Chapter 27-
The Living Nightmare
"I watch the sun go down like every one of us
I'm hoping that the dawn will bring a sign
A better place for those who will come after us ...
This time…"
~Dreamer, Ozzy Osbourne
The same sense of dread and urgency Tifa felt so strongly was also
present in Zack's mind, pushing him onward even though his aching leg
screamed for rest. He could have used the Restore materia he'd found tucked
into his hand when he awoke, but he'd already used it once, and to overuse it
would cost him energy he didn't have to spare. The effects of the materia were
helpful while they lasted, but after a time the pain returned, worse than before. It
had been more useful for recovering from the brunt of his fall than for his more
serious injuries.
He wondered how the others were and felt a flash of guilt for just taking off
without a word. He knew they'd be worried, and likely angry as well. Well, maybe
Cloud could do without his company, but Reno was surely steaming.
In fact, Reno probably thought Zack had left because the single warrior
could move faster when not weighed down by a group- a group slowed by a sick
Turk. Of course that wasn't the reason, but Reno had his faults, and one of them
was a tendency to assume that people's fool-headed actions could have been
halted by him, and events and decisions revolved around him. An apologetic
smile momentary tugged at Zack's lips, but fell immediately when he thought of
Tifa. She was still missing. And even if the redhead had suddenly appeared in
front of him and demanded an explanation, Zack couldn't give him one. He
couldn't explain it. All he knew was Tifa needed him, and he had to find her,
without delay or interference.
And if Sufur decided to cause interference of his own…Zack would deal
with it. Any way he had to.
* * * * * *
Not too far behind, Cloud's party also felt the same sense of urgency.
They moved quickly and spoke little. Reno wasn't the only one bitter, angry, and
–yes –afraid. Elena avoided Rude and Cid, who snapped at anyone who spoke
to him, even (and perhaps especially) Shera. Whenever she got the chance,
Yuffie glared daggers at Vincent, although he steadfastly ignored her, save to
throw her the occasional look of contempt. Cloud walked in front with Rude, who
was ideal company for someone who didn't want to talk. They pressed on,
knowing, deep in their hearts, that time was running out.
Reno was annoyed to discover his second flask was empty. That left only
one for…how long would it be? He hadn't been looking forward to dying cold
sober. Well, maybe it wouldn't be such a long time. Maybe the one flask would
be enough.
Aeris, walking in front of him, half-turned to look him in the eye- she
sometimes seemed able to read his mind. He met her gaze squarely, daring her
to say something. It wouldn't surprise him if she really could read his thoughts.
She suddenly stumbled, not watching where she was going, and he
jumped forward to catch her before she fell. As he steadied her, it occurred to
him how close they were, how easy it would be to…
She reached up and touched his face. If Reno was not skilled at hiding
such things, he might have flushed- he hoped she couldn't read his thoughts at
that moment. With an effort he forced himself to release her, telling himself now
wasn't the time. It never was the time, and he knew it never would be the time.
She had a life to live. He wouldn't let her pity make her do or say something she
would consider a commitment. It didn't matter anyway, he would be leaving this
life behind soon.
Elena was walking by; she turned her head away quickly when he looked
at her. She had obviously seen. He wondered why she didn't sniff loftily or order
him to stop fooling around. Pity again. Why had he even bothered telling the
others of the Sresla if they were going to alienate him?
Well, too late now. He glanced up and saw Yuffie fall into step beside
Aeris, chattering about how rude certain people –namely Vincent, though she
wouldn't admit it- were being. Aeris even managed to look interested.
Reno sighed, wishing he had said something to Aeris. That he was sorry,
maybe. She was trying so hard, and he was an asshole, as always. After all, she
had a lot more to worry about. In a little while, weeks or perhaps days, all of his
problems would be over. But he wasn't good with apologies, never was. The best
strategy, in his mind, was to pretend nothing had ever happened. Apologies just
brought up fresh pain and made everyone uncomfortable.
He reached inside a coat pocket and found the last bottle of booze. He
drank as he walked, knowing the others thought him pathetic and not caring.
He wished he'd told her he loved her.
* * * * * *
Tifa opened her eyes. She was outside again, in the middle of the
mountains with the reactor nowhere in sight. She was alone once more.
She dimly remembered everything going dark, the room seeming to tilt.
She had fallen forward to land on her hands and knees, then screamed. Sticky
wetness was suddenly under her palms, as though the bloodstain on the floor
was as fresh as when it had been first spilt. Up above, she could hear Sufur
shouting something, but she couldn't make it out. Then he shrieked, a pained,
tormented cry of anguish that forced her to her feet. She'd somehow made it up
the steps, but the room tilted again, and she'd gone flying through the open
doorway.
She lifted her hands to her face, but saw no blood. It had to have been her
imagination.
But what had happened? That doorway didn't lead back outside…and she
certainly wasn't anywhere near the reactor. And where was Sufur? Was he
dead? She had to say, the idea didn't traumatize her, but that one scream of his
stayed in her head, and she couldn't get it out.
She sighed and got up. If he was dead, she didn't really care. But if he
was lying alone somewhere, helpless and bleeding….God, like when Sephiroth
had stabbed her…
She shoved it from her mind. "Sufur!" she shouted, cupping her hands
around her mouth. The sound echoed around the mountains, but she heard no
answering call.
She tried again, with the same result. Tifa hesitated, then started down
one of the mountain paths. Standing around wouldn't do any good, and she could
think while walking.
Something was wrong. She wasn't sure what, but it tickled in the back of
her mind. It was annoying, but she just couldn't place it. Everything looked
normal, if slightly blurred and out of focus. It was like looking through thick, dirty
glass. She kept rubbing her eyes to clear them.
Tifa walked for a long time, still shouting Sufur's name once in a while.
Surprisingly enough, the air wasn't as chill as it should have been; in fact it was
almost too warm. Tifa grimaced and wished she had her Premium Heart with her.
The clawed glove was with Cloud and the others, packed in a bag. Of course,
she could still cause a great deal of damage with her fists alone. Hopefully she
wouldn't need to do any fighting, but this place was setting her on edge.
This place? Tifa stopped and looked around, but nothing she saw told her
the dark, forbidding mountains were anywhere but home. Still, she had the vague
suspicion that she was somewhere totally unfamiliar.
Just then, she caught sight of someone walking ahead of her. Tifa strained
to see, but the person ahead was walking too fast and disappeared over the next
rise. Tifa hesitated, then broke into a run.
"Hey!" she called to the person. For some reason, she was sure it wasn't
Sufur. "Wait!"
The person ahead did not seem to hear. Even though he or she was
walking, the person still seemed to stay far enough ahead that Tifa couldn't catch
more than a glimpse. "Wait!"
The person- a girl, Tifa realized, definitely not Sufur- glanced behind and
motioned irritably for her to hurry. Out of breath, Tifa pushed her legs faster-
-and ran right off the edge of a cliff. Tifa scrabbled for a hold, but her legs
were tangled in blue muslin…a dress? How was she wearing a dress? The
muslin tore on a jagged piece of rock, and her hands loosed. She fell.
The impact knocked the wind out of her. Struggling for breath, Tifa
managed to sit up and examine her clothes. She was wearing a soft muslin dress
of sky blue. Tifa smiled, remembering. This dress had always been her favorite,
at least until the day she ruined it…on the day Mom died.
She paled and jumped to her feet. Quickly she looked at her hands. Her
soft, white, small hands. Tifa had started training with Zangan after her fall in the
mountains. She had needed to become strong, to show Papa that she was ready
to go back and learn the trails.
"No," she murmured aloud. "No!" Her voice came out as a child's squeak.
She looked down and saw a small boy at her feet. Dressed in a white shirt
and blue trousers, he had spiky golden hair and looked remarkably like…
"Cloud!" She bent down to turn him over. His face, his little boy's face, was
grainy and white. He did not respond to her repeated shaking and calls. "Cloud,
wake up!"
Her heart felt as though it would rip in two. Here was not the cold, dutiful
leader he'd grown up to be, but the sweet little boy she'd been in love with. Why
was he hurt? She'd been the one to get hurt, not him. Not him! "Cloud, I'm sorry,"
she whispered helplessly. He didn't have a pulse, but he couldn't be dead. She
hadn't died, so he couldn't. "Cloud, I'm so sorry. I forgot what it was like. I forgot
about my dear friend."
Tears welled up in her eyes. She had abandoned him when he needed
her most. He hadn't needed her to love him, just to be there for him. Why hadn't
she seen that? Was it too late…?
But... she had stood by him, hadn't she? Why couldn't she recall anything
all of a sudden...
"This isn't real," she told herself, forcing the tears back whence they came.
"I am not a little girl anymore. It's an illusion. Cloud's alive, and he's grown up
too. It's not real!"
A cold wind blew, slicing through the torn rag she now wore for a dress.
Tifa clutched the skirt around herself with abrupt panic. She couldn't remember.
How had she torn the dress the day Mom died? She remembered it being torn,
but how had she done it? How…?
"No!" She screamed. "It isn't real!" The wind blew grit and pebbled swirling
in the air, stinging her face. She closed her eyes. "It isn't real! Let me go!"
Not far away, Sufur was also wandering the mountains. At her shouts, he
came running. It sounded like a child, the first human sound he'd heard for what
had to be hours. What was a child doing in a desolate place like this?
He rounded a turn and nearly slid off a cliff. Clutching a jagged rock for
support, he managed to keep his feet, but it was close.
"Let me go!"
There, standing below, was the child, with her hands over her eyes and
screaming at the top of her lungs. Sufur studied her for a moment; she seemed
oddly familiar. Then he knew.
"Tifa!" he called over the wind. "Tifa, think of something else! Think of the
reactor! We're back at the reactor!"
She didn't look up at him, but the scene around him shifted and lurched.
Still clutching that rock, he managed to stay upright. That is, until full-grown Tifa
Lockheart slammed bodily into him, knocking him over.
"Did you have to do that?" he asked, picking himself up and dusting
himself off.
She glared, an adult woman once more. "If I had my way, you would have
broken your neck." She looked up. "Well, here we are. Again."
They were in front of the reactor once more. And yet it was different. Sufur
tensed, realizing what this meant. "Be on your guard," he warned. "Wherever you
brought us, we aren't back yet."
"I thought of the reactor!" She sounded annoyed. "Like you said. I didn't
think of anything…oh, no."
"What?" he demanded. He didn't seem to hear.
"Not again," she muttered. "I can't live that again." She shimmered and
was gone from sight.
"Tifa!" He leaped forward, but a blue-uniformed guard put out his hand and
shook his head. Behind his mask, those blue eyes seemed oddly similar to…
"Dammit!" he snarled. "Tifa!"
She couldn't hear him. She couldn't hear anything. Rage for her father's
loss filled her soul. The sword weighed her hands down, but she didn't seem to
notice. "Sephiroth!" she growled. "Turn around and look at me!" The words felt
wrong on her lips.
Slowly he turned from the door marked J-E-N-O-V-A. "You are not as you
were," he observed. "How have you managed this?"
"Answer me! How could you do that to Papa and all the townspeople?"
Those words felt right. She started up the stairs toward him. His green eyes
flared surprise, then he smiled coldly.
"So be it," he murmured. "It does not matter. You die now!" He wrestled
the sword from her grasp and, in one fluid motion, cut back down. Pain spread
through her, and she fell.
I am fifteen again, she thought dully. All of this has already happened.
Except it's different. I wonder what will happen if I die now?
Sephiroth turned away, about to go through the opened door. Somehow
she managed to call after him.
"Sephiroth, you have turned from evil. Remember? We freed you from
Jenova's control."
He whirled on her, eyes green fire. "No one controls me!" he snapped.
"And Jenova is my mother. She wouldn't do anything to me. She only wants to
inherit the Planet with me! What's wrong with that?"
She had forgotten how mad he was. "Jenova is not your mother. Your real
mother's name is Lucrecia, and she loves you."
"Liar!" He came back down the steps toward her. "I have no mother. I am
a god!"
"Does Jenova love you, Sephiroth?" She had no idea where the words
were coming from. She seemed to be floating, drifting away… "If you fail, will
Jenova be there for you?"
He wavered, the sword point that had been aimed at her heart lowered.
"I…I don't know." He stiffened again. "I don't care!"
"Sephiroth…" Everything seemed distant. "I remember. You were crying
when we killed you."
He stared at her incredulously, but the sword lowered again. "You're…not
lying. It…it seems like a long time ago. Or maybe a long time yet." He doubled
over suddenly, the sword falling to the ground. "No…Mother, help me!"
A woman in a purple gown with long, straight black hair appeared,
stretching forth her hand.
"Not you!" he snarled, face contorted with anger and hatred. "Never you!
Mother!"
The soft, gentle voice Tifa remembered whispered: "My son!"
Sephiroth smiled and was gone. Tifa was alone once more.
Dimly she wondered what she had just witnessed. Could she have gone
back in time? It seemed doubtful. People and events were not as she
remembered. Sephiroth was vulnerable to pain, something that had only
happened immediately before his death. What was it Sufur had said? Think of
something else. Did her thoughts control what happened in this world?
The laceration on her chest burned like fire. I am healed, Tifa thought
desperately. I am healed as if though this had never happened.
Her chest still burned.
It was then she felt cold fear. Wherever she was, she was alone, and she
was dying. Somehow she had never thought she would die alone. Zack, she
thought distantly. Zack, I need you with me…
And then he was there. He came running in, looking about wildly. The
Buster Sword was in his hands. His eyes fell on her, and he knelt beside her.
"Where is Sephiroth?" he said urgently. "The door is closed, but he was
here, wasn't he? Where did he go?"
"He's…he's gone, Zack," she whispered. He looked different. Younger…
"Zack? It is you, isn't it?"
He looked confused, then looked down at her wound. "Shit! Don't try to
talk…Tifa, wasn't it? You're delirious. Hang on. I'll get help-"
She leaned back and closed her eyes. Of course. This Zack did not know
her, at least beyond the young guide who'd led them through the mountains.
He shook her gently. "Tifa. Tifa, don't fade away on me. You'll be okay, as
long as I'm-"
She reopened her eyes and smiled. "I love you."
Taken aback, he could only gape for a moment. Then-
"Tifa!" Cloud rushed in, clothed in his blue guard's uniform. He took one
looked at the scene, and then his sword was in his hands. The Ultima Weapon.
"Zack! How could you!"
"Take it easy, Cloud." Zack slowly rose, his eyes on Cloud's weapon. "I
didn't do anything to her. Sephiroth-"
"Sephiroth's dead!" Cloud shifted to a defensive position. "I killed him!
Don't lie to me, Zack!"
Cloud…? What was he…? "No," Tifa whispered. "Oh no…Cloud, please..!"
Neither man heard. Zack had his sword out, too. "She's hurt bad, Cloud.
We need to get help."
Cloud's eyes darted to her agonizingly. Tifa could almost feel his anguish.
"Cloud," she tried to say, but her mouth didn't seem to be working.
"After I finish you." The blond warrior raised his blade. "For what you've
done to my hometown, to Tifa!" Uttering a wordless battle-cry, he rushed at Zack.
The SOLDIER met the sword and parried, but made no offensive moves. Zack let
Cloud come at him with ferocity, but was trying his best not to hurt his friend.
"Stop!" Tifa managed to say. They ignored her. She raised her voice.
"Stop!"
Both men were about equal in skill, but the powerful Ultima Weapon was
giving Cloud the upper hand. At last, he had Zack backed into a corner, with
nowhere to go.
"No!" Tifa's scream tore raggedly from her throat. "Please stop!"
Zack hesitated, glancing over at her. It was then Cloud found the opening
he needed, thrusting his weapon through his opponent's middle. Zack gasped,
his face dead white.
"You took everything from me." Cloud's voice shook. "My life, my past,
Tifa. Everything. Well, no more!" He yanked his sword out. Zack collapsed in a
heap on the floor.
"Zack!" She wanted to run to him, but her bleeding, broken body would not
obey. Only her voice seemed to work. "Zack! Oh, God!"
Cloud slowly turned from the body to look at her. His face was a mask of
evil, ironically twin to Sephiroth. "Oh, I see," he said softly. "You loved him, didn't
you."
She was crying, she realized. It's not real. It's not real!
Cloud raised his sword. "Always him," he snarled. "Never me. First Aeris,
now you. If you must be with him, I won't mind helping you!" He brought the
blade down for the killing blow.
The gunshot seemed to shatter everything, as though the world was
tearing in half. Cloud fell, a gaping hole in his head. The sword clattered to the
floor. Tifa was too shocked to even cry out.
Sufur stepped into the room, calmly shouldering his gun. He looked at
Cloud's body with disgust. "So that's what he's capable of," he murmured. "I
might have known."
Tifa couldn't seem to stop sobbing. Had it been real? How much of it?
Zack…Cloud… What did he mean "capable of"?
Sufur glanced at her, then was at her side, pressing his hands to the
wound. They were immediately soaked in red, but he didn't remove them. "Fool
girl," he grated. "I should let you die."
Then why didn't he? She wanted to ask, but couldn't get her breath. Her
voice had stopped working, like the rest of her body. She was still crying, but
silently, now.
Her tears appeared to annoy him. "Stop crying," he snapped impatiently.
"It was your own fault. I don't know how we're going to heal this. You need an
inn, and somewhere with materia."
And suddenly she was in a warm bed, next to a window. People were
laughing just outside. She looked around and recognized the inn as one in Costa
del Sol. Of Sufur, there was no sign.
She flung the covers aside and gasped. Her wound was healed, leaving
only the jagged scar she had always had. She had to have been abed for
months, for it to have healed like this.
Her clothes were in a pile by the bed. She quickly pulled them on, noticing
with relief they were the short black skirt and white top she always wore. No sign
of a blue dress.
She hurried outside, avoiding the proprietor. She had no wish to be
dragged into conversation with the talkative owner. She just wanted to find Sufur.
People lined the streets, mostly headed in the same direction. This was
not unusual; Costa del Sol sometimes held festivals for the tourists. Tifa let
herself be carried by the throng, always looking about for Sufur.
The sun beat down on her, unbearably hot. She was already feeling
lightheaded and weak; she knew she had not yet fully regained her strength. But
she couldn't rest until she found him. He could tell her how to get back.
Up ahead, the crowds were ringed around something in the street. A
performer, most likely. Yet Tifa found herself standing up on tiptoes to see over
the crowd.
Inside the circle, a group of men -and even a few women- were beating
and kicking at something on the ground. The crowd was cheering and cat-calling
as though this was great sport. Tifa realized with horror that the thing they were
beating on was a person!
"Stop!" she shouted above the din. "Leave him alone!" Nobody paid her
the slightest attention.
Gritting her teeth, she shoved her way through, punching and kicking
herself if need be, until she reached the group doing the beating. She grabbed
one man and hauled him to the side. As she did so, she realized with a shock
that it was Darryn, the man Reno spoke of. She didn't know how she knew him,
having never seen the man, but she knew.
No longer hesitating, Tifa threw herself into the fray. Some of the people
she knew, some she did not. But finally she managed to reach Sufur, bruised and
semi-conscious on the ground.
"Go away!" she ordered the people. "Show's over. Now scram!" To her
surprise, they did as she asked, though most cast her a resentful glance and
muttered under their breath.
Sufur stirred and groaned. She bent over him, checking to see how badly
he was hurt. He didn't seem to be seriously injured. "Sufur?"
His eyes fluttered and focused on her blearily. To her shock those blue
depths were filled with fear. "It was not supposed to be like that," he muttered.
"No one told me it was like that."
"Sufur, it's me, Tifa."
"Tifa." Recognition dawned, replacing the vulnerable look. He sat up. "It
appears you're finally awake. I could not leave while you were in a coma,
although I tried. It's been hell."
"…Oh." She didn't bother asking why. "Well, let's leave now."
"Yes." He made it to his feet, wavering a little. "Now, this time think of the
reactor as we were in it just now. Shut everything else from your mind. We must
do it at the same time, or it won't work."
Tifa closed her eyes, remembering the hated reactor. Sephiroth was dead.
Cloud and Zack were alive and well. She was a grown woman.
When she opened her eyes, she and Sufur were on the other side of the
door marked J-E-N-O-V-A. Sufur was beside her, When he saw their
surroundings, he gave a shuddering sigh and slid down to the floor, leaning his
back on the doorframe. "We'll move on in a moment," he said softly, staring at
nothing.
Tifa hesitated. She wanted to demand an explanation. She wanted to turn
around and punch him in the face for making her do this.
In the end, though, she simply sat beside him, resting her head in her
hands.
* * * * * *
"It's a kind of booby trap," Sufur explained, getting to his feet. "A test for
whoever goes through the door. Jenova set the trap to keep an eye on those who
use the portal."
"The…portal?" Tifa raised her head, scrubbing wearily at her eyes. She
felt as though she could sleep for a week. "What do you-" She fell silent, seeing
her surroundings for the first time.
The burned-out doorway was the only thing still standing in the garbage
heap they were sitting in. Here and there were scattered bits of machinery, but
nothing she recognized. The actual structure of the place –it appeared to have
once been a kind of building- seemed somehow familiar, but she could not place
it.
"Where are we?" she demanded, starting up.
He smiled mirthlessly. "What's left of Gongaga Reactor."
"How…how…" It was mind-boggling, to end up here,
"I told you, a portal," he said, a trifle impatiently. "It was set after Jenova
was freed. For convenience, of course."
"Of course," she echoed faintly, then frowned. "And back there? What
were all…those things that happened. What were they about?"
He shrugged and leaned back against the doorframe. "I don't really know.
Some kind of test, with illusions of our own making. Ours and Jenova's, I
suppose."
She shivered. Her own making? How could her own mind dredge up
something so… "It didn't really happen, though. Right?"
He flicked back his hair, sighing irritably. "I don't have all the answers;
actually, I have no idea. I'm assuming no. And, before you ask, no, we weren't
there for as long as it seemed. The illusion only happened in a split second,
really."
Tifa closed her mouth. That really had been what she was about to ask.
But something still bothered her. "Okay. I believe you about the illusion part- I
guess Cloud and Zack were…my imagination or something." Another tremor ran
through her; she couldn't help it. "But there were some things that seemed for
real. When I tore my dress in the illusion…" She stopped. Her dress had been
torn, for real, on that day when Mom died. But she had no recollection of it
happening. Still, that didn't mean…
Sufur looked at her for a moment, then raised his right arm and rolled up
the sleeve. His entire lower arm was mottled with dark bruises. Tifa gasped.
"When-" But she knew.
He let the sleeve down. "Sometimes, while you were recovering in Costa
del Sol, people in the streets would find me," he said expressionlessly. "I got
good at escaping. But when they came at me, I had to raise my arms to protect
me face. They had knives too, but that's my other arm." She couldn't tell if he
was joking or not at that last.
She wanted to ask how an illusion could've done such a thing to him, but
immediately squelched that back. Because she couldn't bear to think about any
part of Cloud's... confrontation with Zack being real--she couldn't handle that...
No... And besides, Sufur hadn't questioned her about what he'd seen with Cloud
and Zack, and she didn't want him to.
"And you couldn't leave without my help?" she asked instead.
He nodded. "Apparently. Don't think I didn't try."
Tifa didn't answer, not offended. She would have had no qualms about
leaving him there…wherever "there" was…if she'd had the chance. She found
their mutual hatred refreshing, after the past few weeks of reading into Zack's
subtle gestures--things that meant more than his words ever said, until that one
traumatic night. Not to mention trying to decipher Cloud's moodiness.
"So what're we doing in Gongaga?" she asked, stretching her arms over
her head.
Instead of answering, he walked out to the edge of the junkyard. Tifa
hurried after him, wondering if he saw something, but there was nothing to be
seen and certainly nothing to be heard.
Tifa was suddenly acutely aware of how quiet it was. Even though they
were close to the town itself, she heard no voices carried on the autumn wind,
And no typical town sounds, no whirring of machinery or…
"What is it?" she demanded, her voice sounding harsh in the strained
silence. Sufur seemed to ignore her and began walking down the bluff. Once
beyond the next thicket, Gongaga itself would be visible.
"Answer me!" she snarled, walking faster to match his pace. "What-"
"Something's wrong," he interrupted coldly. Those blue eyes turned on
her, sending a chill running through her body, His next words didn't help.
"Everyone in this town is dead."
"Everyone?" she repeated, stopping still. She had heard Cid's recounting
of Rocket Town and Wutai, but… "You're sure?"
He hadn't stopped to wait for her, so she had to run to catch up in time to
hear him say, "Perhaps there are a few survivors. But not many. You know it,
too."
Tifa didn't like his tone of voice…it was too icily calm. But even ice could
be shattered if enough pressure was applied. She wondered what it would take
to shatter Sufur.
He pushed aside a leafy branch and there it was. The staring eyes, the
blank faces. The empty houses and the pitiful, weeping mass of survivors. It was
all right there, right in front of them. There was no running from it, not for them,
and certainly not for those stricken. Death's icy hand was wide and greedy- even
those that escaped his grasp were left devastated and perhaps envious of the
ones he'd taken.
Tifa took it all in silently, although each new scene of horror was another
barb in her soul. Somehow she managed to keep moving forward, to follow Sufur
and ignore the frantic hands clawing at her ankles. But it was hard. Only once did
she cry out, and that was when she stumbled across the body of a child not
much older than Adine. The girl's little white hands clutched a bedraggled baby
doll.
"Please, no!" she heard herself sob wretchedly. "I can't do this. Why,
Sufur? Why are you going this way?"
"I chose this path a long time ago." He had stopped and turned to look at
her, and even though she could not see his face, Tifa still knew he was deathly
pale. "I will not turn back." He meant more than just as he said. Tifa had the
fleeting impression of him falling down a dark well, with no hand to save him. Not
that he would take the hand if there was one.
"But why?" she begged, wanting to close her eyes but unable to. "Why do
we have to go through all this death…couldn't we go by another route?"
"This is the only way!" His voice sounded strangled. Turning away, he
added, "Besides, I have to see…what is…for myself!"
Tifa no longer had any idea what he was talking about, but followed him
anyway, through the death and destruction. Because she could not go back.
Finally, they reached the edge of town. Tifa stopped in shock; the tiny little
cemetery she remembered had become a mass graveyard. So many stones…in
a way it was as bad as the bodies. The bodies had been people, once. The grave
markers were stones, hard and coldly inhuman.
Not far away, a group of men were standing around one grave, talking
quietly amongst themselves. One man, large and stocky –somehow he seemed
familiar, but Tifa dismissed the impression- knelt with his head bowed, his stringy
brown hair hanging around his face. Tifa knew a man defeated when she saw it;
she'd seen Cloud defeated so many times. Usually it didn't last long. Cloud would
eventually be reborn with new vigor and drive to succeed. But each time she had
wondered: Would he really pull through?
Sufur again stopped and looked around at the graves with something like
determination, something like vicious hatred, for himself or someone else.
"We can still turn back," Tifa suggested.
He shook his head, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I can't. Ever."
"Yes, you can!" Tifa snapped. "No matter what, you-"
"I caused all this."
Tifa stopped. "You…what?"
"That puts a little damper on your idealism, doesn't it?" he snarled,
stepping toward her. "I did it for the good of the world, not myself. The world
needs me, that's a fact. I'm the leading actor in this pathetic little farce. The cuts
are a bit more…extensive…than I'd like, but I'm not the director. That's Jenova."
Tifa tried to react, tried to gather her whirlwind emotions. "But…but all the
innocent people! You…"
He laughed, actually laughed. "Please, Tifa. Don't be so naïve. There's no
such thing as an innocent human being. Everyone deserves to be punished, one
way or another." He paused to flick a few strands of hair from his eyes. "Do you
honestly believe Reno the Turk is innocent?"
Images flashed through her mind. Yuffie weeping quietly in a corner one
night, when she thought no one was awake…Aeris' pain-filled green eyes…Zack
trying vainly to comfort her while Adine lay dying…the little girl with the doll…No!
"You mean…he's…"
"Probably not dead, yet. But he will be. Too bad; I thought I could use him.
But he's grown weak."
Tifa grabbed him by the collar. "Reno's dying? What about the others-
Elena, Cid, Cloud? Zack? What about Zack?!" A few of the men in the group
looked up, probably astonished that she had so little respect for the dead. She
had plenty of respect- but the living were more important.
Sufur smiled cynically and pushed her away from him. "If you want to save
them, come with me. Deal with Jenova yourself."
She wanted to kill him, but couldn't. Not with all the death surrounding her.
She was sinking, drowning in death. She only wanted it to stop. "What is wrong
with you?" Her voice broke. How could anyone be so… "You've caused so much
pain, so much suffering. How can you do it? How can you look at the little
children you've killed and bear to live?"
For once, Sufur seemed at a loss for words. He opened his mouth,
changed his mind, and looked away. At last, very quietly, he said, "Pain is
inevitable. A fatal flaw in human character. There are times, Tifa, when I hate
myself as much as you do. No, more." His voice hardened. "But I am willing to do
what it takes to restore the world to its proper order. The show must go on, Tifa,
remembered that. And if those children were like me at their age, they'll thank me
for bringing them an early death."
"You sick, twisted-!" Tifa lunged for him, but Sufur stepped aside, and she
landed in the mud. As she looked up, she saw the group of men huddle together,
pointing and talking excitedly.
"It's time to leave." Without looking back at her, Sufur strode out of the
cemetery. Tifa wiped mud from her face and sat up. Up above, storm clouds
gathered as the sun began to set.
~A Note from the Author~
Okay, I'll make this short and sweet. Sorry about the wait, FF.Net is being a bitch to
my new computer. (Apparently the upload process varies from one edition of
Windows to the next) Tell me your opinion on this chap, I know you're just dying to
give it to me!
~Lila
The Living Nightmare
"I watch the sun go down like every one of us
I'm hoping that the dawn will bring a sign
A better place for those who will come after us ...
This time…"
~Dreamer, Ozzy Osbourne
The same sense of dread and urgency Tifa felt so strongly was also
present in Zack's mind, pushing him onward even though his aching leg
screamed for rest. He could have used the Restore materia he'd found tucked
into his hand when he awoke, but he'd already used it once, and to overuse it
would cost him energy he didn't have to spare. The effects of the materia were
helpful while they lasted, but after a time the pain returned, worse than before. It
had been more useful for recovering from the brunt of his fall than for his more
serious injuries.
He wondered how the others were and felt a flash of guilt for just taking off
without a word. He knew they'd be worried, and likely angry as well. Well, maybe
Cloud could do without his company, but Reno was surely steaming.
In fact, Reno probably thought Zack had left because the single warrior
could move faster when not weighed down by a group- a group slowed by a sick
Turk. Of course that wasn't the reason, but Reno had his faults, and one of them
was a tendency to assume that people's fool-headed actions could have been
halted by him, and events and decisions revolved around him. An apologetic
smile momentary tugged at Zack's lips, but fell immediately when he thought of
Tifa. She was still missing. And even if the redhead had suddenly appeared in
front of him and demanded an explanation, Zack couldn't give him one. He
couldn't explain it. All he knew was Tifa needed him, and he had to find her,
without delay or interference.
And if Sufur decided to cause interference of his own…Zack would deal
with it. Any way he had to.
* * * * * *
Not too far behind, Cloud's party also felt the same sense of urgency.
They moved quickly and spoke little. Reno wasn't the only one bitter, angry, and
–yes –afraid. Elena avoided Rude and Cid, who snapped at anyone who spoke
to him, even (and perhaps especially) Shera. Whenever she got the chance,
Yuffie glared daggers at Vincent, although he steadfastly ignored her, save to
throw her the occasional look of contempt. Cloud walked in front with Rude, who
was ideal company for someone who didn't want to talk. They pressed on,
knowing, deep in their hearts, that time was running out.
Reno was annoyed to discover his second flask was empty. That left only
one for…how long would it be? He hadn't been looking forward to dying cold
sober. Well, maybe it wouldn't be such a long time. Maybe the one flask would
be enough.
Aeris, walking in front of him, half-turned to look him in the eye- she
sometimes seemed able to read his mind. He met her gaze squarely, daring her
to say something. It wouldn't surprise him if she really could read his thoughts.
She suddenly stumbled, not watching where she was going, and he
jumped forward to catch her before she fell. As he steadied her, it occurred to
him how close they were, how easy it would be to…
She reached up and touched his face. If Reno was not skilled at hiding
such things, he might have flushed- he hoped she couldn't read his thoughts at
that moment. With an effort he forced himself to release her, telling himself now
wasn't the time. It never was the time, and he knew it never would be the time.
She had a life to live. He wouldn't let her pity make her do or say something she
would consider a commitment. It didn't matter anyway, he would be leaving this
life behind soon.
Elena was walking by; she turned her head away quickly when he looked
at her. She had obviously seen. He wondered why she didn't sniff loftily or order
him to stop fooling around. Pity again. Why had he even bothered telling the
others of the Sresla if they were going to alienate him?
Well, too late now. He glanced up and saw Yuffie fall into step beside
Aeris, chattering about how rude certain people –namely Vincent, though she
wouldn't admit it- were being. Aeris even managed to look interested.
Reno sighed, wishing he had said something to Aeris. That he was sorry,
maybe. She was trying so hard, and he was an asshole, as always. After all, she
had a lot more to worry about. In a little while, weeks or perhaps days, all of his
problems would be over. But he wasn't good with apologies, never was. The best
strategy, in his mind, was to pretend nothing had ever happened. Apologies just
brought up fresh pain and made everyone uncomfortable.
He reached inside a coat pocket and found the last bottle of booze. He
drank as he walked, knowing the others thought him pathetic and not caring.
He wished he'd told her he loved her.
* * * * * *
Tifa opened her eyes. She was outside again, in the middle of the
mountains with the reactor nowhere in sight. She was alone once more.
She dimly remembered everything going dark, the room seeming to tilt.
She had fallen forward to land on her hands and knees, then screamed. Sticky
wetness was suddenly under her palms, as though the bloodstain on the floor
was as fresh as when it had been first spilt. Up above, she could hear Sufur
shouting something, but she couldn't make it out. Then he shrieked, a pained,
tormented cry of anguish that forced her to her feet. She'd somehow made it up
the steps, but the room tilted again, and she'd gone flying through the open
doorway.
She lifted her hands to her face, but saw no blood. It had to have been her
imagination.
But what had happened? That doorway didn't lead back outside…and she
certainly wasn't anywhere near the reactor. And where was Sufur? Was he
dead? She had to say, the idea didn't traumatize her, but that one scream of his
stayed in her head, and she couldn't get it out.
She sighed and got up. If he was dead, she didn't really care. But if he
was lying alone somewhere, helpless and bleeding….God, like when Sephiroth
had stabbed her…
She shoved it from her mind. "Sufur!" she shouted, cupping her hands
around her mouth. The sound echoed around the mountains, but she heard no
answering call.
She tried again, with the same result. Tifa hesitated, then started down
one of the mountain paths. Standing around wouldn't do any good, and she could
think while walking.
Something was wrong. She wasn't sure what, but it tickled in the back of
her mind. It was annoying, but she just couldn't place it. Everything looked
normal, if slightly blurred and out of focus. It was like looking through thick, dirty
glass. She kept rubbing her eyes to clear them.
Tifa walked for a long time, still shouting Sufur's name once in a while.
Surprisingly enough, the air wasn't as chill as it should have been; in fact it was
almost too warm. Tifa grimaced and wished she had her Premium Heart with her.
The clawed glove was with Cloud and the others, packed in a bag. Of course,
she could still cause a great deal of damage with her fists alone. Hopefully she
wouldn't need to do any fighting, but this place was setting her on edge.
This place? Tifa stopped and looked around, but nothing she saw told her
the dark, forbidding mountains were anywhere but home. Still, she had the vague
suspicion that she was somewhere totally unfamiliar.
Just then, she caught sight of someone walking ahead of her. Tifa strained
to see, but the person ahead was walking too fast and disappeared over the next
rise. Tifa hesitated, then broke into a run.
"Hey!" she called to the person. For some reason, she was sure it wasn't
Sufur. "Wait!"
The person ahead did not seem to hear. Even though he or she was
walking, the person still seemed to stay far enough ahead that Tifa couldn't catch
more than a glimpse. "Wait!"
The person- a girl, Tifa realized, definitely not Sufur- glanced behind and
motioned irritably for her to hurry. Out of breath, Tifa pushed her legs faster-
-and ran right off the edge of a cliff. Tifa scrabbled for a hold, but her legs
were tangled in blue muslin…a dress? How was she wearing a dress? The
muslin tore on a jagged piece of rock, and her hands loosed. She fell.
The impact knocked the wind out of her. Struggling for breath, Tifa
managed to sit up and examine her clothes. She was wearing a soft muslin dress
of sky blue. Tifa smiled, remembering. This dress had always been her favorite,
at least until the day she ruined it…on the day Mom died.
She paled and jumped to her feet. Quickly she looked at her hands. Her
soft, white, small hands. Tifa had started training with Zangan after her fall in the
mountains. She had needed to become strong, to show Papa that she was ready
to go back and learn the trails.
"No," she murmured aloud. "No!" Her voice came out as a child's squeak.
She looked down and saw a small boy at her feet. Dressed in a white shirt
and blue trousers, he had spiky golden hair and looked remarkably like…
"Cloud!" She bent down to turn him over. His face, his little boy's face, was
grainy and white. He did not respond to her repeated shaking and calls. "Cloud,
wake up!"
Her heart felt as though it would rip in two. Here was not the cold, dutiful
leader he'd grown up to be, but the sweet little boy she'd been in love with. Why
was he hurt? She'd been the one to get hurt, not him. Not him! "Cloud, I'm sorry,"
she whispered helplessly. He didn't have a pulse, but he couldn't be dead. She
hadn't died, so he couldn't. "Cloud, I'm so sorry. I forgot what it was like. I forgot
about my dear friend."
Tears welled up in her eyes. She had abandoned him when he needed
her most. He hadn't needed her to love him, just to be there for him. Why hadn't
she seen that? Was it too late…?
But... she had stood by him, hadn't she? Why couldn't she recall anything
all of a sudden...
"This isn't real," she told herself, forcing the tears back whence they came.
"I am not a little girl anymore. It's an illusion. Cloud's alive, and he's grown up
too. It's not real!"
A cold wind blew, slicing through the torn rag she now wore for a dress.
Tifa clutched the skirt around herself with abrupt panic. She couldn't remember.
How had she torn the dress the day Mom died? She remembered it being torn,
but how had she done it? How…?
"No!" She screamed. "It isn't real!" The wind blew grit and pebbled swirling
in the air, stinging her face. She closed her eyes. "It isn't real! Let me go!"
Not far away, Sufur was also wandering the mountains. At her shouts, he
came running. It sounded like a child, the first human sound he'd heard for what
had to be hours. What was a child doing in a desolate place like this?
He rounded a turn and nearly slid off a cliff. Clutching a jagged rock for
support, he managed to keep his feet, but it was close.
"Let me go!"
There, standing below, was the child, with her hands over her eyes and
screaming at the top of her lungs. Sufur studied her for a moment; she seemed
oddly familiar. Then he knew.
"Tifa!" he called over the wind. "Tifa, think of something else! Think of the
reactor! We're back at the reactor!"
She didn't look up at him, but the scene around him shifted and lurched.
Still clutching that rock, he managed to stay upright. That is, until full-grown Tifa
Lockheart slammed bodily into him, knocking him over.
"Did you have to do that?" he asked, picking himself up and dusting
himself off.
She glared, an adult woman once more. "If I had my way, you would have
broken your neck." She looked up. "Well, here we are. Again."
They were in front of the reactor once more. And yet it was different. Sufur
tensed, realizing what this meant. "Be on your guard," he warned. "Wherever you
brought us, we aren't back yet."
"I thought of the reactor!" She sounded annoyed. "Like you said. I didn't
think of anything…oh, no."
"What?" he demanded. He didn't seem to hear.
"Not again," she muttered. "I can't live that again." She shimmered and
was gone from sight.
"Tifa!" He leaped forward, but a blue-uniformed guard put out his hand and
shook his head. Behind his mask, those blue eyes seemed oddly similar to…
"Dammit!" he snarled. "Tifa!"
She couldn't hear him. She couldn't hear anything. Rage for her father's
loss filled her soul. The sword weighed her hands down, but she didn't seem to
notice. "Sephiroth!" she growled. "Turn around and look at me!" The words felt
wrong on her lips.
Slowly he turned from the door marked J-E-N-O-V-A. "You are not as you
were," he observed. "How have you managed this?"
"Answer me! How could you do that to Papa and all the townspeople?"
Those words felt right. She started up the stairs toward him. His green eyes
flared surprise, then he smiled coldly.
"So be it," he murmured. "It does not matter. You die now!" He wrestled
the sword from her grasp and, in one fluid motion, cut back down. Pain spread
through her, and she fell.
I am fifteen again, she thought dully. All of this has already happened.
Except it's different. I wonder what will happen if I die now?
Sephiroth turned away, about to go through the opened door. Somehow
she managed to call after him.
"Sephiroth, you have turned from evil. Remember? We freed you from
Jenova's control."
He whirled on her, eyes green fire. "No one controls me!" he snapped.
"And Jenova is my mother. She wouldn't do anything to me. She only wants to
inherit the Planet with me! What's wrong with that?"
She had forgotten how mad he was. "Jenova is not your mother. Your real
mother's name is Lucrecia, and she loves you."
"Liar!" He came back down the steps toward her. "I have no mother. I am
a god!"
"Does Jenova love you, Sephiroth?" She had no idea where the words
were coming from. She seemed to be floating, drifting away… "If you fail, will
Jenova be there for you?"
He wavered, the sword point that had been aimed at her heart lowered.
"I…I don't know." He stiffened again. "I don't care!"
"Sephiroth…" Everything seemed distant. "I remember. You were crying
when we killed you."
He stared at her incredulously, but the sword lowered again. "You're…not
lying. It…it seems like a long time ago. Or maybe a long time yet." He doubled
over suddenly, the sword falling to the ground. "No…Mother, help me!"
A woman in a purple gown with long, straight black hair appeared,
stretching forth her hand.
"Not you!" he snarled, face contorted with anger and hatred. "Never you!
Mother!"
The soft, gentle voice Tifa remembered whispered: "My son!"
Sephiroth smiled and was gone. Tifa was alone once more.
Dimly she wondered what she had just witnessed. Could she have gone
back in time? It seemed doubtful. People and events were not as she
remembered. Sephiroth was vulnerable to pain, something that had only
happened immediately before his death. What was it Sufur had said? Think of
something else. Did her thoughts control what happened in this world?
The laceration on her chest burned like fire. I am healed, Tifa thought
desperately. I am healed as if though this had never happened.
Her chest still burned.
It was then she felt cold fear. Wherever she was, she was alone, and she
was dying. Somehow she had never thought she would die alone. Zack, she
thought distantly. Zack, I need you with me…
And then he was there. He came running in, looking about wildly. The
Buster Sword was in his hands. His eyes fell on her, and he knelt beside her.
"Where is Sephiroth?" he said urgently. "The door is closed, but he was
here, wasn't he? Where did he go?"
"He's…he's gone, Zack," she whispered. He looked different. Younger…
"Zack? It is you, isn't it?"
He looked confused, then looked down at her wound. "Shit! Don't try to
talk…Tifa, wasn't it? You're delirious. Hang on. I'll get help-"
She leaned back and closed her eyes. Of course. This Zack did not know
her, at least beyond the young guide who'd led them through the mountains.
He shook her gently. "Tifa. Tifa, don't fade away on me. You'll be okay, as
long as I'm-"
She reopened her eyes and smiled. "I love you."
Taken aback, he could only gape for a moment. Then-
"Tifa!" Cloud rushed in, clothed in his blue guard's uniform. He took one
looked at the scene, and then his sword was in his hands. The Ultima Weapon.
"Zack! How could you!"
"Take it easy, Cloud." Zack slowly rose, his eyes on Cloud's weapon. "I
didn't do anything to her. Sephiroth-"
"Sephiroth's dead!" Cloud shifted to a defensive position. "I killed him!
Don't lie to me, Zack!"
Cloud…? What was he…? "No," Tifa whispered. "Oh no…Cloud, please..!"
Neither man heard. Zack had his sword out, too. "She's hurt bad, Cloud.
We need to get help."
Cloud's eyes darted to her agonizingly. Tifa could almost feel his anguish.
"Cloud," she tried to say, but her mouth didn't seem to be working.
"After I finish you." The blond warrior raised his blade. "For what you've
done to my hometown, to Tifa!" Uttering a wordless battle-cry, he rushed at Zack.
The SOLDIER met the sword and parried, but made no offensive moves. Zack let
Cloud come at him with ferocity, but was trying his best not to hurt his friend.
"Stop!" Tifa managed to say. They ignored her. She raised her voice.
"Stop!"
Both men were about equal in skill, but the powerful Ultima Weapon was
giving Cloud the upper hand. At last, he had Zack backed into a corner, with
nowhere to go.
"No!" Tifa's scream tore raggedly from her throat. "Please stop!"
Zack hesitated, glancing over at her. It was then Cloud found the opening
he needed, thrusting his weapon through his opponent's middle. Zack gasped,
his face dead white.
"You took everything from me." Cloud's voice shook. "My life, my past,
Tifa. Everything. Well, no more!" He yanked his sword out. Zack collapsed in a
heap on the floor.
"Zack!" She wanted to run to him, but her bleeding, broken body would not
obey. Only her voice seemed to work. "Zack! Oh, God!"
Cloud slowly turned from the body to look at her. His face was a mask of
evil, ironically twin to Sephiroth. "Oh, I see," he said softly. "You loved him, didn't
you."
She was crying, she realized. It's not real. It's not real!
Cloud raised his sword. "Always him," he snarled. "Never me. First Aeris,
now you. If you must be with him, I won't mind helping you!" He brought the
blade down for the killing blow.
The gunshot seemed to shatter everything, as though the world was
tearing in half. Cloud fell, a gaping hole in his head. The sword clattered to the
floor. Tifa was too shocked to even cry out.
Sufur stepped into the room, calmly shouldering his gun. He looked at
Cloud's body with disgust. "So that's what he's capable of," he murmured. "I
might have known."
Tifa couldn't seem to stop sobbing. Had it been real? How much of it?
Zack…Cloud… What did he mean "capable of"?
Sufur glanced at her, then was at her side, pressing his hands to the
wound. They were immediately soaked in red, but he didn't remove them. "Fool
girl," he grated. "I should let you die."
Then why didn't he? She wanted to ask, but couldn't get her breath. Her
voice had stopped working, like the rest of her body. She was still crying, but
silently, now.
Her tears appeared to annoy him. "Stop crying," he snapped impatiently.
"It was your own fault. I don't know how we're going to heal this. You need an
inn, and somewhere with materia."
And suddenly she was in a warm bed, next to a window. People were
laughing just outside. She looked around and recognized the inn as one in Costa
del Sol. Of Sufur, there was no sign.
She flung the covers aside and gasped. Her wound was healed, leaving
only the jagged scar she had always had. She had to have been abed for
months, for it to have healed like this.
Her clothes were in a pile by the bed. She quickly pulled them on, noticing
with relief they were the short black skirt and white top she always wore. No sign
of a blue dress.
She hurried outside, avoiding the proprietor. She had no wish to be
dragged into conversation with the talkative owner. She just wanted to find Sufur.
People lined the streets, mostly headed in the same direction. This was
not unusual; Costa del Sol sometimes held festivals for the tourists. Tifa let
herself be carried by the throng, always looking about for Sufur.
The sun beat down on her, unbearably hot. She was already feeling
lightheaded and weak; she knew she had not yet fully regained her strength. But
she couldn't rest until she found him. He could tell her how to get back.
Up ahead, the crowds were ringed around something in the street. A
performer, most likely. Yet Tifa found herself standing up on tiptoes to see over
the crowd.
Inside the circle, a group of men -and even a few women- were beating
and kicking at something on the ground. The crowd was cheering and cat-calling
as though this was great sport. Tifa realized with horror that the thing they were
beating on was a person!
"Stop!" she shouted above the din. "Leave him alone!" Nobody paid her
the slightest attention.
Gritting her teeth, she shoved her way through, punching and kicking
herself if need be, until she reached the group doing the beating. She grabbed
one man and hauled him to the side. As she did so, she realized with a shock
that it was Darryn, the man Reno spoke of. She didn't know how she knew him,
having never seen the man, but she knew.
No longer hesitating, Tifa threw herself into the fray. Some of the people
she knew, some she did not. But finally she managed to reach Sufur, bruised and
semi-conscious on the ground.
"Go away!" she ordered the people. "Show's over. Now scram!" To her
surprise, they did as she asked, though most cast her a resentful glance and
muttered under their breath.
Sufur stirred and groaned. She bent over him, checking to see how badly
he was hurt. He didn't seem to be seriously injured. "Sufur?"
His eyes fluttered and focused on her blearily. To her shock those blue
depths were filled with fear. "It was not supposed to be like that," he muttered.
"No one told me it was like that."
"Sufur, it's me, Tifa."
"Tifa." Recognition dawned, replacing the vulnerable look. He sat up. "It
appears you're finally awake. I could not leave while you were in a coma,
although I tried. It's been hell."
"…Oh." She didn't bother asking why. "Well, let's leave now."
"Yes." He made it to his feet, wavering a little. "Now, this time think of the
reactor as we were in it just now. Shut everything else from your mind. We must
do it at the same time, or it won't work."
Tifa closed her eyes, remembering the hated reactor. Sephiroth was dead.
Cloud and Zack were alive and well. She was a grown woman.
When she opened her eyes, she and Sufur were on the other side of the
door marked J-E-N-O-V-A. Sufur was beside her, When he saw their
surroundings, he gave a shuddering sigh and slid down to the floor, leaning his
back on the doorframe. "We'll move on in a moment," he said softly, staring at
nothing.
Tifa hesitated. She wanted to demand an explanation. She wanted to turn
around and punch him in the face for making her do this.
In the end, though, she simply sat beside him, resting her head in her
hands.
* * * * * *
"It's a kind of booby trap," Sufur explained, getting to his feet. "A test for
whoever goes through the door. Jenova set the trap to keep an eye on those who
use the portal."
"The…portal?" Tifa raised her head, scrubbing wearily at her eyes. She
felt as though she could sleep for a week. "What do you-" She fell silent, seeing
her surroundings for the first time.
The burned-out doorway was the only thing still standing in the garbage
heap they were sitting in. Here and there were scattered bits of machinery, but
nothing she recognized. The actual structure of the place –it appeared to have
once been a kind of building- seemed somehow familiar, but she could not place
it.
"Where are we?" she demanded, starting up.
He smiled mirthlessly. "What's left of Gongaga Reactor."
"How…how…" It was mind-boggling, to end up here,
"I told you, a portal," he said, a trifle impatiently. "It was set after Jenova
was freed. For convenience, of course."
"Of course," she echoed faintly, then frowned. "And back there? What
were all…those things that happened. What were they about?"
He shrugged and leaned back against the doorframe. "I don't really know.
Some kind of test, with illusions of our own making. Ours and Jenova's, I
suppose."
She shivered. Her own making? How could her own mind dredge up
something so… "It didn't really happen, though. Right?"
He flicked back his hair, sighing irritably. "I don't have all the answers;
actually, I have no idea. I'm assuming no. And, before you ask, no, we weren't
there for as long as it seemed. The illusion only happened in a split second,
really."
Tifa closed her mouth. That really had been what she was about to ask.
But something still bothered her. "Okay. I believe you about the illusion part- I
guess Cloud and Zack were…my imagination or something." Another tremor ran
through her; she couldn't help it. "But there were some things that seemed for
real. When I tore my dress in the illusion…" She stopped. Her dress had been
torn, for real, on that day when Mom died. But she had no recollection of it
happening. Still, that didn't mean…
Sufur looked at her for a moment, then raised his right arm and rolled up
the sleeve. His entire lower arm was mottled with dark bruises. Tifa gasped.
"When-" But she knew.
He let the sleeve down. "Sometimes, while you were recovering in Costa
del Sol, people in the streets would find me," he said expressionlessly. "I got
good at escaping. But when they came at me, I had to raise my arms to protect
me face. They had knives too, but that's my other arm." She couldn't tell if he
was joking or not at that last.
She wanted to ask how an illusion could've done such a thing to him, but
immediately squelched that back. Because she couldn't bear to think about any
part of Cloud's... confrontation with Zack being real--she couldn't handle that...
No... And besides, Sufur hadn't questioned her about what he'd seen with Cloud
and Zack, and she didn't want him to.
"And you couldn't leave without my help?" she asked instead.
He nodded. "Apparently. Don't think I didn't try."
Tifa didn't answer, not offended. She would have had no qualms about
leaving him there…wherever "there" was…if she'd had the chance. She found
their mutual hatred refreshing, after the past few weeks of reading into Zack's
subtle gestures--things that meant more than his words ever said, until that one
traumatic night. Not to mention trying to decipher Cloud's moodiness.
"So what're we doing in Gongaga?" she asked, stretching her arms over
her head.
Instead of answering, he walked out to the edge of the junkyard. Tifa
hurried after him, wondering if he saw something, but there was nothing to be
seen and certainly nothing to be heard.
Tifa was suddenly acutely aware of how quiet it was. Even though they
were close to the town itself, she heard no voices carried on the autumn wind,
And no typical town sounds, no whirring of machinery or…
"What is it?" she demanded, her voice sounding harsh in the strained
silence. Sufur seemed to ignore her and began walking down the bluff. Once
beyond the next thicket, Gongaga itself would be visible.
"Answer me!" she snarled, walking faster to match his pace. "What-"
"Something's wrong," he interrupted coldly. Those blue eyes turned on
her, sending a chill running through her body, His next words didn't help.
"Everyone in this town is dead."
"Everyone?" she repeated, stopping still. She had heard Cid's recounting
of Rocket Town and Wutai, but… "You're sure?"
He hadn't stopped to wait for her, so she had to run to catch up in time to
hear him say, "Perhaps there are a few survivors. But not many. You know it,
too."
Tifa didn't like his tone of voice…it was too icily calm. But even ice could
be shattered if enough pressure was applied. She wondered what it would take
to shatter Sufur.
He pushed aside a leafy branch and there it was. The staring eyes, the
blank faces. The empty houses and the pitiful, weeping mass of survivors. It was
all right there, right in front of them. There was no running from it, not for them,
and certainly not for those stricken. Death's icy hand was wide and greedy- even
those that escaped his grasp were left devastated and perhaps envious of the
ones he'd taken.
Tifa took it all in silently, although each new scene of horror was another
barb in her soul. Somehow she managed to keep moving forward, to follow Sufur
and ignore the frantic hands clawing at her ankles. But it was hard. Only once did
she cry out, and that was when she stumbled across the body of a child not
much older than Adine. The girl's little white hands clutched a bedraggled baby
doll.
"Please, no!" she heard herself sob wretchedly. "I can't do this. Why,
Sufur? Why are you going this way?"
"I chose this path a long time ago." He had stopped and turned to look at
her, and even though she could not see his face, Tifa still knew he was deathly
pale. "I will not turn back." He meant more than just as he said. Tifa had the
fleeting impression of him falling down a dark well, with no hand to save him. Not
that he would take the hand if there was one.
"But why?" she begged, wanting to close her eyes but unable to. "Why do
we have to go through all this death…couldn't we go by another route?"
"This is the only way!" His voice sounded strangled. Turning away, he
added, "Besides, I have to see…what is…for myself!"
Tifa no longer had any idea what he was talking about, but followed him
anyway, through the death and destruction. Because she could not go back.
Finally, they reached the edge of town. Tifa stopped in shock; the tiny little
cemetery she remembered had become a mass graveyard. So many stones…in
a way it was as bad as the bodies. The bodies had been people, once. The grave
markers were stones, hard and coldly inhuman.
Not far away, a group of men were standing around one grave, talking
quietly amongst themselves. One man, large and stocky –somehow he seemed
familiar, but Tifa dismissed the impression- knelt with his head bowed, his stringy
brown hair hanging around his face. Tifa knew a man defeated when she saw it;
she'd seen Cloud defeated so many times. Usually it didn't last long. Cloud would
eventually be reborn with new vigor and drive to succeed. But each time she had
wondered: Would he really pull through?
Sufur again stopped and looked around at the graves with something like
determination, something like vicious hatred, for himself or someone else.
"We can still turn back," Tifa suggested.
He shook his head, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I can't. Ever."
"Yes, you can!" Tifa snapped. "No matter what, you-"
"I caused all this."
Tifa stopped. "You…what?"
"That puts a little damper on your idealism, doesn't it?" he snarled,
stepping toward her. "I did it for the good of the world, not myself. The world
needs me, that's a fact. I'm the leading actor in this pathetic little farce. The cuts
are a bit more…extensive…than I'd like, but I'm not the director. That's Jenova."
Tifa tried to react, tried to gather her whirlwind emotions. "But…but all the
innocent people! You…"
He laughed, actually laughed. "Please, Tifa. Don't be so naïve. There's no
such thing as an innocent human being. Everyone deserves to be punished, one
way or another." He paused to flick a few strands of hair from his eyes. "Do you
honestly believe Reno the Turk is innocent?"
Images flashed through her mind. Yuffie weeping quietly in a corner one
night, when she thought no one was awake…Aeris' pain-filled green eyes…Zack
trying vainly to comfort her while Adine lay dying…the little girl with the doll…No!
"You mean…he's…"
"Probably not dead, yet. But he will be. Too bad; I thought I could use him.
But he's grown weak."
Tifa grabbed him by the collar. "Reno's dying? What about the others-
Elena, Cid, Cloud? Zack? What about Zack?!" A few of the men in the group
looked up, probably astonished that she had so little respect for the dead. She
had plenty of respect- but the living were more important.
Sufur smiled cynically and pushed her away from him. "If you want to save
them, come with me. Deal with Jenova yourself."
She wanted to kill him, but couldn't. Not with all the death surrounding her.
She was sinking, drowning in death. She only wanted it to stop. "What is wrong
with you?" Her voice broke. How could anyone be so… "You've caused so much
pain, so much suffering. How can you do it? How can you look at the little
children you've killed and bear to live?"
For once, Sufur seemed at a loss for words. He opened his mouth,
changed his mind, and looked away. At last, very quietly, he said, "Pain is
inevitable. A fatal flaw in human character. There are times, Tifa, when I hate
myself as much as you do. No, more." His voice hardened. "But I am willing to do
what it takes to restore the world to its proper order. The show must go on, Tifa,
remembered that. And if those children were like me at their age, they'll thank me
for bringing them an early death."
"You sick, twisted-!" Tifa lunged for him, but Sufur stepped aside, and she
landed in the mud. As she looked up, she saw the group of men huddle together,
pointing and talking excitedly.
"It's time to leave." Without looking back at her, Sufur strode out of the
cemetery. Tifa wiped mud from her face and sat up. Up above, storm clouds
gathered as the sun began to set.
~A Note from the Author~
Okay, I'll make this short and sweet. Sorry about the wait, FF.Net is being a bitch to
my new computer. (Apparently the upload process varies from one edition of
Windows to the next) Tell me your opinion on this chap, I know you're just dying to
give it to me!
~Lila