71

Fallout

For a few excruciating minutes, Rose just stayed as she was, paralyzed by shock and horror. Then, she placed her hands on Angel's chest and started shoving at him in a frenzied effort to get him off of her.

It would have been a hopeless cause if he hadn't been all too willing to move. Both of them could remember the events and feelings from the past week, but they were at a complete loss to understand how and why it had happened.

Rose sat up and looked at the two expressionless little faces still calmly regarding them, and buried her face in her hands. What had she done? Why had she done it? And was there even the most remote possibility that Spike could ever forgive her?

&&&&&&

Spike drove around for a while, more or less at random, when he spotted a liquor store. In his current state of mind, large quantities of alcohol seemed like a very good idea. The only difficulty he had was convincing the clerk that he really did want a whole case of Jack. Spike privately suspected that it wouldn't be enough.

It did settle one question in his mind, however, and that was, where to go. Spike had never quite believed the virus story. He was betting that Lorne was on a long bender, drowning his sorrows.

Spike felt that he could use some like minded company about now.

&&&&&&

Finally, without a word, Rose stood, took her children by the hands and started towards the door.

Angel knew they had both been willing partners, but at least he didn't have a relationship that had just gotten screwed up. He felt that Rose was due some sort of apology, and he was the only one here to apologize.

"Rose, I'm..," he began.

"Don't," Rose ordered in a voice full of the tears she'd just managed not to shed. "Please, just don't say anything." She made the door, then stopped and scooped the twins up in her arms, to expedite her flight.

Alaric and Ariel wrapped their arms around their mother's neck. One problem was solved, at any rate. They could now access their mother's mind as easily as anyone else's. But now they had another problem. How were they going to get daddy back?

&&&&&&

"Forgive me for not getting up, but I don't think I can," Lorne apologized to the person who had just entered his living room. He squinted bloodshot eyes at his guest. "Spikester? What brings you to my little personal hell?"

"Joining you," Spike said shortly. He set down his burden, cracked open the first bottle and downed a sizable quantity of the contents.

Lorne's brain wasn't at its peak of performance right now, but something said that there was something very wrong about Spike being there and obviously determined to get as drunk as possible as soon as possible. He struggled into a sitting position, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. "Want to talk before you're too drunk to?" he suggested.

"I loved her," Spike muttered, looking down the neck of the bottle, as if seeking answers there. "I do love her. Don't think I'll ever be able to stop." He took another healthy swig of the whiskey. "I would never have believed that she would cheat on me. Still wouldn't if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes."

The Pylean's eyes nearly bugged right out of his head. "Rosebud?" he asked incredulously. "She cheated on you? I'm sorry guy, but I'm having a hard time dealing with the concept."

"Stand in line," Spike said bitterly. "And if that wasn't bad enough, of all the men in L.A., the one whose arms she has to fall into is that big, stupid, bloody wanker."

"Oh my god." Lorne was reeling from the revelations. "Rose and.., and Angel? Please tell me that you're pulling my leg."

"You don't know how much I wish I was." Spike tilted up the bottle again, feeling the whiskey burn a path down his throat. At least that was his excuse for the tears that suddenly blurred his vision.

&&&&&&&

Rose went through the rest of the day on automatic pilot. Housecleaning, tending the children. She made sure that she was busy each and every moment. Then, she didn't have so much time to think. But she didn't speak much, either. The children probably understood more than she cared for them to, but she was so sunk in self-loathing that she could barely function. If she consciously thought about things, she'd start crying and never stop.

The twins held their peace. They conversed with each other at length, and monitored their mother very carefully. They didn't entirely understand why mummy was feeling so guilty. She hadn't been herself the past few days, they knew that, even if she didn't. Maybe that was why. She didn't know what was wrong. Come to that, they didn't either. They could feel her hurting, and that made them sad. But they were happy that she was actually back with them. They were also a little confused why daddy had left. He knew that something was wrong with mummy, so why did he go away? They didn't like him being gone, and determined to get him back, somehow. After all, they'd gotten mummy back.

&&&&&&&

Lorne had started cutting way back on the booze since Spike's arrival. Somehow, Angela's betrayal of him seemed a bit trivial compared to what Spike was going through. He'd known Angela less than a week. But Spike and Rose had been together for years, now. They had kids, and could have been an advertisement for love and marriage. Spike had quit talking for the moment, but he was still putting away the painkiller like there was no tomorrow. Poor guy, he probably felt like there wasn't, not without Rose by his side. The faint flicker of an idea kindled in his alcohol-fogged brain. He didn't think he dared ask Spike to sing for him. If he just put it bluntly, Spike would probably refuse, even more bluntly, not to mention profanely. A little finesse was called for.

Spike emptied the second bottle in his stash. Definitely not sober, but not numb, not yet. He reached for another bottle. How much was it going to take to put a damper on his pain, at least for a little bit? He needed to get oblivious for a while. Then, when he started feeling a little better, he'd start thinking about ways to get Rose back. Not getting her back wasn't an option he even considered. But he was beginning to be almighty sick and tired of competing with the bloody ponce.

Lorne started singing, hoping that it would sound like he'd just started in of his own accord, and also hoping that Spike would join in. He'd run through quite a few songs in his head before he hit on one that might just do the trick. "He don't love you, like I love you..,"

Spike glared at him. "Nice try, greenjeans," he grumbled. "I don't need you taking a peek into my future right now. I know what my immediate future holds anyway. Being drunk as a bloody lord."

&&&&&&&

Angel felt a little sick. True, Spike had never been one of his favorite people. There'd always been that sense of competition between them. But he still didn't understand how he could possibly have tried to steal Rose away from him. He felt lower than he had since he'd left his existing in the gutter, living on rats days. How could he have let this happen? The only thing that could come of it was that everyone involved, including his beloved godchildren, would be hurt. He saw his sketchpad with the half-finished drawing on it, and tore it out of the pad, intending to rip it to shreds. Then, he halted himself, and sat down, filling in the details he'd deliberately left out. Putting Spike back into the picture. The question was, how were they going to get Spike back into the picture for real?

&&&&&&

Tonight, Val and Den accompanied Drusilla on her pilgrimage to Wolfram and Hart. Dru focused her concentration on the building for a moment, then started dancing with her dolly.

"It worked, Henrietta," she crowed triumphantly. "It worked. I knew it would. Spike isn't there. He's left the girlfriend."

"Does that mean we can quit our jobs?" Den asked hopefully. Val intended to give him an elbow in the ribs, but missed and jabbed him in the gut instead.

"Not just yet, impatient boy," Drusilla murmured. "We don't know where Spike has gone yet. I'm not feeling him either. I do hope he hasn't left town just yet. Henrietta would be most put out if we had to track him down."

"I don't really mind," Val said. He was finding the idea of having some cash at hand rather appealing, even with what he had to go through to get it. In some ways, it was still easier than biting someone then robbing them. Sometimes you chowed down on someone dressed in the height of yuppie fashion, only to find that they didn't carry cash.

Dru was frowning. She knew Spike, knew him as well as anybody. So why couldn't she feel where he'd gone? She shrugged it off for a moment and focused on the rest of the lover's triangle. How strange, her love spell didn't seem to be working anymore. "How could they have broken a love spell?" she asked the ever-present Henrietta. "Should we have the witch cast it again?" She held the doll up to her ear and listened. "Quite right. The spell did its job. We'll only have the witch cast it again if it looks like Spike is going to kiss and make up. With her."

&&&&&&&

Lorne was more than half sober now, which was a lot more than could be said for Spike, who was slumped down in a chair, a half-empty fifth cradled against him. Lorne had tried to remove the bottle so that Spike wouldn't spill it on himself if he shifted position, but his one attempt had nearly gotten him hit, even though Spike hadn't come to. With a sigh, he dug out a blanket and covered the passed out vampire with it.

&&&&&&

Rose finished with the dinner dishes. The twins dinner, she hadn't felt like eating, herself. Then, it was baths, and reading to the children and tucking them in for the night. All activities that she was used to sharing with Spike. She was grateful that the twins hadn't been inclined to chatter, and was so full of self-pity that it didn't even register with her that their silence was uncharacteristic. They replied when spoken to, but said little else. If she had noticed, she probably would have put entirely the wrong interpretation on it. She would have thought that they were upset with her for driving their father away. She certainly was.

And after the children were abed, and the place was still and silent. Rose climbed into the bed she was used to sharing with Spike and cried and cried until there were no more tears. She slept fitfully for a few hours, then woke up and cried some more.

&&&&&&

Oz showed up as usual on Monday morning. He, and indeed, just about everyone else had no idea what had happened. But he could tell that something was wrong the moment he showed up. For one thing, there was no sign of Spike, and the scent of him in the air was days old. No fresh scent. That was wrong. Unless the ops team had a prolonged assignment somewhere that required him to be away from home. That and the fact that Rose wouldn't look him in the eye no matter what. He shot a questioning glance at the kids, but they just shook their heads. They'd fill Oz in later. Right now, they were concerned about their parents. The one that wasn't there at all and the one that was there, but still, in some indefinable fashion, was not there. They clung to Rose when she hugged them before leaving, and silently informed her just how much they loved her.

It was all that Rose could do not to burst into tears again.

&&&&&&&

Wesley picked up the phone and put it down again. Then, he picked it up one more time and dialed the number for the senior partner's suite. "Hello, Oz. Any new developments? He what? When? Why? Oh, I guess not. No, Fred and I hit the books all weekend, still no clue as to what sort of spell would make someone's mind impervious to a telepath. I think I'm going to have to take this up with Angel."

&&&&&&

Wesley was about to walk into Angel's office when he suddenly found Harmony blocking his path. "I need to see Angel," he protested mildly.

Harmony shook her head. "Nothing doing, Wes, sorry," she replied. "The boss gave me strict orders to keep everyone out and hold all calls. He doesn't want to see or hear from anybody. He said that if I let anybody in, he'd stake me."

"I'm sure he didn't mean that literally," Wesley suggested hopefully. "It really is important, Harmony."

She still barred his path. "You didn't see the look on his face," she replied. "I did. And I think he did mean it. I've seen him all grumpy before, but nothing like this."

Wesley tried to remember if a spell could be contagious. First Rose acting atypically, and then, Angel. No, wait, that wasn't right. Angel had started acting strangely at the same time Rose had. Suddenly, it hit him right between the eyes. It would explain everything, the clouding of the mind, the irrational actions, and why Spike had left Rose. "Never mind, Harmony," he said, now in a hurry to get back to his office. "I don't think I need to talk to him now." He practically broke into a run heading back to the research department.

&&&&&&

Rose looked at her computer screen. It was just the last of the employee evaluations, it should be a snap. But somehow, she just couldn't bring herself to care whether they got done or not. She hated herself, she was trying to hate Angel. And she missed Spike more than she could say. Perhaps more than anyone could say. Since they worked in the same place, it was inevitable that she'd see him again. And even though he was quite justifiably angry with her, he loved his children. No doubt he'd want to see them. She longed for his first visit to them as much as she dreaded it. She almost wished that he would come to her office right now, even if it was to heap his anger and disgust on her for what she'd done. Anything would be preferable to being put in Coventry like this. Better than being alone again.