Disclaimer: Not one tiny shred of the basic plot/characters/etc. is mine. OK? Are you happy now?
(Note: Bits in italics are dreams, *asterisks are thoughts* and #hashes are song lyrics, singing, etc.#)
Chapter 2: The Ronny Weasley Show
Harry slouched back to his room, Hermione's words rolling around inside his head. Give me a day or two and maybe I will. Was it really that crazy? Maybe he shouldn't have insulted Ron in the letter.
No – the reason why she wouldn't help was that it was crazy. And that she'd never come across anything like it before. And possibly she didn't have a clue what to do.
It was about seven o' clock by now. And although Harry had had some sleep (lying on top of his Charms homework) he felt groggy and disorientated. And since it was Saturday, he decided Charms could go hang and he could go back to bed.
He drifted off into a fitful sleep…
"Ronny, Ronny, Ronny, Ronny…" the crowd cheered. Ron was at the front of them in a smart suit, with The Ronny Weasley Show emblazoned behind him. The crowd continued to cheer and as Ron glanced round, he spotted a large muggle television camera. Facing that with a cheesy grin, he held up the microphone in his hand and said gaily, "Hello and welcome to The Ronny Weasley Show! Today's topic," he continued, silencing the crowd with a wave of his hand, "is I Have A Crush On My Teacher – Help!" The crowd laughed.
"Our first guest is seventeen. His famous jet-black hair and emerald green eyes enhance the even more famous scar. He currently attends Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. His defeat of the Dark Lord two months ago has earned him respect all over the world. Come on out – HA-A-ARRY POTTE-E-ER!"
Harry was suddenly shoved out from behind the wings and not knowing what to do, sat on a nearby chair. Ron approached him, and asked, "So, tell us about it."
"I first realized I had a crush on my teacher yesterday. I had a strange dream that we were wearing odd costumes and we were kissing. Well, we were about to but then I woke up." The crowd laughed again.
"And what were the costumes?" Ron asked evilly.
"A pink tutu for her and a muggle fireman's uniform for me," he mumbled.
"I see… I think. So let's meet the subject in question –"
"WHAT?!"
"-she's nearly 52, she teaches one of the main subjects at Hogwarts School as well as being the head of Gryffindor. She has known Harry all his life and took part in the operation to deliver him to the Dursleys. Come on out – MI-I-INERVA McGONAGA-A-L!"
McGonagall swept in looking very feminine and charming in a pink suit. Her skirt, Harry noted, was disappointingly long. Humph. She sat down in the chair next to him, and he stared at her shoes. They were pink as well. Her tights had a sheer shine to them.
"So, Minerva," began Ron, "Do we have a surprise for you!"
"Oh? Well… will I like it?"
"I don't know… how would you feel if you found out someone had a crush on you? Or indeed was in love with you?" The crowd went, "Oooh!" and several wolf-whistled.
"Depends on who it was, Ronny," she said cheekily and the crowd whooped with delighted cheers.
"Well, what if I told you he was sitting next to you?"
McGonagall smiled at Harry next to her, looked away and looked sharply back again. Her mouth fell open.
"You?!" She spluttered. "Harry Potter… in love with me?" She fainted dead away. The Ronny Weasley Show crew were desperately trying to revive her and Harry was feeling pretty stupid.
"Well, that's all we have time for, folks. And now it's time for the final thought. Harry… maybe you should take this advice – HARRY – HARRY…"
"HARRY… Harry, what were you dreaming about? You were saying No, no, no, over and over again."
Ron and a bemused Neville were looking down at him. "I was… in a horrible place. You were there…" he pointed to Ron. "And you were really weird…"
"He's still half-asleep," Ron said. He poured a jug of water on his face and Harry sat up sharply. "IDIOT!" he cursed Ron, and hit him in the stomach. "Leave me alone…" and for the first time in a long while he began to cry. Not great heaving sobs, but the tears ran fast down his face. However, Ron and Neville didn't notice as they mingled with the water.
"Harry – everyone's worried about you." Neville looked pale. He idolized Harry and he hated to see him suffer.
"Well, I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine…" he said, his voice cracking. "Just a rough patch…"
"Of course!" said Ron, slapping his forehead. "Today's your dad's birthday, right?"
"Um… yes," Harry cursed himself inwardly. How could he have forgotten? This whole McGonagall business was taking up too much of his time. And energy. It had to be sorted out – NOW.
Hermione was, of course, in the library. And she was inevitably in the back corner where it was quiet, next to the window and had a table lamp. Harry thundered over, getting odd looks from everyone present.
"Well?" he demanded rudely, slamming Hermione's book shut on her fingers.
"Well what?" she said, rubbing her sore fingers.
"You know damn well what."
"Yes. OK. And the answer is – NO." She had the good grace to look ashamed and avert her eyes.
Harry was stunned for a few seconds. This wasn't like Hermione. She was always ready to help – always. She'd never let him down before. Why now?
"What?" he said quietly.
"Harry – this isn't something I can help you with. It's so weird – the oldest, ugliest teacher in the school besides Dumbledore. And you are in love with her. Why? Why are you in love with her?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe you're confusing deep deep respect for love."
"When you respect someone do you dream about them wearing a pink tutu?!"
"Maybe." Harry just sighed. This was hopeless. He glanced down at the table and saw the book Hermione was reading was Spells To Disguise Your Emotions Volume Seven – What To do When You Are In Love. "I did find a spell though," she said quietly. "And it might just work."
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I know this chapter was shorter – still, let me know what you think. R&R please! Now. Now. Now. NOW.