Could This Be Love? Probably Not (except in a few isolated cases). Part 2 : The Turks, and moooore!

by JestaAriadne, 2003

Hey, I'm back! I'm really amazed at how many people are STILL reviewing the first part of this randomness... And because of zhakeena who suggested the Shinra, and Alan Bates who reminded me of Tifa/Aeris, and because I'm just crazy like that... Here is more!!

In case you were wondering: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

And just remember guys, this is a PARODY - I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just make harmless fun of everyone! And beware of spoilers throughout!!

Featuring....

Elena and Reno

Elena and Rude

Elena and Tseng

Tseng and Aeris

Zack and Aeris

Rufus and Reno

Scarlett and Reeve

Tifa and Aeris

Zack and Cloud

Enjoy....

~~~

Elena and Reno

Elena: Gotta look cool to impress Reno! *takes out packet of cigarettes, and eventually works out how to light one*

Reno: Hey.

Elena: H-h*chokes on the smoke* I mean, hey Reno!! And, um, hey I was wondering, y'know like since you're so cool and I'm kinda cool too *waves arms about* Well, maybe we could -

Reno: Your hair's on fire.

Elena: YaaH!!

Reno: *shakes head and leaves*

~~~

Elena and Rude

Elena: Gotta look cool to impress Rude! *dons a pair of very dark sunglasses and poses*

Rude: .....

Elena: Hey, Rude!!!!!!!!

Rude: Hello.

Elena: Wanna come for a walk or something??

Rude: ...*shrugs and walks off. Elena follows quickly, trying to see him through the sunglasses.*

Elena: So, like, how about maybe next saturday, I mean if you're free and everything, I just thought it might be kinda fun maybe if we, y'know -

Rude: Elena, you're gonna -

Elena: *bumps into a lamppost.* Ow!......

Rude: ....bump into a lamppost.

Elena: *lying on the ground.* Aaaaargh. Er... could you give me the kiss of life or something?

Rude: ...No. *leaves*

~~~

Elena and Tseng

Elena: Gotta look cool to impress Tseng!

Tseng: .... I'm dead, remember?

Elena: Hey, Tseng!!

Tseng: Elena, I'm dead.

Elena: Tseng, I was thinking, d'you think maybe like-

Tseng: I'm DEAD, for crying out loud!! Stop bugging me!

Elena: Don't worry about it. Look, maybe saturday, I mean, I'm not doing -

Tseng: ELENA!! I. AM. DEAD!!! How are you even talking to me?? And even if I was alive, I love Aeris, OK?

Elena: WHAT?? *faints*

~~~

Tseng and Aeris

Tseng: Don't anyone forget, I'm dead.

Aeris: Me too. Sucks, doesn't it?

Tseng: Yeah... Hey... Aeris....?

Aeris: NO. Don't even think about it. You're a mean person who kidnapped me and hit me in that helicopter and now you want me to fall in love with you??

Tseng: Did I say that?? Did I EVER even SUGGEST that I wanted you to fall in love with me?? *shakes head* ...But, OK, yes I do.

Aeris: *glares*

Tseng: Oh, COME ON - you forgive Sephiroth for KILLING you and you won't forgive me??

Aeris: Oh... right, yes I guess you have a point there... OK.

Tseng: So, do you love me??

Aeris: Um... well... maybe.

Tseng: Yey!! *dances around in a very un-Tseng-ish way.*

Aeris: Um.... I'm scared. *leaves*

~~~

Zack and Aeris

Zack: I'm dead.

Aeris: Yeah, me too. Look, yeah, I love you and we've been through this before!

Zack: We have?

Aeris: Oh... whoops, no, that was that other very attractive dark-haired young man...

Zack: Aeris!! You said you'd be faithful forever!

Aeris: Well so did you, and then you went and DIED!!

Zack: Oh. OK. I'm sorry. But you died too!!

Aeris: That was afterwards. And only because I missed you so much.

Zack: Is that true?

Aeris: ...um, no... Actually, I died to save the entire planet from being squished by a meteor.

Zack: Oh, that's cool too. By the way, I still love you.

Aeris: Yey! I love you too!!

*they kiss* Aw....

~~~

Rufus and Reno

Rufus: Excuse me, do I know you?

Reno: Um... I'm Reno, I'm a Turk, I do all your dirty work... (A/N: Ooh, he's a poet!)

Rufus: *waves hand dismissively* Oh, right, yeah.

Reno: ...Um.... so.... what now?

Rufus: Oh, I think we're supposed to fall in love or something. Any ideas?

Reno: Nah, I'm not too bothered. Look, um - d'you have any beer? Only it's been like 2 whole hours since I last had a drink.

Rufus: *opens a HUGE drinks cabinet* Sure. Knock yourself out.

Reno: WOW, thanks!

Both: *get drunk*

Reno: uuuuUUUuuurrrRRRggHh.....

Rufus: Eeeuuuughh youuuuu're preddy hot...

Reno: Heeey, yeah... I am.... yooou, you too...

Rufus: Uurrrrggh..... you wannaaaaa....?

Reno: Yesh...... I wannaaaaa....

---at this point we shall draw a red velvet curtain to protect the poor kiddies before this gets even more disturbing. Sorry!---

*militant yaoi fans glare menacingly*

~~~

Scarlett and Reeve

Scarlett: Hiii Reeve...

Reeve: Er... h-hi, S-scarlett.

Scarlett: You know, you're a very clever man... not to mention good looking...

Reeve: *gulp*

Scarlett: So whaddya say?

Reeve: A-uh, erm... what d-do I say... t-to what e-exactly?

Scarlett: *moves closer* You know you want me.

Reeve: Er, actually, no, I don't, I... I, I honestly don't-

Scarlett: *kisses him*

Reeve: ...!help!...

---red curtain time again!----

*militant hentai fans glare menacingly.*

Oh come off it, you wound't wanna see hentai with Reeve and Scarlett would you??

WOULD you??

Eeep.

~~~

Tifa and Aeris (who is mysteriously alive. She just is, OK?)

Tifa: He's MINE!

Aeris: Not likely!

Tifa: Bitch!!

Aeris: Whore!!

Tifa: *gasping in anger* How DARE you?

Aeris: I always tell the truth.

Tifa: *calms down* Really? *sugar-sweet* I guess you just can't admit it even to yourself then... You're nothing to him. *a little confused suddenly* Besides, you're DEAD, aren't you?

Aeris: True love never dies.

Tifa: *shrugs* Well, better get your coffin ready then. He proposed to me yesterday...

Aeris: I don't THINK so. Dear, you're a little confused. It was ME he asked to marry him.

Tifa: Er, no. Like, there's no way he would have asked both of us!

Aeris: No, therefore he asked ME.

Tifa: ME!

Aeris: ME ME ME!

*pause*

Tifa: Unless... he really DID ask both of us?

Aeris: You don't suppose...?

Tifa: That would mean............................

Aeris: YOU'RE A LIAR!!

Tifa: No YOU are!

Aeris: YOU!

Tifa: YOU YOU YOU!

Aeris: Unless....

Tifa: Maybe.....

Aeris: You think he......?

Tifa: Aeris, I've come to a decision.

Aeris: Me too.

Tifa: YOU'RE A LIAR!

Aeris: No YOU are!!!

(cat-fight.... etc etc etc etc. About twenty minutes later.......)

Aeris: Unless......?

Tifa: Just... maybe....?

Aeris: HE's the liar!

Tifa: HE's the bastard!

Aeris: He's been playing with our hearts too long!

Tifa: Oh Aeris!

Aeris: Oh Tifa!

Tifa: I'm so sorry!

Aeris: Me too!

Tifa: I love you!

Aeris: I love you too!!

Both *think*: This'll teach him....

*kiss*

There!! Romanatic closure!! What more could you want? Yuri? You want yuri...?

(btw... anyone seen/read The Importance of Being Ernest?? This would be a...different sort of conclusion to Cecily and Gwendolen's argument...)

~~~

Anyway, as the militant yaoi fans are still glaring menacingly at me, I shall attempt to appease them....

Zack and Cloud

Zack: So.... we're both dead, right?

Cloud: Er... I'm not dead!!

Zack: Oh really?

Cloud: Yes, really!

Zack: Well you are now!!!! *runs at Cloud with Buster Sword*

Cloud: Zack! What are you doing?? Zack, why do you want to kill me??

Zack: So we can be together for all eternity, muahaha!!

*various Zack fans - including the author - scratch their heads and Glare Menacingly at this outbreak of OOCness.*

Cloud: But but... Zack wouldn't say that, would he??

Zack: Well, no. But you see - I'm not really Zack! I'm -

Cloud: NO!

Zack: I'M SEPHIROTH!!! MUAHAHAHA!!! *turns into Sephiroth*

Cloud: Noooooooo! No - Wait.......

Zack/Sephiroth: *does mind controlly thing*

Cloud: I mean.... Yeeees! Yes yes yes!!!!!

Zack/Sephiroth: Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

and we'll leave it to the militant yaoi fans' imagination if they so wish ;)

*militant yaoi fans level their guns at author. So do the militant Good Writing fans who are demanding at gunpoint how come Sephiroth keeps spontaneously coming back to life, and haven't I ever heard of characterization?*

*author eeeps. they found her in her hideaway in the Cosmo Canyon library. Eep.*

*oh and I'd forgotten the die-hard Elena fans...*

*author eeps again and runs off to find somewhere more pleasant to live, like a coffin or something. Hey, at least people aren't pointing guns at you!!!*

~~~

Tra la la... that's it for now.... LOL, I don't seem to be making friends with these, do I? Don't take ANY of it seriously or personally!!

And send any reviews to JestaAriadne, 3rd Coffin from the Left, Nibelhelm Mansion, Nibelhelm. Thank you.