AN: ok just to let you know it gets worse before it gets better. But it
will get better. And sorry it took so long for this part to come but I've
been really busy with drivers ED (I passed my learners test!!!!!!!!! I can
start to drive now!!!! ( yah for me) and homework and exams and stuff but
here it is. Just to let you know this is a strictly dreamer fic, even
though sometimes I really don't like Liz, but whatever I love them together
just not apart and it's got some candy.
Chapter 2: And Nobody Noticed (Part 2)
Liz dragged the blade over her wrist with so much pressure she let out a little gasp but was determined to keep quiet. She was sitting in the bathtub. The bathroom door locked, but the water wasn't running.
The first drop of blood hit the bottom with such force that it made a soft boom. Liz cut in again a little higher on her wrist and she found it easier now. There was slight stinging sensation when she cut into her skin. It was quite an adrenaline rush.
She sat there in the tub watching the blood poor from her wrists after cutting a few more times on the other wrist. It felt so good letting the blood drip from her body. With every drop that left her body she felt freer, she felt happy knowing that with every drop a little bit of her life went with it. She hated living now. Everything was wrong, but now that she had found this, everything was right.
Over the next few weeks Liz would do this every night, each time reveling in the feeling of being on the edge of life and death. She started wearing long sleeve shirts to cover up her wrists because she didn't want to share her pleasure with anyone. Her friends never really noticed anything, or at least they never said anything to Liz.
They all just figured Liz was still torn up by Alex's death. But they were all completely clueless. Nobody new her pain, everyone had someone, and now so did Liz. Pain was her someone. Pain was her comfort. So she kept face for her friends so she wouldn't have to share her comfort with them. They would never understand why pain was her comfort.
'They couldn't understand, they would all look at me like I'm some kind of freak, or psycho who needed to go to some psych ward or something. No I'm not crazy, I'm doing everything I can to keep from going crazy.' Liz thought as she spent another night in her bathtub. She had become addicted to the pain. She started cutting herself in other places as well. Her stomach her arms, anywhere and everywhere she could think of that could be hidden. But tonight was different.
She had cut herself as usual, she let herself bleed until she stopped bleeding then she went and locked her door and climbed into bed and went to sleep. But in the morning she didn't wake up. It was Saturday so her parents didn't bother to wake her up because she didn't have to word that day.
It wasn't until around 1pm that Liz finally stirred a little. Then she moaned, and her eyes fluttered open. She looked over at her clock and moaned again at what time it was.
Liz took off her covers and stood, but as soon as she was completely vertical, she collapsed. Liz stood again, this time she was much more aware but her legs were still wobbly so she sat down and waited for her dizziness to go away.
As the day wore on, Liz was in a complete daze; it was as if she wasn't even there. She sat at a booth in the Crashdown all afternoon staring off into space, her mind a complete blank. She didn't even notice when two people slid into the booth opposite her until Maria practically yelled her name, "Liz, Liz. LIZ!!!!!" "Wha-huh, oh Maria, Michael hi," She answered. She never expected them to sit with her. "How's it going?" Maria asked all cheerily. "Fine." Liz answered, trying so hard to sound straight forward but failing miserably. "Liz, you ok?" Maria asked a little concerned. "Yeah, sure, fine. Why?" Liz answered devoid of emotion yet again. "Liz, are you sure you're ok? You've been somewhere else for almost 2 months now, ever since, since. that day." Maria was really staring to get worried, she'd never seen Liz like this before, she was so sad.
When Liz finally clicked in to what Mara was saying, her eyes turned cold, her breathing grew somewhat erratic and her nostrils flared, it was almost as if she was about to breathe fire. "You want to know if I'm ok?" Liz whispered so quietly Maria and Michael almost didn't hear her. "YOU WANT TO KNOW IF I'M OK?" Liz yelled. "Well maybe if everyone wasn't to GOD DAMN INVOLVED WITH THEMSELVES, someone would have noticed me! Everyone is better now because they all had someone. But who did I have? Who was there for me? NO ONE! I was left to deal by myself, so I've found a way to deal, BY MYSELF. So don't ask how I am, because if you'd have been the best friend you were supposed to be, maybe you would know how I AM!" A single tear rolled down Liz's cheek as she finished, then she shot up and out of the booth and ran up to her room just as Max and Tess walked in followed by Kyle and Isabel.
"Where's Liz going?" Kyle asked. "I don't know." Michael replied. "Guys I think there's something wrong with Liz." Maria said, "She just completely blew up at me when I asked her how she was, I'm really worried." Michael put his arm around Maria's shoulders to comfort her. "She was kinda creepy." Michael replied to everyone's questioning stares. "Well what are we supposed to do about it? She won't let us in, she's blocked all of us out. How are we supposed to help her? Isabel asked a little annoyed at the whole situation. "See, that's just the thing, I think she wants help, she just doesn't want to ask because, she kept saying something about no one ever noticing, and that no one paid attention. Oh yeah and that everyone had someone and she had no one." Maria said, trying to get a grip on what her friend was going through.
Everyone fell silent at this revelation, but Max couldn't help but feel something horribly was about to happen. He just had this gut feeling that someone in his life was fading away. It felt their spirit was almost dead. Liz.
***
Liz ran up to her bedroom slammed her door shut, flew onto her bed and burst into tears. She hated this, her life was so horrible. Liz looked at her wrists and she couldn't believe how many little scars were there. How many there was all over her body. 'Why did I do this to myself? WHY?' Liz thought and she continued to cry.
About an hour went passed and Liz was just staring at the ceiling. Eventually she fell asleep.
***
Tess slowly walked over to Max sitting on his bed, undoing the top button of her blouse. Max put his arms around waist and pulled her to him, devouring her mouth with his. He thought that is he was with Tess that maybe this horrible feeling in his gut would go away. Aside from what the rumors said about Max and Tess, they had never gone all the way.
Max was now on top of Tess and he shirt was off and they were so intense they began to get flashes. Tess was receiving the usual flashes when suddenly she felt something, something horribly devastating. Then she saw her, Liz, and she knew what Max was feeling. She instantly pulled way and sat up. She was just putting her shirt back on when Max finally asked, "What's the matter?" "The matter is I saw her," Tess whispered, "I saw HER! I thought you were over her. I thought you only loved me. I SAW HER!" Tess just exploded. "You still love her, you still love her? Why? How, how could you do this to me?" "Tess, I-I, I'm sor-" "No, shut up," Tess interrupted, "I'm sorry Max but I can't do this anymore. I can't always be second best to you. I can't live knowing that if you could've you would have chosen her. I just can't do it." Tess let her tears flow freely as she stood up and walked towards the door, but before she left she turned around and whispered "Goodbye Max." And she was gone. Max, still trying to figure what just happened, was hit by that feeling from earlier 10 fold.
Liz woke up 2 hours later and rolled over to see what time it was. '11:43 pm, good' she thought. Liz rolled off her bed and thanked god that her parents had left for Albuquerque for the rest of the weekend. 'I don't want to feel like this anymore, I've had enough pain, it's time to end the pain."
Liz walked over to her dresser and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote. When she finished she left it on her bed and went to her fathers study. She went over to his desk and opened the bottom drawer and pulled everything out. At the bottom she found the gun. She picked it up and looked at it mesmerized by it. Liz walked to the front door of her apartment and put on her leather jacket and put the gun in the inner pocket. She grabbed the keys to her mom's car and opened the car door got in and drove away just as someone was climbing the fire escape up to her room.
Chapter 2: And Nobody Noticed (Part 2)
Liz dragged the blade over her wrist with so much pressure she let out a little gasp but was determined to keep quiet. She was sitting in the bathtub. The bathroom door locked, but the water wasn't running.
The first drop of blood hit the bottom with such force that it made a soft boom. Liz cut in again a little higher on her wrist and she found it easier now. There was slight stinging sensation when she cut into her skin. It was quite an adrenaline rush.
She sat there in the tub watching the blood poor from her wrists after cutting a few more times on the other wrist. It felt so good letting the blood drip from her body. With every drop that left her body she felt freer, she felt happy knowing that with every drop a little bit of her life went with it. She hated living now. Everything was wrong, but now that she had found this, everything was right.
Over the next few weeks Liz would do this every night, each time reveling in the feeling of being on the edge of life and death. She started wearing long sleeve shirts to cover up her wrists because she didn't want to share her pleasure with anyone. Her friends never really noticed anything, or at least they never said anything to Liz.
They all just figured Liz was still torn up by Alex's death. But they were all completely clueless. Nobody new her pain, everyone had someone, and now so did Liz. Pain was her someone. Pain was her comfort. So she kept face for her friends so she wouldn't have to share her comfort with them. They would never understand why pain was her comfort.
'They couldn't understand, they would all look at me like I'm some kind of freak, or psycho who needed to go to some psych ward or something. No I'm not crazy, I'm doing everything I can to keep from going crazy.' Liz thought as she spent another night in her bathtub. She had become addicted to the pain. She started cutting herself in other places as well. Her stomach her arms, anywhere and everywhere she could think of that could be hidden. But tonight was different.
She had cut herself as usual, she let herself bleed until she stopped bleeding then she went and locked her door and climbed into bed and went to sleep. But in the morning she didn't wake up. It was Saturday so her parents didn't bother to wake her up because she didn't have to word that day.
It wasn't until around 1pm that Liz finally stirred a little. Then she moaned, and her eyes fluttered open. She looked over at her clock and moaned again at what time it was.
Liz took off her covers and stood, but as soon as she was completely vertical, she collapsed. Liz stood again, this time she was much more aware but her legs were still wobbly so she sat down and waited for her dizziness to go away.
As the day wore on, Liz was in a complete daze; it was as if she wasn't even there. She sat at a booth in the Crashdown all afternoon staring off into space, her mind a complete blank. She didn't even notice when two people slid into the booth opposite her until Maria practically yelled her name, "Liz, Liz. LIZ!!!!!" "Wha-huh, oh Maria, Michael hi," She answered. She never expected them to sit with her. "How's it going?" Maria asked all cheerily. "Fine." Liz answered, trying so hard to sound straight forward but failing miserably. "Liz, you ok?" Maria asked a little concerned. "Yeah, sure, fine. Why?" Liz answered devoid of emotion yet again. "Liz, are you sure you're ok? You've been somewhere else for almost 2 months now, ever since, since. that day." Maria was really staring to get worried, she'd never seen Liz like this before, she was so sad.
When Liz finally clicked in to what Mara was saying, her eyes turned cold, her breathing grew somewhat erratic and her nostrils flared, it was almost as if she was about to breathe fire. "You want to know if I'm ok?" Liz whispered so quietly Maria and Michael almost didn't hear her. "YOU WANT TO KNOW IF I'M OK?" Liz yelled. "Well maybe if everyone wasn't to GOD DAMN INVOLVED WITH THEMSELVES, someone would have noticed me! Everyone is better now because they all had someone. But who did I have? Who was there for me? NO ONE! I was left to deal by myself, so I've found a way to deal, BY MYSELF. So don't ask how I am, because if you'd have been the best friend you were supposed to be, maybe you would know how I AM!" A single tear rolled down Liz's cheek as she finished, then she shot up and out of the booth and ran up to her room just as Max and Tess walked in followed by Kyle and Isabel.
"Where's Liz going?" Kyle asked. "I don't know." Michael replied. "Guys I think there's something wrong with Liz." Maria said, "She just completely blew up at me when I asked her how she was, I'm really worried." Michael put his arm around Maria's shoulders to comfort her. "She was kinda creepy." Michael replied to everyone's questioning stares. "Well what are we supposed to do about it? She won't let us in, she's blocked all of us out. How are we supposed to help her? Isabel asked a little annoyed at the whole situation. "See, that's just the thing, I think she wants help, she just doesn't want to ask because, she kept saying something about no one ever noticing, and that no one paid attention. Oh yeah and that everyone had someone and she had no one." Maria said, trying to get a grip on what her friend was going through.
Everyone fell silent at this revelation, but Max couldn't help but feel something horribly was about to happen. He just had this gut feeling that someone in his life was fading away. It felt their spirit was almost dead. Liz.
***
Liz ran up to her bedroom slammed her door shut, flew onto her bed and burst into tears. She hated this, her life was so horrible. Liz looked at her wrists and she couldn't believe how many little scars were there. How many there was all over her body. 'Why did I do this to myself? WHY?' Liz thought and she continued to cry.
About an hour went passed and Liz was just staring at the ceiling. Eventually she fell asleep.
***
Tess slowly walked over to Max sitting on his bed, undoing the top button of her blouse. Max put his arms around waist and pulled her to him, devouring her mouth with his. He thought that is he was with Tess that maybe this horrible feeling in his gut would go away. Aside from what the rumors said about Max and Tess, they had never gone all the way.
Max was now on top of Tess and he shirt was off and they were so intense they began to get flashes. Tess was receiving the usual flashes when suddenly she felt something, something horribly devastating. Then she saw her, Liz, and she knew what Max was feeling. She instantly pulled way and sat up. She was just putting her shirt back on when Max finally asked, "What's the matter?" "The matter is I saw her," Tess whispered, "I saw HER! I thought you were over her. I thought you only loved me. I SAW HER!" Tess just exploded. "You still love her, you still love her? Why? How, how could you do this to me?" "Tess, I-I, I'm sor-" "No, shut up," Tess interrupted, "I'm sorry Max but I can't do this anymore. I can't always be second best to you. I can't live knowing that if you could've you would have chosen her. I just can't do it." Tess let her tears flow freely as she stood up and walked towards the door, but before she left she turned around and whispered "Goodbye Max." And she was gone. Max, still trying to figure what just happened, was hit by that feeling from earlier 10 fold.
Liz woke up 2 hours later and rolled over to see what time it was. '11:43 pm, good' she thought. Liz rolled off her bed and thanked god that her parents had left for Albuquerque for the rest of the weekend. 'I don't want to feel like this anymore, I've had enough pain, it's time to end the pain."
Liz walked over to her dresser and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote. When she finished she left it on her bed and went to her fathers study. She went over to his desk and opened the bottom drawer and pulled everything out. At the bottom she found the gun. She picked it up and looked at it mesmerized by it. Liz walked to the front door of her apartment and put on her leather jacket and put the gun in the inner pocket. She grabbed the keys to her mom's car and opened the car door got in and drove away just as someone was climbing the fire escape up to her room.