22

Simple Math

Spike was having a quiet talk with Oz while Rose was finishing up getting the twins dressed.

"Don't see any reason why you shouldn't take the kids out and about if you want to," he admitted. "But I just thought what with Dru being in town and all, you ought to know."

Oz nodded. "Since I'm only here during the daytime, it shouldn't make any difference," he replied. "But I think that I'll be careful about going out at night."

"Good plan," Spike agreed. "Wouldn't like the idea of Dru taking a fancy to you. Good help is hard to find."

"Especially someone who can deal with your kids," Oz remarked. Rose and the twins emerged from the other room, and the children rushed him.

"Did you have a fun weekend, Oz?" "Are you going to play your guitar for us?" "Are you going to teach us some new songs today?" "Can we go to the park?"

"One question at a time," Oz said. "I can't keep track when you talk so fast."

"Oh, one more thing, Oz," Spike added. "No candy in any way, shape or form." He gave his offspring a severe look. "They're being punished."

The twins stared up at Oz, eyes wide, faces absolutely radiating innocence.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the new picture I saw on Angel's wall when I dropped by his place last night, would it?" Oz asked. "It looked like a food fight to me."

"He drew a picture of that mess?" Rose looked aghast. "And then he went and hung it up where everyone could see?" She turned to Spike. "Do you think you could..,"

"No, luv," Spike said gently. "If the silly nit wants to decorate his walls with pictures of the kids raising hell, there's not much to be done about it. Leastways he had enough sense not to try to give it to you." A smile tugged at his lips as he thought of Rose's reaction to such an occurrence.

"I almost wish he had," Rose muttered. "Then I could have burned it."

"That's probably why he didn't give it to you," Oz remarked. He checked the time. "Hey, aren't you guys going to be late for work?"

&&&&&

"C'mon, you've got to admit it was kind of funny." Angel was heading towards the cells with Spike in tow.

"Try saying that to Rose and see what kind of reaction you'll get," Spike urged. "But make sure you do it when I'm around. I'd like to see her try to lay one on you. Stupid git."

They reached the cells, where Ethan sat, despondent and anxious, wondering what was going to happen to him.

"I don't know." Angel was still talking to Spike as if no one else was there. "Giles has been calling every day just to find out if we'll let him have our guest here."

Spike shrugged. "Don't always get what we want," he commented. "The way of the world. Myself, I always tend to go for the easy fix."

"And what would your idea of an easy fix be?" Angel asked.

"Don't take much to snap his neck," Spike answered. "Quick, clean, and guaranteed that he won't be up to any more of his nasty little games."

Ethan started to sweat. Didn't having souls meant that they were supposed to be good now? And in his experience, the good ones didn't kill you when they already had you locked safely away. But they sounded serious enough. Going back to England to face an angry Giles didn't much appeal either. Although the trip could afford him the opportunity to escape. And most decidedly a better bet than having his neck snapped.

"Still, you have to wonder what kind of judgment the Watchers would hand down," Angel said conversationally. "Do you think it would be something as quick and relatively painless as a broken neck?"

Spike shook his head. "With old Rupes egging them on?" he hooted. "Not bleeding likely. Maybe a practice dummy for all the little Slayers to train on." He considered. "Then again, with Giles taking it all so personal, he might want to deal with it himself."

"The morning phone calls are starting to get a little irate," Angel conceded. "So I guess I'm going to have to come to some sort of a decision soon." He looked at the prisoner, seeing the little beads of sweat pop out on his brow. Not that he needed to look. He could smell the fear on him. "But not today." He turned and started to walk away. "You coming, Spike?"

"In a bit," Spike replied. "I just wanted to drop a little word in this nit's ear before I leave." He turned to Ethan. "You are one bloody lucky sod that you didn't lay a hand on my kids," he said darkly. "Or you wouldn't be alive and well to hear this. Just a friendly warning in case some idiot lets you slip away again." Then he too, turned and left.

&&&&&&&

Rose was coming to the conclusion that she was going to be having lunch alone today. Usually, Fred joined her. Unless there was something critical going on in R&D. Or she got really busy and forgot the time. Okay, so it happened often as not. She was therefore in no way prepared when Harmony bounced into the seat where Fred customarily sat.

"Hello, Harmony," she greeted the newcomer. "I don't often see you here."

"I just had to tell someone my news." Harmony was positively bubbling over. "And the boss tends to get cranky about me 'socializing during working hours'."

Rose got a knowing smile on her face. "You've got a boyfriend?" she guessed.

"Would you believe two of them?" Harmony sounded surprised herself. "I was out window shopping last night, and they just came up and started talking to me. And they're vampires, too. No awkward explanations needed."

"Well, that certainly sounds fortuitous," Rose agreed. She could see that Harm was about to burst at the seams. "So, tell me all about them."

"It was just so neat having guys that were really interested in me," Harmony said. "Not just how I look, or anything, but they wanted to know every little thing about me. By the way, they said that they know you."

"Know me?" Rose was puzzled. "I don't recall knowing any vampires that don't work he.., Oh, wait a minute. Is it Val and Den?"

Harmony nodded. "Yeah, they are like totally in awe of Spike." She giggled. "They still think he's the Big Bad or something."

"You didn't enlighten them by any chance, did you?" Rose didn't think Spike's threats were needed for her protection anymore, but, you never knew. And while she was quite fond of Harmony, she knew that the littlest vampire just couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"I thought I ought to ask you or Spikey about it first," Harmony replied. She gave Rose an appealing look. "I did the right thing, didn't I?"

"Yes you did, dear," Rose said. "Exactly the right thing. Spike doesn't go to any lengths to destroy the myths around him simply because it can be useful. In Val and Den's case, he wanted to make sure that they passed the word that he'd dust anyone that tried to hurt me."

"I won't tell," Harmony promised. "But those guys were really full of questions. They wanted to know about you and Spike and the kids as much as they wanted to know about me."

"I wonder why that was," Rose wondered aloud. She looked at the time and realized that her lunch hour was up. "I have to get back to work now, Harmony," she said. "But I'm glad to know that you've found someone. Let me know how things go."

"Well duh," Harmony answered. "You're one of my galpals, it's kind of like, mandatory."

&&&&&

In the safe, dark corners of the lair, the three conspirators were talking.

"Man, once we got that chick talking, we couldn't shut her up," Val remarked. "Just tell her she's pretty, ask a couple of questions and she tells you her life story."

"Did she tell you where Spike is, then?" Drusilla asked.

Den nodded. "He's living in one of the penthouse suites at Wolfram and Hart." He looked impressed. "Him, the girl and the two kids. And according to Harmony, they are his kids."

"I knew they had to be," Drusilla murmured. "Such pretty little ones. They bring out the maternal in me." She sighed. "I can't believe that he's working for Angel. Whatever happened to my darling Spike that he would work in that place?"

"Maybe he's kind of like, you know, undercover," Val offered. "You know, waiting for the right moment to strike, then, bam! all hell breaks loose."

"He's been undercover for almost three years now," Den pointed out. "How long would it take for him to shake things up? Something's not right here."

"No, it isn't," Dru agreed. "But we'll get it all sorted out. First though, we have to figure a way to get rid of the girlfriend."

"Her name is Rose," Val informed her.

"If she ever went out alone, we could make a quick snack of her," Den put in. "Always did think she looked kind of tasty."

Val smacked him. "And have Spike coming after your ass?" he snarled. "Are you really that stupid, or did you have to study for it?"

"Killing her would just upset him," Drusilla mused. "We don't want her dead. I'll have to think of a way to break up their happy little family. But what would it take for Spike to leave her?"

"When I was human," Val said slowly. "I was with this girl. Man, I thought she was it, that it would be the two of us forever. Until I found out that she was screwing someone else."

"Yeah," Den said. "If you could find a way for him to catch Rose cheating on him, I bet he'd boot her out in a hot second."

Drusilla beamed at them. "What a wonderful idea," she enthused. "Spike doesn't like to have any competition." She looked at her dolly. "Tell me, Henrietta, have you heard of any witches around here? I think this calls for a good love spell."

&&&&&&

"I don't care how many Slayers Giles sends as guards," Spike said during his daily workout with Angel. "Ethan Rayne is a slippery bastard. He'll find a way to escape. He got away from the Initiative gits now, didn't he?"

"I'd kind of like to stay on speaking terms with Giles though," Angel replied. "If I don't turn Ethan over to him, it's going to put a strain on things again."

Spike shrugged. "Piss on him. His problem, not yours." He dodged an attack and countered it. "I've got a news flash for you, Peaches. No matter how hard you try, not everyone is going to like you. Deal with it."

"You're still mad about the picture, aren't you?" Angel sidestepped a blow that missed him by mere millimeters. "The kids have acted up before, and they will again. It's part of being a kid. Why are you so bent out of shape this time?"

Spike paused to think a moment, and it almost got him taken down. "Because it was so damn deliberate this time," he burst out. "Mostly, it is just kids being kids. But they're not ordinary kids. And doing that to Rose..,"

"So that's why," Angel remarked. "You're pissed because they threw their breakfast on Rose. News flash for you, junior, she's not going to die from it."

"It was bloody disrespectful to their mum," Spike snapped. "And believe it or not, that is one line they have never crossed before."

"You didn't actually spank them, did you?" Angel could see the whole picture now, but he still didn't believe that his godchildren merited that severe a punishment.

"Not this time," Spike replied. "But they aren't allowed any candy for a couple of weeks. And if I catch you giving them any, I will kick your fat, poncey ass until it's nothing but a bad memory."

"You wish." Angel took advantage of Spike's preoccupation and laid him out on the floor. "That's my round, I believe."

Spike gave him a disgusted look and flipped him the bird.

&&&&&&

Drusilla had all her dollies set in a neat little row on her bed. "My, don't you all look so pretty," she cooed. "And soon you'll have some new little friends to play with." She stopped and listened to the voices that only she heard for a moment. "But first, we need that love spell. Tonight, my little lovelies, we're going witch-hunting."

Val and Den watched from what they considered to be a safe distance.

"That chick is crazy," Den stated flatly. "How long are we going to play along with her?"

"She may be crazy," Val conceded. "But she knows stuff. Stuff that could be useful later. I think we'll hang in there for a while. Besides, it's not like we really have anything else to do. Scaring up a meal doesn't usually take up too much of the night."

"She's creeping me out, man," Den replied. "I don't know what's worse, her talking to those damn dolls, or listening to someone that isn't there."

"Think we ought to keep that date we made with Harmony tonight?" Val asked. "Who knows, if we could get her to shut up long enough, we might even see a little action."

Den shrugged. "I suppose it depends on whether or not that loony bitch has any more little chores for us tonight," he answered. "Unless you want to blow her off. I mean, we've got lives too, sorta."

Val shook his head. "If Drusilla wants us to help her out tonight, we will." He sighed. "I just hope we find some time to see Harmony. I think she'd be kind of pissed if we stood her up."

"Think she'd be up for a threesome?" Den suggested.

Val looked disgusted. "If there is one thing I do not want to see," he growled. "It is you, naked. Just the thought is about enough to make me blow chunks." He got a calculating look on his face. "Take turns, or flip you for her?"

It was Den's turn to look thoughtful, and the strain on his mental capacities was evident in his expression. "Shouldn't the lady be making the choice?" he inquired. "Not that Harmony is much of a lady."

"If she was, would you be interested?" Val shot back. "Okay, we let her decide. But if she picks me, you get the hell gone."

"Same goes for you," Den shot back. "Shake on it?"

&&&&&&

"Anything new and interesting happen at work today, babe?" Spike asked as he met Rose at the elevator to their apartment.

"Not actually at work," Rose replied. "But I was talking to Harmony at lunch. It seems that she's gotten herself a couple of admirers."

"Good for Harm," Spike remarked. "Anyone we know?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Rose pushed the button for their penthouse. "Do you remember Val and Den?" When she saw that the names weren't ringing a bell with him from the expression on his face, she elaborated. "The two vampires who walked me home when I got stranded with Aubrey that night you were at the bachelor party."

"Oh, them." Spike remembered. He also remembered the cold chill he'd gotten when he'd seen Rose flanked by a couple of strange vamps. "They're who Harm is seeing?"

"She's quite taken with them," Rose said. "I guess they were quite charming with her. They asked her all sorts of questions about herself. Even about us, since they've met us."

Spike stood there chewing his lip while he digested the information. "Just how much did Harm tell them about us?" he queried.

"I'm not sure," Rose admitted. "Just general stuff, I think, about the children, and where we live. I don't think there was..," She broke off when she saw him hit the stop button. "What's the matter, darling?"

"I just put two and two together," Spike answered. "And I don't much like how it's coming out. I think we need to talk to my poncey grandsire."