"The Queen does not say that." Wesley firmly objected, raising his chin haughtily. "Her Royal Majesty is a respectable, noble woman with great manners." He shot a look at his contender who Wesley thought was seriously misinformed about his native country and its monarchy.
Harmony gave him a hard, stubborn look, her small tiara crookedly perched on top of her head. "She does too, Wesley." She argued.
"No," Wesley pressed as he readjusted the crown on his head and touched the lavender feather boa around his neck. "The Queen certainly does not say, 'more bloody tea, sir wanker poof?'"
Harmony had convinced Wesley into having a tea party with her and by the grace of England; they were going to do it right if he was to succumb to such a girlish and humiliating game.
"How would you know?"
"Because I met her." He said, pressing one plastic jewelry-adorned hand on his chest. "From afar but still, I met her and she does not say such things, Harmony. The Queen would say, 'more tea, sir?' and she would raise her cup like so-" Wesley demonstrated the proper way to have a tea party but before the plastic cup with its pretend tea reached his lips, he abruptly halted and frowned. "Oh, dear. I'm taking this too seriously. I must have a fever."
He suddenly felt foolish.
"Are you sick? The doctor is going to poke a needle in your eye if you're sick, Wes." Harmony commented with dark look on her face. She wrinkled her nose and walked over to Wesley, the trail of her dress dragging behind her. "You don't feel sick." She said, touching his forehead.
"No, I guess I'm not sick." He mumbled, smiling at the little girl who looked genuinely concerned for him. "And doctors don't poke needles in your eyes if you're ill, Harm. They're there to make you feel better." Wesley clarified as Harmony walked back to her seat. "And they even give you candy."
Harmony beamed. "I like candy."
"Me too." Wesley replied.
"More tea, Little Princess the Second?" Harmony asked, turning her attention to her stuffed bunny. As if the toy replied, Harmony smiled and poured more pretend tea into Little Princess' cup. "You know what's missing, Wes?"
"What, Harm?"
Harmony cocked her head to the side and flashed Wesley a smile. "Weapons." She innocently declared. "We need weapons in case the shadow monsters come to attack our tea party. We're doomed!" Harmony let out one dramatic sigh.
Wesley nodded, looking amused. "You have your ax, Harmony." He motioned to the plastic toy sitting in the fourth chair around the ridiculously small table.
"Oh, but it's not shiny and you need a weapon, Wes. For protection."
"Didn't Angel and Gunn give you a talk about playing with weapons, yesterday?" He reminded her.
"Maybe." She whispered. "But you need a weapon."
Playing along, Wesley nodded. "I'll be fine in case the shadow monsters attack. I know karate."
Harmony looked confused. "Is karate like a superhero?" She asked. "Will he save us?"
"No." He sighed, too exasperated to explain it all to her. "What I meant was I'll fight when the shadow monsters come."
"Okay, I'll protect you then." She affirmed optimistically, indicating her doubt in Wesley's ability to defend himself. Wesley sputtered but made no comment. "Now we're done with the tea party."
Relieved that the tea party was over, Wesley rose to stretch his legs. Sitting cross-legged on the floor for a long time was painful. "I'm going to do research now." He said, walking towards his desk. "You can go on with your game."
"But we're not done." Harmony declared. "It's time to play dress up."
Wesley laughed softly. "Aren't we already dressed up?" He asked as he removed the feather boa and crown.
Harmony shook her head. "That's how princesses dress, Wes. There's a dress code." She said matter-of-factly. "Now it's time for the real dress up."
Wesley shook his head. "I don't think so. I don't do dress ups, Harmony. Lorne would probably enjoy playing dress up." He suggested.
"But it's fun, Wes. Please? Peaches and Blondie Bear wouldn't play dress up with me because it threatens their masculinity."
"Where did you hear that from?" He asked, chuckling softly. He could certainly see how Spike and Angel would be threatened by dressing up.
Harmony smiled. "From Gunn." She replied. "So will you, Wes? Will you play dress up? I promise it's fun. Really, really fun. I can be Barbie and you can be…you can be someone pretty."
Wesley looked aghast. "I'm not pretty?"
"You're pretty, Wes." Harmony reassured him.
"Girly pretty or guy pretty?" He asked. "Never mind. Don't answer that." Wesley shifted his weight and cleared his throat. "As I was saying, I don't do dress up."
"But-"
"No." He said inflexibly. "And you don't have dress up clothes that fit me, Harmony. When you have clothes that fit me, maybe I'll play dress up with you." Wesley reasoned, feeling quite proud of himself for the quick thinking. He was sure he was going to get out of this one.
Nodding, little Harmony made a mental note to find grown up sized dress up clothes. "Okay, we'll just play make-up time then."
"Make-up time?" Wesley echoed.
Harmony bobbed her head as she crossed the room and picked up what seemed like a fairly large pink lunchbox. Fred had bought it for her yesterday and Harmony had been beyond thrilled. "I have stuff." She said, climbing onto the chair in front of Wesley's desk and sitting herself onto of his nice mahogany desk. Harmony gave Wesley a determined look. She was not going to budge until they play make-up time.
Realizing that it would probably less painful if he gave in without a fight, Wesley sighed and sat on his chair in front Harmony.
Pleased, Harmony smiled victoriously and opened her make up kit. ""First, we have to fix your hair." She pulled out a brush and a few colorful hair ties.
Wesley twitched and touched his hair self-consciously. "What's wrong with my hair?"
"Stop being silly, Wesley. I'm the expert. I know what I'm doing." Harmony said in utter seriousness as she began to briskly brush Wesley's hair in several directions. A few minutes later, after some serious hair pulling, cries of pain from Wesley, Harmony announced that she was done with his hair. "Now the make up."
Harmony pulled out a few things and Wesley began to look uncomfortable, not that he wasn't already. "Which color do you like, Wes? For your eyes."
Wesley was quiet for a moment as he looked at the various assortments of eye shadows as if seriously thinking what color would go best with his skin tone and bring out his eyes.
Realizing that Wesley was having trouble, Harmony dabbed her brush on the color that she thought suited her new best friend best. She continued for a few minutes, dabbing, applying and retouching.
"My skin itches." Wesley mumbled with a sneeze. The powder was doing damage to his nostrils. "Excuse me."
"You're so pretty, Wesley." Harmony gushed as she applied lipstick, the last and final touch to her masterpiece. "Fred thinks you're already pretty but now she's going to think that you're so, so beautiful. Like me beautiful."
Wesley looked surprised. "Fred thinks I'm pretty?"
"Uh-huh. She got googly eyes yesterday." Harmony replied as she reached for her mirror. "Want to see what you look like?"
Wesley nodded, preparing himself for what he was about to see.
"Bloody hell, my eyes!" Spike's voice boomed into the room. Harmony and Wesley turned to see Spike and the rest of the gang standing by the doorway, half shocked and amused.
Wesley cleared his throat, trying to salvage what dignity and pride he had left under the circumstances. He lifted the mirror to his face and gasped. Painted in a rather nice shade of purple, a lot of blush and lipstick with his hair in several short ponytails sticking all over his head, Wesley could not have been any more afraid of his own reflection.
"Hi, guys! Isn't Wesley beautiful?" Harmony beamed proudly. Perhaps, out of everyone Wesley was now her favorite although he was a bit uppity about tea and the Queen.
A giggle escaped from Fred's lips. "Good job, Harm."
"Watcher, is there something you'd like to tell us?" Spike arched an eyebrow, holding back his mocking laughter.
Wesley huffed. "At least I am man enough to not feel threatened by make up." He declared defensively. "And my eyes look nice." He said as he helped Harmony off the table. She hugged his legs happily.
"Who wants to be next?" She asked and murmurs of excuses erupted quickly as the gang dissipated with the exception of Angel. "Come sit, Angel. You're next."
Angel shook his head. "Another time, Harmony." He replied. "I was going to ask you if you found anything new about Harmony's-"
Suspicious that her name was brought up, Harmony narrowed her eyes. "Is this a secret?" She asked out loud. "Tell me. Tell me the secret." She pleaded excitedly.
Angel and Wesley cleared their throats. "It's not a secret." Wesley told her as he scratched his neck. That make up was making his skin itch. "And no, Angel, I didn't find anything else."
"Find what?" Harmony asked without missing a beat.
"Nothing." Wesley replied. "Now, go play with Little Princess, Harmony."
"But I want to know the secret."
Wesley flashed her a warning look. "Harmony, we already played tea and make up time. Angel and I need to speak business stuff. Now go play by yourself."
She shot him a petulant look and then walked away. "Fine." She mumbled under her breath. "I'll tell Little Princess a secret and you're not allowed to know."
"She listened to you." Angel uttered, surprised that Harmony didn't give much of a fight.
"Well, I humored her by playing these silly little games with her. She has to listen to me if she wants me to play again." Wesley declared. "I'm going to wash my face."
Angel nodded. "You should, you're looking ridiculous."
Wesley nodded and headed to the bathroom, leaving Angel with Harmony who was swinging her plastic ax around. "Take that and that! Hiya!" She hollered as she leapt off her feet and took a large swing. "Want to play battle, Angel?" She asked.
"Maybe another time."
Harmony stopped and pursed her lips in displeasure. "You always say that, Peaches." She declared, sounding awfully like Spike. "Bloody poof." Seeing that he was still not going to play with her, Harmony dropped her ax, took a seat and pouted in silence.
At first Angel thought she was either going to have a tantrum or cry but Harmony was still silent and strangely enough, not running around the room. "What are you doing?" He asked her, uneasy with the silence.
Harmony huffed and crossed her arms, still pouting. "I'm brooding." She declared sullenly.
"Why?"
She shrugged. "I wanted to see if it was fun." She declared. "Wes said you brood a lot. And you don't play any games. Maybe brooding was more fun than playing but it's not."
"It's not supposed to be fun." He dryly told her.
"Oh, did you know that Wes said he'll play dress up with me if he'll fit in the clothes? Want to play with us?"
Angel calculated the chances Harmony was going to find large dress up clothes and decided that they were pretty slim. And she was likely to forget about it. "Okay."
Harmony clapped her hands together. "Pinky-swear?" She said, extending her small pinky out.
"Pinky swear."
"Alright, where were we?" Wesley asked as he stepped back into the office.
Angel grimaced. "What happened to your face, Wes?"
"What? I washed it all off." He said.
Harmony eyes widened at the sight of Wesley's face. "Wesley, you have chicken pops!" She shrieked.
A/N: I know it's supposed to be chicken pox but I realizedthat most five year olds can't really pronounce it that well. The dress-up will certainly happen no matter how much everyone thinks they've outstamrted Harm by pointing out that the clothes don't fit. and Angel will have his nails polished.
Gidgetgirl, the parental figure is still not established but I'm liking the idea of Gunn. Brigurl, Harmony will get his hands on Wesley's books soon.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed.
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