Title: "Life's Purpose"
Author: Jackie W.
Email: jackiesficaol.com
She would have laid odds that Daniel would have been the first one to seek her out in her lab. But to her surprise it was Elizabeth Weir that showed up five minutes after the meeting had adjourned with Sam's announcement that she would need to think about this.
"You aren't in anyway obligated to do this you know," Dr. Weir began.
"Yes, Ma'am, I know," Sam politely acknowledged.
"I have confirmation that you are being given command of SG1 with a promotion to Lt. Colonel to go along with the added responsibilities. You can't honestly tell me that you are willing to give all of that up," her CO inquired curiously.
"Under normal circumstances, no. But these aren't normal circumstances," Sam shrugged.
Dr. Weir eyed Sam speculatively. "I have a feeling I'm missing a huge piece of the puzzle, here, Major," she sighed.
"Yes, Ma'am. You probably are. There are factors involved here that even Teal'c and Daniel don't know about," Sam admitted.
Elizabeth paused. She didn't know this woman very well, so she didn't know if she would want or need any advice. "Do you have family you can discuss this decision with? Leaving out the classified parts of course," she asked Sam.
"SG-1 is my family, and I'm certain they are both just waiting out in the hallway for you to leave," Sam assured her.
"But they are men," Elizabeth pointed out. "What I'm saying is if you need to discuss this with a woman is there someone you can talk to? If not, my door is always open. I promise an impartial and off-the-record viewpoint," she offered.
"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind," Sam replied.
Confident that she had done all she could for the moment, Dr. Weir left, just barely keeping from bumping into Dr. Jackson in the hallway. She had to grin at that. Major Carter knew her teammates well.
Daniel burst into Sam's lab full of questions, but was silenced by his teammates upheld hand.
"I'm only going over all of this one time, Daniel. Get Teal'c and meet me at my house in an hour. I'll pick up food on the way home," she instructed him.
An hour and a half later they were cleaning away the remains of their Chinese dinner and Sam knew that she couldn't hold them off any longer. They had brought Cassie up to speed while they ate, and now three sets of eyes were turned on her as they waited for her to tell them what she was thinking.
"I have a lot of factors to consider, guys. Not the least of which is how upset Jack is going to be if I do this," she told them. "And I won't do this just to save him. That's no way to justify bringing a child into the world. If I do this, it will be because I want to have a baby. I put that possibility out of my mind years ago, and now I have to honestly assess whether I want that enough to give up my career for it," she explained.
"You wouldn't need to give it up, Sam. Just put it on hold," Daniel pointed out.
"No Daniel, if I do this, I will be totally committed to it. I couldn't go off and put my life in danger knowing I would be leaving my child without a mother if something happened. If I do this, I'll be resigning my commission," Sam informed them. "Hopefully they will keep me on at the SGC as a civilian."
"I am sure that they would," Daniel assured her. "Sam you said in the briefing that you knew the doctor's were right and that you couldn't maintain a pregnancy. How do you know that. You could decide not to do this and go on and have a family the old fashioned way in the future," he suggested.
"I've had one miscarriage already Daniel," she told them. Taking a deep breath she took the plunge. "Three weeks after we returned from P2R-756."
"Thera," Daniel verified. "Who was the father?"
Teal'c answered for her. "Jonah."
Sam closed her eyes and nodded. "And you never told him?" Daniel asked in astonishment.
"Why? By the time I found out I was pregnant the baby was already in trouble. I lost it two days later. Why would I tell him? It would have just caused him pain. We were having enough trouble trying to get ourselves back on solid footing with each other," Sam explained.
"You made a wise choice Major Carter," Teal'c assured her.
She smiled through wet lashes in gratitude to him. Then took a stuttering breath and continued. "So you see Daniel, this is probably the only way I will ever get to do this," she concluded.
"What about Pete? How will you explain it to him?" Cassie asked.
Sam paled. Oh, lord. She hadn't even thought about Pete. Well that told her a lot, didn't it?
"I think I can safely say that Pete would be out of the picture if I go through with this," Sam admitted. "So I need you to shoot holes in this, guys. Let's list all the reasons why this is a really bad idea"
An hour later they had a list of twenty-three reasons why Sam shouldn't even consider this wild-ass plan. They had started listing the Pros. There were only two. Jack O'Neill would have a chance at life and Sam would have a chance to be a mother. Of course it went unspoken that she would be having Jack's baby.
Jack's baby. She looked at the long list of cons. Suddenly twenty-three reasons didn't seem to be enough to stop her from doing this.
She'd sent Daniel and Teal'c away the night before, and Cassie had gone to stay over at a friend's. Sam was left in peace. She tried to let the quiet calm of the evening seep into her soul, but she was restless and tense. She kept having visions of her future. In one she was a general, running the SGC. She was married, to a nice faceless man. She was happy. In another she was a single mom. She saw parent's nights and school plays, and she smiled at the thought. She refused to let her perfect future with Jack by her side at these events crystallize in her mind. That type of wishful thinking would sway her. She was trying to leave the man out of the equation.
After a restless night she was on her second cup of coffee when her front door bell rang. Expecting to find Daniel and Teal'c back to lend their support she was shocked to find herself face-to-face with General Hammond.
"Sir! Come in. I thought you were in DC? Would you like coffee?" she babbled.
"I flew here immediately after Dr. Weir briefed the President and I on Thor's proposal, Major," Hammond reported accepting a cup of coffee. "Needless to say President Hayes and I were both shocked at the idea, but we were even more surprised to hear that you were thinking about it," Hammond told her.
Sam blushed and busied herself with refilling her coffee mug. "You know me, Sir. I have to think everything to death," she commented. She turned back to him with her features schooled into a calm mask only to find him scanning the list of cons. She blushed again.
"This is a pretty good list," he acknowledged. "Just so you know, the President is against this. I am too. Major, Sam, I know how close you all are to Jack, but this is going above and beyond. We may just need to admit there is nothing we can do to save him," he said with a sigh.
The thought filled her with despair. Never seeing Jack O'Neill again? Unthinkable. The man was back in the equation and the answer was becoming more and more clear. She would never forgive herself if she didn't give both Jack and herself this chance. Suddenly the calm exterior was no longer a front.
"Did Dr. Weir tell you that without Thor's help I'll never be able to have children?" Sam asked, seating herself down across from the General.
He looked up in surprise. "No, she left that part out."
"Jolinar," was the only explanation she gave.
"But Thor can fix you up? He would do that anyway if you asked, Major," Hammond assured her.
"It's not me he'll need to fix, it will be the embryo he will need to manipulate so that it can handle the naquada in my blood," Sam explained.
Hammond looked at her through new eyes. Sometimes he forgot there was a woman underneath the efficient officer and scientist. Now he saw that woman sitting in front of him, contemplating giving up perhaps her only chance at motherhood. A woman he knew had some pretty strong feelings for Jack O'Neill.
"You're going to do it aren't you?" he asked.
Author: Jackie W.
Email: jackiesficaol.com
She would have laid odds that Daniel would have been the first one to seek her out in her lab. But to her surprise it was Elizabeth Weir that showed up five minutes after the meeting had adjourned with Sam's announcement that she would need to think about this.
"You aren't in anyway obligated to do this you know," Dr. Weir began.
"Yes, Ma'am, I know," Sam politely acknowledged.
"I have confirmation that you are being given command of SG1 with a promotion to Lt. Colonel to go along with the added responsibilities. You can't honestly tell me that you are willing to give all of that up," her CO inquired curiously.
"Under normal circumstances, no. But these aren't normal circumstances," Sam shrugged.
Dr. Weir eyed Sam speculatively. "I have a feeling I'm missing a huge piece of the puzzle, here, Major," she sighed.
"Yes, Ma'am. You probably are. There are factors involved here that even Teal'c and Daniel don't know about," Sam admitted.
Elizabeth paused. She didn't know this woman very well, so she didn't know if she would want or need any advice. "Do you have family you can discuss this decision with? Leaving out the classified parts of course," she asked Sam.
"SG-1 is my family, and I'm certain they are both just waiting out in the hallway for you to leave," Sam assured her.
"But they are men," Elizabeth pointed out. "What I'm saying is if you need to discuss this with a woman is there someone you can talk to? If not, my door is always open. I promise an impartial and off-the-record viewpoint," she offered.
"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind," Sam replied.
Confident that she had done all she could for the moment, Dr. Weir left, just barely keeping from bumping into Dr. Jackson in the hallway. She had to grin at that. Major Carter knew her teammates well.
Daniel burst into Sam's lab full of questions, but was silenced by his teammates upheld hand.
"I'm only going over all of this one time, Daniel. Get Teal'c and meet me at my house in an hour. I'll pick up food on the way home," she instructed him.
An hour and a half later they were cleaning away the remains of their Chinese dinner and Sam knew that she couldn't hold them off any longer. They had brought Cassie up to speed while they ate, and now three sets of eyes were turned on her as they waited for her to tell them what she was thinking.
"I have a lot of factors to consider, guys. Not the least of which is how upset Jack is going to be if I do this," she told them. "And I won't do this just to save him. That's no way to justify bringing a child into the world. If I do this, it will be because I want to have a baby. I put that possibility out of my mind years ago, and now I have to honestly assess whether I want that enough to give up my career for it," she explained.
"You wouldn't need to give it up, Sam. Just put it on hold," Daniel pointed out.
"No Daniel, if I do this, I will be totally committed to it. I couldn't go off and put my life in danger knowing I would be leaving my child without a mother if something happened. If I do this, I'll be resigning my commission," Sam informed them. "Hopefully they will keep me on at the SGC as a civilian."
"I am sure that they would," Daniel assured her. "Sam you said in the briefing that you knew the doctor's were right and that you couldn't maintain a pregnancy. How do you know that. You could decide not to do this and go on and have a family the old fashioned way in the future," he suggested.
"I've had one miscarriage already Daniel," she told them. Taking a deep breath she took the plunge. "Three weeks after we returned from P2R-756."
"Thera," Daniel verified. "Who was the father?"
Teal'c answered for her. "Jonah."
Sam closed her eyes and nodded. "And you never told him?" Daniel asked in astonishment.
"Why? By the time I found out I was pregnant the baby was already in trouble. I lost it two days later. Why would I tell him? It would have just caused him pain. We were having enough trouble trying to get ourselves back on solid footing with each other," Sam explained.
"You made a wise choice Major Carter," Teal'c assured her.
She smiled through wet lashes in gratitude to him. Then took a stuttering breath and continued. "So you see Daniel, this is probably the only way I will ever get to do this," she concluded.
"What about Pete? How will you explain it to him?" Cassie asked.
Sam paled. Oh, lord. She hadn't even thought about Pete. Well that told her a lot, didn't it?
"I think I can safely say that Pete would be out of the picture if I go through with this," Sam admitted. "So I need you to shoot holes in this, guys. Let's list all the reasons why this is a really bad idea"
An hour later they had a list of twenty-three reasons why Sam shouldn't even consider this wild-ass plan. They had started listing the Pros. There were only two. Jack O'Neill would have a chance at life and Sam would have a chance to be a mother. Of course it went unspoken that she would be having Jack's baby.
Jack's baby. She looked at the long list of cons. Suddenly twenty-three reasons didn't seem to be enough to stop her from doing this.
She'd sent Daniel and Teal'c away the night before, and Cassie had gone to stay over at a friend's. Sam was left in peace. She tried to let the quiet calm of the evening seep into her soul, but she was restless and tense. She kept having visions of her future. In one she was a general, running the SGC. She was married, to a nice faceless man. She was happy. In another she was a single mom. She saw parent's nights and school plays, and she smiled at the thought. She refused to let her perfect future with Jack by her side at these events crystallize in her mind. That type of wishful thinking would sway her. She was trying to leave the man out of the equation.
After a restless night she was on her second cup of coffee when her front door bell rang. Expecting to find Daniel and Teal'c back to lend their support she was shocked to find herself face-to-face with General Hammond.
"Sir! Come in. I thought you were in DC? Would you like coffee?" she babbled.
"I flew here immediately after Dr. Weir briefed the President and I on Thor's proposal, Major," Hammond reported accepting a cup of coffee. "Needless to say President Hayes and I were both shocked at the idea, but we were even more surprised to hear that you were thinking about it," Hammond told her.
Sam blushed and busied herself with refilling her coffee mug. "You know me, Sir. I have to think everything to death," she commented. She turned back to him with her features schooled into a calm mask only to find him scanning the list of cons. She blushed again.
"This is a pretty good list," he acknowledged. "Just so you know, the President is against this. I am too. Major, Sam, I know how close you all are to Jack, but this is going above and beyond. We may just need to admit there is nothing we can do to save him," he said with a sigh.
The thought filled her with despair. Never seeing Jack O'Neill again? Unthinkable. The man was back in the equation and the answer was becoming more and more clear. She would never forgive herself if she didn't give both Jack and herself this chance. Suddenly the calm exterior was no longer a front.
"Did Dr. Weir tell you that without Thor's help I'll never be able to have children?" Sam asked, seating herself down across from the General.
He looked up in surprise. "No, she left that part out."
"Jolinar," was the only explanation she gave.
"But Thor can fix you up? He would do that anyway if you asked, Major," Hammond assured her.
"It's not me he'll need to fix, it will be the embryo he will need to manipulate so that it can handle the naquada in my blood," Sam explained.
Hammond looked at her through new eyes. Sometimes he forgot there was a woman underneath the efficient officer and scientist. Now he saw that woman sitting in front of him, contemplating giving up perhaps her only chance at motherhood. A woman he knew had some pretty strong feelings for Jack O'Neill.
"You're going to do it aren't you?" he asked.