Chapter Fourteen: Confessions
"As am I." he told her.
Míriel turned onto her back. Aerandir traced her breasts with his hand gently, and kissed her stomach.
"You are carrying my child!" he whispered.
Míriel looked into his fair handsome face.
"Does that please you?" she asked.
Aerandir drew her to a sitting position, supporting her back. Her pale face he cupped in his palm. He did not answer immediately.
"Ever have I desired to wife you, and it has been fulfilled. Ever have I desired to sire your children, and that too has been fulfilled. I do not know whether I am cursed or blessed." he said.
"Why cursed?" Míriel told him.
"You will not understand, my beloved. I am greatly troubled, and know not what to think or do. A great shadow of fear and doubt lies heavily on my heart. I do not think we have heard of the end of Falathar. Many things lead me to believe this."
"Aerandir, put him off your mind. Do not bring needless worry to your heart. Look at me." Míriel told him softly.
He stared at his wife's face.
"Put him behind you. You make me feel that I should regret my pregnancy, and I do not wish to do so. So long as we are together, nothing will harm us, unless Eru wills it." she said.
The captain felt Míriel's mouth on his, and he was swept up in her passionate kiss. The earnesty with which she spoke to him nearly broke his heart. How did he dare to speak so despairingly before her? When they broke apart, Míriel's eyes were full of tears. Aerandir held her close.
"Oh Aerandir, I am confused! Tonight has been very difficult for me. My thoughts are all mixed, and I know not what to think. I was tempted tonight—goheno nin! Gerich veleth nín!" she wept.
"Míriel, Míriel, meleth nín! Ú-moe edvad. I beg forgiveness from you. I am the cause of all this." Aerandir told her comfortingly.
He laid her silver head on his shoulder, patting her back soothingly. Her tears were warm on his bare skin.
"How were you tempted?" he asked quietly.
"It was only a brief moment, and I will not repeat it again! There were many factors involved. Do you recall the day Lady Galadriel arrived? I remembered something she said concerning you." Míriel replied.
Aerandir froze.
"What did she say?" he asked fearfully.
The Princess lifted her head slowly.
"She said…we will be parted." she told him.
Aerandir trembled slightly as he turned her face towards him.
"Did she tell you why?" he asked gently.
"She did not." Míriel answered after a slight moment of hesitation.
She saw Aerandir searching her face.
"Why do you tremble?" she inquired.
"It is nothing, my beloved. Tell me, does Legolas have a part in the temptation?" he persisted gently.
He saw a wild, panicked look in her eyes that flashed very briefly.
"Legolas? He has no part in anything. I am so happy to have you back at my side, safe and sound, and at my sire's return. And Legolas…I am surprised to see him after many years. He has grown into a fine, handsome young Prince." Míriel whispered. "But Aerandir, do not think anymore of what I told you. When a woman is pregnant, she thinks too much and starts creating illusions in her mind. I love you, Aerandir, with all my heart. Will you forgive my folly?"
Aerandir kissed her forehead.
"There has been too much excitement for you this day. You are always forgiven, Míriel. Now, let us rest." He said, laying her down on the bed carefully. "Rest well."
Míriel began to feel the pain in her stomach returning. She managed a small smile. Dawn was approaching; she could hear birds singing. Aerandir placed her head on his chest and stroked her hair. Very soon he heard her breathing become slow and rhythmic. She was resting.
In his mind, he was going over the events that occurred. He had spoken with Gil-celeb concerning Legolas, for they both had seen how the Prince looked at Míriel during the feast. From what he gathered from Míriel's actions and words convinced him that Legolas was enamored of the Princess, and that something had happened between them.
'Oh Míriel, you know not what lays in store for you! Much pain! My days, my blissful and content days, are drawing to a close. I only wish to see our child before I go. Gweston, gweston to love you more intimately from now on. Míriel, you are everything to me. I know you love me greatly. I can see it in your eyes, the way you speak with me, and during our lovemaking. You are my life, Míriel!' he thought.
Then he felt such emotion that he woke Míriel from her rest and persisted in making such love to her that they both lay exhausted soon afterwards, and rested in each other's arms.
Aerandir awoke several hours later. Míriel was still in his arms. He laid her gently aside, noting how beautiful she looked as she rested. After bathing and dressing, he went out very briefly into the garden. There he saw Annarámainen, singing from the treetops. He listened to her for several minutes before going to the dining hall for the morning-meal.
Gil-celeb greeted him. Aerandir seated himself at his King's right hand. They started to eat when Prince Legolas arrived. When he saw Aerandir, the younger Elf grew slightly nervous. He sat across from Aerandir nonetheless, and wished him a good morning.
"Maer aur, ernil. Manen le?" Aerandir said.
"Im vaer." Legolas replied.
"Did you rest well?" King Gil-celeb asked.
"Quite well, hîr nín."
The truth of the matter was that Legolas did not rest well. He found himself recalling the kiss he shared with Míriel, and the warmth of her body in his arms. Whenever he closed his eyes, he could see her in front of him. Her taste and sweet scent aroused his lust for her and haunted him. Legolas was being tormented internally. Yet, his conscience was not at rest either. He had kissed a married lady, and he knew it. He dared to confess before her the love he carried for her in his heart all these years. Míriel had weakened slightly. Legolas did not want to be the cause of any potential feud with her husband, who also was his dear friend.
His heart and mind were torn. He did not know what to do. Should he remain quiet? If he did, his conscience would not be clear. Should he tell Aerandir? What he do to him? Legolas could not blame him if he grew angry. After all, the Prince reminded himself, he did cross his limits.
'I will tell him that I did it, and that it was not Míriel's fault at all. I will pay whatever price there may be.' he thought.
The meal was peaceful. The King and Aerandir questioned Legolas about his journey. He told them about his Companions, and about the lands they went to, and about his great love for Gimli the Dwarf. Then he set them laughing by telling them of the game he played with Gimli at Helm's Deep, the game at which he lost to the Dwarf by one Orc.
"You are a very blessed, Legolas. To have been part of the factor that the downfall of the Dark Lord is very honorable." Gil-celeb said.
"Not only that, but this is the first time in all of history do Men, Elves, and Dwarves unite for a common cause, not to forget Hobbits. You all laid aside your differences because you knew that if you did not, you would have fallen. The Council appointed you as representatives of the Free People of Middle-earth. The Fellowship was a brotherhood. You cared for and loved each other." Aerandir said.
"When we lost Boromir, for several days after I could not think of anything but him. To see one of your Companions want the Ring, and then go mad because of it, is heartbreaking. And when Gimli, Aragorn, and I were separated from the Hobbits, they were always on my mind. You cannot imagine my joy when we were all gathered together in Minas Tirith, save for Boromir." the Prince reminisced.
After the meal, the three elven-men went into a large sitting room and continued their visit. Legolas questioned the King and Aerandir on all that went on in his absence. In this way he learned of Mirkwood new name and of the divisions that occurred. He praised all that was done.
"Now, if you will excuse me, I must go wake Míriel." Aerandir said.
"There is something I wish to tell you. If we may speak in private." Legolas said to him at once.
"Tolo hí."
The Prince followed Aerandir out of the room, after taking leave from Gil-celeb. The captain suspected he knew what Legolas wanted to tell him. They reached his quarters and entered the sitting room.
"Speak." Aerandir said.
"I will be very plain with you, mellonen. Last night, a madness came over me, and I kissed your wife. She did not seduce me at all. I was the one. My conscience is guilty." Legolas confessed.
Aerandir smiled expectantly. Jealousy and anger welled up within him. How did the Prince dare to kiss his wife when he knew she was married? Yet he did not show his fury, remembering Lady Galadriel's words: 'Do not turn away all whom you may judge to be a rival, for through them is the key to heal the bitter past'.
Calmly, he replied, "I do not grudge you, Legolas, my young friend. Love is a beautiful thing, but it can be treacherous when boundaries are broken. Thus, I will not grow angry with you, for perhaps your fate will lead you to her again, when I am gone. How you remind me of your sire."
Legolas stared, dumbfounded. He expected to be cast out of the palace, yet all he received was a mild retribution. Aerandir looked at him strangely. There was a knock at the door.
"Aerandir, meleth nín?"
It was Míriel. She opened the door and entered into the room.
"Oh! Good day, Legolas." she said.
"Good day, princess. I will leave you now." he said, and left quickly.
"Míriel, Legolas told me what happened last night." Aerandir said.
"Ú-'osto. All is well. I did not grow angry with him, either."
Then he drew Míriel to him and kissed her passionately.