Note: there is a line from Pirates of the Caribbean
Chapter Twenty-eight: Míriel's Past
The messages were sent to the Woodmen, Beornings, Thranduil, and Lothlórien. Míriel expected them to take at least five days to reach the Woodmen, Beornings, and the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood. It would take at least double that amount before Thranduil knew. That meant that she would not expect any messages from any of them for some time. She needed the time for herself, though.
Numbor took up the scepter of King Gil-celeb, and he ruled in the name of Míriel. She was wise in doing so, for he knew the affairs of the kingdom much better than anyone else did. Yet every evening, Numbor would meet with his Princess and tell her of everything he did. In this way, he was certain he was ruling justly, and Míriel knew everything. Often she invited Legolas so that she could hear his opinion.
Everyone marveled at the Princess. She seemed so strong when she appeared before her people. There never was a tear in her eyes, and she was always smiling. No one could fathom how she did it. Yet they did not know that at night she was the opposite. She still suffered from her imprisonment in Dol Guldur, even though she knew that Falathar was dead. It was intensified with the deaths of her sire and husband. There was no one to comfort her now from her fright, and she was mourning Aerandir's death, as well as the death of her sire.
At first, she did not accept that Aerandir was dead. She insisted that he was away on a trip and would return shortly to her. She did not throw out his clothing. She would spend endless amounts of time locked up in her chamber, breathing in his scent. At times she would fancy she heard his voice or the sound of his footsteps. Only Amorith and Giliath knew this, and it pained them greatly to see their Princess so. They tried to bring Celoneth to her so that she may forget, but this only caused her further anguish. The sight of Aerandir's child made her weep. Her appetite declined rapidly until she was eating nothing.
"What shall we do?" Giliath asked Amorith one night.
The Princess was having one of her frights. It seemed very drastic. Nothing they tried seemed to suppress her.
"Shall we see if ernil Legolas can help?" Giliath said.
Amorith hesitated.
"We can try." she said.
Giliath went quickly to Legolas' chamber. She knocked softly.
"Who is it?" Legolas called.
"It is I, Amorith, ernil," the handmaiden said.
Legolas opened his door.
"I apologize for bothering you, but the Princess—" she began.
"What happened to her?" Legolas asked instantly.
"She is not herself. We tried to control her."
The Prince rushed to Míriel's chamber with Giliath at his side. They found Amorith trying to restrain the Princess.
"Let go of me!" she was crying. "Do not touch me!"
Legolas motioned for Amorith to leave the Princess. Amorith went next to Giliath. The two handmaidens watched the Prince.
"Míriel, it is I, Legolas." he said softly.
The Princess looked at him fearfully.
"Where is Aerandir?" she cried.
"Aerandir is not here. He is dead." Legolas replied calmly.
Míriel shook her head.
"You lie! He is not dead!" she cried.
"Míriel, he is dead. You know this." Legolas told her.
The Princess drew a knife.
"Then I will join him!" she said.
"Míriel!" Legolas cried, as Amorith and Giliath gasped in fear.
He grabbed her hand before she could plunge the blade into her chest. With his free arm, he drew her close to him.
"You will not join him. I will not allow you." he told her, and wrenched the knife from her hand. "Celoneth needs you."
"Celoneth, sell nín…" Míriel wept.
"Calm down." Legolas told her soothingly.
The Princess was too weak to resist him. She lay limp in his arms. Legolas was whispering softly to her and brushing the hair from her face. At last, she was quiet, and Legolas carried her to her bed.
"Le hannon, ernil. Our apologies once again." the handmaidens said as they covered her. "We did not mean to bother you."
Míriel stirred.
"Do not leave me, Legolas." she said.
Legolas stopped.
"If it pleases you, I will stay with you." he said.
He sat in a chair at the far end of the room.
"I cannot see you well." Míriel said. "Come closer."
Amorith and Giliath turned to the Princess.
"Perhaps he wishes to rest." they said gently.
"He may go if he wants. As for you, return to your chamber." Míriel said. "I want Legolas to look after me tonight."
"Very well, hiril nín." The handmaidens said. "Maer fuin."
They left the Princess' chamber.
"Am I close enough?" Legolas asked, his chair next to Míriel.
He could see silent tears flowing down her face.
"Oh, what have I done?" she cried. "I made a spectacle of myself!"
"You did not." Legolas said gently.
"Aerandir is dead, and I know it. Yet still I try to deny it! His memory haunts me, though. When I am alone I can feel his arms holding me. His warm voice calls me. And my sire—I see his face whenever I close my eyes. All this is not what causes my frights at night. It is the years of
torture that I endured in Dol Guldur at the hands of Falathar. There is no one now to comfort me."
"What did Falathar do to you?" Legolas asked.
Míriel turned her face away. She breathed heavily.
"Falathar was in love me. I never loved him. I loved Aerandir. When Falathar found out, he grew jealous. That was why he betrayed my sire. He thought that if he joined with Sauron and told him how best to attack us, he would get me as a reward. Sauron agreed. The years that he was here he waged endless war on us. And when he fled to Barad-dûr, Falathar was granted permission to reside in Dol Guldur and continue assaulting us. It was after Falathar became master of Dol Guldur that he captured me. He wronged me, Legolas. He fed lies to me in the dark." the Princess whispered. "I escaped, but have never remained the same. I became afraid of the dark and shadows. I have never loved anymore remaining indoors. And men, I mistrusted them. Always I felt I was the cause of my sire's kingdom being attacked. I am very ashamed, Legolas. And now I feel I am the cause of my husband and sire's deaths!"
She finished and began to weep silently. Legolas now understood everything well. That was the reason he was never told the truth about Falathar. It was a complete disgrace to the kingdom, and to Míriel.
"Aerandir was shamed. His own brother had wronged me. His own brother had betrayed his king. Aerandir felt he was a traitor." she added.
Legolas took hold of her hand.
"You are not to blame for anything. The deaths of your sire and Aerandir are not your fault. I feel glad now that I killed Falathar. Had I known this before, I would have killed him when I first met him." he said.
Míriel looked at Legolas. She beckoned him closer with her other hand. When he was inches away from her face, she caressed it.
"Do you remember our first kiss? It has always haunted me. A part of me dwelled on it secretly. Do not think I am overjoyed that Aerandir is gone. I am very grieved." she whispered. "Yet because of what happened to me, I cannot live alone. I need someone who will understand and love me tenderly me. I need healing. Even Aerandir, though I loved him dearly, was not able to heal me. He was too shamed, and whenever I mentioned Falathar's name he grew angry. I learned not to speak in his presence about my torture and pain. I contained it inwardly."
Her fingers traced his face intimately. Legolas felt desire and lust for her. He stood up from his chair and pulled her into a sitting position. Then he drew his arms around her waist. Míriel gazed into his eyes.
"I should have told you every day from the first day we met—I love you." Legolas whispered into her ear.
She drew her arms about his neck and was lost in his kiss.