heavier than it often was. Normally she'd be running around, bothering the others and cracking jokes, but the death of Adine had shaken her a good deal. She was afraid.

Adine, perhaps the weakest and most vulnerable of them all, was dead. Tifa was gone. Zack was gravely injured, Cloud was here, and yet he was gone…

They were falling apart. She reached into her shorts pocket and came up with the hundred gil she had gotten out of Reno. But even the pleasant clink of the money wasn't enough to make her feel better now. Conning money out of Reno had made her feel better for a short time, but the feeling hadn't lasted. Like materia, money suddenly seemed so material, so pointless. No matter how she wished it, materia wouldn't bring back her father, and neither would any amount of money.

"Yuffie."

She looked up to see Vincent walking beside her. "Oh, hi Vinnie," she said, trying hard to look cheerful.

He didn't buy it, apparently. "You look unhappy," he observed.

She lowered her gaze. Please, please don't make me start blubbering like a baby, she silently begged Da-Chao. She did not want to cry in front of anybody, least of all Vincent Valentine.

"Anything I can do?" he offered suddenly. This one kind gesture, so un-Vincent-like, threatened to make her lose control, but she kept a stoic expression and looked away.

"No," she said quietly. "Unless you can change the past."

Reverting back to his usual silence, Vincent didn't answer. Since he was quiet, Yuffie darted a glance at him. The sunlight played upon his raven-dark hair, accentuating his delicate features. Walking beside her, looking so thoughtful and pensive, Yuffie suddenly thought him quite attractive. It wasn't the first time she's thought such things about him, but this was Vincent, of all people! No good to be developing a crush on him, especially not in a time like this.

He seemed to feel her eyes on him and turned to her. "Reno was complaining earlier that you 'gypped him'," he said conversationally. "Is this true?"

Yuffie couldn't help it- she burst out laughing. "It was a bargain, fair and square!" she insisted, holding up the money in her hand.

They continued talking, and before long, Yuffie's step was as light as it had ever been.

* * * * * * The sun was high in the sky, but Tifa was cold. The chill air of the Nibel Mountains seemed to seep into her flesh, sucking all warmth from her body. She had forgotten how cold these mountains were, how threatening and dangerous the elements alone were. She shivered a little, and suddenly wished Zack could be there to wrap his warm arms around her…

It startled her. She'd just thought of Zack in a way that went beyond friendship. But that wasn't why she was trembling. No, she'd found him sneaking into that special place reserved for Cloud once before. But this time, he just seemed to belong there, in her heart. And her need for him was so fiery, so intense that she couldn't push him back out…

Was she a fool to let him stay? Was she starting to hope that he would stay, and maybe, replace that 'Cloud' scrawled on the door? Worn letters, scrawled in the hand of a tongue-tied, candy-hearted Nibelheim girl?

Sufur, walking beside her, looked at her strangely. "What is it?" he demanded, slowing.

She shook her head. "Nothing." But it really wasn't "nothing". Her feelings were confusing, agonizing. She just wanted to see the others again. Maybe, if she saw Cloud again, her long-time love for him would snuff out any flames of longing for Zack. But an insistent little voice inside her kept asking…did she really want that to happen? Didn't she want to be happy herself? All this time, she'd been putting Cloud's happiness first, and it had brought her nothing but pain. It hadn't made him very happy either—he'd been so moody lately...

But didn't that prove how much he needed her? A sudden flood of guilt hushed that small murmuring voice. Cloud depended on her, how could she even think of abandoning him now-

"We'll stop here." Sufur indicated the dark maw of a small cave. "Just for now."

Tifa obediently stopped, not knowing or caring why he wanted to. She was inwardly debating whether or not to make a run for it. If he shot her, it might even be easier to handle everything.

She shook her head, pulling herself together. Wait for the right time, something told her. Then hit him with everything you've got.

Sufur unshouldered a pack he'd been carrying with him and pulled it open. Inside was a small array of food rations, apparently stolen from the group's supply. Tifa stood, eyeing the bag with her hands on her hips.

She looked up at him disdainfully. "I'm guessing we'll be traveling for a while?"

He smiled unpleasantly and dug an apple out of the bag, shining it on his trouser leg. "You're lucky I'm letting you eat at all."

Tifa rummaged through the pack and came out with a tin of dried fruit. "Well," she said in a conversational tone, "why don't you tell me how long you're planning on making this little trip? Since we get to spend some quality time together."

Sufur didn't comment on her evident sarcasm. "A few days. I'm not really sure." He took a bite of the apple, crunching loudly.

"'Not really sure'?" Tifa repeated. "We're in the mountains. There's only so many places you can go from here…" She paused, thinking, then said, "We're not going to Rocket Town, are we?"

Sufur grinned. "Good guess. Nope."

"Cosmo Canyon?"

"That tree-hugging tub of earth lovers? No thanks," Sufur said with a scoff. He flicked his hair from his eyes, enjoying this little guessing game.

Tifa lost her temper. She was cold and she was tired and she was mad. "Then why are we trudging around in the mountains?" she demanded. "You don't have the slightest clue where we're going, do you! The only thing worth going to around here is the reac-" She stopped, aghast at her own words.

Sufur tossed the apple core away. "Smart girl."

"The reactor? Why?" she asked. She had only been inside the Nibel Reactor once, but she knew what went on inside. And what dark secrets the place held.

Not to mention the evil memories.

The reactor was where Sephiroth had finally gone insane before butchering the town of Nibelheim. It was also where her own father had been murdered by the silver-haired warrior. And where Tifa herself had almost been killed.

She still remembered the way her father had looked when he'd died…lying facedown in a widening pool of blood. A sword lay beside him. She'd run to him, screaming, to turn him over…

A mask of blood and foam met her eyes. Tifa cried out at the sight and tried to draw back, but her father grasped feebly at her arms, pulling her back toward him. His breathing was irregular and bubbling under the layer of blood. His eyes, the only recognizable part of his face, his brown eyes were wild with agitation. Somehow, he managed to speak.

"Ti…Tifa…" he choked out, a rush of breath escaping his lips. He gagged on his own blood, tried spastically to breathe for a few moments. He flopped back on the floor, uttering his last words. "Kill…him…"

As he stilled, Tifa couldn't seem to comprehend what had happened to him. How had Papa gotten like this, covered with blood and foam? How had he died?

Died?

Rage suddenly exploded inside her head as she realized who was responsible for her father's death. She screamed for a moment, letting out her hatred and despair.

"Sephiroth…Shinra…SOLDIER…mako reactors…everything!" A sob escaped her throat. "I hate them all!"

Groping blindly along the blood-slicked floor, she grasped the sword's heavy handle and hefted it. Its weight was impossibly heavy, but her rage gave her strength. Staggering a bit, she made her way into the adjoining room.

There, at the top of the stairs, stood the object of all her pain and hatred.

Sephiroth.

She screamed something at him; later she couldn't remember what. Still screaming, she stumbled up the stairs toward him, gripping the sword with white knuckles. Sephiroth whirled around as she flew at him, caught the hilt of the weapon. For a moment they were locked body-to-body, and his gaze bore into hers. Tifa shrieked at the sight of his eyes…they were so cold, so devoid of guilt or remorse. In that instant, his strength won over, and the sword was in his grasp.

Blazing pain shot through her. She was shocked to see she was flying through the air. Not only physically flying…she felt her mind floating away, too. She felt like a spectator watching some kind of horrible nightmare…any moment now, she would wake up.

She thudded to the floor. For an instant, agonizing pain…then it faded. The pain faded…her mind faded.

By sheer force of will, she managed to touch the wound, check to see what he'd done to her. Her fingers encountered something wet and slick and warm.

She brought her hand up to her eyes to see. A barely audible gasp escaped her lips. Her fingers were stained with blood…her blood.

She had been fifteen years old.

Tifa swallowed hard, fighting to keep her voice steady. "Why the reactor?" she repeated, quietly.

Sufur was watching her carefully. "Bad memories?"

She swiped the back of her hand over her eyes. "You will never know," she said coldly.

Sufur stood, picking up the pack. "In that case, you'll have to wait and see," he said airily. When she gave him a quizzical look, he explained, "The reactor. You'll find out why later."

"Fine. Later." Tifa folded her arms. "So we're leaving?"

"Yes." He shouldered the pack. "I want to be there by nightfall."

Tifa smiled to herself. Not if she had anything to say about it.

Took long enough, huh? Sorry. *suddenly scowls* Do you guys know how hard it is to write a WHOLE chap that doesn't include Reno? I almost died! Next chap will focus on him….although something scary may happen. Wait, I'll stop here, or I'll give it away!

~Lila