84

Decisions

Spike stood under the icy spray of the shower, teeth chattering. But he made no move to adjust the temperature of the water. He was trying to get sobered up. He fully planned on going to work the next day. And, if Rose would allow it, and she'd bloody well better, visiting with the kids after. And it wouldn't do to go see his little ones smelling like a distillery. He still didn't have a clue how they were going to get this whole mess straightened out, but somehow, they were going to. He had reached a point where he simply couldn't envision spending the rest of his life without Rose. But even if that rift couldn't be mended he sure as hell wasn't turning his back on his kids.

&&&&&&

"That wicked old sun just takes so long to set, doesn't it, Henrietta?" Drusilla asked her dolly. "I wonder if we could find a spell to make it set faster. I want to go find my naughty boy before he gets ideas about running back to the girlfriend. If the nasty girl hadn't managed to break my love spell, that wouldn't be a worry." She cuddled the doll against her ear. "Tell me Henrietta, how do we get the children too? The lovely little children. Then, we can all be a happy family together."

&&&&&

"You really don't have to stay, Harmony," Rose said weakly. "I know what Wesley said, but I'm fine, really, I am."

Harmony looked at her and rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, you look it too," she remarked sarcastically. "I love the dark circles under your eyes. How do I get some of my own, because I think you're really going to start a fashion trend there." She looked at Rose more closely. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Lunchtime," Rose fibbed. It was easier than getting into an argument. She was beginning to see why some people did so much of it. And, she had actually ingested something at lunchtime, but she didn't think Harmony would count antacids and aspirins as eating.

"Uh-huh." Harmony didn't look convinced. "Are you up to fixing dinner? Or should we order out? I'd fix it myself, but I kind of flunked out of home ec. after I set the classroom on fire."

Rose got a little distracted away from the main question. "What were you doing that you managed to set fire to the classroom?" she asked.

Harmony shrugged. "Boiling water." She turned towards the twins. "How would you guys like pizza for dinner?" she asked, before Rose had a chance to protest.

&&&&&&

"I suppose that you want me to break the spell," the witch said. Her nerves seemed to have improved considerably since their arrival at the law firm.

"Not necessary," Wesley replied. "The spell has already been broken. And I must say that I am impressed by your expertise. A simple love spell would never have worked with the two of them."

She ducked her head to hide a modest blush. "The gift has run in my family for many generations," she mumbled. "But if you don't need me to break the spell, then why did you insist I bring everything?"

"For one thing to make well and sure that there are no lingering aftereffects," Wesley answered. "And for another, so that they aren't just sitting there where Drusilla could find them if she took the notion to try to re-cast it herself." He looked at his guest severely. "I hope you know that your spell has quite possibly ruined several people's lives. I expect you to do your best to help me rectify the situation."

"I tried to give her a harmless potion," the 'gypsy' informed him. "But she saw that it was nothing but colored water."

Wesley felt a faint tinge of compassion. She really couldn't have been expected to stand up to Drusilla. Not and live to talk about it afterwards. But in the main, he felt rather less than sympathetic towards someone who had done so much damage to people he cared about. "If you need anything else, just ask me," he said. "And should you meet any of the staff, I would suggest you don't tell them what you've done. Or you'll have quite a number of people about who would probably be more than happy to hand you over to Drusilla."

&&&&&&

Lorne tiptoed back into his home, trying to move quietly lest Spike was still asleep, or at least, badly hung over. The last thing he expected to see was Spike, sober and well-groomed, sitting and talking on the phone.

"Aunt Harm says the pizza's there and you've got to go wash up for dinner?" Spike asked, with a hint of sad laughter at the thought of how Rose would take the idea. "I love you both. You're sure your mum said it's all right for me to come visit tomorrow night? Good-bye. I'll see you tomorrow then." He hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair, looking, if not content, then considerably more at peace with himself than he had been since the whole situation had blown up in his face.

"Dinner is served," Lorne said, handing Spike the supplies that he'd gotten Harmony to procure for him before she'd gone to stay with Rose. He probably could have gotten some from Angel, but right now, he didn't think Spike would appreciate owing Angel any kind of favor, so he'd made sure he could say he hadn't gotten it from him and be completely truthful about it.

"Thank God," Spike said, with feeling. "If I had gotten much hungrier, I think I would have started wondering what your blood tastes like."

"The thought had occurred," Lorne replied. "Not meaning to have been eavesdropping or anything, but did I hear you say that you're going to go see the munchkins tomorrow?"

Spike nodded. "Soon's I get off work," he agreed. "I've never been away from them this long since they've been born. Thinking about that is what made me decide to get sobered up. If it wasn't for them, I'd have probably gone on a bender that made what you did look like a weekend toot."

"Did you talk to Rose?" Lorne wasn't sure what answer he wanted to hear on that score.

"Just to ask to talk to the kids," Spike answered. "I don't think I'm ready to really talk to her yet." He gave a bitter laugh. "Even vampires need some time to heal." He pulled out a bag of blood and bit into it without ceremony, without worrying about warming it up. Lorne watched, fascinated, while he managed to guzzle it down without spilling so much as a drop.

"I talked to her this morning," Lorne offered hesitantly. He wasn't sure if Spike would want to hear about it or not, so he gave him the opportunity to cut him off at the pass.

"Do tell," Spike said unenthusiastically. Part of him was crying out to hear everything Lorne had to say on the subject, to glean whatever he could about her. The other part was afraid to hear that she was deliriously happy with Angel.

"I don't think she's been getting any sleep," Lorne remarked, then winced, realizing that it could have been put a lot better.

"I bet not," Spike snarled bitterly. "Ponce keeping her up all night? Want to give me the rest of the details of her love-life?"

"I don't think she's seen Angel since.., the other day," Lorne replied. "Poor baby, the dark circles are almost so big she looks like she's sporting a pair of shiners."

"She switches off to me and then on to him and now you're telling me that..," Spike started in, with an equal measure of anger and incredulousness.

"The kids told me that they hear her crying at night," Lorne informed him. "They can read her mind again, but she's shut herself off. Except at night, when she's all alone."

Spike felt a distinct pang, a tug at his heartstrings at hearing that Rose was suffering as badly as he was. But he wasn't sure he was ready to set himself up to take another fall. It was a hell of a long trip down. Time for a change of subject. "Sorry about the telly, Lorne. I had a little accident, and the bottle slipped out of my hand. I'll buy you a new one."

&&&&&&

Rose was dying to ask the children about Spike, but somehow just couldn't bring herself to pump them for information. She hadn't even protested Harmony ordering out for pizza. But she found it profoundly unappealing tonight. She wasn't sure that anything would be. She picked at the food in front of her, and pulled up a memory of Spike telling her..,

"That won't heal if you keep picking at it, mummy," Ariel said. The little imp must have pulled it right out of her head.

Rose looked at the children questioningly. If they were keeping that close a watch on her thoughts, they must know what was on her mind, what she wanted to know. What she needed to know.

Alaric shook his head. "Daddy didn't talk about you," he informed her. He suddenly got a stern look on his little face. "Eat your dinner or you have to go straight to bed."

Ariel giggled, and even Rose managed a wan smile. She forced down a bite of pizza. She reminded herself that she did still have responsibilities, one more time. She hadn't eaten since breakfast that terrible morning, goodness, was it only a few days ago? It seemed like forever. But now she was reminded that she had to take care of herself so that she could take care of her children. That was something else Spike had told her. Would she ever get past the point where every little thing that happened to her reminded her of Spike?

&&&&&&&

Spike stretched his legs out in front of him, and regarded them thoughtfully, as if it was the first time he had ever seen them. Then, he stood. "Think I'll just take a little stroll before turning in," he announced. "Been sitting here all day. If I don't get a little exercise, I'll never be able to fall asleep tonight."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Lorne asked anxiously. "I got filled in on the whole Drusilla thing today, guy and..,"

"Dru ain't gonna hurt me," Spike drawled. "If you got the whole story, then you know that she just wants to pick up where she left off. Which isn't happening. I'm a big, grown-up vampire, Lorne. I can take care of myself."

Lorne privately thought the jury was still out on that one, but he had nothing to gain by arguing. And when push came to shove, he really couldn't stop Spike. He tossed Spike his keys. "I'm turning in myself," he said. "Don't be too late."

&&&&&&

"They're nice little, closet sized cells," Angel remarked. "Life support hook-up and everything. You'd never have to leave. And if I put you in one, you wouldn't. Ever."

"Why are you doing this?" Ethan asked a little desperately. "You've got me where you want me. Why the mental games?"

"I'm in a bad mood right now," Angel snapped. "And making you sweat helps work some of it off. Not much, but some."

"So you're tormenting me just to make yourself feel better?" Ethan inquired bitterly. "That's just wonderful. I thought you were supposed to be one of the goody two shoes. I didn't think you lot went in for that sort of thing."

"How would you know?" Angel asked pointedly. "You could also consider it a friendly warning. Because the more I think about it, the better I like the idea. I've never been sure about sending you off to England. Too easy for you to figure out a way to escape."

"You'd just lock me in a little box and forget about me?" Ethan was starting to sound a little desperate. "Alone? Forever? With no company?"

"Oh, you'd have company," Angel assured him. "Right next door, there's a sweetheart of a guy. He was into all sorts of things. Murders, mutilations, and shoving people into hell to keep himself out."

Ethan's eyes grew round and wide. "When you say next door," he said cautiously. "You don't mean that he'd have.., access to me, do you?"

"I might be persuaded to put in something to let the two of you communicate with each other," Angel allowed. "But count your blessings that I have no intention whatsoever of letting Pavayne out of his box. And if you go in one, you won't be coming out either."

&&&&&&

"Rose, they're never going to get to sleep if you keep looking in on them every five minutes," Harmony said in a loud whisper. "You need some rest too. Have you slept at all since Spike left? Oops." Harmony covered her mouth with both hands. She'd forgotten she wasn't supposed to talk about the subject unless Rose herself brought it up.

"It's all right, Harmony," Rose said softly, still not taking her eyes off the children. "I can't run away from it, the fact is staring me in the face at every turn. I guess I need to learn to deal with it. To accept the fact that Spike is gone. And that he probably won't be coming back. And that I completely deserve it." Her voice started to waver.

Harmony put an arm around Rose's shoulders and tugged her away from the door to the twin's room. "You don't mean that," she scolded gently.

"I do," Rose mumbled, fighting back the tears. "I did an awful thing to Spike. If he hates me forever and never forgives me, I'll understand. Because I can't forgive me either." Tears started trickling down her cheeks despite her best efforts. "I miss him so much, Harmony. How could I have been so stupid? How could I even begin to think that I was falling in love with Angel when the only one I ever really loved was Spike? I still do love him. I always will."

"I'm betting that Spikey still loves you too, Rose," Harmony replied, patting Rose on the back and handing her a tissue. "And the way Wes and Lorne have been running around, they're going to figure out how this happened."

"Is how it happened really important now?" Rose sniffled. "The fact is, it did happen. And I don't think I'll ever hear Spike tell me he loves me ever again." Then, she began to cry in earnest.

&&&&&&

"Twinkle twinkle little star," Drusilla chanted. "Can you tell us where Spike is?" She stopped and listened intently for a few moments, hand cupped over her ear. "He's out and about, is he? Let's go find him, Henrietta."