Chapter 3- Bak 2 Skool?
Two days later, the kids were bored, as kids usually become. They were all laying on a couch, exhausted for no reason. Arwen came into to see the pathetic group.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Nothing," the kids all said.
"Exactly!" Arwen responded.
The others looked at her, confused. Aragorn came into the room, hearing the comment.
"What are you talking about?" Aragorn asked.
Arwen gestured to the kids. "They haven't been to school in months! Where's their education?"
"We don't need no education!" Daj declared.
"They have poor grammar skills," Arwen began.
"But we speak good!" Ben protested.
"Poor math skills," she added.
"5+8 equals 58!" Ben protested again. "Hah! Beat that!"
"And lack of anger management," she finished.
"What?!" Peter shouted. "That's an insult!!! I don't have anger problems, dang it!!!!!!"
"See what I mean?" Arwen asked Aragorn.
Aragorn nodded. "But what are we going to do?"
"I guess," she said, "we'll have to teach them."
"What?!" the kids yelled.
Lisa laughed so hard that she fell out of her chair. "You? Teach us? Lady Arwen of Rivendell Who-Stole-My-Man?! That's a GOOD one!"
And so it was! The teachers were appointed, and the house was converted into a school. Don't ask how....
But the kids were split up into two classes. Two teachers would teach at the same time in different rooms. So here comes utter insanity:
Frodo & Sam- algebra
Aragorn- gym class...woot.....
Gandalf- chemistry/science
Merry & Pippin- home economics (Hey! It's cooking!)
Boromir- history
Arwen & Legolas- language arts...I guess...Hey! It's including Elvish!
Eowyn- principal...don't ask
Gimli- vice-principal
Faramir- dean (BWA HA HA!)
But who would teach them band class?
"I guess we'll have to teach ourselves," Tracy sighed.
"Fun!" the others exclaimed.
The first class of kids consisted of Tracy, Tippy, Peter, Daj and Bryan. The second was Lisa, Ben, Brittney, Kitt, Stephanie and Ashley.
Class One: Period One
"I hate school!" Bryan whined. "I hate it! I hate it!"
"This isn't school!" Peter declared. "It's heck with fluroscent lighting!"
Tippy came into the den which had been converted into a classroom. She slammed the door behind her. "NO one talk to me."
"Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Dajotre mumbled.
Their first period teacher walked in: Mister Peregrin Took and Mister Meriadoc Brandybuck. (Are you laughing as hard as I am?)
"Good morning!" Pippin said.
"Is it?" Tracy asked.
"I hope so," Bryan added.
Tippy moaned. "Why me? Here I am stuck with two caffeine addicts and three morons!"
"Hey!" Bryan yelled.
"Oh you're right," Tippy apologized. "I'm sorry. I forgot one. FOUR morons!"
"Quiet!" "Mister" Brandybuck said.
The intercom (as seen in chapter 12 of The Fellowship of the Morons) whined and the kids put their hands over their ears.
"Is this thing on?" a voice said.
"Yes! It's on!" the kids chorused.
"Good morning," the voice said. "Please rise for the pledge."
The kids looked at each other.
"Leading us in the pledge is...um...me," the voice continued.
The others groaned and painfully recited:
"I pledge alleigance to the flag
Of the United States of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation under God, indivisable
With liberty and justice for all."
The kids sat down and Bryan raised his hand. "Why do we pledge alleigance to a flag?"
"Don't ask questions," Pippin replied.
"But it's good to ask questions!" said the Tip.
The intercom stopped Pippin from giving his answer. "Will the following students come to the dean's office?"
"No, but okay," Dajotre mumbled.
"Bryan and Ben," the intercom said.
"What?!" Bryan yelled. "The first day of school and I'm already in trouble!"
"That comes as no surprise," Tracy muttered.
Bryan left and Merry opened the textbook. "Pippin. What's a tsp?"
"Tsp? Hmm...ten square pounds?" Pippin suggested.
"Works for me!" Merry grinned.
Tippy raised her hand. "Doesn't tsp stand for teaspoon?"
"Who's the teacher here?" Merry asked.
Tippy glared at him. "You are..."
"That's right," Merry grinned. "So what we say is right."
"Ah! But that can be argued." Peter replied.
"Would you like a detention?!" Pippin scolded.
"Better than watching the stove blow up," Peter said to himself. "Wait...no it isn't!"
TEN MINUTES LATER...
The fire truck roared up to the driveway, and the firefighters ran inside the house and into the kitchen. They were able to put out the exploding stove in a few minutes. Merry and Pippin stood close by, their faces black from the explosion.
"That was good!" Pippin grinned.
"Let's do another one!" Merry smiled.
"Maybe we should just READ about cooking for the rest of the period," Daj mumbled.
Class Two: Period Two
Class Two was sitting in chemistry at the same time. Chemistry had been moved into the basement. Gandalf began thumbing through the science book.
" *mumble mumble* Electrons *mumble mumble* In the early Palezoic era *mumble mumble*" he said to himself.
He paused. "Forget this!"
He threw the book behind him and said. "I'll just teach you magic!"
The kids cheered and lit their science books on the Bunsen burners.
"Now, who can tell me what the elements are?" Gandalf asked. (I don't believe in magic and witchcraft, by the way, and I'm NOT trying to make it like so.)
Lisa raised her hand. "Well, there's oxygen, hydrogen, boron, mercury, uranium, radium-"
"Wrong!" Gandalf grinned. "Earth, wind, fire and ice." (That's what I think they are. But like I said, I don't believe in witchcraft and magic.)
Lisa glared at him.
"Everyone, open up these new books to page 35," Gandalf instructed.
TEN MINUTES LATER...
The firetruck returned to the driveway, and this time, the firefighters ran into the basement. It only took a few minutes to put out Ben's burning hair along with the burning everything else.
"On second thought," Brittney said, "let's just read Harry Potter. It's about magic!" (Demons...)
Class One: Period Three
Class One's next class was language arts...oh joy. Misses Arwen and Mister Legolas were teaching this class. (falls on floor with laughter)
"Who can tell me what a classic is?" Arwen asked.
Tracy raised her hand. "A book everyone praises but no one wants to read!"
The others laughed, and Arwen glared at her. "No. But can anyone tell me some good classics?"
Tippy raised her hand. "The Lord of the Rings?!"
"What kind of a book is that?" Legolas mumbled.
Tippy and Tracy snickered, and then Bryan raised his hand. "A Farewell to Arms?"
"Very good, Bryan!" Arwen smiled.
"Arwen likes me!" Bryan exclaimed.
Dajotre glared and raised his hand. "What about War and Peace?"
"That's a good book too, Dajotre!" Arwen praised.
Dajotre grinned superiorly, and Peter then raised his hand. "A Tale of Two Cities! And I can even recite the first part!"
He stood up. "'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. There were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a plain face, on the throne of England; there were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a fair face, on the throne of France. In both countries it was clearer than crystal to the lords of the State preserves of loaves and fishes, that things in general were settled for ever.'"
Peter sat down, leaving Daj and Bryan glaring.
"Very good Peter!" Arwen smiled. "I'm so impressed!"
Peter grinned. "Just another satisfied customer."
Tippy and Tracy rolled their eyes, and the teachers continued their lecture.
"Let's move onto vocabulary," Legolas said.
Bryan raised his hand. "What does antidisestablishmintarism mean?"
Legolas blinked. "I...don't know."
The others gasped. "You don't know?!"
"You're the teacher!" Bryan exclaimed.
"Just stop it!" Legolas yelled.
"Teachers are supposed to know everything!" Daj said.
...We'll come back to this class in a few minutes...
(Next Chapter: Bak 2 Skool Part 2)
Two days later, the kids were bored, as kids usually become. They were all laying on a couch, exhausted for no reason. Arwen came into to see the pathetic group.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Nothing," the kids all said.
"Exactly!" Arwen responded.
The others looked at her, confused. Aragorn came into the room, hearing the comment.
"What are you talking about?" Aragorn asked.
Arwen gestured to the kids. "They haven't been to school in months! Where's their education?"
"We don't need no education!" Daj declared.
"They have poor grammar skills," Arwen began.
"But we speak good!" Ben protested.
"Poor math skills," she added.
"5+8 equals 58!" Ben protested again. "Hah! Beat that!"
"And lack of anger management," she finished.
"What?!" Peter shouted. "That's an insult!!! I don't have anger problems, dang it!!!!!!"
"See what I mean?" Arwen asked Aragorn.
Aragorn nodded. "But what are we going to do?"
"I guess," she said, "we'll have to teach them."
"What?!" the kids yelled.
Lisa laughed so hard that she fell out of her chair. "You? Teach us? Lady Arwen of Rivendell Who-Stole-My-Man?! That's a GOOD one!"
And so it was! The teachers were appointed, and the house was converted into a school. Don't ask how....
But the kids were split up into two classes. Two teachers would teach at the same time in different rooms. So here comes utter insanity:
Frodo & Sam- algebra
Aragorn- gym class...woot.....
Gandalf- chemistry/science
Merry & Pippin- home economics (Hey! It's cooking!)
Boromir- history
Arwen & Legolas- language arts...I guess...Hey! It's including Elvish!
Eowyn- principal...don't ask
Gimli- vice-principal
Faramir- dean (BWA HA HA!)
But who would teach them band class?
"I guess we'll have to teach ourselves," Tracy sighed.
"Fun!" the others exclaimed.
The first class of kids consisted of Tracy, Tippy, Peter, Daj and Bryan. The second was Lisa, Ben, Brittney, Kitt, Stephanie and Ashley.
Class One: Period One
"I hate school!" Bryan whined. "I hate it! I hate it!"
"This isn't school!" Peter declared. "It's heck with fluroscent lighting!"
Tippy came into the den which had been converted into a classroom. She slammed the door behind her. "NO one talk to me."
"Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Dajotre mumbled.
Their first period teacher walked in: Mister Peregrin Took and Mister Meriadoc Brandybuck. (Are you laughing as hard as I am?)
"Good morning!" Pippin said.
"Is it?" Tracy asked.
"I hope so," Bryan added.
Tippy moaned. "Why me? Here I am stuck with two caffeine addicts and three morons!"
"Hey!" Bryan yelled.
"Oh you're right," Tippy apologized. "I'm sorry. I forgot one. FOUR morons!"
"Quiet!" "Mister" Brandybuck said.
The intercom (as seen in chapter 12 of The Fellowship of the Morons) whined and the kids put their hands over their ears.
"Is this thing on?" a voice said.
"Yes! It's on!" the kids chorused.
"Good morning," the voice said. "Please rise for the pledge."
The kids looked at each other.
"Leading us in the pledge is...um...me," the voice continued.
The others groaned and painfully recited:
"I pledge alleigance to the flag
Of the United States of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation under God, indivisable
With liberty and justice for all."
The kids sat down and Bryan raised his hand. "Why do we pledge alleigance to a flag?"
"Don't ask questions," Pippin replied.
"But it's good to ask questions!" said the Tip.
The intercom stopped Pippin from giving his answer. "Will the following students come to the dean's office?"
"No, but okay," Dajotre mumbled.
"Bryan and Ben," the intercom said.
"What?!" Bryan yelled. "The first day of school and I'm already in trouble!"
"That comes as no surprise," Tracy muttered.
Bryan left and Merry opened the textbook. "Pippin. What's a tsp?"
"Tsp? Hmm...ten square pounds?" Pippin suggested.
"Works for me!" Merry grinned.
Tippy raised her hand. "Doesn't tsp stand for teaspoon?"
"Who's the teacher here?" Merry asked.
Tippy glared at him. "You are..."
"That's right," Merry grinned. "So what we say is right."
"Ah! But that can be argued." Peter replied.
"Would you like a detention?!" Pippin scolded.
"Better than watching the stove blow up," Peter said to himself. "Wait...no it isn't!"
TEN MINUTES LATER...
The fire truck roared up to the driveway, and the firefighters ran inside the house and into the kitchen. They were able to put out the exploding stove in a few minutes. Merry and Pippin stood close by, their faces black from the explosion.
"That was good!" Pippin grinned.
"Let's do another one!" Merry smiled.
"Maybe we should just READ about cooking for the rest of the period," Daj mumbled.
Class Two: Period Two
Class Two was sitting in chemistry at the same time. Chemistry had been moved into the basement. Gandalf began thumbing through the science book.
" *mumble mumble* Electrons *mumble mumble* In the early Palezoic era *mumble mumble*" he said to himself.
He paused. "Forget this!"
He threw the book behind him and said. "I'll just teach you magic!"
The kids cheered and lit their science books on the Bunsen burners.
"Now, who can tell me what the elements are?" Gandalf asked. (I don't believe in magic and witchcraft, by the way, and I'm NOT trying to make it like so.)
Lisa raised her hand. "Well, there's oxygen, hydrogen, boron, mercury, uranium, radium-"
"Wrong!" Gandalf grinned. "Earth, wind, fire and ice." (That's what I think they are. But like I said, I don't believe in witchcraft and magic.)
Lisa glared at him.
"Everyone, open up these new books to page 35," Gandalf instructed.
TEN MINUTES LATER...
The firetruck returned to the driveway, and this time, the firefighters ran into the basement. It only took a few minutes to put out Ben's burning hair along with the burning everything else.
"On second thought," Brittney said, "let's just read Harry Potter. It's about magic!" (Demons...)
Class One: Period Three
Class One's next class was language arts...oh joy. Misses Arwen and Mister Legolas were teaching this class. (falls on floor with laughter)
"Who can tell me what a classic is?" Arwen asked.
Tracy raised her hand. "A book everyone praises but no one wants to read!"
The others laughed, and Arwen glared at her. "No. But can anyone tell me some good classics?"
Tippy raised her hand. "The Lord of the Rings?!"
"What kind of a book is that?" Legolas mumbled.
Tippy and Tracy snickered, and then Bryan raised his hand. "A Farewell to Arms?"
"Very good, Bryan!" Arwen smiled.
"Arwen likes me!" Bryan exclaimed.
Dajotre glared and raised his hand. "What about War and Peace?"
"That's a good book too, Dajotre!" Arwen praised.
Dajotre grinned superiorly, and Peter then raised his hand. "A Tale of Two Cities! And I can even recite the first part!"
He stood up. "'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. There were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a plain face, on the throne of England; there were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a fair face, on the throne of France. In both countries it was clearer than crystal to the lords of the State preserves of loaves and fishes, that things in general were settled for ever.'"
Peter sat down, leaving Daj and Bryan glaring.
"Very good Peter!" Arwen smiled. "I'm so impressed!"
Peter grinned. "Just another satisfied customer."
Tippy and Tracy rolled their eyes, and the teachers continued their lecture.
"Let's move onto vocabulary," Legolas said.
Bryan raised his hand. "What does antidisestablishmintarism mean?"
Legolas blinked. "I...don't know."
The others gasped. "You don't know?!"
"You're the teacher!" Bryan exclaimed.
"Just stop it!" Legolas yelled.
"Teachers are supposed to know everything!" Daj said.
...We'll come back to this class in a few minutes...
(Next Chapter: Bak 2 Skool Part 2)