Until Life Begins
"O lost sad men, what terror is this you suffer? Night shrouds you to the knees, your heads, your faces; dry retch of death runs round like fire in sticks; your cheeks are streaming tears; these fair walls and pedestals are dripping crimson blood. And thick with shades is the entryway, the courtyard is thick with shades passing athirst toward Erebos, into the dark; the sun is quenched in heaven, foul mist hems us in…"
~The Odyssey, Homer
Sometimes the most inhospitable of places can house great beauty. The deepest ocean crevice holds fantastic sights no human eye will ever see. The vast emptiness of outer space is the home of the planets, the moon, the stars. And in the Nibel Mountains, there was a tiny little glade, a miracle of nature. Grass flourished, and even a few trees grew here. It was magnificent, and it was here the meeting commenced.
Cid paced. The perpetual cigarette dangled from the corner of his mouth. His dirty blond hair was even messier than usual, and he hadn't shaved for days. In the dim starlight of the night before, he'd looked haggard. Now, in the bright morning sunlight, he looked, to use Cid's own words, "like shit." But that didn't really matter. He was pissed.
"Why didn't you tell me, Cloud?" he snapped. Shera stepped forward, as though to something calming, but he stomped past her, whirled around, and faced Cloud. "Well? Answer me!"
It wasn't a full meeting- only Shera, Cid, Yuffie, Vincent and Aeris were present. After last night's unpleasant awakening, Cloud had stayed in his tent all night and most of the morning with his hands over his ears, even long after the scream had stopped. He'd just wanted to keep his head from splitting open. He felt sick, but Vincent had ordered –ordered!- him to come out and do some explaining. Apparently Cid had found out about the "discussion" around the campfire and wasn't happy. Well, that made two of them. Just because he was having visions did not mean Jenova was manipulating him. There had to be another explanation.
The thing was, he couldn't see one.
"If you had a problem, we could have dealt with it. You didn't have to hide it from us!" Cid dropped his cigarette and ground it in into the dirt with his boot. Cussing as he fumbled for his pack, he muttered, "Shit, Cloud, we trusted you! And you…"
Cloud tried to think. There was a buzzing in his head that wouldn't go away. "I'm sorry, Cid." It seemed the right thing to say. Still…sorry for what, exactly? He hadn't done anything wrong, trying to protect them. He knew what he was doing, he-
Cid seemed to read his thoughts on his face. "You had no goddamned idea what you were doin'." So saying, he sat back on the ground and closed his eyes. The anger seemed to have left him. Shera knelt by his side and placed a hand on his shoulder. After a moment, he covered it with his own.
Yuffie looked at the other two beside her, Vincent and Aeris. She had been the one to tell Cid about their suspicions involving Cloud- they needed someone sane involved in this; certainly not Vincent! Cid's reaction had, unfortunately, been far, far worse than she'd anticipated. Then, just as they were on their way to the "meeting," Aeris had joined them. She said nothing, but no one questioned her presence. Admittedly, they'd been tiptoeing around Aeris lately- she was beginning to seem a little…distracted. Even right now, her face had a strange, faraway cast to it, as though she was looking- living- somewhere else.
Yuffie sighed. Aeris wasn't going to be much help, and Vincent looked ready to spit nails. (The image almost made her giggle absurdly, but she held it in.) Cloud just stood there, making no effort at all to defend himself. And above it all, she thought she could hear wicked, gleeful laughter.
"You guys!" she yelled, stomping into the midst of the group. All eyes turned on her; even Aeris' green gaze slid away from the sky. Yuffie didn't back down. She was furious.
"Listen to yourselves! It's been going on for a while, and I've had enough! No more squabbling. No more blaming each other. I'm younger than any of you, and you're the ones acting like children!" Her mind flickered back to that night before last, and her mouth tightened. "All of us, too. Elena, Rude, Barret…all of us. Maybe even me. But it's wrong!"
"Of course it's wrong," Aeris said suddenly. "That's why it's been happening…all over the world."
Yuffie blinked. What did Aeris mean…? Then she remembered Wutai and her corrupt father. Rocket Town with those two horrible men. And- she was so glad she hadn't seen them up close and personal!- Darryn and his Hunters. Maybe it was…just them. Maybe Jenova didn't matter anymore if they were going to destroy themselves.
"What are you saying, Aeris?" Cloud said quietly. "That we have no control over ourselves at all? That the worst of us has just been…unleashed?"
She started, as though her mind had been somewhere else. "What? Oh, no. The situation of the Planet has just allowed evil to flourish. Like weeds in a badly kept garden."
No one spoke. Yuffie realized her nails were digging into her palms. She forced herself to relax and unclenched her fists. Then Vincent came slowly forward.
"Cloud, I…" He stopped and swallowed hard, then continued. "I may have misjudged you. I made a mistake." He bowed his head. "Please forgive me."
Cloud looked uncomfortable. He cleared his throat, looked around at the others and muttered, "Sure, Vincent. It was just…a mistake." Yuffie wasn't sure whether he was sincere or not, but she thought he was.
Aeris smiled at Vincent as he stepped back to his place. Yuffie wanted to do the same, to go over to him and thank him for doing the right thing. But she didn't.
Cloud stood up and stretched. The sun was coming up over the horizon. Soon they would be off. "Well-" and his voice sounded strained "-since that's settled."
Aeris' clear voice cut him off. "We have something else to discuss."
Cloud winced. "You mean that scream?"
"The cry of the Planet." The correction was quiet, but firm.
Yuffie suddenly knew what was different about Aeris this morning: She was frightened. Her green eyes were at once distant and troubled, as though she was fixated on something horrible just off on the horizon.
Cloud noticed, too. "Aeris? Is there-?"
"The Planet needs our help," she said softly. "It would survive without just us, but if all life is extinguished, the Planet will die as well. Cloud…no matter what, the Planet must be saved. Even if it costs us our lives."
He moved to her like lightning and gasped her by the shoulders. "Don't talk to us in riddles, Aeris," he whispered forcefully. "What do you know? What have you seen?"
Aeris did not meet his gaze. After the confused jumble of visions and images the Plane that sent her last night, she had become desperately afraid. For all of them. "You don't want to know what I've seen," she murmured softly. "But…please listen when I say this. Whatever it takes, Jenova must be destroyed. That's all." She pulled away from him and started to turn back to the camp. Cloud grabbed at her harm.
"Don't hold out on us, Aeris!" He sounded angry, and she spun back with ferocity to match his.
"Let go of me!"
He didn't at first, not until Vincent came forward with quiet dignity. "Let her go, Cloud."
With a helpless snarl of frustration, Cloud released her arm and turned away, wiping a hand over his face. He was visibly trembling. Aeris cast Vincent a grateful look, then spoke, addressing them all.
"Please don't think anything the Planet has told me would be of any use to us; otherwise I would tell you." Her voice held bitterness. "All it has done is make me suffer." She turned away, ready to leave. "I have to find Reno." She started walking away, but Cid called after her.
"Hey, Aeris!"
She stopped but didn't turn.
Cid gave Shera a half-sheepish smile as he continued, "Would you please, uh…tell Elena I didn't mean those things I said?"
Aeris turned her head back to look at him. Her green eyes were warm. "It would be better for her to hear from you, Cid." She hurried off.
Shera went to Cid and put her arms around him. "I love you, Cid."
He removed his cigarette and kissed her hair with uncharacteristic tenderness. A spark dropped from the cigarette in his hand, lighting a tiny flame in the grass. No one noticed except for Cloud, who quickly leapt forward and stamped it out.
That was Cloud- resourceful leader, a jack-of-all-trades. They trusted him. They had to. But if they looked closely, they could see he was coming apart at the seams. It wasn't very reassuring, so they looked away. Cloud was falling apart a little more every day, and even though everyone saw, they pretended not to. They figured Cloud could still take care of them.
And maybe he could. It remained to be seen, of course.
Could he stomp out this fire that threatened to consume the human race? Not to mention, according to Aeris, the rest of the Planet as well. Could he destroy the fire before it destroyed him?
He knew.
* * * * * *
The same fire was burning inside of Reno, who had just awakened from a drowsy half-sleep. The nightmares had come, of course, but he no longer feared them. He was entering into the next level, the grim state of apathy that came before self-deterioration. His fears centered on the future and what it contained.
Better the future than the past, he thought absently. Then, But what if the future is no different from the past?
Suddenly feeling sick, he somehow got to his feet and stumbled out the tent. He fell to his knees and retched. He couldn't help it- it was as though his body was physically trying to exorcise the person he'd become. He didn't resist.
Then she was there, kneeling beside him, supporting him. Her hands held back his long hair, gripped his shoulders. And when it was finally over he didn't want to look at her, didn't want to acknowledge that she had seen him like this.
Aeris drew him closer to her and wiped his mouth. Her hand was shaking.
"Never looked better, have I?" His voice was wracked and hoarse.
With a sob, she hugged him tightly, as though fearful he would slip through her fingers. "We still have a chance," she gasped as though drowning. "We still have a chance."
Reno found it hysterically ironic that he was comforting her, but didn't really care one way or another. He held her, albeit stiffly, until she had regained enough control to ask if he felt well enough to go on.
Go on? Why? "Yeah. I'll be fine. We'll reach the reactor today, won't we?"
"Yes," she said softly. "It will end soon."
Reno didn't reply to that. He got to his feet, feeling like he couldn't handle another moment of her presence. "I'll come find you later," he said quietly. He turned and left her, disappearing into the tent where Rude was just beginning to awaken.
Aeris shivered suddenly. Glancing up, she saw that rain was starting to fall.
"It's coming," she whispered to herself. "And we have nowhere to hide."
* * * * * *
The tombstone was hastily constructed, as though its maker didn't know or didn't care what he was doing. Perhaps he had already been sick. More likely, he didn't give a fuck. The words hadn't even been properly chiseled in the stone; they were scribbled on with black paint that would wash off when the first rains came.
Linda GrahamThat was all. No date of birth, no last messages, nothing. The tombstone's maker could have found out if he'd bothered to ask- which must have been how he got her name- but he was more concerned with sitting on his ass than completing Linda's grave, the last sight of her that Darryn would ever have.
Oh-ho, someone was gonna pay-
But his heart wasn't in it. Darryn half-raised his head and looked around his hometown. Bodies were…everywhere. Linda must have died early on, to even be allowed a space underground. A lot of other people- some he knew- were sprawled on the ground like maggots, twisted in the last throes of death. Most doors of the empty houses were wide open; presumably a few had been looting the homes of those already dead.
Darryn felt his irrational anger fade. Whoever had made Linda's tombstone was probably already dead, like her.
So this was how Gongaga ended. A miserable place to begin with, depreciated further after the reactor exploded (killing what remained of his family, thank you so much Rufus Shinra), and now this. A stinking death trap in a world already going down in flames.
How had it come to this? Years ago, before the blast, he'd been a happy man, close to his parents and younger sister, not quite married yet but everyone knew he and Linda were an item. Then the blast destroyed his entire family. Darryn himself would have died, died raging with pain and grief, had not Linda been so goddamned determined to make him live. Tall, beautiful, dark Linda. She had tried to help him heal.
And he almost had. But Darryn had always been a spiteful- okay, maybe vengeful person. And he, unlike everyone else in Gongaga, did not blame the accident on Shinra.
He blamed it on a Shinra.
Scarlet had been the one to talk Gongaga into mako power, but Rufus Shinra, then Vice President, oversaw the whole project. And it was he who put the rubber stamp on the final documents, even though the reactor was unsafe. None of this would have happened if it weren't for him.
Not very logical, no. But it seemed to make sense to Darryn, in a crazed way. While outwardly he seemed to be recovering, inside he nursed dark hatred, where it swelled to frantic obsession. And suddenly it wasn't enough just to sit here hating; he needed to go and find Shinra, kill him before someone else did it first! To Darryn the only way to end the madness was eliminate the source- first handedly. That was when he bought the dagger, the one with silver snakes curving around the handle, and learned how to use it. Other people who felt the edge of that dagger were just small preparation. That dagger was meant to taste the lifeblood of Rufus Shinra.
Linda had been angry. You have to stop this! she'd yell. It's killing me, Darryn, more than it's killing him! How do you think I feel, alone in bed, when you're out talking to those dangerous men and making plans to go and murder somebody?
He still remembered his reply. Everyone will be better when he's dead, baby. You'll see.
No, it won't! she'd screamed. You're so full of hate, there's not enough room for me anymore! You'll waste him, and you'll come back empty inside. Forever.
He'd left soon afterwards. The assassination attempt failed, of course. He'd come back weeks later, and she'd received him with a strange mixture of anger and tears. And that was the way she'd be every time he came back…he'd had several more trips, sometimes for months, years. But he always returned, and she was always there. Oh, she'd had lovers while he was away, but it was Darryn she loved, there was never any question about that. Everyone else he was close to had either died or…drifted away. His friends had become disturbed by his near-fanatical obsession with Rufus Shinra, and after a while it was only Linda…always Linda.
Except, this time, she wasn't waiting for him. She'd left him at last.
And when he'd come and found this wretched garbage heap of human life, searched frantically in the empty houses, and, at last, found the shoddy headstone on the edge of the cemetery, during all that, he couldn't speak a word. Inwardly all of his weapons- anger, blame, vengeance- raged with a certain desperation. But none of these would bring her back. It had occurred to him how pointless everything had been; how he'd wasted those last few years. And for what? He hadn't even gotten Rufus Shinra. The man was dead…and so was Linda.
And she'd been right. He was empty inside.
His Hunters were gathered behind him. Darryn realized, with a tired sort of exasperation, that they still needed him to tell them what to do. They were a stupid lot, handpicked to they'd follow orders without challenging his authority. He wanted to give up, right there. He'd order them to go home, then walk into Linda's house, lay down on her bed, and wait for death to take him.
He opened his mouth.
Another Hunter, an ugly-as-sin fellow by the name of Stu, came running up. He shoved the others aside and knelt beside Darryn, speaking low and fast.
"The man and the woman that was just here. We should track them, Boss. Question them."
"Why's that?" Almost unconsciously Darryn's hand clenched on the silver dagger.
Stu's scarred face split into a wide grin. "I think we finally got 'im, Boss. One of the fellows, said the man bore a certain resemblance to…" He leaned close for emphasis. "Rufus Shinra."
"What?" Darryn jumped up, snarling. "And you let him go, you morons?!"
Stu looked uncomfortable. "Didn't want to interrupt," he muttered. "And besides, his hair was different. He could've-"
"Shut up," Darryn said coldly. He needed a minute to think. They were so close, so incredibly close that he could almost taste Shinra's blood already. Best not to go rushing into the situation without planning. They would need to take him by surprise.
"Get the men," he ordered finally. "Ransack every store, every house around, and take all the weapons you can carry. Enough to capture, but not kill. That's for me."
As the five Hunters rushed to do his bidding, Darryn anticipated the possibility of reaching his goal before the night ended. He would have Rufus Shinra in his grasp, and then, life could begin.
Darryn began to smile.
* * * * * * They came at dawn.
Sufur was thinking of victory, so near at hand. He would have the place he deserved. He would live, finally live, for the first time. He had lost much, but he would gain so much more.
The world. That was what he would gain. He was a noble hero saving the people from themselves.
Tifa kept starting to speak, then falling silent. The dark and scowling expression on her face showed she was brooding. Sufur recognized the look. She was ready to try something.
He clenched his teeth with irritation. He didn't want to kill her, he could admit that. Of course, Jenova might- and probably would- do the job for him. So why was he so reluctant to end it for her now? If he felt any semblance of compassion, he would kill her now, before she suffered greatly at Jenova's hands.
He turned to her and caught her covering a yawn. She looked tired and haggard- they'd been walking all night. Sufur had calculated that if they pushed on, they would reach their goal by nightfall. If Tifa didn't collapse by then.
Of course, he wasn't counting on what happened next.
Darryn's men came at them from all sides. There was no pretense, none. In fact, Tifa had been in the middle of another yawn when she realized they were under attack. Six of them, some with switchblades, some with guns, one with a glittering silver dagger.
Three of the six went for her, three for Sufur. He fought desperately, but was no equal. The truth was, he may have had the power of Jenova, but Darryn and his men fought with a power to match- the power of hate, of vengeance and bitter love, the power of regret and sorrow for things to come. It was too strong for Jenova, and it didn't take Sufur long to realize the divine prowess he'd come to depend on had abandoned him. Still, it took all three men to bring him down, and even that was a near thing.
Sufur's shotgun was ripped from his grasp. He took two, three strong clubs with it in the face. At last he fell to his knees, groaning, with blood running down his face. Darryn knelt beside him.
"You are a very unlucky man," he said quietly. "Also very stupid. I'm not sure how or why you can be alive when she's dead, but that's the way of the world, isn't it?" He laughed a bit; a crazed, mirthless laugh that reflected the instability so evident in his face. "Stu tells me you were hitting that poor woman over there." He cocked his head toward Tifa, held captive by two other men, her eyes dark slits. She had a bloody gash across her forehead. Darryn's gaze lingered on her lovingly before he turned back to Sufur. "The way I see it, the world is divided into two kinds of people: Us and Them. You, my friend, are one of Them. You steal what you can from us, stomp on us so we can't take anything back. You yell for what you want, and some little shit's always there to jump for you."
Sufur stared at him, his eyes twin chips of blazing ice.
Darryn looked back at Tifa and made a half-mocking bow. "My last act in this world will be to deliver you from the hands of my old friend. Call it redemption, if you will. Although at this point I don't think it'll make much of a difference."
Tifa drew back in horror. The man's voice, easy and kindly, almost could have fooled her. His mocking half smile- later she would remember it and be struck by its similarity to Reno's- might have taken her in. But his eyes…his flat, lifeless hazel eyes evoked dread and deep loathing that didn't leave any room for pity. They were the eyes of a man who'd lost himself willingly, of a man who'd turned from the light because it dazzled his vision. What he saw instead repelled others, but he hated and loved it more than anything else in his life.
And this man's gaze could see right through Sufur's defense.
"Why do you keep calling me your friend?" Sufur said suddenly. His voice was thick and ragged, but understandable. "I don't even know you."
"Ah, but I know you." Darryn drifted close to him, grinning joyously. "I've known you my entire life." His hand snaked out and grasped the red pendant around Sufur's throat. His fingers were trembling.
Sufur screamed inside of his head. You shouldn't be able to touch that! You shouldn't be able to see-
"You can't hide who you are," Darryn whispered. "Not from me." With a powerful jerk, he tore off the pendant.
The air…shimmered, as though a veil had passed over their eyes. Sufur wrenched back and fell to his knees with a ragged cry. Tifa felt goosebumps rise up on her flesh. She wanted to close her eyes but kept them fixed on Sufur. She couldn't look away. And with a dull sort of understanding, she realized why.
She could see it, now. The fair, perfect skin. His slender frame, his regal posture. The quality of his voice. And the reddish-blond roots in his dyed brown hair.
She was stunned with the realization of this knowledge, what it meant. All this time, and she hadn't known. How could she not have known?
Darryn reached out and grabbed Rufus Shinra by his two-toned hair, pulling his head up. Tifa didn't want to look, but she couldn't help it. It was too late.
That unforgettable, perfect face. His blazing blue eyes fixed on hers and he opened his mouth, ready to say something. Offer an explanation? Taunt her? Laugh at her blank shock? Tifa never found out.
As though in slow motion, she saw Darryn pull back a meaty fist and push forward, embedding the rocky knuckles in that face. As Darryn pulled back, she could see Rufus still staring at her, even though his lower lip was split and bleeding freely, the blood running down his chin, he was still staring at her and she couldn't look away-
Tifa screamed.
~Author's Note~
I extend my apologies to Kiyara. I like my chapters less than 10 pages. ^^
I remember, many of you are fond of cliffhangers. *sadistic grin* And many of you must be asking, "What the hell is this? AVALANCHE divided reconciled, divided? Rufus Shinra FINALLY revealed? Overly long flash into Darryn's past? Who does Lila think she is? Where is she going?"
Mm. Damned if I knew.
~Lila