Meanwhile, before the introductory ceremonies, a heated argument has sprung. This time, it has nothing to do with dietary issues...Rather, it is deals with more personal problems.
" 'Who are you kidding, Cy?' Says Mr. Green Elf. 'Of course there's nothing wrong with my digestive system, you tin man!' See what happened? Thanks to your little escapade, I had to fly halfway to Metropolis just to buy you Pepto-Bismol! That gas station salesclerk looked at me as if I were crazy. You know what she said? 'You're just metal, do you even need to go?' Half robots have feelings too you know!"
Pause right there.
Let us all take a small moment to wonder, what possibly made the genetically altered meta-human so angry? Perhaps, the answer lies with a certain green lad who is about to become ground beef. Perhaps this answer has to do with "Peptol Bismol" and "Digestive system."
Yes, the intuitive solution would be to condemn the self proclaimed wooer of little chickens. Ah, if only it were only that simple...
Well, actually, it really is.
A series of unfortunate events or ridiculously bored godly being (enough ego stroking) has condemned the Titans to face the music. On this day, Raven finds herself in a dress and Cyborg has decided to pummel Beast Boy to the ground.
At least it will be entertaining.
"C'mon, I already said sorry! Now, I know you don't wanna unleash the face." Beast Boy morphed into a cute and fuzzy kitty. "Dude! Where did I go wrong? It's not my fault! I'm telling you, that brunette chick said the pink stuff was a strawberry milkshake and offered me a cup. How was I supposed to know she spiked it?"
"Hm...Well, let's think about that one. Maybe because she gave it to you in a pink bottle that said: 'Highly strong laxative for quick, effective results. Use with caution, serving size: one milliliter.' Oh and did I forget to mention the other labels? 'Side effects include intense cramping, heavy diarrhea, and odious bodily gases!'" The green changeling backed away from his fuming friend.
An angry Raven and Cyborg all in one day, what were the odds of that? It had to be a new record for the Guinness World Book.
"Um...Guys? The contest's started," Robin was quite anxious to win fair lady's heart. The art of wooing begins with the most important aspect: attend girlfriend's pageant on time...with a bouquet of roses, if at all possible.
"I think we missed an hour already."
Well, so much for that.
"WHAT? NOOO!!!" The green lion suddenly stopped running from the brandisher of cardboard swords, his robotic gladiator counterpart. "Holy injustice! Darn you, strawberry-milkshake-sample-giving babe of milky chocolate tresses! Oh how you forsake me, my love!"
"Shut up, and let's get moving with it!" Cyborg grabbed them both by the scruffs of their necks and ran for dear life. "If I've missed any wiggling or bikinis, heads will roll."
Yelling, Gar grinned, "Don't you mean, 'Let's get jiggy with it?" Get it? As in jiggy with Mr. Snufflekins??
Alas, tragedy struck for even the bravest of Beast Boys couldn't match the battle-cry of fury not the fearsome slaughtering in heavy pursuit. But hopefully, his trauma won't last lost. After all, isn't that what superhero insurance is for?
AFLACK!!!
It seems the Miss Gotham Beauty Pageant is quite famous, even the duck celebrity has come. All the same, hold thou foulest tongue you knave, you ill-fated duck, or I shall roast thee!
And In the midst of mascot roasting, the girls are preparing for their debut on stage.
"Friend, you are sure this dress is...adequate, correct?" Star smiled timidly. She had never worn such a pretty earthen garment before, especially one of such whimsical quality. Unwrapping it from the box Robin had sent, she ran her fingers down the costume. The sea green coral floated in whispers of pale ocean as swift fingers laced the strings of her strapless shift. Drops of tear-shaped emeralds dripped and trickled to form the tiny silk skirt.
"It is not puny? Or too tight? You are sure my gnarvelk farbaks have not revealed themselves?"
"You look great. Trust me." Terra's hair rippled in soft tumbling waves as she untied a yellow ribbon from her package. She like Starfire had never worn anything so fine, instead stuck to making dresses out of material leftover from secondhand dressmakers. It was quite the miracle someone had miraculously left a gown outside her hotel room door.
Stepping out of the dressing room, she twirled, the faded shades of wild amaryllis satin floating in hazes of narcissus yellow like a flowing pair of butterfly wings. "You look...like some kind of fairy...like Tinkerbelle only minus the shoes. And are all those jewels real?"
"Yes, I believe so. These stones of greenness remind me very much of the Sentari Moon diamonds." She added shyly, "It was a gift."
Terra grinned mischievously, "From a friend, right?"
"Yes." Hesitating, Kory spun around, pretty gold sequins and topaz brocade glimmering a deep bronze as she whirled, revealing a paneling of more gems. Of course Tim was her friend. And even on her home world, true friends afforded each other the rarest, most expensive of gifts, which the dress undoubtedly was. So if it was a normal custom, why were her stomach muscles so resolutely tied?
Falling silent, Starfire slipped into deep thought as Terra led her backstage. Keenly aware of someone stepping one her gold glittering shoes, also a gift from Tim, Kory snapped out of her trance noticing how many other girls had entered. And suddenly, she heard a high, whining voice and felt a sudden rush of dislike.
"It's YOU!"
The infinite amount of characters this winged authoress may have inserted in infinite. Whether your chiny chin chins can tolerate being scratched in thought or not, Starfire of Tamaran shall reveal it soon enough.
"YOU! Horrid, manipulative, weaseled monster! Nastiest displeasing stench Gar's crusty socks of sweat! You are unfit to lick the snorkins of a gordanian slime or the gnarknacks of a Clorbag slug! Not-nice zorblark and hideous ooze monster of sludge! Underside of a Snordian Varblernelk! Rude and ugly Flarbork! You are a psychotic overbearing cat of meanness!" Starfire's eyes glowed a bright neon-green. "Do not make me Glorphag you!"
"It's Kitten! K-I-T-T-E-N!" A hideous nightmare, attired from head to foot in pink gauze battered her eyes. ChocolateCurlz always said it best. They were mascara massacred.
"I do not care for such trivialities. Feel my wrath, lowlife." Kory felt her eyes spark. Here she was, wearing a very short, revealing dress, her face dusted with gold powder, golden roses in her hair, all courtesy of Tim. And now, this vile creature would try to steal her boy from under her nose!
Again!
She would not allow such a thing.
"Agh! Like rude much! Get it righ-!" The stage curtains opened. Kitten found herself in the spotlight, "You stupid bitch!"
Being a creature of the light, Starfire felt her skin glow as she absorbed some of the artificial light's warmth. Her eyes gleamed brighter now. "Unconceivable atrocity! Nasty beast of the Gahlaj Pits. You are undeserving to eat your own young!"
Met with several cricket chirps and a disapproving glare of the judges, Kittens shoved Starfire off the stage and into a pile of brooms in the janitor's closet. Much to Robin's horror, Kitten began to sing...TO HIM!
"...Diamonds are a...diamonds are a...diamonds are a...girl's...best...friend..." Blowing a kiss from her pouty, glossified lips, she pointed at Tim, "He's mine...HI, ROBBY POO!"
How she could recognize him without the mask was a remarkable feat, but who knew what stalkers did in their spare time...For one thing, they liked to watch Moulin Rouge. Or is that just my plotbunny?
"How did she get into the pageant?" Groaning, Robin slid from his seat. Kory was going to kill him!
"Heh. Two chicks wrestling each other for you this very moment," Cyborg slapped him on the back.
A large vein visibly growled from Robin's head. "Shut it, Snufflekins"
"You repulsive worm of disgustingness!" Rising from the broom closet, Starfire plucked a mop out of her hair, throwing aside as she launched herself at Kitten. Her long fingers tamed her unruly mane, red curls knotted with roses, gold like the one pinned on her dress. She tossed her head, "You are not the only one who can sing folksongs."
A poor, diplomatic judge tried to keep the peace—"Pardon Mademoiselles, ze talent competition is not taking place yet, please save your lovely voices—he was shoved into the closet.
"Thieving Ilork, you shall not be spared!" Shoving Terra away, Starfire launched herself at Kitten.
Expecting some sort of Tamaran hate chant or prelude to cat skinning, Robin was quite surprised when Kory began singing, in French. Beast Boy and Cyborg, who had secretly taught her the song as a joke, slid down their seats in horror.
"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir." (For those of you who haven't heard, it means: 'Would you sleep with me' in French...Also from Moulin Rouge)
Unfortunately, a quarter of the auditorium was occupied by various dignitaries come to see flamboyant American culture. As a result, most of the audience consisted of old men. Most of this crowd was also fluent in French.
Ah, Beast Boy and Cyborg, the havoc you reek!
"How dare you? Little alien slut!" Slapping her, Kitten's gloved hand left a red mark on Star's face before cruelly yanking her hair. She yelped, dodging her blow. Starfire's fist smashed through the floor, backhanding Kitten as she slammed her through the wall with a loud RIP!!!
The blonde had torn her dress!
"Ouch! You like made me break a nail!" Revealing a pink strappy shoe, Kitten dug her heel into the delicate material, grinding it under her foot, "You're gonna pay!"
"That was a gift from Robin." Starfire felt her blood rush, carousing through her veins as she hurled green energy. "Repulsive Slorg, you have made me very angry...I do not like to get angry."
"Starfire. Enough." Raven croaked, her eyes glowing a threatening white.
"No friend Raven, I am not done." Twin starbolts replaced her hands, shooting beams from her eyes.
"What are you doing? You're supposed to be the good guy! You can't do this me!" Kitten whined in fear when suddenly she was enveloped by shadow.
"Useless mortal picking a fight was a stronger, smarter, warrior princess," Raven commented dryly, "Very brilliant."
"S-She broke my nail!" Kitten wailed, pointed an accusing finger.
"She doesn't seem to care about your nails."
Breathing again, Robin and the others left their makeshift bomb shelter.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The judges weren't too happy.
Batman wouldn't be either.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Blowing their cover so quickly, getting into a fight and nearly demolishing the entire premises. The terrorists hadn't showed their faces and already the pageant was nearly destroyed!
Groaning, Tim though of all the endorsements he'd have to make and all the begging he'd have to do to get Raven to do some serious memory modifying. (Yes, this isn't Harry Potter)
At least the worst of it was over, now all they'd have to do was finish the pageant and go home.
It was going to be all down hill from here.
Right?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Watching from high up in a balcony seat, Slade and his minions watched Kitten being dragged away by the police.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Wrong.