*sighs* once again, the weeds have been popping up....and now, i feel i must weed the
garden so to speak. i write this for the readers out there who get tired of the ocs,
and want not just a reprieve that comes from simply ignoring the darned things, but want
to poke fun at them a little.
so, poke fun i shall. and i shall have fun whilst doing so. ^O^
now, for my writer's advice. when writing an oc or ms, do NOT go into detail on their looks.
save that for the established characters. why? cuz the fans know what the characters look like,
and can picture them easily in their minds. they're familair with them. they don't know your oc;
you must build the wretched creature up slowly. use minimal description for them.
example: i'll describe myself. A redheaded girl with a tatoo and a tongue ring. Easy, simple,
and it gives the reader an impression of my character as well as my looks. let your character's
actions give away their characteristics, and use description to add to that. dun be afraid to start
out by touching base with stereotypes. start out simple and build up. just make sure what you're
saying has a point and a function in the story.
&&&&&&
mary sue #3: Kelly Hiwatari
A very beautiful girl with long, flowing brown hair and enchanting brown eyes walked down
the runway. She wore a thousand dollar dress on her lean, gorgeous, perfectly cut
figure. Her name was Kelly Hiwatari, and she was a very beautiful, perfect girl.
She was so beyond drop dead gorgeous, infact, that she actually was a supermodel; her
face was in magazines all over the world. All the boys loved her and found her totally
way beyond hot, but the perfect, beautiful, and smart girl (who could still kick butt, mind you)
didn't want to waste anytime with those nobodies.
For this very beautiful girl, though she had the life every girl dreams of, and was the envy of all
the girls around the world, had a painful secret buried in her heart. She hadn't had a normal
childhood; she'd grown up in the cold tundras of Russia, locked away in a cold, dank abbey where
she learned the technics of beyblading. She had been good; she had been their best student.
Only her twin brother, Kai Hiwatari, had been able to give her a challenge. He never did beat her,
though.
Kelly stopped at the end of the runway, the cameras clicking and flashing madly, before she turned
and started back up the stage. Wow. Brains, beauty, and beyblade skills; she had it all. Yet,
there was a terrible ache in her heart; she missed her brother terribly. Every day, she still
thought back to their time together at the abbey. She thought about him constantly.
Walking backstage, Kelly stopped in her high-heeled tracks and stared dead ahead of her.
Her beautiful, bewitching eyes were wide open, and her jaw hung down in a most unbecoming
manner. Her dream had come real; her long lost brother, Kai Hiwatari, was leaning agaisnt the
wall, arms crossed and a frown on his handsome face. And in one hand was a dozen white roses.
"Oh, Kai!" Kelly cried and rushed to him, forcing herself into his arms, and wrapping her own
about his neck, nearly choking off his breathing. "Are those for me? You shouldn't have!" Kelly
went to touch the flowers when Kai growled and shoved her backwards, away from him.
"Who the hell are you?" He glared at her coldly.
Kelly frowned. "I'm your long lost sister, Kelly Hiwatari! Don't you remember me? We grew up in the
abbey together-"
Kai snorted. "There never were any girls at the abbey. Girls are weak, they wine too much, and
they only think of love, not beyblading." He moved the roses away from Kelly's hungry eyes.
"Besides, I think I would know if I had a sister. If you are her, then why don't you look like me?
And what Russian family names their daughter Kelly? If you truly were my sister, your name and looks
would be similiar to mine." He sneered in disgust.
Kelly stomped her perfectly formed foot in anger, screaming when the heel of her million dollar shoe
broke. "I AM your sister! I have the bit beast to prove it! I have Jem, the white pheonix! She's far
stronger than Dranzer ever could be-"
"Yes, that's why Voltaire created Black Dranzer instead of Black Jem." Kai looked at her, disgust
evident in his cold eyes.
"Mmmm...Kai, what are you doing?" A beautiful Chinese boy in a white dress that was even more
expensive than Kelly's walked right up to Kai and wrapped his slender arms gently around the
taller boy's neck.
Kai immediately took the long haired boy into his arms, kissing his painted lips lightly. "You're
beautiful, Rei."
Rei smiled up at him. "Tell me something I don't already know." He said, taking the flowers from
Kai and giving him a soft, lingering, teasing kiss in return. Rei then laid his head on Kai's shoulder,
smirking over at Kelly. "Oh, Kai, the Sports Illustrated wants to fly me to Hawaii for their
center fold shoot...."
"WHAT? THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MIINE!" Kelly stomped her foot again, wailing in anger and
about to lunge at Rei.
Rei smiled sweetly at her. "Sorry, honey, guess they found someone a bit more put together and real."
He batted his luxuriously long eyelashes at her. "Or perhaps they like exotic beauty that's one
of a kind, irreplaceable."
Kai wrapped an arm around Rei's trim waist, hiding his snicker in Rei's hair, which was piled in long
raven ringlets on top of his head. He led the truimphantly smirking Rei way, leaving behind yet
another girl attempting to outshine him and his kitten. When would they learn that there was no
replacing the original?
&&&&&&
MWAHAHA! ^.^ that chappie's done. i'll update this if i ever again feel the need to poke fun
this isn't an ongoing story or anything; this is just mary-sue relief for those of us that hate 'em
hey, if they can write mary sues, then i can sure as hell bash 'em ^.^
garden so to speak. i write this for the readers out there who get tired of the ocs,
and want not just a reprieve that comes from simply ignoring the darned things, but want
to poke fun at them a little.
so, poke fun i shall. and i shall have fun whilst doing so. ^O^
now, for my writer's advice. when writing an oc or ms, do NOT go into detail on their looks.
save that for the established characters. why? cuz the fans know what the characters look like,
and can picture them easily in their minds. they're familair with them. they don't know your oc;
you must build the wretched creature up slowly. use minimal description for them.
example: i'll describe myself. A redheaded girl with a tatoo and a tongue ring. Easy, simple,
and it gives the reader an impression of my character as well as my looks. let your character's
actions give away their characteristics, and use description to add to that. dun be afraid to start
out by touching base with stereotypes. start out simple and build up. just make sure what you're
saying has a point and a function in the story.
&&&&&&
mary sue #3: Kelly Hiwatari
A very beautiful girl with long, flowing brown hair and enchanting brown eyes walked down
the runway. She wore a thousand dollar dress on her lean, gorgeous, perfectly cut
figure. Her name was Kelly Hiwatari, and she was a very beautiful, perfect girl.
She was so beyond drop dead gorgeous, infact, that she actually was a supermodel; her
face was in magazines all over the world. All the boys loved her and found her totally
way beyond hot, but the perfect, beautiful, and smart girl (who could still kick butt, mind you)
didn't want to waste anytime with those nobodies.
For this very beautiful girl, though she had the life every girl dreams of, and was the envy of all
the girls around the world, had a painful secret buried in her heart. She hadn't had a normal
childhood; she'd grown up in the cold tundras of Russia, locked away in a cold, dank abbey where
she learned the technics of beyblading. She had been good; she had been their best student.
Only her twin brother, Kai Hiwatari, had been able to give her a challenge. He never did beat her,
though.
Kelly stopped at the end of the runway, the cameras clicking and flashing madly, before she turned
and started back up the stage. Wow. Brains, beauty, and beyblade skills; she had it all. Yet,
there was a terrible ache in her heart; she missed her brother terribly. Every day, she still
thought back to their time together at the abbey. She thought about him constantly.
Walking backstage, Kelly stopped in her high-heeled tracks and stared dead ahead of her.
Her beautiful, bewitching eyes were wide open, and her jaw hung down in a most unbecoming
manner. Her dream had come real; her long lost brother, Kai Hiwatari, was leaning agaisnt the
wall, arms crossed and a frown on his handsome face. And in one hand was a dozen white roses.
"Oh, Kai!" Kelly cried and rushed to him, forcing herself into his arms, and wrapping her own
about his neck, nearly choking off his breathing. "Are those for me? You shouldn't have!" Kelly
went to touch the flowers when Kai growled and shoved her backwards, away from him.
"Who the hell are you?" He glared at her coldly.
Kelly frowned. "I'm your long lost sister, Kelly Hiwatari! Don't you remember me? We grew up in the
abbey together-"
Kai snorted. "There never were any girls at the abbey. Girls are weak, they wine too much, and
they only think of love, not beyblading." He moved the roses away from Kelly's hungry eyes.
"Besides, I think I would know if I had a sister. If you are her, then why don't you look like me?
And what Russian family names their daughter Kelly? If you truly were my sister, your name and looks
would be similiar to mine." He sneered in disgust.
Kelly stomped her perfectly formed foot in anger, screaming when the heel of her million dollar shoe
broke. "I AM your sister! I have the bit beast to prove it! I have Jem, the white pheonix! She's far
stronger than Dranzer ever could be-"
"Yes, that's why Voltaire created Black Dranzer instead of Black Jem." Kai looked at her, disgust
evident in his cold eyes.
"Mmmm...Kai, what are you doing?" A beautiful Chinese boy in a white dress that was even more
expensive than Kelly's walked right up to Kai and wrapped his slender arms gently around the
taller boy's neck.
Kai immediately took the long haired boy into his arms, kissing his painted lips lightly. "You're
beautiful, Rei."
Rei smiled up at him. "Tell me something I don't already know." He said, taking the flowers from
Kai and giving him a soft, lingering, teasing kiss in return. Rei then laid his head on Kai's shoulder,
smirking over at Kelly. "Oh, Kai, the Sports Illustrated wants to fly me to Hawaii for their
center fold shoot...."
"WHAT? THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MIINE!" Kelly stomped her foot again, wailing in anger and
about to lunge at Rei.
Rei smiled sweetly at her. "Sorry, honey, guess they found someone a bit more put together and real."
He batted his luxuriously long eyelashes at her. "Or perhaps they like exotic beauty that's one
of a kind, irreplaceable."
Kai wrapped an arm around Rei's trim waist, hiding his snicker in Rei's hair, which was piled in long
raven ringlets on top of his head. He led the truimphantly smirking Rei way, leaving behind yet
another girl attempting to outshine him and his kitten. When would they learn that there was no
replacing the original?
&&&&&&
MWAHAHA! ^.^ that chappie's done. i'll update this if i ever again feel the need to poke fun
this isn't an ongoing story or anything; this is just mary-sue relief for those of us that hate 'em
hey, if they can write mary sues, then i can sure as hell bash 'em ^.^